chapter o11

JESSICA'S POV

It has been a week since our trip in Los Angeles happened. Aside from going to the OC Fair with Donghae, Tiffany and I went shopping in The Grove and we also strolled around the Golden Gate Park in San Francisco even though it's a long drive from Los Angeles. While Donghae and Siwon did their own businesses. As Donghae had said, he toured Siwon and they even went to Malibu Beach. Tiffany was enraged when they mentioned it to us knowing that there are way too many girls in their bikinis in there. But then they were just teasing us. Yeah, even Donghae teased me and told me he met so many girls there, probably making me jealous. Oh well. he slightly succeed though.

"You've been distant from Donghae lately, what's up with you guys?" Tiffany questioned as she sipped her frappuccino.

She decided to take me out since according to her, I was kinda out of myself for the past few these days and I looked so bored in our apartment so she drove to the nearest coffee shop with me for us to talk about things because we really need some catching up to do with each other.

"Nothing's up between the two of us? Is there?" I replied with a questioning tone.

Tiffany has been an observant. Being the #1 fan of *air-quote* HaeSica ship *air-quote*, she needs to be updated on what's going on with her favorite pairing. I don't get her, really. why don't she just ship herself with Siwon and be the #1 fan of SiFany? Yeah, she calls their ship as 'SiFany'. Tiffany and her pairings though.

"No, something's going on." she sounded so suspicious that I don't think I can hide it from her anymore. After all, I need her help, right? I know she's good at helping people to figure things out and I'm a hundred percent sure that she can help me with my problems.

I sighed. "Fine."

She sat properly and lend me her ears. She's a good listener, I swear. That's one thing I love about her. She listens and gives advice right after.

"Donghae and I almost kissed when we were in OC." I blurted out.

She gasped and the next thing I knew was she's teasing me already while giggling like there's no tomorrow.

"Oh my gosh, is that true? Like, your lips and his lips almost touched?" Tiffany asked me.

I nodded and sighed.

"That means you guys love each other!" she clapped her hands like a kid and started congratulating me and Donghae like we're some kind of a couple who just got married.

I gave her a bored look.

She frowned. "Are you stupid? No one would initiate a kiss if he or she doesn't like the other one! Can't you see the point? He loves you and--"

"And you're not sure." I finished her sentence, completely against her side.

As much as I want to believe everything she's saying, I still won't unless it's Donghae who will be telling me the whole truth. I need answers and obviously, only Donghae can answer me.

Tiffany sighed. "Of course you wouldn't believe me. You always don't."

Dang, did I make her upset? Oh no no no. It shouldn't be this way. Argh, I want to strangle myself right now!

"Hush, I'm sorry, Tiff. It's just that, I thought it would be better if Donghae will be the one to tell the truth instead of us, jumping into conclusions. You kn-know, it's hard for me to, ugh, you know I don't want to keep my hopes up, right?" I explained.

"Sometimes, your assumptions might be real. Why are you so afraid to assume? There's nothing wrong with it but then yes, I get your point, you're afraid to be hurt. Everyone's afraid of it. But you wouldn't be stronger if you aren't hurt, right? Sometimes, you need to get hurt too, no matter how much you're afraid to be." Tiffany's words hit me. I am absolutely right that she's the one I need. But there are still a lot of questions that are not yet answered.

"One thing I'm confused about is..." I finding the right words to say. How am I supposed to say that I don't know if I still like him or I already love him?

"Is?"

"I don't know what's the difference between like and love." I scratched my head.

She chuckled and showed me her eyesmile.

"Like and love are always comparable. Some people think that they are just the same but no, the two of them are way too different from each other. The difference between like and love is that when you first saw the person and you got attracted so easily and felt a feeling towards him but then a few days or weeks later, you felt nothing towards him already. In love, on the other hand, come what may, no matter what happens, you still have feelings for that person even if it's already years since you've met him." she explained.

"For example, you knew Donghae since the two of you were kids, right? When was the first you had a crush on him? 3rd or 4th grade? Whatever. Then you started liking him when we were thirteen and now we're on our twenties. You see, you're into him for seven years and counting and you've told me a lot of stories about the two of you. Almost every single moment of the two of you. It's pretty obvious that you guys had invested quite a lot in this relationship. Your feelings towards each other are way too deep that led to the point wherein you two almost kissed. And in your case, girl, you love him. He mentioned to me what happened to the fair but not the part where the two of you almost kissed, alright? He told me that you were so cute being so jealous when he's talking with some other girl."

"But then, Jessi, I can't figure this out for you. Only you, you're the only one who can figure this out because I may know all the things between the two of you  but the thing is, you know yourself better than I am. You are the most sure about your feelings because it's your feelings, right? Not mine. But I hope these words can help to enlighten and to make you realize something." she smiled at me.

"Thanks, Tiffany. You're the best! I'm so lucky to have someone like you!" I stood up and went towards her to give her a hug.

"Awww, lots of love, Baby J!" she told me. "Oops. It's your Baby D's endearment to you. I shouldn't have, mianhae!" she apologized and we both laughed at her.

Then all throughout the day, we spent it with each other, catching up. You know, Tiffany's unstoppable when she started to talk about her and Siwon. They are the sweetest! She told me about how their date went when we were in LA last week and it was so romantic, I swear! I wish someone would do it to me as well. Candle light dinner and he even reserved the whole restaurant for the two of them. Not just a restaurant but a five-star restaurant. Tiffany is so lucky with Siwon and same goes for him. The two of them are perfect!

"But then, Jessi, I can't figure this out for you. Only you, you're the only one who can figure this out because I may know all the things between the two of you  but the thing is, you know yourself better than I am."

Tiffany's words really hit me.

Now I'm finding a hard time to sleep. I went out of the room and headed to the kitchen. Our apartment seemed to be peaceful and quiet at night. Tiffany's probably asleep since I don't hear any noise in her room. Her pet Prince is probably asleep already like his eomma. Yeah, Tiffany's Prince's mom and his dad is Siwon and he has a sibling named Bugsy though they have a different breed.

I made myself a hot chocolate and went to the living room to sit on the couch. I don't what got into me but I feel like thinking of things since hearing Tiffany's voice just won't let me sleep. Her voice keeps on repeating the words she mentioned to me earlier. She's absolutely right. I know myself better than her. Of course! I am who I am. That is self-explanatory already. I'm the most sure about what I am feeling towards Donghae. And to think that she even cleared things out for me about my confusion about the difference between like and love. Now I know.

And now I've figured out.

I love the way he does things. I love the way he smiles at me. I love the way he looks at me. I love the way he runs his hand through his hair. I love the way he talks to me, winks to me, grins at me. I love the way he hugs me. I love it when we're always together. I love it when I hear his voice. I love every single bit of him.

Now I know. Because if I just like him, I wouldn't appreciate the things he do. I wouldn't be obsessed of the way he runs his hand through his hair. I wouldn't be amazed when his driving with only one hand holding the stirring wheel. I wouldn't be melting when he's staring right to my eyes. I wouldn't be like this after all these years if I only like him.

This is love.

It's love when you felt all things you do with him is right. That every single thing he does attracts me. It's love when he's the only you could think about. He never left my mind ever since. He cares for me so much and I'm the same with him. We're affectionate to each other. We're enjoying each other's company so much. He's making me lose my sanity when it comes to him. Together with him, I have a thousand of memories, millions of words I already spoke but there's only three words I haven't said yet. Everyday is a lovely day when I'm with him. And now the reasons why I love him are now countless. Can't count in one hand or two.

I should've been aware of my feelings.

All that I know and all that matters to me right now is that, I love him.

This thing that confused me so much. This strange feeling that is so hard to tell but now, it's easy to say that I've finally came up with something I'm proud to say. I love him so much after all these years of being with him.

And I wish he could hear what my heart is saying.

And I wish he's here with me so he could hear me.

That I wish he knows how much I'm happy to finally realize that I actually love every single bit of him.

This is love.

Like the flowers that bloomed instantly.

This is love I am feeling.

This is love.

Neowa na.

Just the two of us.

I hope you're feeling the same way as me. And if ever you are, please cover my heart.

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A/N: Lots of love, everyone! Thanks for reading and hope you guys liked it! Your comments are all welcome! Thanks everyone xoxo