CHAPTER 37

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

I felt light-headed.

My hand tightened around the handrail as I ascended the stairs, on the way back to my room after the long strength-consuming dinner. With Ryu Jin being away to sleep over with his newfound friend in the neighborhood, I took the chance to talk some serious business with my parents. I asked them the truth behind Baekhyun’s visit in Jeju and it took quite a lot of convincing before they finally gave in.

I almost wished they didn’t.

‘He went there and knelt and cried in apology in front of us,’ I remember my mom say. ‘It was such a painful sight. I never realized until then a human’s heart can be broken to such terrible extent.’

I froze on my steps and inhaled.

How I wish I could forget ever hearing anything…

All those times, I was just too consumed on thinking about my own pain and heartbreak that I didn’t even realize the agony Baekhyun’s trying to conceal. I didn’t even notice that he’s suffering just as much as I did – maybe more. I became too selfish and too self-centered. I let everyone know about my misery while Baekhyun barely had anyone to talk to and confide with. I let the pain and anger devour me to the point that I forgot how much faith and trust I once have on him. It made me forget how much I really love him.

I entered the confines of my room and sat on the edge of the bed. I held my phone in one hand and stared blankly at the black screen.

Should I call him?

I unlocked the object with a swipe of my thumb. It won’t take much effort to call him. He’s still the #2 on my speed dial. I stared at the numbers on my screen vacantly, my mind debating whether to call him or not.

Moments ticked by and I was able to hear Mom and Dad enter their own room. I sighed and turned my phone off, tossing it somewhere on the bed, before burying my face against the pillows as I screamed and wriggled in immense exasperation.

This. This is the reason why I hated to know the truth. Because now I have so many things I regret and so much more that I have to correct. Mom said to me again before I left the dining table, ‘Choose’. And what frustrates me most is the fact that this is supposed to be an easy decision. I shouldn’t have any trouble choosing. But why can’t I? What is making it so hard for me to formulate a choice?

I don’t want to lose Baekhyun, especially now that things are turning clearer between us. But I don’t want to lose Myungsoo, too. And that’s the part that terrifies me the most. Why am I suddenly so scared of losing him?

***

“L-ssi’s waiting for you at the hallway, Miss,” a company staff announced after knocking on the practice room’s door thrice. I frowned in confusion but still nodded and thanked her. Today’s our last filming day but we’re supposed to meet at the parking lot after I receive his text. Why did he suddenly decide to show up inside the headquarters? And to let the members know about his presence, at that?

I picked my bag from the floor and bid the boys goodbye.

“Today’s the last day, right?” Xiumin asked as I bent down to kiss his cheek. I nodded and smiled sweetly. All of them didn’t try to hide how glad they are that the show’s finally over. Kyungsoo even cooked a feast the day I announced the big news and they invited me over for dinner at the dorm. I went to Chanyeol right after Minseok, followed by his close buddy – Byun Baekhyun. I awkwardly pecked his temple before moving onto Jongdae.

Baekhyun and I haven’t spoken to each other since our last argument. He’s not mad at me, though. I can easily say so with the way I still often catch him glimpsing at me. But why he never talked to me again is still a mystery to me. Maybe he’s waiting for my answer. He asked me to come back to him after hearing my parents’ explanation, anyway.

I waved the boys goodbye and fled the room. I caught one final glance from Baekhyun before I finally closed the door with a triumphant smile. I only walked a few steps before Myungsoo’s figure leaning against the wall welcomed me. I marched towards him and asked, “What happened to texting and meeting at the parking lot?”

“I won’t let you go to that parking lot alone, Hanna,” he murmured darkly, his mood turning sour. “It’s dangerous.”

I almost rolled my eyes at him.

The parking lot isn’t dangerous. What happened to me back then was only a small glitch from the security mixed with my bad luck. Mr. Kang and Ms. Kim almost got fired that day but thank heavens the CEO listened to my plea to let them off the hook. It wasn’t Mr. Kang’s fault to feel the need to visit the restroom that time, much less Ms. Kim’s for being called over by the President himself. More accurately, it was mine. I shouldn’t have ridden that van without checking the driver. Everything happened out of my carelessness.

Myungsoo kept a small distance from me as we left the building. He brought his own car again and escorted me inside.

“I’ll miss this,” I said, gently patting the leather seat.

“You can always see him if you want to. I’m always a call away,” he answered diligently with a playful wink.

I shook my head and made a face. Myungsoo made sure my seatbelt’s buckled properly before driving away. It was a quick trip towards the foot of Namsan Mountain. From there, we’ll be riding a cable car which would take us to the Tower situated at the top.

“Are you sure you’re not scared?” I asked as we waited in line. Crowds of tourists surrounded us in all directions, their cameras held high to take photos of us.

“I already said I’m not,” Myungsoo replied, staring straight ahead.

I chuckled and asked challengingly, “Oh really?”

This made him look at me.

“You already made me ride The Viking and made me jump that death defying height from the Macau Tower. Do you really think, by now, riding a cable car would actually scare me?”

Myungsoo looked serious but his response made me burst into giggles. He’s right. He already did a lot of things for me. He bit back his fears and joined me in every adventure I wanted to partake in. Some might not consider it a big deal but for someone who’s afraid of heights, bungee jumping is really kind of extreme.

My busy stream of thoughts was interrupted when I heard the male staff call out for us. We rode the cable car by ourselves and thus began our trip towards the peak of the mountain. I was practically gasping in awe the whole time. The view was just breathtaking. The car was completely transparent so you could see everything, even the scene underneath your feet. Myungsoo seemed to have just as much fun too for he took his camera out and snapped away photos of us – even videos. He’s really taking the documentation thing quite seriously.

We scavenged for food the moment we touched down. Myungsoo found a potato tornado store and we settled on a bench as we ate our food in silence. It was absolutely freezing up the mountain that the coat I was wearing did little to warm me up. We drank coffee before resuming to our sightseeing.

“Shall we check the observatory first?” he asked as we entered the elevator. It is on the fifth floor of the tower and it is where you can have a 360˚ panoramic view of the entire Seoul. Myungsoo held my hand as we walked around the deck, capturing pictures here and there. We also tried the telescopes scattered around the area and had so much fun messing with each other.

After our little sightseeing, we went down to search for the Love Locks area where we entered a shop to choose a pair of couple locks out of the thousands of different sizes and designs. We both settled on a pastel pink (for the lady) and pastel blue (for the lad) type. We wrote our names intricately on the locks together with a short message and today’s date. We placed it at the middle before throwing the keys away. We grabbed snacks and it was almost evening by the time we decided to leave.

We were about to ride the cable car again to take us down the mountain when the lights of the N Seoul Tower were . It was magnificent. It made Myungsoo and I decide to stay for a little more while.

“I heard those lights can be modified depending on occasion,” he murmured quietly as we gazed at the flickering and changing lights. I heard him sigh as his hand tightened around mine. “If I only had time, I would’ve especially asked them to modify tonight’s colors for us. It would’ve been a great gift for you.”

I slid my gaze onto him.

“And that would cost you how much?” I asked, touched but still disagreeing w