-Lu Han’s POV-

“I don’t want to do this anymore!” Jinhae suddenly shouted, throwing the swords on the ground. She had been running a temper lately…again. After Tao woke up a week ago from his battle with Huang Xiaodan, Jinhae reverted to her usual self right after I returned – indifferent towards me and nice to all the others. We were all relieved that she toned it down a bit, more relieved that Tao’s test was over, but she had been out constant worry since Tao showed signs of recovery.

Lady Qian Yi and Nai-Nai decided that we should only see him once or twice a day or whenever it was necessary. Tao had the tendency to want to jump out of bed even when he was very sick just so he could join us. It happened in the past and the results were not good at all. He would have relapses which were worse than his original illness and we didn’t want him to strain himself, but Jinhae just wanted to stay by his side and watch over him. Of course, the two ladies of the house insisted the she shouldn’t worry and just enjoy the rest of our days in Orodia before we head to Glacia.

Every single day, she would wake up early, waiting outside Tao’s room for the maids to finish tending to him. Lay was able to heal most of his external injuries, but he had broken some bones that needed to mend and that took time. Lay still tried to tend to him, but to be able to achieve that, Tao had to rest well and that meant staying in bed for the next couple of weeks. Jinhae was deeply saddened by that. It was probably something new to her not to be able to see Tao up and about as they had been together each day, having fun, since the beginning of her stay in Meropia.

That day, it was different. She didn’t want to leave her room and if Lay didn’t force her to do something else, she wouldn’t have. Kris and the others were trying to distract her from it for the past days and they had been successful except for me. Whenever we would start her sword lesson, she would just sit there and wipe the swords until they shone under the spring sun. She refused to talk to me as well and I didn’t know what her gestures before meant. She was definitely confusing me. She had already been talking to me, but I guess it was only brought about by a surge of panic.

Some night’s ago, I wouldn’t forget the look on her face when she suddenly pulled me to the drawing room. “I’ll say this only once so don’t fail to listen well.”

I nodded, wondering what was wrong. “Agreed,” I merely answered. I didn’t know for sure what was running through her mind, but then, she said, “Lu Han, nothing has changed. I can’t keep my promise to Tao, at least not wholly, but I will be civil to you. I expect you to do the same. Don’t worry, it would only be for when they are all around, but forget that I exist when no one is there to watch. Arasseo?”

She said those words so brutally frank that I couldn’t even answer. I just stood there and she nodded at me and left. Just like that, she took away the sole reason for my existence. She was trying to forget about what we’ve had before and it tore at my heart, breaking it into a thousand pieces, irreparable. I’ve settled for it, but this was the last straw. After days of contemplating, I knew to myself that I wouldn’t be able to do as she was telling me. It was impossible and it wasn’t going to happen in a thousand years.

I picked up the sword she had discarded, feeling my temper rising as well. I walked over to where she had settled, sitting on the bottom step. I held the blade and offered the hilt to her. She looked up at me then looked away with a sour look on her face.

“Come on,” I coaxed, trying to calm down for her sake.

She merely stared at the ground, glowering at nothing in particular.

“Ahn Jinhae,” I said a trifle firmer than I did before.

She scoffed, made a face then eyed me with disdain. “In case you dind’t hear me –”

I cut her short. “I’ve heard what you said, but that won’t do. You can’t just give up –”

She also interrupted what I was saying, pushing the sword away from her. I let go of it and it fell into the ground again. “Then what don’t you understand about it?” she snapped.

“I am trying to teach you something here and all you do is make snide remarks all day. What is wrong with you?”

She smirked. “So you care now?” She stood up and shook her head. “Stop telling me what to do. I will take my lesson when I feel like it. Just think of it in a classroom setting where one of your students just ditched class.” She laughed in derision. “Oh yeah. You can’t give me detention.”

She started to turn away, but I held her by the arm fast. “Where do you think you’re going?”

She eyed my hand pointedly, but I didn’t loosen my hand. “Get your hands off me.”

“No.”

“Yah,” she began, arrogantly shifting her weight to her left leg as she looked at me through narrowed eyes. “I don’t care what you have to say, so if you want to keep your hand, keep it away from me.” She harshly snatched her arm back and veered.

“We’re not yet finished talking,” I hissed at her. I don’t usually use harsh tones on her. I couldn’t, but she was forcing me.

At that, she faced me again, walking briskly, making me step back as she jabbed a finger at me. “What more do we have to talk about, huh, Lu Han? Give me one good reason why I should even be having this stupid argument with you!”

“You’re asking me when there are so many things that we should be discussing at the moment? You’re absurd,” I retorted. I was seething already. I didn’t know she had the ability to make me feel so angry although I cherished her more than anything there was and will be.

She crossed her arms. “Yeah? Be more specific.”

I smirked back at her. “Why don’t you tell me?”

“Turning tables now, are we?” She chuckled humorlessly. “Fine. I know what you’re doing and trust me, I won’t give you the satisfaction.”

“What are you talking about?” I demanded.

“Don’t play dumb, Lu Han. I knew you better than that,” she paused. “Or so I thought, but you’re just trying to make things go back to how they used to be and that is not going to happen, not on my watch.”

I arched a brow at her. “In case you weren’t aware, it started reverting back, but you just chose to regress again and one must wonder why.”

She shook her head. “I am not having this conversation with you,” she said dismissively then walked away, entering the house.

I followed after her even as she shut the door to the den to my face. I opened the door and entered. “You think so? It’s not going to happen either. We’re going to talk and that’s final.”

“Then I’m leaving.” She motioned towards the door, but I blocked her way by closing the door, locking the knob. She tried to run towards the glass doors that led to the balcony, but I closed them as well, binding the glass just in case she decides to break it. “No way in and definitely no way out. Now will you sit down and be civil like you’ve promised.”

“Damn you, open the doors.”

“Why don’t you?” I taunted her.

She gnashed her teeth and just slumped on the chair, crossing her arms. “You think you can force me to listen to you? We’ll see about that.”

I sat on the chair opposite to the couch, staring at her. “I could keep you in here for hours if I so wish to. The others aren’t around and no one’s going to bother us while we’re in here. Now you’d better decide quickly or you will regret it.”

“Decide about what?” she hissed.

“Are you going to listen or not?”

She laughed at me. “Dream on.”

“Alright.” I sat back on the chair, relaxing my muscles, keeping my eyes on her as she shifted uneasily on her seat. She scowled at me and I just smiled at her. “Ready when you are.”

“Let me go. I am so ready to leave this room. It’s stifling in here.” Her tone dripped of sarcasm, but I wasn’t going to release her unless she gives in. It isn’t about who was to blame anymore, but it was because I didn’t want her to hurt herself by wallowing in her anger for me.

I shook my head. “It was your choice to stay in here with me, so I’m just giving you what you want.”

She gritted he teeth then threw the cushion beside her on the floor. “What do you want?!”

“You tell me.” I eyed the pillow and stood up, returning it to her side. I then settled on the space, keeping a short distance between us.

She grabbed the pillow from my hand, hugging it to herself as she lifted her legs up the couch, repeatedly making her forehead and her knees meet. She didn’t speak for a while until she suddenly jerked up, threw the pillow at me then glared at me. “Just leave me alone, will you?”

“No, I won’t.”

“Suit yourself.”

“Gladly.”

She let out a snagged breath. “Aish! Just get straight to the point already. What do you want with me and why are you keeping me in here?”

She finally caved in. I smiled inwardly. “I want to know why you’re so angry.”

“At you, you mean?”

I merely nodded. I’d have to take what I could.

“You’re asking me?!” she raged.

I stayed calm. “I want to hear it from you. I know what I did, but I want you to tell me why.”

She looked away.

“Look at me.”

Tears began to fill her eyes. “I don’t want to remember why,” she whispered.

I shook my head. “You won’t forget either if you keep it in.”

She stood up then and began pacing. “You really want to know?!” She shook her head. “I’ll give you what you want. Yeah.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes then let out a deep breath. “I hate you, Lu Han.”

That seared through me, but I didn’t say anything and remained neutral. I wanted to hear what she wanted to say. I wanted her to release the hurt.

“I hate you, because I expected you to understand, but you didn’t. Instead, you chose to leave us…me!  You just left after you knew about it and you don’t know how that made me feel. For a certain reason, I finally felt that I belonged somewhere. I thought I finally belonged with you and Lay and Tao and the others, but…” She looked at me then. “When you reacted that way, nothing seemed to matter but that fact that you are rejecting me for what I really am. I was trying to be honest to all of you and I counted on you the most to see it through, but what did you do? You just left!”

“I understand.”

“No, you don’t. That’s not even half of it. If you really understood it the first time then you would have stayed, but that’s done. I detested your resentment when you saw Lay kissing me. Do you really think you have the right to feel that way when you’ve had your chance?” She scoffed. “You’ve always had it and yet you never did anything about it, so don’t feel that way. You don’t have the right to.”

I stood up as well. “Are you telling me that I can never have that chance again?” I asked gently though I felt like I would burst inside.

“I don’t know! Don’t ask me that right now. I’m trying to make you hear what you want.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize either.” Her eyes bore on me with all the resentment she felt. “Do you honestly know what you did to me? This is what I hated the most, do you know that?”

I shook my head.

“No. Of course not.”

“Then enlighten me.”

“Lu Han, I tried to tell myself to stop thinking about you, but I can’t. I hated myself for the fact that I cannot even feel hatred for you. You’ve caused me a lot of pain when you decided to leave, but in the end, there’s no one to blame but me, because I expected too much from you when I knew from the start that I shouldn’t, but I ga