CHAPTER 11

[Byun Baek Hyun’s POV]

“You’re planning to go to where?!” Manager Song demanded as soon as she heard my reply, her voice rising a few octaves.

“To Jeju,” I repeated, unaffected by her outburst.

“And what in the world are you planning to do there?” she continued to interrogate. “Because I’m sure as hell you’re not going there to tour around and relax, Byun Baekhyun.”

The corner of my mouth quirked up into a grin after hearing the sound of my whole name being mentioned. Manager Song seldom calls me by my whole name and when she does, it’s either she’s satisfied of me or rather she’s fuming with anger.

And right now, it’s the latter.

“I don’t know still…” I answered, stretching my arms up in the air. “I haven’t planned anything yet, Manager.”

“Then why go there still? You can go somewhere else. Somewhere…” Manager Song broke off, making me look at her. She finished her sentence in a lower voice, “Without anything to remind you of Hanna.”

“Who says I’m going there because of her?” I asked, an eyebrow raised innocently.

Manager Song snorted and took a step closer to me. With our eyes leveled, I can see the challenge in her as she spoke, “I’ll put my job on the line. You’re going there because of her.”

I shook my head and stepped away from her, making my way towards the room’s floor-to-ceiling window overlooking the wide Tokyo skyline.

“Don’t blame me if you suddenly found yourself fired, Manager,” I muttered without confidence.

Manager Song made no sound as she walked to stand beside me. Also marveling at the view before us, she spoke, “Why are you doing this to yourself, Baekhyun?”

Her question made me look at her in surprise but I didn’t answer.

She continued, “I can see you, you know… I can see how your eyes follow Hanna everywhere she goes. I can see how you hurt and deal with your pain every time she passes by without even sparing a glance at you. I can see how much you long for her. And more than anything… I can see how much you still love her.”

Manager Song’s words felt like a deep stab on the chest that I couldn’t do anything but gaze back at the window, my head lowering in torment.

“And what’s worse is the fact that while watching you drown yourself in sorrow… I watch Hanna do the same way to herself, too.”

The mention of Hanna’s pain made me close my eyes. I could deal with the pain alone but being reminded that she’s in pain too made my suffering double. God, I’d willingly take all the pain in this world if that means she’d never feel pain in her life again. That is how much I love her.

“I know you made a mistake, Baekhyun. I know you believe Hanna has the right to break up with you. But you love her and she still loves you too. Why didn’t you even try to win her back?”

Hearing this made me chuckle.

I looked up and stared at Manager Song whose eyes were wide in surprise and confusion. I answered under my breath, “She’s better off without me.”

“Better off?” she demanded, her voice rising again. “I’m not sure about this, Baekhyun. But if by ‘better off’ you meant Hanna looking downright miserable every freaking day then I guess you’ve achieved what you want. Because she’s damn better now that you’re gone.”

I looked down again, unable to suppress the damage done by the sarcasm in her voice. I bit my lip before trying to defend myself.

“She’s better off with someone else, Manager. L. He’ll love her the way I do, maybe even better. Hanna will hurt now but soon she’ll heal. And by then she will realize why I chose to do this,” I murmured, my teeth gritted in agony.

“Why do you keep on insisting L’s better for her, Baekhyun? Why don’t you try to fight for her just this once?” Manager Song gasped and the amount of hurt in her voice is enough to make me realize how much she really loved Hanna and I – how much she cared for what the two of us used to have.

“I’ve already fought for her, Manager!” I burst, tears starting to burn my eyes. “I already tried my best to make this work for us. You of all people should know that. I’ve tried to make things better for her. I’ve tried to be the best man for her. But I love Hanna so much, Manager. I love her to the point of letting her go when I learned of someone who would take care of her much much better than I could.”

Manager Song stared at me with a mixture of pain and pity in her eyes but she didn’t speak any more. I continued, even as the tears made it hard for me to properly speak, “And L is that someone, Manager. I’ve watched how he treated her – seen how he’s willing to do everything for her. And I could have done the same thing… only if I’m not imprisoned in this damned situation I’m in. Can’t you understand, Manager? I wanted to be that guy for her. That guy that could stay by her side, make her happy, show her to the world. I wanted to be that guy who stays with her for a long time. God knows how much I wanted to be that person who would hold her for the rest of her life but I can’t… I can’t be the best one for her, Manager. Not without breaking the members’ hearts and the trust of all the people around us. I can’t risk that. I can’t let her fall into this huge mess. Not because of me.”

Only when Manager Song had enveloped me in her arms had I realized how badly I was crying. My whole body was shaking so hard, my breathing ragged and uneven. I can’t remember crying this much before. This is a first time. And this would probably repeat itself over and over in the future every time I’m reminded of my loss.

***

I woke up the next morning with puffy eyes and growling stomach. I remembered myself getting knocked out into sleep after Manager Song had managed to calm me down. I sat up and felt my vision blur.

“God, I’m starving,” I groaned as I tried to stand up only to see a table piled neatly with food. I sauntered towards it and read the note placed on one of the covered dishes.

Eat this and fix yourself before showing up to the boys. You’re a huge mess.

It says in Manager Song’s scruffy handwriting.

I chuckled and began downing the food in quick merciless swallows. I decided to take a shower after that and settled back on my bed as I waited for the time to pass.

It was already afternoon when my phone buzzed with a text from Suho, asking us to meet him in his room, when I finally had the initiative to leave my comfort zone. All the boys were pretty much present by the time I arrived, all of them huddled up in the room’s small living room.

“What’s up?” I said as I entered, eyeing them all warily. Manager Song had cleared our schedules for the day since the concerts aren’t set until tomorrow. One look at the boys is enough to make me realize they’ve already finished wandering outside, probably even gone through shopping.

“Our sleeping beauty’s wide awake,” Chanyeol teased the moment I sat beside him. I only gave him a glare before rolling my eyes. I don’t have the strength to deal with his jokes right now.

“Feeling better, Baekhyun? Manager Song said you didn’t feel okay, that’s why you weren’t able to join dinner last night,” Suho said to me in his warm leader-like tone.

Relief washed over me after learning Manager Song covered up for me. There really isn’t anything you can ask for from a manager like her.

“Ah… yes. I’m fine now, hyung,” I replied shortly.

The whole scene was quiet until Tao emerged from somewhere holding bo