It's been such a long time since Jungkook last came to look at any Christmas events. The first memory of coming to the one in Seoul was before his debut. The group would spend their holiday by finding low-prices activities such as these. The homemade items being sold here were even more affordable back then, they hadn't allowed themselves to spend money on anything but the necessity.

It's easy to forgot how much they struggled to even buy food, especially Namjoon and Yoongi who were one of the first trainees at their company. Thinking back to their hardships makes him the more thankful for what he has now. There are times when he feels bad for spending money thoughtlessly on items that he wants but doesn't need but he always thinks of his father's words whenever he feels guilty.
''Jungkook-ah, you worked hard to reach where you are today. Treating yourself isn't a bad thing. Just know your limits, have your priorities and find balance.''

"Is the musical over now?" Joon who had been deep in thought himself, strolling next to Jungkook puts his arm over his shoulders. ''And your album promotions?''

Jungkook glances at his long time friend. "The musical ended before I started promoting the album."

"And now that the promotions are over, won't you be free for a while? You could go snowboarding like you wanted.''

"We're having a concert soon." After the concert here, the group will be flying out for overseas schedules as well and because those shows are back to back it will be at least a month before he gets to come back to South Korea.

"Ah, right, I heard the news about that." Joon his head. "Wasn't it during Christmas?"

Jungkook nods. He won't be here for Christmas, and even New Years Eve he will be busy attending shows. They were all diligently preparing for those stages together.

"Wah, that's awesome." Joon pats Jungkook on his back, his excitement a big contrast to the rare dullness that Jungkook was feeling on the inside. "Every time, I talk to you, you're busy. Indeed, Bangtan is the best."

"Yeah…" This was always something he was thankful for but lately he greedily wishes it was different. There is another purpose now for him to want different.

"That's good!" Joon cheers. "Being busy means you're being sought after, you'll have all your senior life to relax."

Still, Jungkook can't help the heavy feeling in his gut when his eyes shift over to his girlfriend and her best friend walking in front of them, immersed into their own conversation.
Arm in arm they hadn't even looked at the boys once, and probably wouldn't even notice if they had been separated on the way.

"Ah, but you won't be able to spend Christmas with ________."

As if hearing them even though it's impossible due to the distance and the lively chatter from the people around them, she looks over her shoulder with her eyes round in question.
The many Christmas lights reflecting off of her made her eyes sparkle like a starry night sky. His heart flutters.

Jungkook smiles at her and she does the same tentatively before turning back around. The constant worry of her falling or getting hurt wearing her heeled boots on the freshly fallen snow, had kept his attention on her most of the time.

"You know, you'll have many more chances to celebrate Christmas together." Joon says after a moment of silence, surprising Jungkook once more by his ability to read people.

"Right." How hard he tries, Jungkook can't seem to shake off his regret at the missed opportunities he keep encountering with her. This would have been their first Christmas together as a couple.

"If ________ really is the one who you're going to spend your life with, then you will get at least fifty more chances to spend Christmas together. While being a performer, you might not even have half as many anymore." Joon puts in perspective and even without him having to word it, this is his friend's way of telling him to find a balance between his passion and his love.
"You could create your own Christmas Day together. No one likes going out on the actual day because it's so crazy crowded everywhere." Joon says in mild dislike, grimacing. "If it wasn't for Lee dragging me out of the house, I would be spending all holidays at home. Not to say that we don't sometimes, because home is the best and also because everyday is love. Just look at Lee and I."

Jungkook snickers. He had been able to see all too well what kind of love they practice on the daily.

"You know, ________ would never complain or put the blame on you for having to work, right?" Joon regards Jungkook with sincerity. "She might have had a hard time before, but she has learned for herself that sometimes adjustments need to be made in order for a relationship to work. Nothing is ever as smooth as it sounds in love. She sees a light in you, hope in you, that she hasn't in a while. Why focus on something that can't be controlled when she could focus on you?"

Jungkook stares at Joon, seeing him in a new light. ''How do you know all of that?''

''Lee just told me in the car.'' Joon guffaws and pats Jungkook's back, breaking the spell. ''Honestly, I wouldn't be able to confirm, because ________ never tells me anything except how annoying I am but Lee is the best bet and I mean I'm sure you will be able to see for yourself what I just said.''

Jungkook doesn't have to, he already did. The way she came to give him emotional support during his music show appearances and the way she made time to visit him at the company and even prepared a home cooked meal for him, were more than enough to show that she is starting find ways around his busy schedule and cope with the stress of there being times when they won't get too see each other.

"Just go with the flow." Joon as always claps his back encouragingly and Jungkook is grateful for his never ending support.

Joon, who had only been a distant friend after school, had tried again and again to maintain the contact while on Jungkook's side it had felt straining to do so, mainly because it would always make him think of ________, how badly he ended it and how he couldn't have changed any of that even if he had wanted to.

Jungkook had had some growing up to do himself and for a while, they had lost contact, but one year ago when he had sat down and gone through the box where he had stored all of his high-school items in, to find some peace, he had flipped through the yearbook and gathered the courage to call Joon. He was surprised to realize that Joon never changed his phone number.
They had gone out to drink that same night and caught up until it was well into the morning and that's how their friendship continued.
Out of the four friends from school, Joon is the one that always became the bridge between them. It was like that back then and even now nothing has changed about that.

All these years and not a word was ever mentioned to the media about the secret relationship that ended so suddenly. Even the incident with the attacker never came to light but he did hear from Joon that Lee's family took care of it privately. He had his worries and suspicions but nothing was ever revealed and later on, he had felt bad for even thinking like this, because the only thing they ever did was accept him in his complete form with no prejudices and judgment.

Jungkook watches as his girlfriend pushes Lee away from her while laughing. What reason for or why they were laughing about didn't really matter. Having her laugh so cheerfully was the most beautiful sight he could have been blessed with.

"Thank you, Joon." Her bantering with Joon had been highly amusing and little does Jungkook know that Joon egged her on just so he could see. He appreciated having this chance to witness it. Something he will have to earn, the trust for her to be completely unguarded, which is understandable.

"'Thank you'? What are you thanking me for?" Joon laughs amused and wraps his arm around his shoulder again. "Friends don't need to say that."

And with that, Joon pulls him forward to join their girlfriends.

— — — — —

"So cute."

"Mhm, what?" I peer over to the next stand where Lee had walked to already without waiting for me. "Oh, wow, so tiny."

Lee had been looking at infant sized Christmas hats and socks while I had been choosing a bracelet for Jungkook for the gift exchanging that Joon had proposed. Most things being sold here were cute but that's ok. Jungkook is cute, so it would only be fitting if I got him something cute.

After I pay for the bracelet, I walk over to Lee. Her eyes hold such adoration for the mini hat that I can't help but ask. "Are you pregnant?"

"What? No!" Lee slaps me across my arm. My thick coat took most of the hit. "It's just so cute."

"Your maternal instincts must be kicking in." I take the hat from her and look at it myself.

"Yes, that must be it." The sarcasm rolling off her words makes me snicker. "Found something, yet?"

"Yes.''

I show her and she laughs. ''I guess that would have been my option as well because what do you get someone who can get everything themselves?"

We continue walking as I mull her question over, something I had been worried about myself while I had been looking for the proper gift for him. ''Wait, the same goes for Joon too, his family is rich.''

''Well, at least he has things he still doesn't own which makes it easier for me to find something each time but for Jungkook he has hundreds of fans doing that.'' Lee asks as if it's rocket science. ''What do you give him?''

"Your heart." I respond, genuinely meaning it. Isn't someone's heart and devotion the most precious and hardest to attain?

She looks me up and down with the an appalled expression. ''Ew, so corny.''

She really doesn't seem to remember how she did the same thing to me while Joon and her were in the honeymoon phase.
Getting some snow from the top of the slanted roof of the stand, I toss it as Lee's hair. Her expression instantly falls and I retreat immediately not needing to see any action to know that her wrath was incoming. I make a run for it.

Careful not to trip or slip or just hurt myself in any way, I squeal when a hand catches me by my arm. "Ah! I was just playing, don't beat up your Maid of Honor." I shout, trying to shield my head.

"Why would Lee beat you up?" Jungkook is the one speaking instead. ''What did you do?''

I relax and breathe out in relief. "It's you."

But once I shift to look behind us, my eyes widen. No wonder she hadn't reached me yet she was busy making a big snowball.
I grab Jungkook's hand and make a run for it, hoping to hide and get out of her sight before she is done.

"What did you do?" He repeats after we have rounded a few stands, going behind them to find cover.

"Sssh!" I clamp my hand over his mouth to keep him from speaking. A few moments of low buzzing noises later, Lee's shadow appears but it's too late for us to act.

"Gotcha!" Her voice and evil laugh makes me yelp as she lifts her arm, getting ready to strike us.

But Jungkook wraps himself around my back and a second later I can feel a bunch of tiny snow rocks flying by us. Jungkook must have blocked it.

Taking his hand again, I drag him up and away. "I hate you, Lee!"

She cackled loudly and maybe because her laughing sounded hilarious it makes Jungkook laugh as well. Some distance later, he pulls on my hand to get me to slow down. "Be careful, you're going to slip with your boots. She's not after us anymore."
Jungkook shift his hand so that one is holding mine and the other is securing my arm.

Out of breathe but safe, we stop and I heave in and out to calm my heart from the chase. Unable to hold myself up anymore, I slide through his hold and sit down on the snow. "Ah, why do I always get chased around when I'm wearing heels."

"When was the last time you got chased around in heels?" Jungkook squats down, never letting go of my hand.

''Remember, earlier? You were chasing me.''

''That was hardly a chase.'' He taps my nose. ''Also, that was your own doing.'' I push him which makes him lose balance and fall back on his . The surprise on his face at my action made me smile but I wonder what he would do to me if I wasn't his girlfriend but one of the members.

''Do you want to go home?'' He asks noticing the yawn I was trying to keep in.

I shake my head. ''I've just been on my feet for too long. These boots are killing me.''
There had been no prior plans of us going on a double date or strolling around for hours or I definitely wouldn't have chosen to wear these boots today.

Taking note of the annoyance in my tone, he puts his hands on my cheeks and presses them together and for some while we just stay like that. Him looking beautiful and me looking like a chipmunk.

After a while of just staring at me, he turns his back to me, getting on one knee. "Get on."

I stare at his broad back for a second. "Really?" Something like excitement buzzes in my chest. It's been so long since I got to be carried piggy back. It always reminded of the days that were easier.
Being with Lee, Joon and Jungkook makes me feel like a teenager again. Something that I've been missing. The days of childlike actions and innocence.

Looking over his shoulder, he nods cutely. "Hm."

Clapping my hands free of snow, I put my arms over his shoulder and climb on with the brightest smile. Without any sound of complaint, Jungkook slowly stands up and starts walking.

''Jungkook-ssi,'' I hold my hand to his mouth mimicking a microphone. ''What are your thoughts on carrying a gorilla?''

The laugh escaping his mouth is adorable. ''I'm honored? And... I like it?''

''Jungkook-ssi, you don't sound convinced by that.'' I shake my head from side to side slowly in mock disappointment but then I smile. "Remember the last time you carried me like this?"

"Do you even remember? You were drunk." I whack his chest which makes him hoist me higher. I'm still not very proud of that night. "Keep still, so I won't drop you on 'accident'.

"Stop mentioning that night, so my fist won't accidentally land on your face."

He spurts a short laugh. "Why? It was cute, you were a drunk cute and you got us back together, no?"
His hands tighten around my thighs when I try to get down. "No, but don't you think?"

I humph and hide my face against the curve of his shoulder, but I agree. "Yes."

"See? It it an important night in our story." His voice getting softer at the end makes me lift my head a little. "Who knows what would have happened, if I hadn't come to get you."

''Oh, I've been thinking about these a lot lately. The what ifs.'' I move my head forward so I can see him better. ''Like, what could have happened if you hadn't been part of the musical?"

"Mhm…" He angles his head and peers at me, blinking. "I'm sure I would have run into you at the broadcasting station."

"I guess..." I pout for some reason and he sees.

"But we are here, right now." He reassures. "Jungkookie and ________-ie found their way back to each other four years later... Our love was cute, wasn't it? We were so innocent back then."
He sighs dramatically, shaking his head as if he was any less today.

"You're still innocent today." I pinch his cheek while he can't stop me and get a glare from him. "And I believe that you will stay innocent for a long time."

"Why do you think so?" He appears to be genuinely curious about my confidence in him.

"Well, I mean… You're Jungkookie." Why does that explain nothing but also everything at the same time?

"What about you? You're still innocent." Am I? I don't feel very pure at heart sometimes. Jungkook continues, hearing my silence. "Your heart is innocent. I would know, my feelings were able to resurface again because of that."

"They were never gone?" I ask, taken aback to hear that.

"Were yours ever?" Jungkook glances at me again, eyebrows raised.

Having a chance to actually think about it in retrospect, even though I always believed that I didn't harvest any more feeling for him, the truth is that they were just sunken into the sea that was the course of life. Since they never had a chance to come to a clean end, they just naturally faded into the background, waiting.

"It wasn't, right?" He reads from my expression. "For me, my love was never gone, they just had to be ignited again and even if I wouldn't have worked on the musical, all it really needed was for me to see you again. The first thing that touched my heart was for you to take me to your home even when I was intoxicated." Jungkook just keeps walking with me on his back as if I weighted nothing. "You couldn't possibly have known what kind of person I had become but from the memory you had left of me, without any doubt, you cared for me, isn't that innocence?"

"When you say it like that..."

Hearing my uncertainty he keeps going. "Or when you rushed after me in the crowd to return my wallet, and I know you hate crowds, really dislike them, you still came after me without a second thought. Isn't that one way of describing innocence as well?"

It's that important to him that I see what he sees.

"Well, then I guess I am." And as much as it might sound naive, when someone as genuine and kindhearted like Jungkook sees such a quality in me then that's all that matters.

"As I keep telling you," Jungkook actually stops and lowers me back to the ground before turning to face me. "I love you. You touched my heart four years ago and you managed to do it four years after and that's why we're here."

I smile and I know I look pretty in that moment. I see my own smile reflected in his.

A phone ringing makes me break eye contact. It's my phone. ''Oh, it's your mom.''

''My mom?'' Bending closer, he waits for me to unlock the screen. ''Are you still sending her photos of me?''

After my visit to Busan, his mother had continuously messaged me just to ask what we are up to because Jungkook is not the type to update her on himself.
When I told him about it, he was worried at first that I would feel burdened by it, but I had reassured him that I liked chatting with her and updating her on her son's activities, often times just sending her candid shots of him sitting there doing normal things and other times, we were mostly talking about food.

''I sent her the photo I took earlier in the parking lot.'' When it appears like he is unable to remember, I elaborate. ''Our snow fight? In front of the wedding studio.''

''Ah, yes, I remember.'' He knocks his fist against the temple and grins sheepishly. ''I'm getting old.''

''If you're getting old than I'm not far behind, Oppa.''

''Let's grow old together.'' Beaming down at me, Jungkook takes my phone out of my hand but because of his words my heart was skipping around, not settling even when he presses me to his side and spins us around on the spot.

Shaking my head, I see that he had held my phone at angle to take a photo. ''For you mom?''

''Hm.'' Finding the best source of light, Jungkook counts down and I quickly create a flower with my hands and put it under his face, smiling widely matching his grin.

''Pretty.'' He comments on the photo and sends it off to his mom, reading the words while he typed them. ''Eomma, we are at the Christmas market at Han River! I've become a flower~''

Seeing him interact with his parents is always so heartwarming. Jungkook becomes the cutest child right in front of my eyes.

"We always end up here." Jungkook marvels aloud after his mother had told us to have fun and to not catch a cold. I slip my phone back into my pocket and put my hand into his, entwining our fingers together.

"This is our spot." The Christmas market is being held here annually and even though we weren't physically at our spot yet the thoughts were there.

It's a lovely moment, being with the person I love and being with the person that loves me. It's magical, it's peaceful, it's healing.
Photographers might have found us, like he had warned me of before, but right now, for once I don't care. Nothing can take this moment from me. Maybe later I will worry but not now. Now is for me and him.

We naturally stop under a street lamp to watch and listen to the waves flowing so freely and aimlessly. "It's so beautiful here at night. Can you imagine coming here every night to reset your day and just breathe?"

''I used to take walks alone all the time to relax and gather my thoughts.'' With him starring off into the distance, he once more presented a beautiful view.

''Now, you're always too tired.'' I poke his side in empathy. Unless it's him making an effort to stay awake and spend time with me he usually just sleeps.

''Actually, it had become boring to go alone.'' Smirking down at me, he pulls me into him, starting to sway us back and forth. ''If there was you with me every walk I'm convinced I would enjoy it much more, especially if it's here.''

With my heart feeling light at his sweet underlying proposal, I giggle into him and add my own hopes into our future. "Maybe one day we can move closer so it's walking distance."

His arms tighten before he pulls back to stare at me. He's nibbling on his lip which usually means he is nervous about something.

"________-ie," he calls before I can ask him about it. "Can you close your eyes for a minute?"

He chose his words so carefully that I take it literal. "Do you want me to count out loud?"

"No," he laughs, some of the tension easing away. "Just… close your eyes for me."

"Ok." I close my eyes for him.

I hear him shifting and moving, fumbling with something and then his hands move back my hair over my scarf and he leans in over my shoulder, but not in an embracing way. What is he doing?

He stays like that for a while and aside from the wind I can hear his breathing change in frustration. Then finally after what feels like ages, his arms close in around me. "Well, that was hard."

"What was?" Not sure if I should or not, I keep my lids closed.

"________," Jungkook says. "Before you open your eyes, there is something I want to tell you."

I nod for him to go on.

"You know that there are birthstones right?" I nod again. "For me, for September is sapphire. I've been reading all kinds of books and the sapphire is meant to bring joy, loyalty and protection. I heard it's also meant to bring beauty, but you already are." I smile at his overflowing sweetness.
"To be honest there are too many meanings that I can't remember because my mind is going blank but..."

I feel him tug on my scarf a few times until something cool lands on my neck. Something like metal. Something that hadn't been there before. Something Jungkook had just put on. My heart halts. Did he just… I open my eyes to look at him, eyes wide in awe.

"What I'm trying to say not so romantically is that since I won't be here during Christmas and probably won't get to see you for a month, I had felt bad about that. I still wanted to give you something since it's the first Christmas and it should be remembered but I also wanted it to be a meaningful and useful gift." His eyes, if I could describe them were two dark orbs of liquid light. I would fall into them freely.
"I hope you will wear this so it feels like I'm there even though I'm not, I was never one to believe in these things but I hope it protects you from all the bad and only brings you happiness like I wish I could while I'm not by your side."
My eyes start to sting from the building tears behind them.
"I'm sorry I can't be here for you this Christmas but I hope today can be our Christmas Day, ________."

''Our Christmas Day could be in summer and I wouldn't mind.'' Lips quivering, I look down at my neck but can't see much because of my scarf. "I can't see it."

"It's really pretty, even Joon said it's pretty." He presses his lips to my forehead, and I soak in all of his attentiveness.

"I want to see it." I murmur poutily as I try to make it appear under my chin, but it's shorter than a normal necklace more like a choker. "I can't see..."

"You will once you get home, you can stare at it all you want." Why does he have to be so perfect?

I stomp my foot lightly. "If I had known today was Christmas, I would have given you my present first."

His eyes had widened due to my slight temper but then he smiles and embraces me. I grudgingly cave toward him. "It's ok, I already know what it is."

"No, you don't." My heart drops. When did he see it? I hid it really well in my father's room, when did he even have the—

"No, I don't." He corrects himself cheekily.

A giggle bubbles up at his antics again. I pat his and play along. "Yes, you do."

"Yes, I do." He follows after me, being a dork and waggling his head after pulling back.

''Ah,'' I yell out of excitement and grab into my bag. ''I do have your gift here.''

''You do?'' Frown lines settle on his forehead as he watches me. ''How does a camera len—''

''Shoo!'' I glower at him not to say it. How the heck did he find out?

Sheepishly, Jungkook zips up his mouth and throws the key over his shoulder and despite him just sealing his lips, he beams brightly at his own dorkiness.

Before I pull the bracelet out of my bag, I ask him to close his eyes which he had smiled dotingly at. ''Can you raise your hand for me?''

He does, so I unpack the simple plastic bag and put on the bracelet that I had just gotten him, fastening the lock much quicker than he had on me. ''It fits just perfectly.''
It looks too pretty compared to the bracelets he usually wears but nonetheless he makes it look good. ''You can open your eyes now.''

Jungkook immediately holds his hand to his face for closer inspection and a smile spreads when he sees the one and only butterfly charm on it. ''Ya, hold on.''

''Mhm?'' I watch in confusion as Jungkook takes something from his own pocket and slips it onto my ring finger. I stare at it in disbelief and then cackle out loud up to the sky. ''What the?''

The ring he just put on me had a rabbit on it. What even are we?

I whack his arm and we laugh together. "Happy Christmas Day, ________."

"Happy Christmas Day, Jungkook."



— — —
*sneaks into the room* hello, anyone here?

*clears throat* as you can tell, I have trouble keeping track of time. didn't i say I was gonna update very soon and howmany  weeks have passed? i think the last time you heard of me was before we dont talk anymore pt2 dropped wasnt it? off topic in case you want to know, I screamed bc park jimin happened.
ok i just went to check and its almost three weeks again? how? time? what?... i realize my problem is my lack of focus, i cant focus at home, either my mom distracts me bc she starts playing bts videos or i get distracted by my window... i hate sitting for a long period of time too at least at home, i really miss my setup in germany TT... and i cant seem to focus here unless its dark. anyone else feel like they are the most progressive and creative at night?  its like bc its so dark the brain can imagine things easier...

problems aside, festa ended!!!! huehue and what a beautiful way it ended. so far awar. i just love this version so so much, i can't keep jungkook first love lines out of my head its so beautiful and jin's vocals *claps*... oh oooooh 4 oclock is so beautiful too? WE DONT DESERVE BANGTAN AND THEIR ENDLESS LOVE orz
this was a really emotional festa for me idky... maybe because we achieved so many things this year...? 
for the home party I only have one thing to say and its the only thing that needs to be said: Rapper Jin.... and also dance line, also vocal genuis jjang man boong boong but lets not forget namjoon and taehyung with their sentimental performance... also their dorm, seeing them happy makes me happy.

I never thought I would fall so deep. I literally was scared I would lose interest in jungkook so i made sure to finish writing the majority of the first fanfic before starting to even post it. it was more for you than for me hahaha cause there was an instance where i stopped two fics because i just lost my passion for them one day and now 2 years later I'm almost done posting the last part and I still love jungkook so much.... we've come so far, so emo... but why am i even telling you this now, i planned to do that once it all really ends.. hehe

thank you guys for waiting! I'm trying my best to wrap things up nicely but i dont know how im doing at that bc i still havent reread everything from the start, but just bear with me and thank you again ^^ now let me double and triple check if this chapter is really public -.-' (it's 4am soon... I always post around this time, should i listen to R&V?)

oh? why can't i copy here? did something change while i was gone?