What is Love?

Lu Han’s POV

The next morning, I woke up to find my arms spooned around Eun Hae. I smiled and leaned down to kiss her on her bare shoulder, pulling her closer to me. She stirred for a bit and I knew that she was waking up.

She started to turn to face me, muttering, “Morning.”

I was going to say something witty, maybe to see her blush and then laugh at her cuteness but when she turned to smile at me, the words got stuck in my throat and I forgot how to breathe. I don’t know why I felt this way. I couldn’t even take my eyes away from her face. Her smile didn’t help one bit.

All I could think about was how much I wanted to kiss her.

I never noticed it before but her eyes were hazel-colored, not dark brown, or that she had a tinge of brown in her hair as the sun shone down on her head. I never knew that her eyes were almond-shaped or that she had double eyelids, followed by thin, long eyelashes. My eyes traveled down to her nose and noticed a couple of freckles. Then they moved down to her lips, taking in that baby pink shade, thinking about how whenever we would kiss, they fitted perfectly with mine.

“Lu Han?”

My heart skipped a beat when she called my name and I felt my insides twisting into pretzels. I looked at her and saw that she had her head tilted, frowning at me with worry and confusion. I just smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her. I could not resist temptations anymore.

Eun Hae’s eyes fluttered close and she buried her fingers into my hair. I put a hand behind her head to secure her face to mine. My other hand remained on her waist, pulling her closer. I shivered slightly at the contact.

My head was filled with so many why’s.

Why can’t I stop kissing her? Why do I want to hold her tight to me? Why does my heart beat fast every time she looked at me? Why does her smile make me forget my name? Why do I feel like I need her to complete my life?

What’s this feeling?

When I pulled away from her, Eun Hae’s face was flushed. I smiled and kissed her nose, making her giggle. Then she buried her head in my chest and I hugged her tightly. I ran my fingers through her hair gently.

“Your heart is beating so fast,” she whispered, looking up toward me.

“Because you’re here with me,” I whispered back. I blinked. Did I really just say that? I’m not normally the corny type. I only said it because I knew girls would like it. So why did I say it this time without realizing?

I looked at her, saw how she was smiling, and I knew that I didn’t want to ever see a frown on her face. I didn’t want to see her tears anymore. I wanted to be the reason for her smile, to be the one who makes her happy and laughing, to be the only one who knows her the best. I wanted to be with her.

Why do I feel this way? Why does my heart beat for her?

“I love you, Lu Han,” she murmured, drawing circles on my chest.

Why do I feel so happy when she said those three words?

I looked at her and suddenly I felt myself getting lost. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t know what to do. In my previous Games, after sleeping with the girl, I would normally just leave them that same night and wait for them to call me the next day in the morning. But this was really different because I live with Eun Hae.

Eun Hae got up in bed, covering herself with the blanket, pressing it to herself. “I’m going to shower,” she said. She kissed me tenderly before hurrying to the bathroom as if she was scared I’d see something I shouldn’t even though I’ve seen it all the night before.

I broke into a huge smile as I recalled last night and leaned back in bed, putting my hands behind my head. Then I frowned and shook my head. Get a grip of yourself! I shook my head once more and sighed.

I drummed my fingers impatiently as I waited for her to come out, hearing the waters running from inside the bathroom. Then I realized I wasn’t wearing anything and hastily slipped my boxers back on — the same time she walked inside the room with a towel draped around her body.

She gasped when she saw me and clutched her towel. “Lu Han!” She blinked and then shook her head but I could tell that her lips were itching to smile. “Your turn.”

I walked up to her and placed my hands on her waist, putting her close. I leaned down to kiss her on the lips and she kissed me back, holding tightly onto the towel as if she was scared that I might pull it down.

I laughed even though I had no intentions on doing that. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to pull your towel down.” I took a step back and held my hands up.

She squinted her eyes and narrowed them at me suspiciously. “Don’t use your powers either,” she said as I walked out of the door.

“Hey, I didn’t think of that. Thanks!” I snapped my fingers.

She grimaced.

I laughed good-naturedly and went to bathe. I still couldn’t stop smiling as I pictured her face. When I came out of the bathroom, dressed, I walked inside the room to see Eun Hae cleaning up her room. She picked up a couple of books she’d finished reading and went to put them back in their place in the bookshelf. She accidentally bumped into me on her way to the bookshelf.

Playfully, I bumped her back, making her laugh that she almost dropped the books. “Lu Han, don’t do that!” she reprimanded.

“Do what?” I asked cheekily.

She shook her head. “You cheek,” she remarked fondly and put the books back. I walked over to her table and picked up a teddy bear. It was always there, but I never bothered to ask who gave it to her until now.

“You know, I’ve always wondered, who gave this to you?” I asked, waving the teddy bear.

She turned back and looked at the teddy bear. “Daehyun Oppa gave it to me, a long time ago,” she replied and continued putting the books back.

She had this system where the books weren’t arranged by height but alphabetically by authors’ first name, and then it must be in order of sequence. She was that much of a perfectionist to care about her books like that.

I held it by the hands and waggled it in front of me. “Your brother gave it to you, and when you were still mad at him, you never kept the teddy bear even though it probably made you mad whenever you see it, knowing who gave it to you?” I asked her incredulously.

She shrugged.

“It’s like bringing your own self pain.”

She shrugged again.

I threw the bear toward her and she squealed, catching it on time.

“Don’t abuse Mr. Squiggles!” she exclaimed, aghast that I would treat a teddy bear like that, and she held it close to her heart.

I scoffed. “Mr. Squiggles?”

She looked at it and pretended to be whispering into its ears. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he doesn’t insult or hurt you ever again.” She made the teddy bear nod its head in agreement with its owner.

I laughed and ruffled her hair. She was so cute!

A strand of hair fell on her face and I tucked the strand behind her ear and took the teddy bear away from her, setting it on the shelf. Then I grasped her chin and searched her eyes. They were playful and happy at the same time. I leaned in and kissed her, my heart accelerating, my hands on her waist to pull her close to me.

“How do you feel right now?” I asked her.

She smiled and shrugged. “Happy,” she replied. “What about you?”

I smiled back as I ran a hand through her hiar. “That’s easy. At this moment, right now,” I said and looked seriously into her eyes. “I’m in love with you.”

She blushed and I kissed her forehead. I looked at the calendar hanging on the wall in front of me and saw that her birthday was in a week’s time.

The deadline.

“Baby, I am so sorry but I need to go somewhere for a few hours,” I told her, a thought suddenly forming into my head and I knew I needed to go somewhere first. “I’ll be back before noon for lunch, all right? I just need to check up on my friends.”

She nodded, hugging me. “All right, I’ll see you soon, then,” she said, pouting a little. But then she brightened. “Can we visit Exo-K tomorrow, then? I haven’t seen them in ages! I always see Exo-M since they always come and visit. It’ll be nice if I get a fair share of seeing Exo-K while they’re here, too, right?”

I nodded and hugged her back. “Sure, anything that you want to do. We can invite them even Daeseul, Changjo and your brothers. It’ll be one big party,” I whispered into her ears, holding her close to my chest.

I looked into her eyes and kissed her softly, wishing that I didn’t have to go — but I have. I need to know why I was feeling this.

Am I going crazy?

While I was inside getting ready to go out, I called Kai on the phone, asking him to meet me on the rooftop later. I will need to talk to him later about the Game.

Afterward I went out to meet my friends and I saw them crowding in the small apartment (I couldn’t afford to pay for the room they stayed in the hotel so I made Kris buy an apartment for them so that they would also have a bigger space to move around) with Exo-K.

They smiled and looked up, grinning at me.

“Lu Han hyung, guess what we’re doing!” Sehun said.

“What?” I replied, shrugging. I looked at where most of them were and saw that there were bits of papers sticking out. “Drawing.”

XiuMin held up a picture and beamed at me. “Does it look nice?”

I scrunched up my nose. “What the hell is that?” All I saw was squiggles.

He pointed to the drawing at the bottom of the page and glanced back at me. “This is Pikachu! It looks exactly like the animation, right?”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him no.

Chen shoved passed him, walking over to me before he held a paper out to me. “We weren’t drawing; XiuMin the baby did,” he told me.

“Yah, I’m older than you!”

He ignored him. “We made a song, in Korean and Chinese.”

I took the paper and read the title of the song. What Is Love? I looked at them, bemused. “You mean you all pitched in and wrote this song?” I asked them and they all nodded at me.

Shrugging, I began reading the lyrics, with Eun Hae in my mind.

Girl, I can't explain what I feel.

Oh baby my baby, baby, baby, baby, yeah.

Making a day feel like a minute

With you, I’m the main character of a movie

As if I’m about to film an action scene to come see you, as if I’ve become a hero

You’re perfect to me, I imagined

How would it be if we were together?

If only you say okay, everything is perfect, oh baby

I lost my mind, the moment I saw you

Except you, everything gets in slow motion

Tell me, if this is love

Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you

Fighting, crying and hugging

Tell me, if this is love

All the guys in the world are jealous of me

They must be jealous to death of me, for having you

Even after the sun goes down and moon goes down, it will never change

You will find out that I’m a guy whom you can trust

I don’t know why, this unconditional emotion

Did I ever imagine?

Next to me, you shine more brightly as I become a better guy

I lost my mind, the moment I saw you

Except you, everything gets in slow motion

Tell me, if this is love

Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you

Fighting, crying and hugging

Tell me, if this is love

If you wish and wish earnestly

Will it come true, like the fairytales?

A never-ending happy ending, happily ever after

I will trust you, protect you and comfort you

I will be on your side

I will never leave your side

I lost my mind, the moment I saw you

Except you, everything gets in slow motion

Tell me, if this is love

Sharing and learning countless emotions everyday with you

Fighting, crying and hugging

Tell me, if this is love

All the guys in the world are jealous of me

They must be jealous to death of me, for having you

My baby, baby, baby, baby, baby

I can tell, this is love

I will make you smile often like a child

I will make you feel the most comfortable, like a friend

My baby, baby, baby, baby, baby

Tell me, what is love?

As I read each word, I felt this humming and buzzing sound inside of me. Why does my heart beat so fast? Why, as I read each word, did I think of Eun Hae and see how much this song actually resembles me and her?