CHAPTER 30

[Byun Baek Hyun’s POV]

“Whoa, wait. What’s this? Is it someone’s birthday?” Jongdae’s voice filled the dorm first thing in the morning. Everyone huddled up in the living room, including me, dashed to the kitchen which is the source of the uproar. Everyone’s eyes almost fell out of their sockets as we ogle at the tremendous amount of food laid on the table.

Hanna, who’s still cooking in front of the stove as if all these food still aren’t enough, answered, “It’s no one’s birthday oppa, don’t be stupid.”

“Then what’s with all these food?” Jongdae spoke again, eyeing the table in horror. “Is this like a last meal or something? Are we going to get hanged by our heads tomorrow?”

I heard Hanna’s sarcastic scoff before she turned around and leaned against the counter. She wiped the beads of sweat formed on her forehead using the back of her hand (damn, she looks so beautiful) before muttering, “It’s my gift for you, guys. I don’t know if you’re making calculations but I’ll be leaving in two days.”

And just like that, energy got sapped from the entire room.

“Y-You’re leaving?” Tao repeated, his voice low and sounded like he’s too close to crying. My eyes darted towards the floor. This isn’t news to me anymore. I already saw her last night packing her stuffs – hell, she’s almost close to finishing. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore but god I still feel like being stabbed inside.

Hanna nodded her head grimly before closing the stove. She removed the apron strapped on her body and busied herself by putting the freshly cooked food on a plate. She has her back us as she spoke, “Yes, oppa. I told you I only have two weeks before I leave. I already overstayed, actually.”

There was a loud sigh coming from all the members as each took their spot on the table without another word. The atmosphere turned so low and so suffocating. It felt like everyone’s just trying their best to keep a straight face. I could see Sehun biting his lower lip, obviously struggling not to cry.

“I-I’ll eat at the living room,” Chanyeol said when all the seats got occupied. He grabbed his plate and was about to walk out of the kitchen when Hanna spoke, “There’s a spot here on the counter, oppa.”

Chanyeol froze and hesitantly turned towards Hanna who’s sitting languidly on one of the island counter stools. She patted the seat beside her, motioning for Chanyeol to come. The tall man pursed his lips before quietly obeying.

“Come on. Stop sulking, will you?” Hanna groaned, slowly losing her patience. “Are you really going to treat me this way? Are you really going to keep ignoring me until I leave?”

The members flinched. I stared at my untouched plate of food.

“Nothing’s going to change, okay? I’m just moving out of the dorm. You’d probably not see me before and after you sleep but there’s still the company, we’ll always meet there,” she continued, her voice soft and pleading. “And besides, you can always come by the house. I’ll invite you over. You can even spend the night there if you want.”

 It took a few more minutes of silence and a plenty more attempts from Hanna before the boys finally gave up. They have no choice, anyway. She’s all set to leave. And all we can do is either to accept and let her go or continue ignoring her although the childish act wouldn’t even work to make her stay. In the end, everyone chose the one best for her – the one which would make her burden less.

Let go.

***

We headed off to the company as per usual but Hanna had to separate from us. With her comeback nearing, her schedule has become more loaded than ever. She had to juggle her music video filming together with her various magazine and commercial shoots while hosting and guesting at some shows. Whether she’s tired or exhausted, she never let it show. She’s been an expert at hiding her feelings, anyway.

“What should we do? We’re in China on the day Hanna’s moving out,” Jongin spoke on our way to a magazine shoot. He’s sitting beside me and I could clearly see the frown furrowing his eyebrows together and making his plump lips protrude. He sighed heavily before adding, “We can’t even properly send her off.”

“I’m sure she already knows it,” Kyungsoo answered up front. “I think that’s why she decided to cook today. Knowing her, she’s already probably checked our schedule. You know how she is.”

Suho nodded his head and chuckled faintly.

“She’s a smart lady.”

Yeah. Smart enough to stay away from someone like me.

***

That night Hanna cooked a feast for us again. Every food the members like, name it and she’s got it prepared. She even cooked her own version of mandu ­– my favorite – but even it wasn’t enough to brighten up my mood. I still felt like swallowing knives instead of food the whole time.

Everyone headed straight to their rooms after dinner. As much as we want to spend the last few hours with Hanna, we still have an early flight to catch the next day and holding a concert without much rest leads to nothing but disaster.

I went out of my room during the wee hours of the evening and paced back and forth outside hers. I just can’t get myself to sleep. For what reason? I don’t know. I want to see her, talk to her, anything that includes her. But after hearing her words during that night at the beach echo in my mind, I wasn’t so sure I have enough courage to run up to her.

Would she still talk to me? The question bugged my mind the whole time. It was so much easy before – approaching her, barging in her room – because I know then that no matter how much she despises me, she’d still welcome me with open arms. But after hearing her say using her own mouth that she’s letting me go, I suddenly wasn’t so sure anymore. What if she just pushes me away? I don’t think I can handle any more rejections.

And so, being the coward I always am, I slept that night having done nothing.

Maybe it’s best to leave her alone.

***