INSOO

Her eyes filled with tears as she covered , I looked down at me shoes not exactly sure what to say.

"I'm so sorry," she choked out.
 

***
 

JIYEON

I woke up squinting at the light shining through the crack in the curtains, my head felt like and entire orchestra was plying a symphony right behind my eyes. The minute I stood up I was almost sick, this has got to be the worst hangover i have ever had. It took a moment for me to recall why I'd drunk so much, once I remembered I didn't know what I felt more sick from.

I couldn't remember a thing past my third drink, I had flashes or images of things that I wasn't sure if I'd dreamt, made up, or had actually happened. I sighed dragging myself out of bed, I had to steady myself for a moment so I didn't throw up.

Slowly, I made my way out of the room and down the stairs, I was thankful that the house was pretty quiet this morning. There was the sound of the T.V and some conversion coming from the dinning room but mostly the noise level was low.

I poked my head into the dinning room, where Gunwoo and JunQ were eating. Insoo wasn't in there. He also wasn't in the lounge room where Chaejin was watching a reality program.

"Holy crap, you look horrible," Seyong frowned at me, he was standing in the kitchen attempting to make himself some food. I don't see how it was going to taste any good.

"No wonder Insoo left in a grumpy mood, he clearly didn't get laid last night. It's probably a good thing, it would have given him nightmares," Seyong gave me disgusted look that matched the way I felt.

"Where 's Insoo?" I sighed.

"He left for practice early, probably to avoid your face,"

"Do you know why he was grumpy?"

"No, all I know is he's been grumpy since last night but he showered and went to bed, then got up and left before I had a chance to ask him what was up his ," he shrugged

Why would he be grumpy? A cold wave raced through me followed by fear. I didn't tell him last night did I? I mean I'm going to tell him but telling him drunk and not even remembering what I've said? He doesn't deserve that.

"Oh good, you're already up I though I was going to have to leave a note," Eunji beamed wondering into the kitchen, she rummaged through draws and filled a glass with water before handing it to me along with two little white pills.

"Insoo said to give these to you when you woke up, to help with the hangover. I would have made you hangover soup but I got up late," she smiled.

"Did he seem mad to you?"

"No, well, he was kind of moody. He didn't even smile, he just asked me to make sure you got those then he left, did you guys have a fight?"

"I honestly don't remember," I shrugged.

"Maybe you should call him? I'm off before I'm actually late, I'll see you this afternoon?"

"Probably," I nodded.

"Okay, I'll see you then," she smiled before rushing out the door.

I felt my back pockets for my phone but it wasn't there, I sighed making my way back up the stair case, slowly. If my phone wasn't in my back pocket then it had to be in my bag or next to my bed. It wasn't next to my bed and I couldn't find my bag. I hadn't left it at the bar, had I?

Stairs really weren't made to be hangover friendly, I was almost sick on the way back down. I lent against the wall at the foot of the stairs for a moment before continuing through to the lounge room.

"Can I borrow your phone?" I sighed standing in front of Seyong.

"What? No, use your own,"

"I can't find mine,"

"That's not my problem," he shrugged.

"Can you not be an for five seconds and let me borrow your phone?"

"Why?"

"So I can call Insoo,"

"Say please," he smirked,

"What?"

"Say please and I'll let you use my phone,"

"Can you please not be an for five seconds and let me borrow your phone?" he frowned at me but handed me his phone anyway.

"Just speed dial number 2," he muttered.

It rang, and rang, and continued ringing until it went to voicemail. Why wasn't he answering? I tried again but it still went to voice mail. Why isn't he answering Seyong? He always answers if it's Seyong, it could be 4 in the morning and still he answers. Maybe I did tell him? How mad would he have to be to not answer his phone? I've never actually seen him mad before, he's always happy.

"Here, he's not answering," I sighed handing Seyong his phone back.

"What do you mean he's not answering?" he frowned. Even he thinks it's weird.

"I mean he's not answering,"

"What kind of fight did you two have?"

"I don't remember,"

"That's what happens when you drink too much,"

"I don't need a lecture from a hypocritical playboy," I muttered glaring at him.
 

***
 

I paced back and forth in the lounge room, the entire house was silent since everyone had left hours ago, Seyong had tried to ring Insoo a few times but he still wouldn't answer. I've been going over every possible scenario in my head and all of them end in him leaving me. I can't loose him, I seriously don't know what I'd do if he left me. To be honest I'm not even sure how official we are but I know how I feel about him, and even though I'm not sure I could actually say it out loud yet or even think the word, it doesn't mean I don't feel that way.

INSOO

"Okay, what is up your ?" Seyong frowned at me while we were eating lunch, I don't even know how long I'd been dancing before they got here but I still didn't feel any better.

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"It's cute that you think you can lie to me and I'd believe it," he raised an eyebrow.

"What'd Jiyeon do?" he asked when I didn't reply.

"Nothing, why would you think it's her fault?"

"She seems to think it is, she was acting weird all morning especially after you didn't answer your phone,"

"My phone's in her bag which she left at the studio yesterday," why would she think I was mad at her?

"So why are you grumpy then?"

"Can we talk about it later?"

"No,"

"Fine," I sighed when I realized he wasn't going to leave me alone until I told him.

"I went to Jiyeon's shoot yesterday and everything seemed fine. This one guy she's in the group with, Ha Min, he has a serious thing for her. Like he glares at me and gives me the cold shoulder which is fine, whatever, I'm not worried about some twig. But apparently he's been hitting on Jiyeon and insisting they should sleep together,"

"Okay, so why are you grumpy? It's not like she's going to put up with it,"

"That's the thing though, somehow he managed to push her so far she actual broke down and cried, and what's so frustrating is that I don't understand how he could have pushed her to a point in which she would cry, not just once but twice,"

"Jiyeon cried?" he gave me a strange look.

"The first time I didn't even know about it until one of her friends told me, though he was reluctant to do so. The second time was after she gotten so drunk she could barely walk, she threw up on my shoes while I was helping her outside, she apologized and then cried for like half an hour. What the hell did he do to not only have her drink so much but also cry? I mean she's Jiyeon, it's not like she cries over nothing, I didn't even know she was capable of crying before yesterday,"

"What did you do to the guy?"

"Threatened to break his hands and he quit," I shrugged.

"That's all?"

"What did you expect me to do, they were in the middle of a project that's important for her,"

"Do you want me to do it?" he offered.

"I haven't need you to fight my battles for me since I was a kid,"

"How was Jiyeon this morning?"

"Hungover," he shrugged.

"She wasn't upset or anything?"

"She came down the stairs, asked where you were, frowned when I told her, Eunji gave her painkillers, she went back upstairs, came back down stairs asked to borrow my phone, tried to ring you and then got mopey when you didn't answer," he shrugged again.

JIYEON

I was pacing in the room when Eunji got home, she frowned at me when she walked in.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded

"You're pacing," she raise an eyebrow.

"I was just stretching my legs,"

"Did you ring Insoo?"

"He didn't answer," I shrugged.

"Oh, Young Pyo gave me this to give to you. Apparently you left it on the lounge last night," she handed me my bag.

"How did Young Pyo find you?" I frowned.

"I rang your phone and he answered, he said you'd left it behind last night and that he's tried to get it back to you but you'd already gone,"

"Oh,"

I searched through my bag for my phone but pulled Insoo's out instead. That explains why he wasn't answering calls but it didn't not explain why he'd left grumpy this morning. Would he have answered my calls if he'd had his phone? What had happened last night?

"Do you know what time they were suppose to be getting home?"

"They normally get back between 6 and 8?" she shrugged. I looked aver at the clock; 4:30 p.m.

What was I suppose to do for two to four hours?

"I'm going for a walk," I sighed.

"Ji, are you sure you're okay?" she bit her bottom lip frowning,

"I just need some air,"I nodded.

"Ji," she sighed.

"I'm fine, really," I patted her shoulder.
 

***
 

"Oh you're home," Eunji frowned at me, when I walked into the kitchen.

"I only went for a walk,"

"Almost three hours ago," she nodded looking concerned.

"Yeah I sat and had something to eat," I lied, I honestly hadn't even realized I'd been gone that long I thought I'd just walked around the block a few times, clearly I'd walked a lot more than I thought. But I didn't want her to worry over nothing so it was better to just tell her that.

"Okay, well I attempted a soup, it's not very good though," she shrugged.

"What smells so good?" JunQ asked walking in, one by one the boys walked in the front door.

"I made soup, it's in the pot on the stove and the rice is already in bowls on the bench," Eunji said walking past as Seyong walked in, I expected Insoo behind him but he closed the door instead.

"Where's Insoo?"

"He said he had to do something," Seyong shrugged.

I'm going to go crazy.

"Do you know what?"

"I have no idea," he dumped his bag down next to the door before going through to the kitchen where everyone else was already helping themselves to the soup Eunji had made.

I sat down on the stairs and waited for him without ever realizing I was doing so. What am I suppose to say to him when he walks in that door? Do I automatically apologize? And what if he doesn't know and I tell him right there and then? How well will that work out?

It was almost two hours after the group got home that he finally arrived, I was sitting on the lounge trying to distract myself. It wasn't working. I felt every minute. Everyone else had gone upstairs, apparently the boys were pretty exhausted and Eunji had to study.

"How are you feeling?" he asked without looking at me, he placed his bag down in front of the counted.

I felt like my stomach was in my throat, and I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I didn't trust myself to talk so I just nodded.

"Do want to talk about last night?" he made is way over to the lounge.

"Uh, what about last night?" I bit the inside of my cheek.

"You said you had something to tell me,"

"And?" I frowned, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"And then you threw up all over my shoes,"

"What?"

"You don't remember?"

"No,"

"Well you got really drunk, I took you outside to get some air, you stopped me saying you had to tell me something then you threw up all over my shoes,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Why did you tell me sooner?" he sighed, I froze once more.

"Tell you what?"

"That Ha Min had been harassing you? I mean I understand you can handle your own problems but I wish you'd have told me before he cause you to have a breakdown,"

"I didn't have a breakdown?"

"You weren't yourself at the shoot and when you apologized for being sick you cried almost the entire way here," he gave me a concerned look.

"I, he just caught me on a bad day. I'm a little stressed about all the exams coming up," I lied, In hindsight this was probably the best time to tell him but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"I just don't like knowing that he's the reason you cried," I didn't know what to say.

"Do you remember what it is you wanted to tell me," he asked, this is it, this is the time to tell him. At least that what a voice in the back of my head kept telling me and it was right, but instead of listening I responded with.

"No, I can't remember anything from last night,"

"Okay," he shrugged it off.

"Oh, we need to get your bag from the studio. It's got our phones and your apartment keys in it,"

"Yeah," I cleared my throat.

"Young Pyo got it to Eunji, it's in my room," 
 

***
 

I look like complete crap, I thought as I stared m at my reflection while Young Pyo did my hair and make up. I hadn't slept the night before, I couldn't, I was too busy arguing with myself about not telling Insoo. There was a prime opportunity to tell him and instead I lied straight to his face, again.

Maybe I should just wait until I find out how serious this condition is, I mean the doctor said the early stages, so maybe I should just wait to see how effective the treatment is before I tell him. There's no point in upsetting him right now, I mean they're on the verge of debut, and he's worked so hard. Who am I to ruin that?

What am I doing? I'm just looking for excuses, I have to tell him.

"All done,"

"I'll go get Su Min," Young Pyo patted my shoulder.

He'd asked me if I was okay several times today, I guested he was who's told Insoo about Hymen, I wasn't mad at him though, more thankful. Insoo thinking Hymen was what had upset me gave me more time to figured out just how to tell him the truth.

Su Min came in and handed me my outfit then left, I got changed into the white long sleeved turtle neck and short black short. The heels that she had me wear echoed as I walked across the garage to where Ho Jun had set up the scene. He had Roo placed were where I'd be standing so he could set the flash settings.

"Okay, pretty easy today, nothing to complicated. I just want a y and simple expression," Ho Jun directed as I got into position.

Insoo was standing behind Ho Jun he entire day giving me a supportive smile, when he wasn't asking Ho Jun if he could have a copy of this shoot's photos.

I don't understand how I even ended up with Insoo, he's nothing like the guys I normally attract or are attracted too. He was in the bar, just some guy out for a good time, but now. Now he's sweet and supportive and dependable and that in itself scares me. Not to mention the way I feel about him and the fact I'm becoming dependable on him. Not in the 'where are you? What are you doing?' kind of way. More of an I kind of expect him to be there when I wake up. Whenever I get bored or want to talk to someone I call him, that kind of way and I've never been like that before. The closest I've ever been with a male is Gunwoo.

I need to tell him, but I don't know if I can.
 

***
 

"Do you want to get something to eat before we go home?" Insoo asked once I'd changed and gotten my things.

"Okay," I nodded.

"What do you want?" he linked his arm thought mine lacing out fingers together.

"I don't mind," I shrugged.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah,"

"You still seem a little off,"

"I just have a lot of studying to do, I'll probably stay at my apartment all week,"

"I'll stay with you if you like,"

"You're kind of a distraction, and I should really focus," I gave him and apologetic look.

"Oh, well let's enjoy some lunch then," he sounded disappointed.

"Okay,"

We made our way down the sidewalk toward a small cafe we normally go too, now is the time to tell him. You're sober and no one else is here. Tell him.

I kept telling myself this even after we'd sat down and ordered something to eat, I continued telling myself while we ate and he was nothing but lovely to me like he always is. I was still trying to convince myself to tell him as he walked me back to my apartment and told me he'd call me later. I tried to tell him but every time I opened my mouth different words came out.

Honestly, I wanted to tell him, I did and I know he has the right to know and I didn't want to keep it from him. But after yesterday, worrying that he was going to leave me, sacred that we could be over... I'm not sure I can bring myself to do it. I was too frightened of loosing him.