AN: This is quite an intense chapter so I hope you don't get too surprised reading some foul words. I have had so much fun writing this one, though. I hope you have fun reading too. Don't forget to tell me about your thoughts. The story's starting to get more and more heated up and interesting. *playful wink*

CHAPTER 14

[Sol Han Na’s POV]

“Ugh, my throat hurts,” Chanyeol grunted as he jumped off the van, his hands clutching his neck so tight he looked like he’s about to strangle himself.

“That’s what you get for shouting endlessly last night,” Kyungsoo scolded the tall guy with a pointed look.

 “Is it too wrong for me to have fun?” Chanyeol tried to argue but his deep voice broke at the end, making everyone hide their laughter.

“Nothing’s wrong with having fun as long as you know how to limit yourself, yoda,” Chen spoke with a smirk. Next to Chanyeol, he was the one who had sung the most songs last night. Though unlike his best bud, his throat remained unharmed – his voice still as angelic as ever.

“So much for being a rock star huh, hyung?” Kai began to tease but was silenced immediately after receiving one of Chanyeol’s deathly glares.

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do to the director, Chanyeol,” Suho murmured, leading the way towards the building’s entrance. “You can’t sing later in that kind of condition.”

Chanyeol could only sigh and scratch his head. He, too, looked pretty disappointed with himself. I can’t help but feel bad for him. It has been so long since they were allowed to go out and have fun and no one can blame him for going a bit overboard. He’s been practically working nonstop these past few months and really deserves to loosen up.

“Cheer up, oppa,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t stop from walking and thus has dragged me along with him. People in the cafeteria began giving us glances but we could care less about them. The boys and I were so close to each other skinship like this isn’t new to us anymore.

“The boys are right. I crossed the line last night,” he muttered with a frown.

I shook my head and squeezed him tightly.

“You had fun. You enjoyed yourself. Nothing’s wrong with that,” I replied reassuringly. “And besides, it’s the only thing you could do for yourself for working so hard. Stop regretting doing something that made you happy.”

“Do you mean that?” he asked, glancing down at me. I nodded before reaching up to pull the corners of his mouth up.

“Smile, oppa,” I urged. “I don’t like seeing you sad.”

That did it. The goofy smile I’ve learned to cherish appeared on his face as he tugged me back against him. The two of us were laughing loudly as we made our way towards the elevator, tangled up with one another.

“Both of you should know better than to do that in front of those people. You’re going to start spreading rumors,” I heard Baekhyun speak the moment he stepped inside and stood beside us.

Chanyeol only embraced me tighter and eyed him provokingly, “You’re just jealous Hanna’s hugging me instead of you.”

Chanyeol’s answer seems to tick Baekhyun more than he intended. I noticed as his features darkened – his eyes hard and his jaw tight. He gave one evil glare at Chanyeol before pushing his way through the members, staying as far from us as possible.

“What’s with him?” Chanyeol asked with a brow raised.

I shrugged innocently before glancing at Baekhyun. Something at the back of my mind is yelling the answer to me but I decided to ignore it. Jealous? How can he be jealous? He has already made it clear to me. He doesn’t love me anymore. He only sees me as someone who would give his heart the constant flutter, his stomach the momentary twist. But other than those feelings, he no longer sees me the way he did before.

Tell me you love me, my own voice echoed inside my head as I recalled the moment I was begging Baekhyun miserably for his love. I flinched, making Chanyeol tighten his arms around me.

“You okay?” he asked and I could only nod as I tried to hide my grim expression. I felt so pathetic. I felt so utterly disgusted with myself after I realized what I just did that night. Beg? How could I possibly beg him to say that he loves me? What the hell was I thinking that time?

The elevator dinged and the doors swung open. The members flooded outside. I was about to head off when Chanyeol held me back effortlessly.

“Thanks, Hanna,” he whispered close to my ear, giving me one final squeeze before letting go.

***

“Boys, head off to the auditorium now. The rehearsals are about to start. And you, Hanna, come with me. We’ve got some work to do,” Manager Song ordered as she stood before us in the practice room. A look of confusion passed the boys’ faces before I asked, “What about the rehearsals? Don’t I need to attend, too?”

Manager Song shook her head.

“You’re excused because you’ll be recording your comeback song,” she explained before adding in a lower tone, “And after that, L’s going to drop by to fetch you. You have an episode to shoot today.”

Her last words only intensified my confusion.

“Today?” I repeated. “But I thought the shoot’s set for tomorrow?”

Manager Song shook her head and answered, “L’s management requested for the filming to be moved so it may fit with the Idol’s schedule. You know how busy that guy is right now with all their concerts going on.”

I mouthed an ‘oh’ before simply nodding my head in understanding. It wasn’t that I’m too lazy to shoot for today or that I don’t want to do it. I just feel reluctant to do it especially after everything that happened the last time Myungsoo and I met. I wasn’t even sure if that encounter ended on a good note. He just left me with a smile and a final reminder that he’s still not planning to give up on me. I’m pretty sure things are going to be different between us now – now that I know of his true feelings and now that he’s aware of mine. I’m still unsure about how he’s going to handle the fact that I just came from a broken relationship.

“What are we going to do today then, Manager? Myungsoo oppa and I?” I asked. The boys are silently minding their own businesses but I’m sure they’re all listening attentively to our conversation.

“I don’t know. That depends on the two of you. You are the ones who always decide on what to do, right?” she replied with a sheepish grin. She took a step and leaned close to my ears, pretending to whisper though I’d bet everything all the boys were still able to hear what she said, “Who knows? Maybe L has planned another surprise for you.”

I shivered and looked away as I felt my face heat up.

“Manager,” I hissed at her but she only shrugged mockingly and spoke, “What? I’m still disappointed you didn’t tell me he already proposed to you.”

There was a low buzzing coming from our audience, making me turn my attention to them. My eyes landed coincidentally to Baekhyun who’s sitting on the floor across from me, anger written all over his face. A flash of pain shot through me and I broke the gaze. Why is he even staring at me?

***

All of us left the practice room and took the elevator together. Manager Song and I had to head out first since the auditorium was located at the ground floor. The doors swung shut just right enough for me to hear a whining Sehun, “Manager Song should’ve let us watch. I wanna watch!”

I chuckled to myself only to get a blank look from Manager Song.

“How are you, Hanna?” she asked softly and her question almost instantly brought me to tears. A lot of emotions is still stirring up within me – pain, anger, hatred, frustration, disappointment – that I can’t seem to get rid of them regardless of the many times I cried and vented out. It’s like a fresh new emotion would blossom inside me every time I succeeded shedding one. It was like they’re never over. One would go; one would take over its place. It’s a cycle that doesn’t seem to have an end.

“I…” I murmured, staring down at my feet. “I honestly don’t know, Manager…”

I could almost feel her pitiful gaze boring holes at me.

“Has he talked to you?”

I nodded faintly and blinked. It was a wrong move. Because as soon as my lids closed, the tears escaped my eyes in endless streams.

“H-He did…” I whispered unevenly.

“And what did he say?”

At first, I didn’t want to speak. I wanted to run away and avoid the question. I despise hearing it – thinking of it. I have already put on great efforts to keep myself from remembering that night and burying the painful memories. It was already too much for me to be reminded of the way I begged him, much less the fact that he shoved to my face that he doesn’t love me anymore.

It was all too much.

I stood in silence – eyes focused on the ground, my whole body shivering like crazy. I was mentally praying that Manager Song would just let the topic drop but knowing her, she wouldn’t.

“He asked me to stay…” I managed to mutter. Manager Song didn’t speak but I felt her hand held mine, urging me to continue. “He asked me to stay for the boys… for him…”

Her hand tightened around mine and I realized that she understands perfectly how I feel. She understands how painfully confusing Baekhyun’s words and actions are.

“I said no,” I continued, biting my lip so hard before reaching my most dreaded part