"Are you very cold?" I was thinking of shaking my head but there would be no use in denying what my body showed, so I nod. We had gotten out of Jungkook's car and were now walking towards the place he wanted to show me.
"Wait here, ________."

I would if it wasn't too creepily dark in this barely lit forest way. My nyctophobia not helping at all. But before I can tell him, he jogs away leaving me there.
I glance around, the dark, looming trees suddenly intimidating. Faint voices surround me, caging me in, taking me to a place I'd rather leave behind or better yet burn down completely. It's not long after when I start to feel chills run down my skin crawling everywhere as the darkness seems to suffocate me right on the spot.
Images of my father appear in my head. Why now?

I shake my head in hopes to rid myself of the memories but jump when I feel something touching my arm. My eyes meet Jungkook who is shocked by my reaction. "What happened?"

"I-I," I take a cautionary step closer and look over my shoulder. "Please, don't ever leave me in the dark again."

Jungkook is taken aback.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out when I realize how demanding that must have sounded. "What I mean is, please take me with you next time."
Well, that didn't sound any better, did it? "Sorry, forget it."

I recoil when I hear some ruffling noise in the distance making me inch closer to Jungkook, whose eyes I could feel were watching me. It's so dark that I can't really see him clearly, but I think he is holding something in his hand.

As if reading my mind, Jungkook places said object over my shoulder. A thin blanket. It's quite big. "Thank you."

Jungkook lets go once he knows I have a good hold on the ends and puts a hand behind my back to get us to start walking again.
Staying close to his side I wish there was at least some kind of light in the front. Again, I jump startled when I hear rustling from the branches. Even though he notices, he doesn't question me about it.

The next time there is some noise I know better and am able to stop myself from showing any outward reaction. Instead, I shift even closer and seek comfort by holding onto a small part on the sleeve of Jungkook's coat.
It's only a few seconds later when Jungkook turns to look at me and even though I don't want to, I let go. ''Sorry."

"You don't have to apologize." I'm not sure but he might be frowning. "It's not far."

"Ok." Taking a step, I then realize the hand he was holding out and smile. "I don't think that will help to be honest."

Jungkook drops his hand and chuckles lowly. "What will then? Should I dance?" He proceeds to do some movements which I couldn't see clearly, but it makes me laugh anyway.

"Can you sing for me, Oppa?" I ask shyly instead.

"Ah, singing, of course, of course." He drops his funny pose and adjusts his coat.

I hear him clear his throat which makes me wonder if he even wants to sing for me but before I can say anything he starts and I recognize the melody from when he played me the guide version.
Only this time he's actually singing, having added lyrics to it and I can't differentiate if it's the dark that's causing the goosebumps now or the him. It's a song about his mother. It makes this song even more meaningful.

His voice velvety soft yet deep voice takes me back to the times when he would sing to me out of nowhere. Suddenly, I wish I could see his face, there is always something very enticing about the emotion he pours out when he sings. It's like magic.
But this time due to the darkness, I can't and the small part ends just as we clear through the secluded way into an opening with lights.
It's two months till Christmas but they had already hung up some lights along the railings making the atmosphere very warm and homey.

"Do you like it?"

Not sure if Jungkook was talking about the lights or his song, I choose to address the latter. "Yes, I like the lyrics. I can't wait for your mother to hear it."

"It's hard to keep it from her. There are moments when I just want to play it for her, but I really want to give this to her as a gift."

"That's sweet, Oppa." I smile up at him now that I can see. "I'm sure that she will love it."

"I want to make a special event for her." We cross a small bridge and I see some movement in the water and walk over to the railing to take a look. "Don't fall in."

I laugh quietly, because wouldn't that be funny? "What kind of event?"

"A surprise, something heartwarming. I want to reveal the song to my mom first."

"Just hearing it is heartwarming enough." I twist and peer up at him since he was already standing not far behind me. "You could do it here."

"I thought so, too." His eyes are particularly beautiful with the lights reflecting off of them. "But first I need to make you feel better. Come."

"Shouldn't your mother come first?"

Jungkook regards me from the side. "The song isn't quite finished, yet, so you can come first for the time being."

I burst out into giggles and slap his arm lightly. "Only for the time being, huh?"

He knows I'm not expecting an answer so he just grins. I readjust the blanket around myself as I follow him and have a look around. It's dark but I'm pretty sure I've seen this place before, I ask him instead of wondering.
"We filmed here once." Ah, bingo. "I'm surprised you recognize it."

"It's really beautiful here. Too bad it's so dark." I spot something across from us and squint my eyes when I can't put my finger on the moving dots. After a few seconds, I gasp, my heartbeat quickening in excitement as I rush over. Fireflies. So many of them.

Although, it's not my first time seeing them, it sure has been a long time. I keep a safe distance from them as not to disturb their natural habitat and it's only then that I remember Jungkook. I look over my shoulder and meet him halfway with a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

His smile is warm. I watch him raise his hand and my stomach fills with anticipation because I know what he's going to do next. "Ya, you're like a child when you're in nature."

"I know, right?" I admit and smile at his pat on my head. "I've upset many people before for leaving them behind just like that."

The next thing I know Jungkook is pinching one of my cheeks and leans down a bit, crunching up his nose. "It's cute, so don't hide that from me."

My eyes wander to his mouth and the only thing I can blurt out is his nickname. "Bunny." My brain doesn't seem to want to function when he's so close.

Jungkook appears taken a back but then he smiles wider and pinches both my cheeks, almost in a scolding way. "It's taken me a long time to get rid of this nickname from my fans and now you..." He sighs but his grin remains. "I should call you hamster but somehow you'll never stop being a butterfly to me."

I blink slowly as that particular memory comes back. I avert my gaze when I remember what and why I had promised in conjunction with that memory.
In the end, the butterfly did fly away, breaking the promise that she shouldn't have made in the first place.

* * * * * *

"Is it hard?" Jungkook looks at her after some silence. "Living alone?"

"It's not the first time." She hugs the blanket tighter around herself and all he can think about is how he wanted to hug her to give her comfort. "And I'm not really alone. I have Bobo, Lee, Joon, Jieun-Eonni, you remember, right?" She turns her whole body his way so she can see him under all the material of scarf and blanket. When he nods she continues.
"Sungmin-Oppa, even though he can be too protective sometimes. I'm not really ever alone" Still, she sounds wistful.

"That's good to hear." It was, but the thought of her having no parent didn't sit well with him. It must be hard after all to depend on yourself.

"Oppa, too," she sounds hesitant but keep going. "Lately, you've been there in the right place, at the right time."

"I have a sixth sense for your distress."

"Not many are so open to helping other people." Jungkook notices her keeping an eye on her surroundings warily.

It's dark. To get to the next place, they had to pass through a darker area again. He had offered to take her back home, but she had protested, reassuring him that she is alright.
Still, the fear seems to linger deep in her eyes, and it irks him how this must be because of something that had happened after their split.

Her step falters when something rustles suddenly, her shoulders tensing up. Earlier she had grabbed his sleeve but now she just shook it off.
They arrive at their next destination. It was a place he had found when he decided to get more familiar with the streets of Seoul. With a view down Seoul and a nice green area, he was sure she would like it.

Together they sit down on a bench. For a minute both of them stare straight ahead and after a while he can feel her eyes peeking at him several times which is when he finally focuses on her.
She's fidgeting under the blanket and biting her lower lip. She wanted to say something, that much he knew, so he waited patiently.

"Are you... cold?" She asks quietly, offering him one side of the blanket but he's pretty sure that she was just stalling.

Jungkook shakes his and wraps it around her tighter instead. "You need it more."

Having nothing else to distract herself with she sighs. It takes her another five minutes to mentally prepare until she starts talking. "I... never told you about my father, did I?"

Momentarily, his blood runs cold, the possibilities of what might have happened making him crazy. "You just told me that he left when you were very young."

"Yeah," she trails off and it takes her a few seconds to return to the conversation. "When I was 5 years old, I got lost in the woods, it was night time. I don't remember much of it but all I know is that I kept wandering around getting even more lost. I had initially gone in with my father, but for some reason he told me to wait while he walked ahead first." Her eyes were focused on one spot. "They found me the next morning because I had hurt my foot."
She looks at her right feet as if the injury was still present. "I developed a stark fear for darkness because of that incident..."

Jungkook's heart breaks when her voice cracks, the dreadful feeling just registering. There is more.

"He always showed how much he resented our weaknesses. Mine and my brother's. To be honest, my brother probably had it harder than me, him being the oldest son. But because it was a phobia of mine and he didn't handle it with care, it got worse. As a child, I connected the two, thinking that my imperfection led to him leaving us."

His hands clench into fists at the image of her 5 year old self having to go through the pain of her father leaving them.

"Honestly, I only remembered this a few months ago, when I saw my father's face again after so many years. My brain must have hid those memories. Till now, I always believed it was his debts that made him abandon us... Guess our faults were too much to deal with as a family."

Her words fade into silence and it takes him a moment to realize that she was deep in thought. He put a hand on her hand and she jumps.
Terror flashes in her eyes as she returns from her trance like state, but as soon as it came it's gone and she sees him again and not whoever caused that look to appear on her face. She clears and looks away, fussing with her hair in distress. His heart hurts for her. She didn't deserve this kind of upbringing yet she is one of kindest and most genuine people he knew.

"He has been back in South Korea for a while but since I was in Japan he had no means to find me. He searched me out when he knew that my brother enlisted." A shaky breath escapes. "I wonder if my brother stopped him before.... That's how I remember... because he contacted me, I remembered suddenly."

"Is he still trying to contact you?" She shakes her head but he can't really feel relieved at that. "You said you saw his face, did he personally look for you?"

"Yes, but Sungmin-Oppa was there with me. My father came looking for me at work. Which is probably why Sungmin-Oppa is so protective... But I don't really need it."

"People are protective of you not because you are appear like you need it, it's because you should be protected at all cost, ________." Jungkook has learned that his own protective instinct is strong for the people he cherishes.

"Ya," it's the first time for her to use informal language. "You'll be protecting a lot of people then, Oppa."

Just you. He doesn't say because that would make her stop smiling and he didn't want that. "Ya, these words are like heaven in my ears."

Her lips jut out as she frowns in confusion. Cute. "These words... what?"

"I'll have you figure it out by yourself." Jungkook pushes to his feet and hesitates before holding his hand out.

Surprisingly, she puts her hand in his without delay and stands up as well. "Where are we going now?" Her hands are a little cold, her fingers long and and her skin soft. He feels a little too happy to be holding her hand.

"Cafe." He nods towards the small house. "I wish I had taken you during day time, you'd see much more. Sorry."

"This is great, I'm feeling, what's the word... rejuvenated." She frowns suddenly. "I don't have my wallet, though, I left it in your car."

"I have—" Jungkook lets go of her hand to pat his pockets. "I left mine, too. I'll go back, you wait inside. I'll be quick."

"Ok. Be careful."

Her worry for him warms his heart. "I will."

He's about to leave in the other direction when he decides against it and turns around, catching up to her retreating back.
"Huh?" Eyes wide, she looks up at him when he walks with her.

Without saying a word Jungkook leads her in and doesn't leave until she is seated safely inside the cafe. He just had to make sure that she is alright, his protective instinct kicking it.

* * * * * *

Around 10 minutes later, Jungkook returns with his wallet and sees her holding her phone against her ear through the window.
It might be her boyfr— ah, right, she doesn't have one. Now, that he is alone he lets out the grin freely at the revelation. The ring. Jungkook shakes his head, he should have just asked. Idiot.

Pushing against the glass door, she instantly looks up but she seems to be alarmed at his presence. She flings her gaze towards the counter several times making him do the same but he doesn't get it. Jungkook shrugs while staying rooted. Opening she says something inaudibly a few times until he understands. ARMY.

That's enough for him for see why she was so alarmed. Jungkook sits down a few tables away from her and has a good look around the cafe. Usually the customers were elders which is why he had taken her here. It's not exactly a known spot for young lings.

Frustration simmers when he sees the the girls taking a seat not far from him. He can't even spend a few hours with her just talking and that's exactly why they had ended like that 4 years ago.

She had ended her call now and was fiddling with her phone and glancing around nervously, he's worried that this will bring back unwanted memories of her bad encounter with an obsessive fan.

Something he wishes she would never have to go through again.
Something he cannot guarantee will never happen again if they ever get closer.
Something he cannot protect her from.

A while of just staring at his hands feeling useless, Jungkook hears the girls talking about having seen him earlier. Careless. He's been careless.
Even though he wanted to spend time with her he also had to tread carefully. His solo activities are coming up, things could get messy quick.
Dropping his head into his hands he runs his hands back and forth several times.

Movement across from him catches his eye and he sees her standing up, her own gaze on the two girls who had spotted him now and were bowing their heads when they notice him looking at them. Jungkook returns the polite greeting.

From the corner of his eyes he sees her walking towards the exit calmly, never looking his way. Jungkook sighs lowly. He really couldn't expect her to be comfortable around his fans. Guess the night ends here.

* * * * * *

The sharp night temperature hits my face as I exit the cafe. Seems like my night adventures with Jungkook will have to be cut short and maybe that's a good thing. It's too easy to feel comfortable around him. Too easy to forget about everything else when we're laughing. Too easy to go too far.

White air puffs out as I sigh and warily make my way back to where the dark area is and pause just short of the many trees.
Looking over my shoulder, I can see that the girls had approached Jungkook now. Ah, the benefit of being a fan, openly being able to show your affection to that person.
Something that I'll never be able to do. Something I should not be doing anyway.

Running my fingers through my hair, I pull the blanket tighter around myself and take a step into the darkness. After a moment of foolish fear, I scramble for my phone and switch on the flash light. Not being much of a relief, I take a few staggering breaths in hopes to calm myself and get back my senses.

Come on, you can do this. Jungkook walked with you thorough the same words, nothing will happen.

Taking the little courage that I have at the moment I take a step and another and another, all the while chanting in my head that Jungkook isn't far.
Time seems to stand still and I don't know how long it takes me but eventually I start running and arrive at the parking lot, bracing myself on the next best car to catch my breath.

It makes me feel so immature to react like that and to be honest I didn't want anyone to see me like that. Ever. 
I glance over my shoulder again to check if Jungkook was close by and breath out still tense as I walk to where his car is parked.

My phone vibrates in my pocket. "Hello?"

"Why does it sound like you are freezing?"

"Eonni," Soojung had called me earlier asking if I wanted to go shopping with her. "It's because I am."

"You weren't when I called before."

"I'm back out again, waiting for.... waiting." I settle for that response and twist my body to get myself to stay warm. "Are you done?"

"Eoh, I'm on my way there."

"I'll be on my way soon too, I think."

"You think? Ya, where are you at?"

I try to find a sign which would tell me my location but I can't. "Not sure."

"Did you get abducted or something?"

"Or something." I laugh. "Anyway, I'll be there so don't worry."

"Alright, you're being secretive but I'll drill it out of you later. You just wait."

"Yeah, yeah, Eonni. See you in a bit." We hang up.

I lean back against Jungkook's car and gaze at the clear sky, enjoying the simplicity of nature itself. The beauty that the universe provides. The stars. So beautiful. So healing.
Closing my eyes, I start to meditate and try to gain strength, calming myself, grounding myself.

"________-ah." My lids spring open at the frantic tone.

"Oppa." I push away from his car and watch him jog over to me, holding a paper bag in his hand. "What do you have ther—."
I gasp startled when Jungkook pulls me against him without warning. His arms tighten around me when I try to pull back, his hand pushing into my hair as he cradles my head.

"Why didn't you wait for me?" My heart tightens when I realize that his worry was for me.

Untrapping my arms from between us, I wrap them around his waist and try to reassure him. "I'm ok."

"Don't lie." I'm taken aback to hear anger in the undertone of his voice. "You were not ok."

"Ok, I wasn't, but now I am." And just because it seemed to have affected him so much, I apologize for making him worry.

"Stop apologizing." Jungkook pulls away only to cradle my face, his brows knitted together. "I don't want you to ever go through that again." Dropping my hands, I stare right into his eyes and feel myself falling.

"I won't." I decide to say after a second and try to lighten the mood. "My sense of orientation has gotten much better, I'm not going to get lost anymore."

His eyes switch between my left and right, searching for something. It makes me want to look away, scared of what he might see. "Next time wait for me, ok?"

I was hoping to not ever have to go through a next time but, "Ok."

Jungkook smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes completely, he was still bothered by something. "Let's get in, I bought some food."

Opening the lock on the car, he pull the door open and waits till I'm seated before he places the bag I had totally forgotten about on my lap.
"What's in there?" I repeat as he had interrupted me before.

"Food." He deadpans making me glare at him, in return it makes him smile. "Just open it, then you'll see."

Doing as I'm told, I see a couple of wrapped up sandwiches inside and glance up at him. "How many do you plan to eat, Oppa?"

"I'm a big guy," Jungkook pats his chest smugly. "I need my food."

I suppress the urge to roll my eyes. "Didn't you say you stopped growing?"

"I did." I give him a dubious look. "I grew horizontally."

"Shut up." I mutter and unwrap a sandwich for him because I really didn't need that image in my head.

"I wonder if you are shorter than Jimin-Hyung now." Reversing the car, Jungkook then takes the sandwich into his hand and takes a big bite.

"I was shorter than him anyway." Unveiling my own, I join him in eating, just slower. "Also you'll never find out, I don't think I'll ever wear flat shoes near you ever again."

"You're not that short." I smile amused hearing his muffled voice around the food and crinkle up in a grin when I see his chipmunk cheeks.

"Ya, don't eat so fast, it's not good for you, Oppa." I look inside the bag. "Do you have something to drink in here?"

"It's in the trunk." Well, that's not practical. Remembering that I always carry a bottle of water in my bag, I get that one and hold it to him after opening the cap. "You're always so thoughtful."

"Well, someone has to be, I don't want you to choke to death so...." I shrug and give him an innocent smile when he glances at me mid drink with disbelief. My eyes trail to his ear. "You don't wear earrings anymore."
I hadn't paid much attention to them to be honest, I had tried to stay clear from looking at him for too long.

"Sometimes I do, but it depends on the occasion."

"You look really handsome today," Jungkook was wearing a navy dress shirt and black jeans. He looked good in this autumn ensemble. "Is B1-ssi still your stylist?"

"What? Are you saying, I can't come up with this myself?"

"No, it's just back then...." Well, it has been years, maybe I shouldn't downgrade his fashion choices especially because I had liked them, too. "Never mind." 
Jungkook had put the bottle between his thighs and I was about to scold him, when I remember that my destination had changed. "Ah, Oppa, can you drop me off at Myeongdong?

"Myeongdong?" His head turns my way briefly. "Why are you going there?"

"Shopping. I'm looking for a dress." I wonder if he knows. "Are you still in contact with Joon?"

"Mhm, not lately, he's been busy. Why?"

"In a few days Joon is going to propose to Lee." Just saying it makes me squeal internally.

"Wuah, for real?"

I nod my head and swoon a little at the things he had prepared. "So envious."

"What? Joon or getting proposed to?" I slap his arm while Jungkook laughs at my expression. "Don't worry, ________-ie, one day someone will propose to you, too."

I stiffen at his words and press my lips together as an imagine of a couple wearing wedding attire flashes in my head. Jungkook and I.
What the hell? I don't even want to get married at the moment. Why is my brain like this? I have officially lost it.

I avoid looking at him and nod. "One day."

~ ~ ~

"Is here ok?" Jungkook stops at an empty bus stop not far from where I'll be meeting Soojung. "If I go any further I might get—"
He had been looking out my side of the window and stopped talking when he sees a few girls taking a seat on the bench outside. I slide further down in my seat, too.
I see an apologetic smile on his face as he looks at his hands, his hair shielding his eyes. "I'll drive you somewhere more secluded."

The drive to that secluded place was spent in silence, both of us deep in thought, or at least I was. This feels like back then all over again. Just now he's even more famous and even more prone to getting recognized, which means there could be more crazy fans out there.
It makes me shudder to even think of them. I had promised myself to never put my friends through that ever again.

The car pulls up to a park, which except a few lamps was pretty dark but it will have to do. "Is this around the corner?" I've never been here before, so I wasn't sure how to get to the mall from this spot.

"You just have to go through the park." Jungkook could probably see the shifts in my body. "This is stupid, I'll take you."

"No." I say quickly and put a hand on his forearm. "I think it's best if I go alone, it's not that dark. I'll be fine." I think. And if not I'll just run again.

Jungkook looks at me for a moment and then falls back into his seat, eyes closed. This must he hard for him, too.

"Thank you for today, for distracting me and taking me away from things for a while. Thank you for being such a good friend." I wince at my own words. Does that make me sound like I wish it was different? God, I should just keep quiet.

"I would do it again, ________."

Even though today was nice and very freeing, I don't think I should take up his offer ever again. Today was the first and the last time.
It's time to draw a definite line, I should have done so sooner but today made me remember the things that were at risk. The things that would never change.

"I'm going, now." I peer at him and find him already staring at me, I wonder what he sees. "Good night."

"Good night." He's biting his lip now, which usually means he's either nervous or distressed. "Be careful."

"Ok." I open the door and hop down from his car, remembering his blanket I fold it up and place it on the passenger seat. I wave at him weakly. "Bye."

One side of his mouth tilts up but again it doesn't reach his eyes. "Bye, ________."

Taking a deep breath, I shut the door and turn around starting to walk at once before I could show just how nerve wrecking this was. My heart is pounding and even though I wanted to look over my shoulder, I keep my eyes rooted to the front.

When I think I'm far enough, I take my phone out and move to a spot where he couldn't see me before texting Soojung. A few minutes later, I spot a familiar figure nearing. "________-ie, is that you?"

"Yeah, I'm here." I meet Soojung halfway and hug her. "Thank you for getting me."

"Yes, of course." She's frowning in worry, she knows of my fear and that's only because we had a blackout at work once. "Why are you here anyway?"

"I—... Someone dropped me off."

"Why didn't he bring you?" She sounds irritated somehow

"Who said it was a guy?"

Now, she's rolling her eyes and pulling me along. "Come on, I'm not that dumb. Who else would it be? Also I saw you earlier."

I smile amused, but then sigh into the sky. "It's complicated."

"Then don't ever see him again. You don't need complication in your life."

"Have you been watching your dramas again?" Sounds like she is angered by some character because just days ago she had encouraged this.

"Damn right and that dude I swear he's such an idiot and his family, don't even get me started." She's getting worked up over a fictional character. "Anyway, don't, ________-ie, it will only hurt you in the end. I know. I'm the drama expert. Resist his charm or whatever.''

I laugh aloud. "I'm working on it, trust me, I'm trying."

"Try harder." Retorting like the true princess that she is, Soojung pokes my side once. "Enough of that, lets get you a beautiful dress, maybe you will make someone else fall."

Someone else? The problem is that I'm falling myself. No one else than Jungkook will be able to to catch me from that. But this time the situation is different.

This time, I am in no position to let myself fall.


— — —
uuuugh my back hurts, I'm so bad at sitting straight and now I am in pain and soooo tired because I woke up earlier to watch sma orz but I really wanted to post something today because I won't be able to tomorrow and I don't really like to post things on the weekend. so, here it is, probably with a lot of mistakes and things that don't make sense, please excuse me TT also this chapter was so long what the heck how did I write so much o.o

so, this is where the plot thickens and things get 'real', this was very hard for me to write and I'm not sure if everything makes sense so if you have any question you are always welcome to message me ^^

4 AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!! BEST MV! BEST DANCE PERFORMANCE! BONSANG! BEST ALBUM!!!!!!! BTS are the third artist ever to win 4 awards at sma huehue so proud of my boys! so proud of kookie giving a speech! so proud of hobi dancing his intro! so so thankful and proud of namjoon's speech! so so proud!
now that the two awards are over we have other things to worry about lol like how bighit will probably drop teasers soon which usually happens monday midnight kst, so I'm watching out every sunday lol

in case anyone was wondering, the table was me, it reflects my life in every way :P