CHAPTER 17

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Come in!” Manager Song’s voice called out after I knocked on her office’s door. I pushed the door open and silently went in. She rose from her desk and walked towards me – eyes bright with excitement and apprehension.

“So… tell me… what happened?” she asked eagerly, even leaning down to search my eyes. I kept gazing on the floor in silence. Unfazed, she continued, “Are you two back together again?”

Manager’s question made my chest tighten and I closed my eyes as I cringed. She began whining like a child. “Oh come on, Hanna! Tell me! I’m dying to know the good news!”

I slowly shook my head.

“Huh? What are you shaking your head about?” she blurted. I couldn’t see her expression but I am almost sure she’s already pouting as she nudged my arm. “Ya. You don’t want to tell me what happened? You ungrateful kid. You two won’t be back together if it wasn’t---“

“We’re not, Manager,” I tried to interrupt.

“---for me. Wait. What?”

I could almost feel her intense gaze boring holes through me but I kept my head low and focused on refraining myself from crying. Breathe in… Breathe out… I thought over and over.

Manager Song’s hands gripped my shoulders. I swayed through her grasp like a helpless puppet.

“You… You two… You didn’t…” she stammered, all the excitement suddenly drained out of her tone.

Once again, I slowly shook my head.

“Wait. What? But I thought---“

“He just wants to be friends with me, Manager,” I murmured lifelessly. “He asked me to retain our friendship.”

“Oh, Hanna…” was all she could say as I slowly felt her hands loosen their grip. I kept my head low, my eyes closed. My heart’s already thumping wildly inside my chest like it would burst any minute. The pain was so severe I couldn’t even find the words to describe it. It’s like we’ve broken up all over again. Only this time, it felt more real – more final. Maybe because it already came from him. Friends. That is all we would ever be.

I bit my lip and slowly buried my face in my hands. My chest was constricting so bad I’m starting to have trouble breathing. I’m practically shaking all over as I tried to keep the tears from taking over. I don’t want to cry. Not anymore. It’s getting so exhausting. I have cried over this same matter a lot of times but nothing has ever changed. The pain never lessens. It never goes away.

“Hanna…” Manager Song called out again but the pity in her voice only slid my control towards the edge. I gasped before finally bursting into a guttural sob. I cried and cried as I continued to gasp for breath. It was the kind of cry that is filled with pain and misery, the kind that screams of a broken heart. I could feel my knees slowly losing strength and I knelt on the floor. Manager Song’s arms instantly wrapped around me, pulling me against her chest. She began patting my back, my hair, begging me to stop crying. But it’s impossible. I have tried so hard to keep my composure in front of Baekhyun that I have no more strength to put on a façade anymore. I just can’t suppress this pain any longer. I needed to release it. Or else it would slowly eat me up from inside.

I can’t clearly recall what exactly happened after that. The last thing I remember was getting swallowed up in complete darkness before waking up on Manager Song’s couch only to head off back to the dorm.

***

[Byun Baek Hyun’s POV]

This has been nothing but a very long and tiring day.

After getting lectured in front of the whole of SM’s artists and trainees and lying in front of Hanna, I still had to undergo a long conversation with the members to explain everything that happened today. Of course they didn’t know Hanna and I aren’t in good terms so I really had to produce a concise and convincing alibi just to satisfy all their questions. I pretended I was still upset about Hanna’s sudden decision to leave that’s why I wasn’t able to perform with her properly. But in the end I told them they shouldn’t worry about anything since we’ve already talked and made up. I could say my explanation was quite impressive but I only managed to partially persuade them.

Hanna acted so weird after we talked – constantly silent and spacing out, staring off blankly into space. She looked like she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders which made the boys worry about her more. She ate dinner together with us but it was obvious she only did it just for show. She went up to her room after that without a word and locked herself up. The members were still talking about her even as we all went to bed.

“You think Hanna’s alright?” Jongdae asked once inside our room.

I had just come out of the shower and am busily drying my hair with a towel. I looked up to him and feigned indifference.

“I think. She was fine when we parted ways after we talked. I’m surprised she’s acting off again,” I said in reply.

He sighed and sprawled down on the soft cushions.

“She’s been acting so weird lately,” he spoke, staring at the empty ceiling. “I tried to ignore it for a while, thinking it might only be due to stress or maybe she’s just having one of her periods but… it’s been happening so frequently I can’t help but worry.”

I bit my lip and turned my back on him, pretending to focus on choosing a shirt to wear.

“She seemed so unhappy…” he added which only made the guilt resurrect inside me.

I know, I know. It’s me. It’s all because of me, I wanted to spat at him but could only sigh and shake my head. It’s already too much for me to see her suffering – turn sadder and sadder every single day. But hearing everyone talk about her only made me feel worse. Because it only means she’s slowly approaching the worst. If other people are starting to notice her unhappiness, then that means she’s not getting any better.

“I’m sure she’s going to be okay,” I answered, trying to convince myself than him. “She’ll get around it soon enough. You know Hanna. She’s tough.”

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