JIYEON

I woke up to a cramping pain in my abdomen and throbbing in my lower back. It's not like it's the first time it's happened. I've been to the doctor about it and he said it was normal in early pregnancy. I sighed rolling out of bed, the second I stood up straight the pain got worse and moved to my pelvic area. That hadn't happened before. I slowly made my way to the kitchen where I kept my painkillers. I should really put them next to my bed. I took two and walked back to bed, as I climbed back into the bed I noticed the red patches.

Panic rose in my throat and I reached for my phone to call a taxi. I got dressed while I waited for it to arrive. I was just overreacting or being paranoid, right? I tried to convince myself it was nothing but in the back of my head I already knew what was happening.
 

***
 

I sat there while the doctor told me what I'd already figured out; I'd lost the baby.

"You need to remember it was nothing you did or didn't do, you are not to blame for this. The hospital does offer counseling for those who need it or are having a hard time coping with what has happened,"

"I don't need counseling," I said flatly, I felt completely numb.

"If you change your mind just call reception and they will make you an appointment,"

"Okay, is that it then?"

"No, ah, this isn't exactly an ideal time but your test results have come back," he rubbed the back of his neck.

"And?"

"You appear to be in the early staged of Endometriosis,"

"Which is?"

"It's a condition in which the tissue that would normally line the inside of the womb actually grows on the outside. This can cause scaring to form on the uterus and can affect your ovaries, Fallopian tubes, and bowels. It can also reduce fertility or result in infertility if not treated,"

"Treated how?"

"There are a few ways, medication, surgery,"

"I'm not having surgery,"

"We don't have to discuss this right now, take a few days to rest, surround yourself with family, let your body heal and then you can come back in and we'll determine the best course of treatment," he explained.

"Okay,"

I left his office once he'd given me an information sheet. I honestly didn't know how to feel right now, I'd just lost a baby no one but me knew about, then was told I have a condition that could potentially stop me from having children. Was the condition the reason I lost the baby?

My phone began to buzz in my pocket, I pulled it out to read 'Insoo' flashing across the screen.

"Hello,"

"Hey. What time was your shoot today? Do you want me to pick you up?" His voice filled the receiver.

"No, that's okay. I'm already out and it's at 1 in the same place as the first one,"

"What are you up too until then?"

"I'm going to get some studying done,"

"Okay, I'll meet you at the shoot then," I could practically see the smile on his face.

"Okay,"
 

***
 

I sat there in the library staring at the pages of the text book in front of me but I couldn't actually concentrate on studying. How was I suppose to concentrate on anything right now? How was I suppose to face him? How am I suppose to tell him this? He didn't even know I was pregnant and now I have to tell him I lost it too? How mad was he going to be? Would he even get mad? Or would he just leave?

There was no way he was just going to brush it off, I'd known for four out of the six weeks I'd been pregnant. That's an entire month, and I didn't tell anyone, I didn't tell him. The numbness was slowly replaced with guilt. What am I suppose to do?

I pulled the information sheet out of my back and stared at it, I tried to read through it but my brain wouldn't process the words, it was too busy thinking up the different scenarios of telling Insoo. None of them end well.

I looked at the time; 12:55. I sighed closing the book sliding it back into my bag leaving the library and walking down the street to the studio.

"Hey, where have you been?" Su Min asked when I walked into the studio.

"I'm only five minutes late, Ho Jun hasn't even set up yet," I sighed dropping my bag on the lounge nodding over to Ho Jun who was plugging in the lights.

"Young Pyo is already in the changing room getting ready to do your hair and make up, your first outfit is hanging up in the dressing room," I looked around the room expecting to see Insoo but he wasn't here, maybe he was with Young Pyo.

"Okay," I made my way through to the changing room where Young Pyo was pulling things from the top draw.

"Hey," he smiled when he saw me.

"Hey," I attempted to smile back.

"Take a seat,"

Insoo wasn't in here either. Maybe he wont come? Maybe he had rehearsal he'd forgotten about or Seyong wanted to do something? Now I felt guilt for hoping he wouldn't come.

I sat down and he clipped my hair into section to make it easier to style. He'd finished the bottom half by the time Insoo arrived, he was carrying two plastic bags and a try of cups.

"Sorry I'm late, I though I'd buy some snacks and drinks," he smiled placing the bags next to my chair and handing me a cup of what smelt like coffee.

"Coffee, Tea, or hot chocolate?" he turned to Young Pyo.

"Hot chocolate,"

"Thank you," he smiled when Insoo place the cup down in front of him.

"I'll be back, there are snacks in there if you want them," he patted my shoulder, my stomach twisted.

"Oh, you might want to make sure Su Mn gets coffee or she might just kill you," Young Pyo smirked.

"Good to know," Insoo left the room.

The guilt only got worse, would he be like this if he knew what I'd done? If he knew I might not be able to have children? I've seen him around kids, there is no way he doesn't want to be a father. Will he stay with me if I can't have children?

"Hey hottie, have you seen these yet?" Hymen entered the room with a box full of flyers

"Don't call me that," I rolled my eyes.

"I'll pretend you actually mean that, take a look," he handed me a flyer after pulling it from the box he'd place on the chair next to me.

"I had a lot of fun going through your photos from the last shoot, I think they turned out well," he winked.

"You better not have kept them,"

"Oh, I didn't think of that. Do you think Ho Jun will give me the USB back?"

I sighed looking down at the flyer, down the left were four photos of myself in a Polaroid form, they had turned out really well but that had nothing to do with Hymen, that was all Ho Jun's work. Down the right was all the information about the event. It was a nice flyer I guess.

"It looks good," Young Pyo stated when I didn't say anything.

"I thought so, we should go to dinner after the shoot," the offer was directed at me.

"That's a great idea, I'm sure we'll all be hungry after," Young Pyo nodded.

"I was meaning just,"

"I know what you meant," Young Pyo cut him off, Hymen frowned and went to speak but stopped when Insoo re-entered the room.

"Hey, I brought drinks but there's only tea left," he offered Hymen a cup.

"I don't drink tea," Hymen replied flatly. Liar.

"Just put it on the bench, someone will drink it," I attempted to smile at him through the mirror.

This wasn't exactly the time or place to tell him and if I acted the way I felt he would want to know what was wrong so it's better if I just fake my way through the shoot and appear as if nothing is wrong. Then I will tell him later, when it's just the two of us.

"You look amazing by the way," Insoo responded as he did what I'd suggested, I just nodded not trusting myself to speak. The lump in my throat kept threatening to escape.

"She hasn't even had her make-up done yet," Hymen frowned.

"So? Some people don't need make-up to look good," Insoo frowned back.

"So, Ha Min was just saying that we should go to dinner after the shoot," Young Pyo interjected.

"Will we have time?" Insoo asked.

"We don't have to go," I assured him.

"We can go,"

"You have practice tomorrow," I raised an eyebrow.

"Well yeah, but we can still go,"

"Who's going where?" Su Min asked entering the room.

"Ha Min suggested dinner, Insoo was concerned we wont have time," I stated giving her a look through the mirror.

"We probably wont have time seeing as we have a location shoot after this one, why don't we all go to dinner after the runway?"

"Or we could talk about this later, we only have the studio for a limited amount of time," Ho Jun frowned entering the room behind her.

"How long can it take to snap a few photos?" Hymen frowned.

"Snap a few photos?" Ho Jun looked offended.

"You need to consider how much time it takes to change outfit concept, how long does it take to cut and paste a few photos and write a few lines?" he continued.

"I agree with Ho Jun we should just get this shoot done before worrying about dinner," Young Pyo tried to ease the tension.
 

***
 

I stood in the dressing room for a while just thinking, trying to figure out how to tell him, what to tell him. This probably wasn't the best time to be thinking about it but I couldn't just keep lying to him anymore, he deserved to know.

"Ji? Are you okay in there?" his voice came from the other side of the curtain.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I tried to keep my voice normal but it was difficult when I felt like I was suffocating in guilt.

"You've been in there for almost fifteen minutes," had I?

"I'll be out in a second,"

I sighed getting changed out of the jeans and white button down shirt, and into the black pinstriped play suit with stockings that Su Min had hung up for me.

"Took you long enough." Su Min handed me a black jacket as I walked out of the dressing room.

"Here put these on too," she held up a tray of jewellery.

"And your shoes are there but there's no point putting any of this on until Young Pyo's done you're hair which you should have gotten done before you got changed," she sighed.

"Okay," I nodded

"What? No sarcastic comment? What's wrong with you today?" she frowned at me.

"Nothing,"

"Right," she raised and eyebrow.

"I'm just tired Su," I sighed.

"Okay, well, sit down and I'll tell Young Pyo you're ready," she left the room.

I stared at myself in the mirror. What am I doing? I wanted to go home and hide in my bed but I couldn't. I didn't want to tell Insoo, but I had to. This wasn't suppose to happen, but it did. I really just wanted to scream. Shouldn't I be crying or upset? Why was the only thing I was capable of feeling right now guilt?

"Here," Insoo appeared next to me with a fresh cup of coffee.

"Thanks," I tried to smile at him.

"If you're not feeling up to it, can't you just reschedule?" he asked looking concerned which only made me feel worse.

"We have a limited time frame, it's better to get it all done now," I took a sip of coffee in an attempt to avoid his eyes.

"Just don't over work yourself," he rested his hand on my shoulder and kissed the top of my head, the guilt that washed through me made me want to throw up.

How am I suppose to tell him?

"Let's get this done so Su stops stressing herself out," Young Pyo sighed entering the room.

"Why's she stressing out?" Insoo frowned.

"She's worried we wont get this done in time,"

"She always worries and she always gets it done with plenty of time to spare," I tried to keep my eyes focused on Young Pyo instead of looking at Insoo.

"I still wish she wouldn't get all worked up over nothing, she'll make herself sick,"

"She'll be fine," I assured him.

"I'll get out of way so you can get this done," Insoo smiled.

"Do you need anything?" he asked before he left.

"No thank you," I gave him a small smile.

He let my hair down and did some quick re-styling, lessened my make-up and sent me out to Su Min who checked over my outfit. She changed the necklace and then past me over to Ho Jun who directed me to the set he'd arranged with the help of Roo.

"Sit there," he directed pointing at the white fluffy mat place on the floor in front of a brown backdrop.

I draped the jacket over my shoulders and sat down, I was glad I didn't have to stand in these boots. Insoo stood behind Ho Jun and watched as he directed me so he could get the right shots. I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying though, I was too busy watching Insoo. He was so content and happy to just stand there all day and watch me. Why?

He was just suppose to be one of my flings in a club, we were never suppose to see each other again let alone live together. We definitely weren't suppose to start dating, and I wasn't suppose to feel the way I do about him. None of this should of happened, if it hadn't I wouldn't be sitting here feeling so extremely guilty while he basically runs around making sure I have everything I want or need.

"Jiyeon?" Ho Jun waved his hand at me.

"What?"

"Can you put on a y face rather than giving me a blank stare?" he frowned at me.

"How y?" I attempted t be witty to hide the fact I was staring off into space.

"Equivalent to him taking his shirt off and standing in front of you," he pointed at Insoo, any other time it probably would have helped but it just made me feel worse.

I tried to do what he asked but I had a feeling that my expression was still blank.

"Mouth open slightly, shoulders back, hands down and relax a little," he began directing me.
 

***
 

"Okay, go get change," Su Min stated,

I felt extremely uncomfortable standing around in the outfit for this shoot, it was basically underwear. On any other given day it wouldn't have fazed me but Hymen's stare was making me uneasy and the look Insoo was giving me made me feel vulnerable and exposed.

"Into what?"

"It's already hanging up, we only have two outfits left until we can move on to the location shoot,"

"Okay,"

"I'm hungry," Roo pouted.

"Me too," Young Pyo nodded.

"While you get changed I might go down and get some dinner for everyone," Insoo came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist.

"You don't have to do that,"I let myself enjoy his warmth for a moment until the guilt became too much.

"Everyone's hungry and I'm just standing around, is there anything you want in particular?"

"I'm fine with whatever," I shrugged.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm going to get changed, it's kind of cold," I moved away from him.

"Here," he offered me his jacket.

"It's colder outside and I'm about to get changed anyway,"

"Okay, I'll be back soon," he smiled

Insoo left with Roo to get everyone dinner, the minute he left I made my way straight to the dressing room. I felt like I couldn't breathe, the guilt was weight down on me and the fear of what will happen made my chest tighten. How was I suppose to tell him this? How do you even begin to tell someone that you not only neglected to tell them you were pregnant but also lost the baby too?

I closed the door behind me and lent against the wall next too it. I closed my eyes and tried to ease the tightness in my chest before he got back, or at least get a better hold over myself. It had never been this hard to pretend I was okay before. Honestly it's normally pretty easy, smile here, sarcastic comment there and no one knew the wiser, but today I didn't have the energy, I was completely drained and the guilt and worry that I felt was almost unbearable.

"Hey," I heard Hymen's voice as he entered the room, I opened my eyes to see a smirk spread across his face.

"What do you want?" I sighed trying to compose myself.

"You know what I want," he winked, I registered that I was basically standing in my underwear and suddenly felt extremely exposed.

"And seeing as your boy toy just left, I think we have time,"

"I'm not sleeping with you," I rolled my eyes.

"Really? Because I think you will," he was standing in front of me, his hands against the wall on either side of my head.

"I know you want me," he murmured in my ear.

"I think you're diluted, now move," I glared at me.

"You're just in denial," he pressed himself closer to me.

"Move," I pushed him away.

He barely budged though, his hands found their way to my waist and he pressed me back against the wall. His hands were cold on my skin, I was seriously regretting not taking Insoo's jacket.

"You and I both know you want me, and I want you. So why not just do it? Do you honestly think that guy can give you what I could? He doesn't know you, I know you, and I know what you like," his body was so close to mine they touched when we breathed in.

For a split second I thought about it. had always been a coping method for me. If I was stressed or upset, I would go out to a club get drunk and hook up with some guy, and whatever I was feeling eased away. The guilt was too much for me and I felt too guilty to sleep with Insoo right now so for a split second, I actually considered sleeping with Hymen, and even though it was only for a fraction of the second, even though it was barely a thought, I still felt as guilty as if I'd actually done it.

"How would you know what I like?" I pushed him harder this time.

"We've never been together, we will never be together. I don't know what kind of crazy fantasies or weird stories you've played out in your head, but they will never be more than in your head. So stop insinuating you have any idea what I like or that you know what you're doing when we all know you're still a ,"

"You could always changed that,"

I could feel a lump in my throat rising, I was biting my tongue to avoid shedding any tears.

"I need to get changed, get out,"

"I can always stay," he smirked as his phone started ringing.

"Saved by the phone," he sighed leaving the room.

I locked the door behind him and attempted to go get changed, but the minute I went to take a step I felt like the entire room collapsed on top of me. I sunk to the ground and the tears started to fall. I tried to pull myself together but all I could do was cry into my hands.

I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, I froze thinking it was Insoo. How was I suppose to explain this? I quickly composed myself and looked up to Young Pyo's frowning at me with nothing but concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked quiet.

"I'm fine, I was just," I tried to think of an excuse.

"I've been here the whole time Ji, I heard," I just nodded, I'd rather him think that I was upset because I let Hymen get to me rather than tell him the truth.

"Do you want me to beat him up?" he tried to joke, it's not like he couldn't fight if he wanted too but he was more like Ricky in that retrospect.

"No, I'm okay can you just keep this to yourself?

"Let me fix your make up," he nodded.

INSOO

Ho Jun seemed to have to direct her a lot more after everyone had eaten, I'd asked her what was wrong but she just continued to tell me she was just tired. I'm not sure if she honestly expected me to believe that but I didn't push the issue she seemed to have enough stress right now and if she wanted to talk to be about it she would.

"Hey," Young Pyo walked up next to me.

"Hey,"

"She's pretty good at this huh?" he nodded to Jiyeon.

"Yeah, I doesn't seem like it right now, somethings up with her," I sighed, he pulled a face.

"Do you know what's wrong with her?"

"Uh," he frowned contemplating.

"Ha Min upset her,"

"Ha Min? How?"

"He got  little hands on with her when you went to get dinner,"

"Did he do anything?" I raised any eyebrow.

"Nothing like that, he just kind of flirted and insinuated they should sleep together,  Jiyeon pushed him away,  normally she just has some sarcastic comment to him but I guess the stress or something got to her. I've never seen her actually cry before,"

"She cried?"

"Don't tell her I told you," he frowned.

"She won't know I know," I assured him.

"Will you excuse me for a moment," he just nodded.

Hymen was standing in the back of the room watching Jiyeon extremely closely, honestly I don't blame him, she was biting into a pomegranate. I'll need to remember to ask Ho Jun for a copy of that one. But that doesn't mean I'm happy with the fact he doesn't seem to be backing off. I've never even heard of Jiyeon crying before and he managed to upset her to such a point? I can't be okay with that.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Why?" he frowned at me.

"I'm going to go stand outside those doors, if you're not out there within the next minute I'll drag you out there,"

I made my way outside, Ha Min followed behind me.

"What?" he rolled his eyes in an attempt to act tough, I seen right through him.

I let my anger get the better of me and I grabbed him by the collar and pushed him up against the wall.

"What's you're problem?" he frowned at me,

"Let me make this abundantly clear for you because you don't seem to be getting it, Jiyeon is in no way, shape, or form interested in you. As of this point you do not get to aimlessly flirt with her or insinuate that she should sleep with you and if I hear that you've even thought about touching her again I will break your hands. I'm not sure how easy graphic design will be with casts on, so if you want to continue with your study and career path, you keep your distance from her. Oh, and if I find out that you've made her cry again, I'll break more than just your hands, do I make myself clear?" he just stared at me in shock,

"Do I make myself clear?" I repeated through clenched teeth.

"Yes," he choked out.

"Good," I let him go and wondered back inside.

"Okay, last outfit," Su Min yelled as I walked back through,

It wasn't long after that that she got all worked up when Ha Min told he he quit, had I gone a little too far?

"You can't just quit, we barely have any time left," she frowned at him.

"Does this have anything to do with you?" Young Pyo asked a small smirked forming.

"This isn't going to mess with your project is it?"

"No, he's already done his work, the only thing left was to hand the flyers out but we're quite capable, don't worry about it,"

"Su Min looks mad though,"

"She has a habit of getting worked up over small things," 
 

***
 

"I think we should get some fresh air," I frowned at Jiyeon who was swaying in her seat.

After Ha Min quit and the last outfit had been shot, no one was really in the mood nor did they have the energy to go to the location shoot so they were going to shoot that in two days. Jiyeon had wanted to get something to eat, or so she said. Somehow we ended up in a bar, I guess the stress had really got to her, or maybe it was Ha Min, either way she'd started drinking and hadn't stopped. It was a little weird if you ask me, she hadn't had a drink in over a month and now she was so drunk she could hardly stand.

"Just one more drink," she murmured, it was barely audible, the only reason I knew what she was saying was because she'd been saying the same thing for the past hour.

"You can take your drink with you outside to get some air," I helped her to her feet and we made our way outside.

"Wait, stop," she frowned but we were outside already.

"What?"

"I have to tell you something,"