CHAPTER 42

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Come closer, Hanna. I won’t bite,” Taeyeon murmured, the afternoon breeze whipping her hair against her delicate face. I took a tentative step before stopping to check her reaction. She kept her back on me, her attention focused on the vast city view from the rooftop. It was only a few minutes ago when she cornered me on a hallway and asked me to spare her some of my time. I was hesitant then but of course, I hadn’t had any choice.

I breathed deeply before joining her.

“I know you’ve always thought of me as a bad person, Hanna,” she began the moment I stood by her side. She didn’t look at me but rather fixed her gaze far away. “The only person I’ve ever loved more than myself loves you. How am I supposed to treat you nicely after that?”

 I lowered my head knowing that at this point, staying silent is the best response.

“But I can be a good person too, you know. I can be a good friend, a good colleague, a good senior…” she continued, finally turning her gaze at me. “I give up,” she said with a sad smile. “I’m not going to fight for Baekhyun anymore. I’m letting him go. I’m leaving the two of you alone. So I think it’s about time we start over – forget about everything that happened in the past. We can be friends.”

I pursed my lips and stared at my folded hands perched on the metal railing.

“W-Why?” I mumbled weakly. “Why did you suddenly gave up?”

I heard her sigh before answering, “I am yet to apologize but what happened to you when you got kidnapped… it sort of happened because of me.”

My head snapped up and I looked at her with wide eyes. It’s her fault? Had she really gone that far just to take revenge?

“We were leaving the company that time and that man approached me, searching for you. Out of insecurity, I pointed him the direction to the basement parking lot. That time, I really had no idea that he’d be dangerous and unstable. If I had known, I wouldn’t have done that. I’m not that desperate and evil to do that kind of thing,” she explained, the words tumbling out of in a rush. She sighed again before adding, “That day made me realize just how hopeless my situation is, Hanna. Seeing how wrecked Baekhyun was – seeing how the thought of permanently losing you shatters him… It showed me just how much he really loves you. What happened to us that time was only a glitch, Hanna. He never loved me – not as much as he loves you. And he never stopped loving you. Not even a bit.”

My stomach churned and my chest tightened. I gulped and focused on evening my breathing. Is this really Kim Taeyeon I am talking to? The Kim Taeyeon? Is this really happening or am I in some kind of a dream?

“He’ll never look at me the way he looks at you. He’ll never speak my name with the same adoration he does with yours. He’ll never touch me like he touches you. And he’ll never love me like he loves you. Those things became clear to me that day. And so I decided maybe it’s about time to give up.”

Taeyeon surprised me when she suddenly began chuckling.

“Besides,” she muttered, shoulders still shaking with laughter. “There are tons of men out there who are dying to take me out. Why should I let myself run after a single guy who doesn’t even care about me?”

I know she meant to sound brave but the way her voice shook put her attempt in vain.

“So I’m taking it you two already got back together?” she asked, more serious now.

I gazed at her with hesitation before carefully shaking my head.

She frowned.

“What? Why?”

I bit my lip and only looked away. Up until now I still have no idea what’s been stopping me from accepting him again or what stage we are actually at. I asked him to stay last night and even allowed him to kiss me. What does that make us now? Are we dating again? Are we back to being a couple?

“Is this because of L?” Taeyeon suddenly said, diverting my attention back to reality.

“What? No. No!” I blurted but even on my own ears, I know how utterly defensive I sounded.

Taeyeon clucked her tongue and shook her head in disappointment.

“You’d fall for him, I knew it,” she spoke, almost in a whisper. She gazed back at me with soft eyes, something I have never seen in her before, and said, “But who wouldn’t right? L’s perfect and it’s obvious he likes you too much. But what about Baekhyun? What are you planning to do with the two?”

I inhaled again and raked a hand through my hair. I didn’t know this conversation with her would get this much stressful. Why is she suddenly putting me on a hot seat?

“You need to make a decision, Hanna. You need to choose,” she continued, her tone plain and assertive. For the first time in forever, she sounded like a complete senior to me. “Prolonging this is prolonging their pain. You have to decide which one you want – which one you would hold on to. You can’t have the best of both worlds, you know that.”

I groaned weakly before covering my face with my hands. How could this situation be this difficult? How hard can it be to choose? I should be choosing Baekhyun. But why am I still uncertain?

Taeyeon’s hand on my shoulder made me drop my hands and look at her. She never touched me like this before – not without any tinge of violence or anger or hatred. This is the first time she ever held me without trying to kill me. Right now, she almost looked like she’s really trying to console me.

“I’m not saying this to influence you or to persuade you but I just need to get this out of my system. Baekhyun loves you, Hanna. I don’t know how to properly explain it but he loves you. He really does. More than you can ever imagine. And I’m leaving him to you because I believe you’re the best person to make him happy. So please, as much as possible, try not to hurt him. I’m begging you. If you’re not planning to go back to him then just end this right now. But if you do, please… just please… take good care of his heart.”

She gave me an encouraging press before stalking away. I stood paralyzed on my spot for what felt like an eternity before I was finally able to gather myself together and go back to the practice room. My head was still a mess – my thoughts in a complete jumble – when I pushed the double doors open and was welcomed by an almost empty room.

‘Almost’ simply because Baekhyun was there.

“Where have you been?” he asked as soon as I entered, his hands automatically wrapping around my wrists. We stood closely to each other, his scent completely filling my nose. I decided to dodge the question and change topic, “Where are the others?”

“They’re down at the cafeteria,” he replied apprehensiv