Moments - One Direction

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fl4KjaqiRaM

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Kris’ POV

It was getting late, and some of them still had school to go to tomorrow so Yongguk offered to drive them home while Changjo and his mom offered to drive Eun Hae’s mom home. Kai and Daeseul teleported to her house. Soon the only ones left were Lu Han, Lay and I. We exchanged glances and I sighed.

“Come on, you two,” I said, opening a pothole, “it’s getting late and the others are probably wondering where we are. We should go back.”

Lay nodded and walked inside the pothole as well. He was quiet the whole time. Lay was usually always quiet, but he would still sometimes make a few grunts and so. But right now he was really quiet.

I think he felt guilty for not being able to save Eun Hae on time, especially after what Lu Han had shouted at him even though I did not blame him.

Lu Han was quiet too, his eyes and nose red from crying. I felt really bad for him. I mean, Eun Hae had told me she would have loved me more than the father she grew up with. But she didn’t say anything about forgiving Lu Han before she passed away.

My daughter . . .

When we got back, I was surprised to see that everyone was still awake. And when I say everyone, I meant both Exo-M and Exo-K — including Suho.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him.

He held his hand out in surrender. “We need to talk,” he replied.

I nodded and followed him to a corner of the room while Lu Han automatically walked inside the room, not wanting to interact with anyone. From the corner of my eyes, I saw that Lay didn’t want to tell anyone else what happened in fear that they might blame him the way Lu Han had blamed him.

“How was Min Ah-sshi?” Suho wanted to know.

“Why did you tell her the truth?” I asked back.

He shrugged and sighed. “I guess . . . I was tired,” he replied. “I’m tired of always arguing and fighting with you. Honestly, I liked it better when we were friends, like before. The two of us were really tight back then, weren’t we?” he said softly.

I nodded curtly, vaguely remembering those days. It was so long ago, almost a hundred years ago. “I still don’t understand why you would just suddenly go up to her and tell her the whole truth,” I replied.

He sighed again. “Look, Kris, Baekhyun told me about Eun Hae being your daughter and when I watched her during the Game, she was someone who easily liked — the kind of person who everyone loved and I knew you cared a lot about her. I saw how the other Exo members cared about her. I have to admit, I kind of stalked her invisibly too sometimes, just to see what she was like. I could see why she’s so easily loved. And I guess that I had enough of the feuds we always have.

“Truthfully, I don’t even know why we started The Heartbreakers’ Game. I know it was because you made my girlfriend break up with me — and I have no idea why I got so mad, because I didn’t even like her. but I could see that you were truly in love with Min Ah . . . and that you still are.”

I said nothing. I didn’t want to see weak or vulnerable in case this was a set-up.

“Kris,” Suho pleaded and I could hear the urgency in the tone of his voice, “can we please stop playing the Game and just start living as friends, like back in the old days?”

I looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity in them.

I hesitated.

Do I really want to be friends with someone who made my life hellish, someone who ruined my relationships with Min Ah? I mean, if he hadn’t done what he did, Min Ah and I would have been raising Eun Hae up together. But then again, if B.A.P hadn’t done what they did to Eun Hae, she wouldn’t have learned how to be independent by herself.

So I nodded and held my hand out. “Sure.”

He grasped it and we did a firm handshake. “Thank you,” he whispered, not believing that I really said that we could be friends again.

We walked back to the other members of Exo, who were still trying to get information out from Lay, who was shifting in his seat uncomfortably.

I couldn’t stand watching it so I called out to him. “Yixing, let’s go somewhere and talk,” I spoke up and walked back to where Suho and I were previously. Lay followed me and once we were far away from hearing distance, I turned to him and grasped his shoulders, making him look up to me. “It’s not your fault. Don’t blame yourself, okay?”

He didn’t say anything.

“Yixing.”

“I know, gege. Thanks for caring about me.” He shrugged my hands off his shoulders and turned toward the door to the bedroom. “I’m tired, gege. I think I’m going to get some rest right now. Good night.” He walked inside the room, closing the door behind him.

I sighed, walking back to the others, who all turned their questioning eyes to me. “She’s gone,” I said softly and they all gasped.

Sehun and XiuMin automatically covered their mouths with their hands; D.O’s eyes went really wide; Chanyeol, who had been playing with fire with his hands, clamped his fist and put the fire out in surprise; and Baekhyun and Chen looked down to bow their heads in respect. Just then Kai appeared.

“I was wondering why Exo-K’s dorm was empty today,” he muttered and sighed, coming to flop down next to Chanyeol. He looked really exhausted.

“How’s Daeseul?” D.O asked.

“She is . . . upset and tired,” Kai sighed, rubbing his face. “She lost her best friend, what do you expect? Of course she’s not going to be okay.”

“She was a good person,” Baekhyun murmured softly and I winced at how he had to use the past tense ‘was’ instead of the present tense ‘is’.

There was moment of silence.

Finally Suho broke the silence by addressing to all of the members. “I don’t know about you, but I’m too lazy to go back to the dorm, so why don’t we spend the night here instead?” He looked at me.

I nodded, feeling grateful. I honestly didn’t want to sleep alone tonight, even if I had my friend here with me.

The others were up for the idea.

A few minutes later every one of us except for Lay and Lu Han (and Tao since he was still at his parents’ house) were settled down in the living room, with the lights off, ready to go to sleep. But I highly doubt that any of us could sleep that night.

We only stayed up late to comfort each other.

But everyone must have been exhausted from everything because one by one they started to fall asleep until soon I felt my own eyelids drooping. I closed my eyes to rest my mind. I didn’t know if I would actually even be able to sleep since I was still distraught over the fact that my daughter is dead.

But then the last thing I remembered seeing was XiuMin’s bun-like cheeks before I fell asleep.

Lu Han’s POV

I couldn’t sleep at all so I decided to get up and walk out of the room. I was a little surprised to see everyone sleeping in the dorm. I quietly slipped out to the Hall and transported myself to the rooftop on Eun Hae’s apartment.

I went to edge and sat down there, letting my feet dangle over the building to the open air, looking down to see the city lights. There weren’t many cars on the road since it was quite late, but I could see and hear the cars that were driving at the dead of the night.

Dead.

What an ironic word to use.

I could feel the cool, night wind on my face and it made a sad howling noise as it blew past me. It reminded me of Eun Hae, and it made my heart to ache by being reminded of her. Then it also made me remember a song she used to sing by herself whenever she felt sad.

It was called Moments, I think. It was really sad, about someone losing the person they love, and not being able to live without them, falling into depression; sort of like how I was feeling right now.

I stood on the edge of the building and recalled the lyrics in my mind.

Shut the door, turn the light off

I wanna be with you

I wanna feel your love

I wanna lay beside you

I cannot hide this even though I try

I already miss Eun Hae. In fact I’ve been missing her ever since I broke her heart, but wishing that she was with me now, knowing that she would never return to my arms not because she doesn’t want to, but because she can’t, it broke my heart.

Heart beats harder, time escapes me

Trembling hands touch skin

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

I still remembered touching her hand; it was so cold. She was so dead, so lifeless, and so not alive . . . it frightened me to think of her that way . . . that being the last memory I have of her in my mind.

If we could only have this life for one more day

If we could only turn back time

If only Tao was here, we would have been able to save her in time . . .

You know I'll be your life,

Your voice

Your reason to be my love,

My heart is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

If only I had the chance to tell her how much I really loved her, instead of quickly pecking her on the lips before I walked out of the door. In fact, if only the roles were reversed — that I would be the one dying. I’d do anything for that to happen, to die for her instead, because I really did love her.

Close the door, throw the key

Don't wanna be reminded

Don't wanna be seen

Don't wanna be without you

My judgment’s clouded

Like tonight's sky

I didn’t want anyone to see me in this state. I hated looking so vulnerable; I felt so helpless when I saw Eun Hae. I couldn’t do anything. But now that she’s gone, I just don’t see any future for me. She was my future . . . I can’t live without her.

Hands are silent, voice is numb

Try to scream out my lungs

It makes this harder

And the tears stream down my face

I looked down and I clenched my fist, trying to stop the pain from slipping inside of my heart but it was no use. The pain came inside my heart anyway, and soon I tasted salt on my lips, knowing that I was crying. But there weren’t any sounds coming from my throat. I tried to scream but nothing came out from my mouth. My cries of pain were silent, like it said in the lyrics. I was numb.

If we could only have this life for one more day

If we could only turn back time

You know I'll be your life

Your voice

Your reason to be my love,

My heart is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

Flashes left in my mind

Going back to the time

Playing games in the street

Kicking balls with my feet

Dancing on with my toes

Standing close to the edge

There's a pile of my clothes

At the end of your bed

As I feel myself fall

Make a joke of it all

Memories of Eun Hae began flashing through my mind: when I first met her, our first kiss at the Sports Stadium when I gave back her bag she’d lost because of Yongguk; the picture we took together; annoying her until she got really frustrated; the prank I played on her, making her look like an idiot in front of Changjo; then when she told me about her past; of the times whenever we slept together in bed; she took care of me when I was sick; the night of her school dance, where she looked so beautiful was also the night she accepted me as her boyfriend; being close to her and hugging her; the date we had; making love with her; the pain on her face when she realized this was a Game; how she looked like in bed; and the face she had when she died. . . .

You know I'll be your life,

Your voice

Your reason to be my love,

My heart is breathing for this

Moment

In time

I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

You know I'll be your life, your voice

Your reason to be my love,

My heart is breathing for this

Moment

In time I'll find the words to say

Before you leave me today

I don’t know what to do, I don’t what I should do; everything seemed to be gone, my reason to carry on life without her flew out of the window the moment I saw her dead body. My Eun Hae . . . she was gone.

She’s dead, she’s never coming back.

What am I going to do without her? I’m going to miss those nights we’d spent cuddling and kissing with one another. I was never going to hear her laugh, her voice, and see her smile. She would never get frustrated whenever I annoyed her anymore.

My life is empty without her, like something was missing — she was missing.

I looked back down the building, calculating the distance from the top to the bottom. The building was at least twenty-four stories high. And besides, no one was watching anyway. They were all asleep.

I wiped my tears and looked up to the sky. I couldn’t see the stars behind the clouds and I knew it was going to rain. Eun Hae, I’ll see you soon, I thought as I grabbed onto the edge of the building.

Then I pushed myself off the building, feeling myself fall.

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Ahh, I noticed I've been using One Direction's songs lately. Heh, been on a 1D song marathon for quite some time now :3 I especially love this song, it's so sad, and it fits to Lu Han's situation~