CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO: The Heart's Impulse

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Hyejung raced along the paved path as fast as her lithe legs can take her, her shoes slapping the ground as she made a fierce bee-line past the leisurely passersby. They looked over their shoulders incredulously once she whizzed past, wondering what could possibly be the rush. Hyejung didn't know herself to be honest, but something ruthless in her just sparked.

She leaped over the curb and into the busy parking lot, taking little notice to a blue Sedan blatantly honking at her. Her sole focus was targeted on the bus just up ahead, and her eyes widened when she saw Kai boarding on with several others. Hyejung had the urge to shout his name, but her breath was caught hostage due to the vigorous running. 

The bus door slid closed, and Hyejung cursed with the little breath she had left. When she finally made it to the bus stop, the large vehicle was already driving off.

"Damnit." She stopped to collect herself, bending nearly in half with her hands on her cargo shorts. Hyejung didn't even bother moving anymore, because heck, even though she was in great physical condition, she wasn't going to waste herself by chasing after a damn bus. She was already starting to lose her mind anyway, and other than that, she was lazy. Just plain lazy.

Her cheeks were flushed heatedly, and as she slowly straightened herself up, a familiar-looking taxi was spotted in the corner of her eye. In the mist of her panting, Hyejung trudged over to the car and waved her hand. She opened the passenger door and slid inside, telling the driver where to go while she handed him loose change from her back pocket.

Once they started moving, Hyejung slouched exasperatedly in her seat. She raked her fingers though her tresses, her mind swarming with the single thought of Kai. Kai Kai Kai.

"For God's sake, what the heck is happening in my crazy- life."

~*~

The taxi halted right in front of hospital minutes later. Hyejung muttered a quick  'thanks' before stumbling out of the car, unconsciously slamming the door behind her. The driver scolded loudly at her with a string of curses, and she bowed her head repeatedly before spinning around and darting inside the building.

"Aish," the driver sneered, gripping onto the wheel as he tuned the radio to yes, Taylor Swift's I Knew You Were Trouble. "Why do I always get the weird people?" With that and a shake of his head, he drove off.

"I tell you, that kid's got to have a good reason for all this crap, or I'll-" Hyejung huffed as she stepped into the elevator, not even knowing what she was thinking or saying anymore. Moments later, the doors slid open with a ding, she sped out and instinctively made her way towards Aunt Jae's hospital room.

Making a sharp turn around a corner, Hyejung didn't have to register her logical thoughts when she spotted a familiar-looking back profile straight ahead. "Kai!"

Kai stopped cold in his tracks, no longer fleeing. His eyes rounded in surprise at the sound of his name as he whirled around, only to see Hyejung stalking up to him. "Hyejung."

She came to an immediate stop right in front of him, swiping her tongue over her wind-chapped lips before speaking. "What the hell do you think you were doing?" 

Kai engaged himself in an intense staring contest with the girl. "Hyejung, it's-"

"Do you have any idea how many thoughts were running through my head back there?" she prompted, her gripped fists shaking ever-so-slightly. A surge of emotions were searing through her dilating eyes. "Did I do something to you? Was it something that I said? Because for all I know, I have no freaking idea what you were trying to pull back there, Kai."

Kai knitted his brows. "Hyejung, you're making the situation bigger than it already is. Please-"

"Kai, I know," she pressed, glancing to the side for a brief moment. Sighing, she shot her antsy eyes back up at the boy. "Look. You've been confusing the heck out of me lately and honestly, I can't take it anymore."

"Hyejung-"

"All I want to know is why. Why, Kim Jongin. I know I sound selfish and disgustingly dramatic, but that's all what I want to know."

The lad swiped his tongue over his chapped lips; he knew this was coming for him. "Hyejung, please, you got to understand-"

"No," Hyejung cut him off, her breaths heavy and her heartbeat fast and unsteady. The bow of her pink lip quivered under the washed-out lightening of the halls. "No, I don't understand. You're hiding something from me and you have been doing it for far too long. And goddamnit, my brain can't take it anymore-!"

"Yah!" a booming voice blared through the halls at the spur of the moment, and they both froze. A couple of nurses and doctors walked by, glancing at the pair in the middle of the hallway, curious and wide-eyed.

Kai half-turned around and Hyejung looked over, seeing Aunt Jae on a wheel chair several feet ahead with Luhan pushing from behind. 

"Your aunt doesn't look happy," he noted in a whisper, watching as the irritated old woman and Luhan made their steady approach. 

Hyejung looked up at Kai, furrowing her brows distressingly. Her expression was worn and tired as she stuffed her hands in her pockets, her voice matching her dismal façade. 

"Is that what really concerns you right now?" 

Kai's lips formed into a grim line, and before he can say anything, Hyejung already walked away.

"Hyejung-ah, what was that about? Is something wrong?" Aunt Jae questioned, her serious voice quietly apathetic. By the dark bags apparent under her eyes, it seemed like she just unexpectedly woken from a nap. 

Hyejung sighed, looking at her aunt. "Don't worry about it," she bit her lip as her eyes met shortly with Luhan's soft, concerned ones. Her head lowered, swallowing the knot stuck in . "I can handle it." 

The girl exchanged a few more words with Aunt Jae and Luhan, and in moments, she switched places with the lad and was pushing the woman down the dreary halls.

Luhan watched as the pair departed until they were out of sight, hoarse coughs audible in the distance. He turned around, only to see Kai in a wordless state with his head lowered slightly in utter dejection.

"Something went wrong," Luhan sighed, watching Kai spin on his heels and drag his feet in the opposite direction. "Because I'm quite sure that wasn't supposed to happen."

~*~

Half an hour passed and Kai stood, alone, with his folded arms resting on the railing of the hospital's public balcony. In pattern to his dreary demeanor, a gray cloud hovered above him in a seemingly mocking manner, obliterating the warm sunshine of the cool spring day. The wind was just a tad bit chilly as it blew wondrously, making the lad's dark fringe and clothes sway idly.

Kai made a sigh, one of deprived discontent perhaps you could say. He'd never felt so crushed in his life, because in reality, he didn't imagine that this would actually happen. He thought that he gave his message pretty clearly to Luhan, but no, he just had to confess to Hyejung before he possibly could. But what devastated him most was the fact that Hyejung accepted him, and in front of him of all times. 

With various emotions flickering through his grievous eyes, Kai didn't know what to think.  It was like the better half of himself was mercilessly ripped apart and taken away from him, and he had come to learn and know that Hyejung was surely that most important part of him. 

The fact that he lost was unreal and hard to process, and he couldn't help but blame this all on himself. It all frustrated him unimaginably.

Kai was so engulfed in his pondering that he almost failed to notice that the boy entered his presence, and yes, it was the exact boy who was in meandering his dismal thoughts.

"Hey," Luhan remarked, taking a few careful steps once he received the attention from the latter. "You've been awfully quiet all of a sudden."

Kai scoffed lightly. "Have I now."

Luhan nodded, propping his own arms on top of the silver railing. "Yeah. It's unlike you."

It was silent for a few long moments till Kai finally spoke up again. "Shouldn't you be happy right now?"

"Happy?" Luhan repeated, turning his head.

"Yeah," he answered, bitterly. "If you haven't realized, you confessed to her and she smoothly returned your feelings."

Trying to hide any sign of mischief, Luhan pursed his lips as his eyes feel downcast for a brief moment. "Well," he folded his arms. "I suppose I should be happy, right?"

Kai watched as Luhan grazed his feet across the concrete ground, studying the faint gray lines. He waited for the older to speak again.

"But you know, out of my curiosity and all, I was just wondering," Luhan started, looking at Kai in a way like he was searching for serious answers. An interrogation, perhaps. He exhaled softly before continuing. "How would you respond if you were in my position? My current position with Hyejung." 

Kai scoffed, yes, again. It was more incredulous than the last. "You don't have any idea."

Luhan shrugged, settling himself down on one of the row seats set against the wall. "Enlighten me."

The younger stared at him, annoyed by the frankness.

"What? I told you, I'm curious."

Kai leaned further against the railing, sighing in contemplation. "Hyejung..." he trailed off, fiddling with his deft fingers as he processed his thoughts. Just uttering her name made his heart squeeze, and he grown to love the sensation. "She's everything to me, and although there's many things that can apply to this, she's the root of my happiness. Every time I'm with her there's this surreal, energizing feeling that swallows me whole. I end up longing to stay in that state for as long as I possibly can because it just gets stronger everyday. I can never get enough of something so indescribable."

Kai lifted his chin, staring at modern towers directly ahead of him with glowing, hooded eyes. Luhan continued to listen. "If I lose that certain feeling I feel like...nothing. I can't deny the fact that I don't and won't feel complete without her. And," he drew his gaze downwards, his brown locks covering parts of his eyes. "Now look what happened. She likes you, and you like her. And then there's me, standing here and realizing that this was all just some stupid one-sided thing."

Luhan straightened his posture, taking in Kai's every word. "You know, that didn't really answer my question."

"Why did I even bother saying anything?" Kai grumbled. He turned and glared at the other boy. "Okay well, I'm sure you get the picture though. Right?"

"I think I do by what you just said," Luhan nodded, stepping back in pondering. "If you were in my position, I believe you would consider yourself to be the luckiest guy in the world. It's clichè, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. Am I?"

Kai chuckled, weak and breathless. There was no sure amusement in his tone, because it only contained dissatisfaction and hurt. "Yup. You get the picture."

It took a few perplexed moments of just letting the soft wind blow before the older spoke up. "Why is it so hard for you? The both of you."

Kai squinted as the sunlight peaked from behind the clouds. "I don't know what you mean."

Luhan shifted his body so he directly faced the taller boy. He sighed. "Kai, you had a chance back there with Hyejung. You really did. Why didn't you tell her what you told me? About her-"

"Because," Kai interrupted, demoralized. "Because, there's no point. You already confessed to her and she feels the same way. I'll just ruin myself and my heart even more if I say anything."

Luhan paused. He looked ahead at the urbanely scene ahead of them with the slightest of smiles. "Well, personally, I think you should have said something. But you know what, there's this thing called 'getting it off your chest'. I recommend trying it, and as soon as possible sounds like a good time."

"Are you serious? You're just trying to make me into a bigger fool right now."

"As much as I want to do that, I'm actually not attempting this time," Luhan raised his hand and patted Kai's shoulder. The lad stared at the older in utter befuddlement, raising his brows. "I know you're confused with me, Kai. Really. But there'll eventually be another chance awaiting you. Soon, I believe. Don't waste it."

~*~

The day moderated into the late afternoon, and Hyejung spent it caring and catching up with Aunt Jae. Their conversations would often be started by the older woman, because the younger would end up drifting into her troubling thoughts. 

Hyejung tried to keep herself busy and occupied, asking the littlest thing to Aunt Jae like if she needed to adjust her bed, or if she needed helping when using the bathroom. Of course, the latter need never brought any source of excitement to the tomboy.

After studying the various drinks in the vending machine, Hyejung took out a wrinkly bill that was in the depths of her back pocket. She hoped it was acceptable when she slid it in the narrow slot, and luckily for her it was as a canned mango drink fell down from its row.  

Hyejung bent down and retrieved it, popping it open and taking long, generous gulps. Removing the drink from her lips, she