Kamin gave one last final sigh as she looked at herself in the mirror. A snowy white wedding dress wrapped itself around her torso, accentuating her small waist as its train fell softly onto the ground. 

 

"You look beautiful." The woman in-charge gasped, clasping her hands together with a delighted smile on her face.  It was her very own favorite wedding dress that she had designed personally. Using an elegant swan as her inspiration, she wanted the girl who wore this wedding dress to be breathtakingly elegant; a girl who would walk with grace and beauty. While having little adornment except a white veil to add to the whole wedding feel, the wedding dress would be simple yet beautiful. And here she was, looking at the girl who wore the dress with a tinge of sadness behind her crystal clear eyes. 

 

Kamin looked at herself in the mirror. "The wedding dress is beautiful." She admitted but she didn't feel as happy as she thought she would have felt. She remembered the first time she wanted to wear a dress like this; She had longed to put on a wedding dress, to feel those pair of arms around her and his lips brushing against her ear, telling her that she was beautiful. But... 

 

Kamin swallowed, trying to suppress those waves of emotions threatening to crash through her calm facade. No, stop it, Kamin. You are getting married to Kai and that's final. With a determined look on her face, she nodded to herself. 

 

The woman in-charge who had actually left for a while came back. "Someone wants to catch a glimpse of the bride-to-be." She grinned at Kamin before she stepped aside to reveal a dashing young gentleman in a smart tuxedo. 

 

He held out his hand, beckoning her to go towards him. Kamin walked towards him, accidentally treading on her train that trailed after her, then falling into his arms. 

 

"Kamin, you look breathtakingly beautiful." He caught her and smiled at her before planting a gentle kiss on her lips. 

 

"Oh, Kai..." Kamin blushed before she hurriedly stood up. Kai held her hand tightly, his gaze unwavering as he stared at her. 

 

"Why are you staring at me like that, Kai." Kamin looked away, embarrassed. 

 

"Oh..." Kai blinked as if he just realized what he was doing,"sorry." He later broke into a smile,"I never knew I would see an angel so please pardon me if I stare at you for too long." 

 

Kamin put on a small smile as she tried to feel the apparent joyful atmosphere. The woman-in-charge had a dreamy expression on her face as she looked at the both of them. Her gaze was that of admiration and would be the look that many couples would want others to have when they look at them; To envy the couple who was getting married; The couple who would be destined to enjoy eternal happiness with each other. 

 

All that romantic stuff. 

 

"Alright, I think you are tired. After we change, we shall head back home then." Kai stepped away with a smile. As he turned, the woman in-charge went forward to help Kamin out of her wedding dress. 

 

"You two make a really cute couple." The woman sighed dreamily. 

 

"Really?" 

 

"Definitely. You have my blessings, beautiful." 

 

Is this what I want? Kamin sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. Suddenly, at that moment, all she wanted was to hear his soothing voice and feel his gentle gaze that would rest on her, the twinkle in his eyes that belonged to no one else except for her. 

 

Kamin hurriedly brushed away a renegade tear that fell onto the white fabric. 

 

"Oh no, why are you crying?" The woman in-charge looked at her worriedly. 

 

"Nothing. I just have too much on my mind." Kamin replied, biting her lips to stop the tears from falling. 

 

"Oh," the woman looked relieved,"it's normal to have many things on your mind. After all, a wedding is a big affair. Perhaps you could sort out your thoughts by writing it down. Writing helps a lot, you know." 

 

Kamin nodded. "I will." 

_________

 

Kamin sat on her bed with a pen and notebook in hand. She had just returned home from the fitting for the wedding and Kai was going out to buy dinner for them. Hence, she would just have enough time to pen her heavy thoughts down on paper. 

 

Kamin closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Poising the pen above the paper, her hand soon started moving as her thoughts flowed out like a river.

 

14 October 

It has been an emotional roller coaster ride these few weeks. So many things have changed and I cannot believe that it has gotten to this stage. Just a few weeks ago, I was in Korea and I was going to get married with him. But now, I am in Japan! I am in Japan and I am still going to get married but...I am gonna get married with another guy. Kai.That's him. Somehow I feel that I made the wrong decision. 

 

Thinking for a bit, Kamin striked out the last sentence, drawing over it until it was no longer visible.

 

I have too many conflicting emotions it's hard to put it down on paper. I feel like breaking down and just keep crying and crying and crying until I tire myself out and I no longer have to think about him. I have already decided to get married to Kai but why do I keep thinking about him? He's on my mind, day and night. It's like we are connected by an intangible thread, one that can never be broken. I try so hard to cut him off, to sever all ties with him but what we have shared... Gosh. Can someone help me? I miss him. I miss him. I really do miss him. I miss him so so so so much I don't know what to do. But why am I even saying this? Why am I even thinking about this? I don't even know where he is and I don't think I should be caring about his whereabouts or anything related to him for that matter of fact.

 

Stupid, foolish heart. Why are you so indecisive? I love Kai right? He is the one for me. He is going to be my husband, for goodness sake! 

 

Whatever it is, I decided to marry him and I will keep to that. He is a great guy and I don't want to make things more complicated than it already is. I can't hurt him by telling Kai now that... I... 

 

Kamin jumped as she heard the sound of the keys. Kai. She hurriedly scribbled down another sentence to complete her entry for the day.

 

"I am back. Come on out." She heard Kai call. 

 

"Okay!" Kamin replied. Looking at the very last sentence she wrote, she finally striked it out with a flourish. Jumping out of bed, she hurriedly shoved the notebook into the drawer of the study table and made her way out to greet her husband-to-be.