Kris spent four in the morning a little bit different than the usual 'still asleep' routine. He spent it by thinking about Amber. And it didn't feel right. . I feel like . In frustration he sat on his bed, his eyes adjusting to the dark room.

How is the honey moon stage filled with separation already? He decided to walk it off even with the cold weather at the time of the morning. He stood and made his way to the kitchen. The dorm wasn't equipped with motion detected light, startled by a sudden movement in front of him.

"What are you doing awake? " Suho spoke with a soft voice, putting down his glass on the counter. Kris saw him better when the light of the refrigerator hit Suho's face. He didn't know how to answer but when he saw Suho's outfit, sweater, jogging pants and trainers, he could at least ask him to go with him.

"Same with you. Want to jog together?" Kris asked him nicely, receiving a slight nod from the other boy. Instead of having his headphones on, Suho kept the white cord in his pocket, continuing their conversation.

"Really, why are you awake?" Suho spoke before Kris managed to put an invisible wall between them.

"Same as you, Suho. We're both going for a jog" Kris repeated, still holding the other earpiece, ready to put it on.

"No, we're both jogging in the morning, but only today. Everybody else would still be asleep unless we have a schedule." Suho tried again. He wasn't there to stick his nose into things but he really found it odd. Kris loves napping, next to rapping.

"I... can't get things off my mind. I had trouble going back to sleep." Kris started walking with Suho keeping up. The length of their legs made all the difference with their speed. Kris pulled up the zipper to keep his warmth as he spoke, seeing his breath in front of him.

" I won't ask if you're okay. What's wrong? I hope you don't mind me asking " With complete sincerity, Suho asked. Kris looked at him, holding his breath, his mouth shut. As a leader, Suho had to at least know s, how they are with training but most especially emotionally. As leader, he knew the importance of privacy. Kris knew he wouldn't tell anybody about anything if it was personal, otherwise Amber and he wouldn't have lasted a week, maximum.

With a puff of his breath, Kris spoke " I don't know what's happening between me and Amber." He didn't know how to put it but that was closest thing to what was happening. He didn't know at all what the problem was.

" You two are together, that's one thing for sure..." Suho managed to say between footfall. "But?"

"We haven't talked. I mean we did yesterday, we did. But it wasn't proper. We don't text.. Yesterday she was sad, I didn't know how I could help her when she didn't want to go out together." Kris slowed down, explaining yesterday's events, how Amber would practically dodge him.

"Why didn't she want to eat out? I'm guessing you were about to treat her, free food. Amber likes free food on her part." Suho reasoned. Kris looked at him like he was joking but Suho's face was serious. He really wasn't joking when he gave out the comment, and Kris looked forward again.

"She looked sad, she said that she was tired." Kris said quickly and he was answered by the sound of cars on the road passing by. He saw Suho still keeping up with him, a tough guy thinking without even tripping.

"Maybe she was really tired? But that wouldn't make sense." Suho slowed down, give the thinking more effort. Kris looked at him and walked back to hear what Suho would sooner or later explain to him. He waited. He didn't look for answers specifically. After all, this was his to solve. Amber wasn't all his but she's someone to Kris.

"Are you sure that's the only thing? Cause it's really odd. Usually she's up for anything. So to hear coming from you especially that she's not good... Did you ask her about it?" Suho asked like some investigator. It helped Kris, but it didn't help ease the pain in his heart. He felt guilty all of a sudden. He shook his head to say 'no'.

"This is harder than I expected." Suho, hands on waist was trying to figure things out.

"Look, I appreciate the thought but maybe she's not in to me." Kris said it with so much force, it retaliated and caused him emotional instability. It was a possibility. 

Maybe she never saw me that way.

Suho looked at him, dead in the eye. " are you out of your mind? Are you serious right now Kris?" He sounded disappointed in his friend, continuing, " can you see yourself? Can you hear how you just said it? how can you think like that?" Suho said it with frustration, his eyes darker, voice louder.

"How can you even say it, Kris? how can you when you know you feel something, that you're even risking yourself, both of yourselves ?" Suho looked away for a few seconds, breathing a heavy sigh before he spoke again," Kris, I have never seen you like this before, I never saw you like a person this way. In whatever relationship you have and  maybe it's only now that it's like this  but it doesn't mean you throw it all to waste. Don't give up on Amber so easily." 

Kris had his eyes lowered to the pavement. He hated to admit what he just said but it was better than expecting for better things that might not even be true. Like the fact after this, they will still be together. There's always the uncertainty.

 He felt like running, away from everything and just see Amber.

"I don't want to give up. I need my assurance." The tall boy knew what he needed but was lost with the situation. Gladly Suho spoke,

"Well, there's only one way to do that."

*****

It continued to be a day filled with clouds and surprised. The trainees of S came out of specific rooms to be called for assessment and the rumors started. For the trainees it was announced that they would have it this week but for those who have already debuted, they would have to take it by surprise.

The rumors said that f(x) will have their today.

Suho's plan would be canceled if Amber wouldn't be there so the leader took the liberty of checking for Kris. As for the tall boy, he was stuck practicing in the recording booth. Tao who was beside him suddenly pat his brother's back "Gege, loosen up" Kris snapped out seeing that his hand was gripping the paper tight, causing it to crumple.

"Why so tense?" Chanyeol took the papers from Kris, letting him shake off his hand.

"I... I just have a lot in my mind" Kris breathed and signaled the operator to go ahead with recording. Chanyeol and Tao placed on their headphones and song. Kris rapped his part but missed his right entrance.

Their manager had his arm crossed on his chest, watching the three boys inside the recording booth Kai, Sehun and Xiumin stood behind him, learning as they kept their eyes inside the booth.

"Take it from the top. Again." their manager said, leaning towards the microphone. And again, the song played . Kris was listening but became too preoccupied thinking of how he was going to ask? He was a guy, a male and men- are single minded. He pushed away the thought as not to miss his turn. He rapped but this time, his voice faltered when he opened his mouth. Quickly the manager stopped the audio being played.

"Kris! Keep your head on earth for crying out loud! Stay prepared for your part!" Manager Lee shouted over the microphone. His fingers pressed on the bridge of his nose and turned around with frustration.

"Get out of there the three of you. Xiumin, Kai get inside." He took off the headphones off his neck and followed Chanyeol outside. The two took a seat while Kris was faced by his manager.

"Concentrate Kris, It's like you're just playing around. Consider those around you. Imagine the effort that  in only to repeat the entire thing. Be sensitive" Kris kept silent, not looking at the manager's face anymore. He fiddled with his thumbs, muttering a 'sorry'.

 Instead of a proper acceptance, the manager left with a bang on the door.

He didn't want to let his work get affected by telling the others about what was happening. Tao may have noticed but aside from him and Suho, nobody knew what he was going through. Still, his work was affected. With a sigh, Tao faced Kris and Chanyeol asking "do you guys want some water? I'm getting while he's gone"

The door opened revealing Baekhyun out of breath, "It's all true." he said catching  everybody's attention. "F(x) will be assessed. One by one."

Where? What time?" Chanyeol was the first to speak,  Kai and Xiumin  came out of the booth.

"Cloud room, after all the trainees."Baekhyun shut the door behind them, leaving the room in silence.

"I wonder why they made it unannounced. Besides the rumors though" Sehun thought out loud, his words breaking the silence.

"I've been hearing about improving spontaneity" An uncommon voice spoke. The operator of the recording booth joined the conversation, all eyes on him.

"They noticed certain performances have gone bad, even common rehearsals that are meant to be finished already and that the higher ups monitor. So they want to see if what you're being taught stick and is used." , he continued so they would all understand

"What happens if anybody fails?" Xiumin had to bring up the worst, Suho wasn't there for support but everybody had to know consequences to be watchful of their future actions. The operator shrugged, swiveling his chair.

"Reinforcement classes? Renewal of contract?" He said it like it's a given but Xiumin cut him off.

"Termination?" the oldest suggesting the possibility of getting out of the group and company.

"Aah. I never asked about it. It's just from another old rumor. I guess the test came true but what happens after it, I'm not completely sure. " He said.

"The question is, who's next, after f(x)? Are we included? "Kai looked at Baekhyun to see if he had any information for it. He simply shrugged, and just then, the door opened once again. Exhales were heard when Suho closed the door gently Suho's eyes wandered the room, finding Kris. Kris had his head lowered but saw Suho upon his arrival.

"I see you've been discussing the surprise assessment?" Suho asked, leaning on the door

"Do you know if we'll have one hyung?" Sehun, closest to him inside the small room, asked loudly, slightly shaken up by the news.

"Yes, for sure they would do it for all. But not anytime soon, If they want it by surprise, they would have to do it when the rumors with f(x) dies down." The header explained, hearing another wave of exhales pent up in their lungs.

"Ah, I was so scared. You know how I am with assessments. I still get scared even if I there's a schedule for it." Sehun breathed, clutching his chest and Suho's arm,. Without the manager, Suho finally said the reason why he was there.

"We can watch f(x). I mean secretly... Eavesdrop or something."Suho's eyes were scanning for Kris' reaction but looked so down it's like he was selectively hearing or wasn't listening at all. The five boys nodded and made their wait out the door when Suho opened it for everybody.

Kris who was seated, didn't bother to take lad of the crowd, knowing he had a girlfriend to catch.

"Not coming? Minho and I found the cloud room's flaw, to hear the assessment." Suho really wanted to support Kris. He was hurting, he was sleepless. He noticed the dark, if not darker, circles and eye bags. His expression and body language, so weak. It wasn't like the lively, weird, charismatic Kris he knew on a regular day.

"It wouldn't be fair. I wouldn't do that to Amber. " He said softly looking at Kris. The operator left, switching off the lights for the last two boys to leave.

"Then what about you? How will you ask her? Won't you support her?" Suho raised the question,

"I was planning after the assessment, maybe you can congratulate her and fix-"

"I'll think about. I'll come after class. " Kris closed the door and parted ways with Suho.

Before Kris could leave Suho alone in the corridor, where he was left speechless, he shouted.

"Kris!"

"Kris" He shouted once more to get his attention. "Kris, I won't force you. If ever you're thinking about what to say, just ask her. She trusts you already. And if that happens to anybody else, I'd advice to support her, no matter what. That includes times when she pushes you away."

" I don't want to bother her, if she says that she doesn't want me to." Kris said, convincing Suho of his choice, clearly not going to the cloud room. He felt his anger build up his hand balling into a fist. Suho's stern look didn't lock him in place as he turned around walking away.

Suho shook his head in disbelief. Is he really that much of an idiot?

Suho took the next elevator up to the top floor where the cloud room is, not surprised to see a group of people around the door. Odd the door was glazed, making it hard to see. He counted himself lucky to be able to tap the other room until he was pulled out of the corridor harshly.

"Yah!" Suho saw that it was Chanyeol but still punched him lightly. "Sorry, we didn't know which room to enter so we waited but we didn't want to get caught. Chanyeol peered at the crowd that was building up.

"Where's Kris?" Sehun observed that the tallest one was missing. Right then, the elevator dinged'  the arrival of those who were in it. They watched as to who it was. Quickly, Chanyeol made their heads duck, all eyes away from the crowd leaving the elevator.

"Managers and instructors coming", Xiumin whispered as they were huddled up together to stay  out of attention.

"Coast is clear" was heard as the people in sweaters and suits were out of sight.

Suho managed to access the room next to where f(x) would  be assessed. Inside the room was a laptop plugged to a socket and a set of small speakers. Minho and Taemin were already in front, both looking up to see six boys enter the dark room.

"Can't we put this on a wide screen  TV instead? My back hurts already", Sehun complained as the maknae stretched by the time Luna was done with her dance portion. Three hours passed since nobody said a word, not even when they entered. It was already quarter to six and for a group that was small, it was long to consume 30 minutes each. Krystal was up first, followed by Sulli and then Luna. They had to focus on their specialty by voice and dancing. The comments were given right after each person. So everybody including the boys in the other room and possibly anyone whose ears were stuck on the wall heard it.

"Amber Josephine Liu. Please come in."

"Isn't Kris coming?" Minho asked Suho who looked frustrated. Suho shrugged, "I don't know what's gotten into him. He's out there being a total idiot."

"He said he wanted to stay out of it  because Amber didn't want to see him. " He spoke softly but came out like a rant due to a stubborn boy he was pertaining to.

"He must be having a really heard time." Taemin looked over from Minho's shoulder, lifting his back from Kai.

"He's not using common sense, If a person cares, he'll be there protecting, supporting Amber for this matter, but where is he you ask? He's at rap class, convincing himself that he respects her choice for them not to see each other. He is denying himself. What is respect for choice over the fact that Amber needs help, she needs somebody by her side. I mean she may not want to but have you guys seen her? She's not like herself. I don't know what I'm going to do."

Suho was out of breath when he finished, now with all the boys looking at him.

"Try to relax. This isn't you job Suho." Xiumin massaged the boy's back, scooting over. Suho sighed and fixed his eyes on the screen, a mixture of disappointment and fear inside him.

In the cloud room

"Two rap sections, one vocal, and one for dance. Out of all I like the English rap. The other though, how do I explain this?" One man in a gray suit looked at his folder, his eyes looking at the other men beside him for comments.

"Amber it's not your best. I see potential in you, we all do, that's why you're in f(x. But. I don't think you're doing fairly enough." The man in a sweater commented continuing "The reason for this assessment is to ensure our people are doing their parts, mastering their skills and all that is being taught. Trainee or Idol. As an idol, you should use your skills and -" He sighed, " Amber I didn't see that. I can een see trainees do something more acceptable. Exemplary, even."

"Thank you Amber, your position in f(x) will be advised by your manager together with the other members."

Amber's eyes kept still, slowly creating a hole if it could, right through the wall. She nodded, her footfall at a normal rate. yet heavy.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up." The dial tone died when Suho tried to reach Kris. The video didn't need to be high resolution for Suho to call Kris repeatedly nor to stand up.

"What are you doing?"  Kai asked his leader as to why he was leaving.

"To  Kris, Amber needs him. Didn't you hear what they said to her?"

"Are you out of your mind? You'll get caught if you leave now!" Taemin whispered, his eyes wide even for a dark room.

"I'm in the right mind to help these two of my friends. I'm not going to let this be." Heroically, Suho turned from the door, " Text me where Amber is. Give me five minutes to drag that lazy dragon out." When he saw trainees enter the elevator, he rushed to press the button and squeezed in, his back facing the door.

"Get out now." Kris read Suho's mouth , looking like a threat and after thirty seconds, the tall guy gave up, dragging himself out of class.

"She's hurt. She's probably crying even if you've never seen her cry. I tell you, it wasn't a nice ending when she left the cloud room. If you don't get your off of that wall, you are a , insensitive boy." Without greeting, panting, Suho quickly said it, making sure nobody else heard it. He showed Kris a message, a room in the building where f(x) was.

Kris ran. Left his things with Suho whose hands rested on his knees. He didn't need to think. Kris dashed to the stairs out of time to wait for the next lift. He pushed past coordinators, managers and Victoria. Krystal who drank water, cane out of a room and close the door behind her.

Bingo

Kris walked closer to the door, breathing deep. He was pushed back, a hand to his chest. Krystal was blocking him from reaching the door handle.

Krystal tried to talk to him, "Now is not a good time-"

" I need to see her." Kris took a step to the side, only to be blocked off again.

"She doesn't want to see anyo--"

Kris grabbed the door knob from Krystal's side, opening it wide for him to enter, before Krystal was able to yank it back to its place. Too late, Kris made it in.

 Amber. No, Amber

The sight broke his heart.

Amber was in tears, Her hair a mess, eyes puffed from tears.

This is...

His heart clenched. It was a sight he could've been able to bear if it was different.

Pain?  Betrayal? Broken trust? Betrayal. But how? She really would?

He couldn't bear it. Not like this.

Not when Amber was in pain.

Not when she's in pain and it's Henry who took his place beside Amber, protecting her.

Kris won't survive when she's in Henry's arms.