"Did you curl your hair yourself?"

"Yeah, does it look alright?" Today is the big day. Not mine but the big day for my best friend, she just doesn't know it yet. "I didn't know what to wear so I just chose sandal heels."

"Yeah, looks great. You look great as always." Soojung and I were walking to the office after coincidentally meeting up in the elevator. "You look like the popular girl in school."

"Wow, let's not exaggerate." I look at her. "I think you meant yourself."

"Didn't you know? Some guys really want me to introduce you to them."

"Ah, Eonni." I groan because I wasn't sure if she was being serious or just playing me. "Stop it."

"I'll stop, but pay more attention." Her eyes move around the office. "People are looking at you, you just have to look back. Maybe then you'll get a decent boyfriend."

Not this again. "Let's keep the boyfriend talk with your dramas, ok?"

"You're missing out."

"Oh, and you aren't?"

"Don't make fun of me.'' She pokes my side. "Anyway, let's meet up for lunch. When will you change into the dress?"

"Ahjumma wants me to meet a few people should I change before or is this alright?"

"You look great, but who are you meeting? Is it meeting meeting or meeting meeting." What? "You know what just change after lunch, I'll help you."

"Ok, see you then." Back to boring office work.

Who said growing up was fun? Who said being an adult was fun? Not me. But at least I have something to look forward today.

* * * * * *

It's the third time Jungkook glanced in the direction of her classroom but its appearance had not changed throughout the day. Like most of yesterday, the room had been dark, the doors kept locked. Only later was he able to see her when Seungkwan pushed him to look for her even though their vocal coach had asked him.

Slipping his hands into the pocket of his jacket, Jungkook feels the round, hard and cold object in his hand. He had forgotten to return it yesterday, taken aback by how wary she had reacted to seeing him.

Something must have caused this and Jungkook had a feeling that it had to do with the near encounter with his fans in the cafe.
He couldn't blame her, the incident back then must have been traumatizing and to also have someone actually get hurt must be terrifying. She cares so much.

But still they had finally taken two steps forward only to have her take a step back by herself. Jungkook just couldn't let this go.

~ ~ ~

"How is the preparation?" Yein rarely talks about work related things with him. Except the musical they usually don't have much to talk about which is why he is surprised to hear this question.

"What preparation? Please don't tell me you're having a comeback, Hyung." Seungkwan joins in with a mouthful of bread. "Please, let us win a few more times."

"You're promotions are ending next week, what are you talking about?"

"We might do a follow up song, so please wait just a bit longer." Seungkwan presses his palms together, pleading

"Maybe I shouldn't have a comeback at all."

Yein waits till they are done to ask more. "Have you decided on the title?"

"Yeah, we're working on it." Although they are people from the same line of work, Jungkook didn't want to reveal too much.

"I'm sure you will do well." He hopes so. Groups tend to do comebacks at the end of the year, to leave an impression before the year ends but it very often clashes with the end year festivals and awards which is why he was pondering the idea of postponing it to the next year.

Arriving at the canteen, Jungkook pulls on the handle to reveal the one person he had been looking for. Her hair is in soft waves today and her eyes appeared sharper.

She was holding a phone to her ear and they stare into each others eyes, with her looking like an animal caught in headlight. Not a second later, she composes herself and nods her head before pushing past him avoiding his gaze. Her greetings to Yein and Seungkwan can be heard as Jungkook once more feels his chest tightening at her reaction.

How could this happen in the span of two days?

* * * * * *

"I still think it's too short, Eonni." I tug on the skirt of the dress and earn myself a slap from Soojung.

"Don't! It will make the fabric uneven." She smooths her hand over my hair. "So pretty."

I'm not used to this, wearing a dress and looking all donned up. The dress, well tailored and long sleeved just past the elbow, the collar softly rounded, at least wasn't too revealing.
The skirt of the dress on the other hand. "Why does it look so much shorter than when I tried it on?"

"Stop tugging on the dress, ________-ah." She pulls my hand away from the gently flared out skirt and pulls me in front of her. "You look perfect, trust me."

I much preferred wearing pants. "I'm just not used to this."

"Remember, you're doing it for your friend, and if he succeeds you'll have to wear a gown." She tugs a strand of hair behind my hear.

"A gown covers everything, this..." I look down at myself. "Doesn't."

"Be quiet." Her rather commanding tone compared to her usually soft one surprises me. "You. Look. Alright. More than alright, you look stunning without standing out too much, so stop worrying. I don't even know why you are worrying. That's what are dresses are for, and showing some leg isn't too much. Your legs are nice, make them stare."
I blush because I would rather not have anyone stare but I stay still. "Also it's black, so it's chic with a hint of iness."

"I'm going to a proposal set up, I don't want to look y." The tugging starts again. "What an impression will I give off if I go meet Ahjumma's people."

"Aish, you only hear the things you want to hear." She mutters and puts her hands on my shoulders. "If someone, especially a man, has a negative impression of you judging you on your clothes then they're not men, they're scum, screw them."

Again I'm taken aback by her rather harsh words. "I've never seen you like this, Eonni."

"I'm like this because I need you to see how gorgeous you are." She sighs and tilts her head to the side. "I always thought you were confident, and I know you are. What's wrong?" Am I that easy to read?
"Is it him? Jungkook-ssi?" I open my mouth and close it again, thinking hard. "What did he do?"

At her threatening tone I get alarmed. "Nothing, really he didn't do anything. It's just I saw him earlier after successfully avoiding him these days."

"Why are you avoiding him? It's not because of me, right?"

"You don't have that much power over me." I give her an amused look.

She sighs in relief and puts a hand on her chest. "Oh, good. I thought I had turned into one of those friends in dramas."

I laugh softly and turn away to look at myself in the mirror. "Let's go before I miss the end of their lunch."

"More like very late lunch. Who has lunch this late?" Shaking her helps me gather my things to drop off at the car.

A while later, I'm alone on my way to the front entrance where Ahjumma told me to wait for their return from the restaurant across the street. But when I step out of the office, I see them standing in the the hall. Timid, I step through the door and slowly walk closer to Ahjumma but wait not wanting to interrupt them.

It gives me a chance to study the person she is talking to who I assume is also the person she wants to introduce me to.
Even in my heels he is almost a head taller than me. With a chiseled face and sharp eyes, I wonder how much older he is.
Looking at the tailored suit he is wearing, I also wonder just what kind of person he is, from afar he seems to be someone with influence. Almost in an intimidating way. Not to mention he is really good looking. Too good looking.
I'm not sure if I wanted to get involved with these people, whatever involvement it might be. Even his shoes are nice, they probably cost more than all the money I ever spent in my life.

While my eyes move back up, I realize that he too had been looking at me which makes me all warm because I had been caught. "Hello." I say trying to play it off. Ahjumma turns at my voice.

"Oh, ________-ah, I didn't know you were already here." I smile and walk closer to them, not liking how he was still looking at me. "This is Lee Hongbin, the person I wanted to introduce you to."

"Hongbinie, this is ____ ________."

Hongbin holds his hand out and I shake it. I bow a little wanting to put space between us but he holds on for a second too long. "Nice to meet you, Lee Hongbin-ssi."

"Nice to meet you, too. You can call me Oppa since I'm older." So, he is older. "I've heard a lot about you." 
My eyes wander to Ahjumma but it doesn't seem to be her. "I have a close acquaintance who you worked with in Japan. He had a good impression of you, we recently me and talked about you again."

Ahjumma excuses herself to talk to her other people still there. Hongbin's eyes are intense, not in a good way. They are calculating, almost in an arrogant way. 
"Do you mean Akio? I think he is exaggerating." I don't think it would be Minhyuk.

"To the contrary I find you quite fascinating." I'm not an animal but ok. "That's why I asked the chairwoman to introduce us."

Ah, powerful indeed. It means I have to be careful, I don't want to offend anyone who has a direct connection with Ahjumma.
"Unfortunately, I haven't heard much about you." I incline my head in mock apology, at least in my head I was mocking him.

"I quite like that, it makes me able to talk more about myself." I blink a few times at his words. Is he for real? That's so conceited.

"Shall we? I have a flight to catch but I was hoping you would accompany me to my car." He motions to the elevator and after a quick glance at Ahjumma's, I start walking keeping a distance between us. I'm really starting to hate elevators. There is just no way to escape.
"Seems like my words are quite uninteresting."

In horror, I realize that he had spoken while I was just praying for this to be over. "I'm sorry, I was distracted by something. Could you please repeat that?"

"I was initially asking you what your interests are outside of work but," suddenly he steps over to my side and towers over me with a sly smile.
I push myself as far away from him as possible and try not to glare. "Do you have a boyfriend? Or perhaps are you married?"

Frowning, I fight the urge to push him away. "That's none of your business."

"Oh, but it is since I plan to ask you out." He sounds like he was certain that I would be interested.

"I'm—" not interested, I was about to say but remember not to be too blunt with someone so influential. "You're asking the wrong person. I'm not as great as Akio has made me to be."

I hear the elevator door open, but despite my hope he still doesn't move away from me. "You intrigue me.'' That's all he says before he finally pulls away, giving me the chance to get out.

The walk over to the entrance for the employees is spent in silence. On my side it was because I didn't want to give him any more reason to find me 'intriguing'.

"You know I'm not used to having such an unresponsive companion." I'm not an expert with men but I had watched and read my fair share of dramas and books. I know where this is going.
"This is refreshing, it's a nice feeling." He proceeds to roll his shoulders and an unnerving gleam settles in his eyes. "I like you."

"We just met." I say carefully

I step back when he moves in but he follows with a wicked smile. "You're scared of me."

"No, I'm annoyed." I respond honestly having enough of his games. "I don't know you, and I don't want to get to know you. I don't care how powerful you are but I will not play any games with you."

His smile drops, but he still doesn't pull away. Leaning in to observe my face, I stand firm and look him straight in the eyes. Then after a moment, he smiles amused and thankfully steps back like any normal person would.
"I apologize, I didn't mean to come off this way. Again, I'm just not used to women being like this." I try not to roll my eyes and find patience within myself. "I'll be leaving then, I hope I didn't annoy you too much."

"No." I say curtly and spot a man coming in. "Have a safe flight." I say prompting him to leave already.

"I don't think I've ever been dismissed before, it feels different." Patience. Patience. "I apologize again. I'll be on my best behavior next time."

I had hoped for a never time again but since he was acquaintances with Ahjumma, I'll have no other choice but to be civil. "Yes, of course." 
I hold my hand out as a treaty and smile politely. Hongbin accepts my hand but instead of simply shaking it, he lifts it to his face and presses his lips to the back of my hand.

I stand there in shock and too late pull away. "Have you lost your mind?"

This time he laughs genuinely. Not a sly smirk or calculating look. Just a true entertained laugh.
"Sorry, I just had to." And then he leans close to speak into my ear. "Someone has been looking at you, I just wanted to see his reaction."

With a frown I wait till he's moved back to glance around. It doesn't take me long to see who Hongbin meant. 
Not far from where we stood, a few people had gathered in front of the auditorium, probably to chat after rehearsals, and of course the person who had to see me is Jungkook.

All I can do is blink a few times and turn my head back to Hongbin who was looking at me in curiosity. "There is something going on, isn't there?"
This time I do glare at him but keep quiet any other way which makes him laugh again.
"Alright, this time I'm really going, I need to catch my flight." This time he holds out his hand, glancing at it briefly, I don't fall for it. He chuckles.

I bow. "Good bye, Lee Hongbin-ssi."

"No 'it was nice to meet you'?"

Even after my snarky comments he was still smiling. "It was nice to meet you."

"Now, it makes me sound like I forced you to say that." My lips twitch at that. "You have a pretty smile." I make myself stop smiling immediately and step back to bow politely without saying anything.
One side of his mouth quirks up at my response and finally he turns after giving me one last sweep.

Thank god, this is over with. I don't care which country he grew up in, what culture, kissing someone's hand was too much.

I take a deep breath and after I've made sure that Hongbin was gone for good, I turn and make sure to look straight ahead. Time to wash my hands.

~ ~ ~

After washing my hands thoroughly and washing them again with some more soap, I tie my hair up in a high ponytail with a few strands framing my face, preferring that to the romantic waves falling off my shoulders
I take a few breaths to try and digest what just happened with Hongbin. Never in my life have I ever been treated like that. And I have a feeling that this was only the beginning.

Checking my watch to make sure that I'm still on time, I pull on the handle to reveal someone standing with their back to the ladies room. It only a glance to know who that back belonged to.
Hearing the sound of my heels against the floor, Jungkook turns and my breathing hitches. I don't think I'll ever get used to the depth in his eyes.

We stand there for a second just looking into each others eyes. I had been able to avoid him earlier but that was only because we weren't alone. But this time, I don't even want to. I want to take this moment to really look at him and treasure him who always makes me feel so lucky to have his undivided attention.

Then after a long moment, Jungkook is the one to drop his head first simultaneously pulling something out of his pocket.
"You dropped this is my car." I move closer to see better. "I didn't know you still had it."
In his palm lay a round embroidered compact mirror, a butterfly laced with gold detailing. Something I had bought with him at the amusement park when I had paid him a surprise visit in Japan.

I nod not knowing what else to say because I had thrown nothing away. Everything was neatly stocked away just like the rest of my things that I hadn't had the heart to throw out. The symbolized different phases of my life.
I watch him stare at the compact for a good minute before he looks up, eyes meeting mine. I wonder what he's thinking right now.
He reaches out to take my hand and places it into my palm. His fingers still feel as soft as I remembered.

"Thank you." I brush my thumb over the butterfly as my fingers close over the compact protectively. I know that he is looking at me but I just can't make myself do the same.

"________." Here it comes.

"Yes."

"Did something... happen after you got out of the car?" So he wasn't going to call me out on avoiding him. "Did you have an encounter with any more fans?"

"No, nothing happened." I peek at him quickly, avoiding his gaze isn't easy when we're basically eye to eye.

"That's good to hear." Nodding my head, I look at anything but him. My lips pressed tight, I fight the urge to play with my hair out of habit when I'm uncomfortable. "But something is still wrong, you're avoiding me."

I squeeze my eyes tight at the upset tone. When he takes a step closer, I look up and am surprised to see something like desperation in his eyes. I glance behind him, worried that someone will hear.
Seeing that, Jungkook looks over his shoulder too and sighs. Then without warning he takes my hand and pulls me along, not fast enough to make me trip but urgent enough to make me know that he was getting impatient.

Walking across the hall, he enters my classroom, even going as far as closing the door after he has pulled me in. But then he seems to think it over and opens it a bit and I know it's because he doesn't want to scare me.

"That's the thing isn't it?" Jungkook begins. "It's the same thing as before."

I swallow down the lump that was forming in my throat. This is going to hurt him. "Yes, and I realize that no matter how much time passes, it will never change."

"________-ah..." Why does it sound like he's pleading?

Pulling my hand out if his, I look at him warily. "No matter how careful we are, there will always be the risk that people will misunderstand." I grasp my own hand to stop them from fidgeting. "I don't want anyone to get hurt again because of me."
The lump in my throat gets bigger as the feeling of seeing Lee struggle after the incident takes over. Tears well up because there had been nothing I could do, nothing that would make her better again. Even now I still feel shame and guilt.
My vision is blurry, and I turn away from him, not wanting him to see the tears. It's not my intention to make him feel like it's his fault because it isn't, I just need him to understand that there will always be that fear.

"________-ie," I sob involuntarily when he uses that endearment and shake my head when he appears in front of me wanting to pull me into his arms. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

It sounds like he was apologizing for all the things that he didn't get to in the past and that makes me feel even more upset because he shouldn't have to.
For a moment I just let him hug me and let him comfort me, giving into his care. 
There is nothing else in this world that can replace the heart fluttering feeling of being embraced by him. Just one last time.

After a moment, I pull back. "It's not your fault, you shouldn't apologize. This is something no one can control."

"Still," Jungkook his head to the side with a sad smile and tired eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too." I blink away the rest of my tears and just stand there, not knowing how to proceed from there.

I tense up when he leans in again, this time only to put a hand on top of my head, with a smile that is meant to lift the mood. "Don't cry anymore, ________. I promised myself to never make you cry again."
My eyes take in his features. Just one last time. He ruffles the top of my head ever so slightly. "Take care."

It seems like we are having the goodbye we never got to have.

"You, too, Oppa."

Sighing lowly, Jungkook pulls back and steps over to the door but halts before turning around. "________."

"Yes?" I say weakly, hating this even though it was my doing. Maybe that's exactly the reason why it hurts.

"You look beautiful today." My lips part at his sudden compliment. Butterflies spread their wings as he smiles softly and leaves just like that.

The sweet feeling is short lived as I sit down at my desk and realization settles in. This seems like the break up all over again, just this time he doesn't end up punching the glass and I don't end up almost collapsing.
Nonetheless it is the same result, and the bitter sensation it leaves behind doesn't feel any more bearable the second time.

I put my head in my hands and remember the compact that I had been holding this whole time. So many memories that I should be throwing away, that I should be getting rid off.

I sigh and rub a fist over my chest in hopes to ease the pressure before looking at my watch. Enough of my complicated life, time for me to make my best friend the happiest girl in the world.



— — —
hello hello! I meant to post this yesterday but then I started to watch the epilogue dvd and cried and was so exhausted from being emotional that I lied down and felt way too comfortable to get back up lol

omg this morning I got up to get some info on ordering the albums when a black screen with reboot saved data shows up and I swear my life flashed in front of me as I remembered the choice I made of not saving the date an an external drive.... but it turns out it was only because sth went wrong during hibernate mode and that all my data is save puuh... my soul left me orz

the album omg, I really have no idea what to expect, what concept it is because they said it's really really good and i'm just here like ??? FIRE WAS GOOD AND BST WAS GOOD WHAT MUCH MORE 'GOOD' CAN IT GET?
since my usual go person isn't doing one this time, I had to do some homework on where to get it best and luckily I found someone who still let's me choose a preferred pc with all the perks that bighit provides and no EMS akldaksdjasd I've never been so happy to see ''EMS free'' ;;;

I do hope we get some teaser pics tomorrow....