"Ka-.."

".. -rina.."

".. Karina.."

I squinted my eyes and turned my head to the person gently shaking my arm. ".. hmm?"

Chaeryeong smiled at me softly and said, "We're home."

I looked around the area.

The grab driver parked in front of the condo, the cafe on our left.

Japeth and Charm were talking behind the counter while Nico and Mabel paced around, prepping the cafe for another busy day.

Kakahatid lang namin kay Winter.

I let out a sigh as we hopped off the car.

Now I know bakit may mga kanta about airport goodbyes.

As soon as you stepped on the pavement, you unconsciously tune out everyone and everything happening around you, excluding one. The second that exemption walks past the security and onto the airport hall, your senses go on high alert. You find yourself watching that person's every move - from lining up to the check-in counter up to the immigration gate.

Not to mention the heavy feeling in your chest you couldn't ignore. You know very well the reason behind it and yet, you couldn't take your eyes off of them. As if you were holding on to every second until you could no longer see them.

Half the time, you watch people leave.

The other half? You hold back your tears.

Mahahalata mo sino mga baguhan sa paghatid kasi there's always that one person na hindi nakukuntento. Unlike the rest who are with only a glimpse of their person from the other side of the glass walls.

Come on. Frosted glass? Talaga?

Of course that newbie will look for a spot with a clearer view.

Buti na lang may Jollibee sa gilid ng airport na tanaw (kahit papaano) yung check-in counters sa loob.

At buti na lang matangkad si newbie. With long neck.

After all, newbie wants to make sure her person gets in without any trouble. She's worried her person would break again and she wouldn't be able to rush to her side.

And unlike the others who are used to this, the ones who left soon after the goodbyes, I waited for Winter to board the plane before leaving.

I wasn't wishing for anything like Winter running back to me.

God, no.

Baka mapingot ko siya if she pulls a stunt like that.

If that happened? I would remind her, just like how she reminded me why I had to stay, that she has to be there for Ate Taeyeon.

And then pipingutin ko siya.

Airport goodbyes lang ang pwede, bawal ang airport drama.

But that's just me humoring myself to make me move from where I was standing earlier.

I know Winter wouldn't do that to her sister, to her family, or to anyone she has welcomed wholly into her life. Because that's not how she is to the people she cares for the most - she'll always be there for them. Always.

"Pupunta ka ba ng cafe today?" Lia asked as soon as the elevator doors closed.

We all look worn-out, pare-parehas kaming kulang sa tulog. They probably feel 10 times worse than me given they drank last night. But waking up to the news must have drained every ounce of alcohol in their bloodstream.

"Weekend." I shake my head, smiling a bit. "I don't work on weekends."

The no work on weekends only started when I met Winter. I didn't notice it at first kahit yun naman talaga napag-usapan namin ni Giselle na off naming dalawa kasi nagtratrabaho pa rin ako. Pero ngayon, a part of me wanted to work to keep myself busy. Although the other would rather stay at home and just.. wait.

Wala rin akong magagawang trabaho, it was best to choose the latter.

Matutulog na lang siguro ako.

I once slept for 18 hours. Kaya ko pa naman atang magawa yun at my age. Paggising ko siguro nakarating na si Winter.

"Get some rest, okay?" I turned to Chaeryeong. "As soon as I hear anything, I'll let you know."

"Thank you." I showed a tight-lipped smile.

"Pupunta si Uju today, diba?"

"No. Nasabihan ko si Charm na cancelled ulit.. indefinitely."

She nodded.

"Okay ka lang mag-isa sa unit?" Lia worriedly asked.

It was a weird question but I chose to shrug it off and answer anyway, "Yes, I'll be fine."

They both nodded and said they'll drop by after they caught up on some sleep.

When they got off at 10th, I leaned back against the handles, closing my eyes as I hung my head low.

I hope Ate Taeyeon's fine. I hope Winter will be fine.

Everything happened so fast. Ironically, it was excruciatingly slow. Enough to remember every detail from last night - how the news made Winter utterly frightened. As if the memory of that painful night flashed right before her, making her relive everything.

With the three of us rooted to the ground, we knew what would happen next.

A soft ding echoed.

I stepped off the elevator.

Yup, matutulog ako.

I didn't realize I was this exhausted until I walked into the hallways. The past hours consumed whatever energy I gained from my short slumber the night before.

Pagliko ko at the end, I saw a familiar figure anxiously walking back and forth in front of my door, still in her PJs and her hair up in a bun.

"Ning?"

She lifted her head in surprise.

"Uy." She said. It was the first time I heard her speak in a such small voice. She peeked over my shoulders before clearing . "Si Chaeryeong?"

"Umuwi para magpahinga." I answered as I approached her, a hand in my pocket fishing for my keys. "Kanina ka pa nag-aantay?"

"Puntahan ko si Chaeryeong." She said, altogether dodging my question and walking past me.

I sighed.

"Ning," I called before she could take a step further.

She turned around.

I looked into her eyes and hoped my words are enough to offer comfort or anything she needs as we wait. "Ate Taeyeon's okay."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin.

I'm not Chaeryeong and even though she wouldn't find it in herself to believe me, I felt the need to say it. It's what she wanted to hear. Parehas sila ng nararamdaman ni Winter eh, magkaiba nga lang on how they handled themselves.

I clenched my jaw as I remember that particular sequence.

It was after Ate Jaejae's call.

Winter went straight to her room, not even sparing us a glance. Natulala na lang sila Lia habang pinapanood namin mataranta si Winter sa loob ng kwarto niya, searching for god knows what. I figured passport yung hinahanap niya when she mumbled 'I need to go' repeatedly but hardly packed anything.

Gusto ko siyang yakapin but had to fight the urge to do so because that's not what she needed at that moment. So I went to my room to retrieve her passport safely stored in my bedside drawer.

She finally snapped out of her frantic search when I stepped into her space and handed her what she was looking for.

That's when she cried her heart out.

And I knew, that's when she needed me.

I held her in my arms as tight as I could.

I think somewhere in the back of her mind, she knows Ate Taeyeon was indeed okay. But the fear of losing someone again outweighed what everyone told her. It scared her so much she couldn't believe their words. She needed to go back and see for herself.

"Si Minjeong?"

And amid Ning's worry for Ate Taeyeon, it shifted to the other person we all know would be terribly influenced by the accident.

"Same as you, trying to keep it together," I said, she nodded and smiled a bit. "She'll be okay. Wag ka muna pumasok today or until we hear from Winter."

"Okay lang ako.."

"Just take it," I said with finality in my tone.

"Sorry.." She said, looking dejected.

"Don't be."

She took her leave. Kailangan pa raw niyang tawagan pamilya niya to break the news to them.

I waited for her to make a turn before facing my door.

1117.

I was welcomed by an odd feeling as I walked inside. The clinking sound from my keys when I dropped them into the bowl never bothered me until today.

I stood by the entryway, just beside the kitchen.

For the first time since I moved here, my home looked uninviting, almost abandoned if not for me.

Now I understand why Lia asked.

Ang tahimik.

-----

Order delivery done, weekly sales done.

I opened my email and sent the weekly sales to Giselle for approval.

That's it - wait.

Alam ko may kailangan pa 'kong gawin.

Ano nga ba yun?

I looked around the quiet cafe while I rack my brain on that task. Nasa dulo na ng dila ko, di ko maalala. I should've jotted it down when G -

Ah!

It's a marketing proposal from Giselle!

Something about a product shoot for the cafe and the coffee bar. She said it was about time we have one, in time for the holidays. She also sent an initial mood board we both could work on.

I turned my attention back to the laptop and searched for her email.

Scroll, scroll, scro - found it.

She sent it last Friday -- the day before Winter left. I may have overlooked it earlier when I was reading all the emails I accumulated over the weekend.

I glanced at the lower right section of my laptop. Madaling-araw pa lang dun. Tulog pa si Winter.

"Bakit nandito ka sa labas?"

I looked up and saw Giselle with eyebrows shot up in mild surprise.

"Ikaw, bakit nandito ka?" I asked back, mirroring the same look.

She shrugged and took the seat in front. Kumaway siya kela Ning when they greeted her before facing me again. "Nakita mo na yung mood board?"

"About to pero dumating ka." I turned to my laptop again.

"Girl, wag kang ano. Patawid pa lang ako, tulala ka na."

I ignored her comment.

"Kamusta si Sumin?" She asked after a while, turning her body towards the counter.

"Okay naman," I answered, we were now both watching Sumin prepare the orders Ning passed to her. "Good thing may work experience siya. Hindi ako nahirapan kanina. I showed her around and that's pretty much it."

"She knows how to operate the machine?"

"Yup."

She nodded in approval. "Gaeul's coming in for the dinner shift right?"

I nodded once.

She then said mukhang kailangan namin kunin yung nag-apply for a part-time position. It could help us kahit papaano, especially in December. I immediately agreed when I remembered how busy we were last year during the holiday season. Plus, may upcoming events pa.

We still need to sort out yung rotation ng mga barista once we launch the coffee bar but agreed we can decide later on. It's best if we monitor the new additions in their first month for now.

We also briefly discussed the product shoot and her plan of offering it to Heejin. Na-mention niya kasi sa amin before na plano niya maghanap ng photography gigs pangdagdag sa bayarin. Aside from helping her out, we think it's better if we work with someone we know.

"How's Winter, by the way?"

I looked at her briefly before turning to the windows, the deck was long forgotten. "Relieved."

We all were when Winter told us makakauwi rin sila agad ni Ate Taeyeon, and that her injury was not severe although she will need to undergo PT sessions for her shoulder.

Yun din sinabi samin ni Chaeryeong but..

To be clear, it's not that we don't believe her. It's unintentionally hard to do when we're thousands of miles away. We think even Chaeryeong doubted at some point the information passed on to her. She was, after all, thousands of miles away, too.

"How about you?"

Napatingin ako kay Giselle. "Anong meron sa akin?"

"How are you?"

"Oh." I pursed my lips and took a second before I replied. "I'm okay."

She stared, gauging maybe if I'm being truthful or not. But the gentleness in her expression never left. "I know how much you wanted to be there for Winter."

And just like that, the feeling I've been repressing these past few days took the front seat.

I deemed it unimportant as my focus was on Winter. I mean, this will not be the last time our distance will hinder me from doing things for her. So I thought it was best to ignore it for the time being. Or maybe get used to it although it would be impossible to do so.

I forced a small smile. "Yeah.."

"I'm sure she understands."

"She does. But that doesn't make it less.. frustrating."

We fell silent as we both looked outside the window.

Napakasimple na lang ng gusto ko hindi ko pa magawa.

I just want to be there for her, even if just for a week. If one day is possible, I'll take it.

Sounds easy no? Wrong.

I blame all the rom-com movies I watched growing up. Particularly the cliché scene where people jump on to the next available flight and leave without second thoughts. Sadly, unfortunately, and frustratingly, wala ako sa movie.

And Winter was right.

I can't do that.

I can't do that to Giselle.

I can't do that to everyone who'll be affected by it.

And even if I can leave? I don't have my papers. So, there's that.

Now I have to settle with these video calls which I find extra frustrating kasi ano ba, gusto ko siyang yakapin.

"So, di na siya babalik?"

"What do you mean? Taga-dun siya." I stated.

"1 year off remember?"

"Ah." I looked down at the table. "I don't think she'll leave her sister anytime soon. She'll visit.. in time."

"Matagal pa naman yung 1 year."

I shook my head. "We'll see but.. I think she won't."

Granted hindi pa talaga kami nakakapag-usap ng maigi, it's kind of expected.

Maybe I'm wrong, perhaps I'm right but I'd rather wait until she's comfortable enough to be apart from her sister than to have her here but be in constant fear or worry. Pwede ko naman siyang bisitahin if my schedule permits.

Am I saddened because of it? No.

Okay.. maybe a little. But it's not because her vacation was cut short. I'm more frustrated for another reason.

I thought Winter and I had more time before we finally have that talk, to maybe enjoy what we have for now. Pero ngayon, we have to do all of that with whatever the technology offers.

Gusto kong mainis sa pagiging complacent ko sa totoo lang.

I should've listened to Winter when we bare our feelings that night. Siguro napag-usapan na namin mabuti before things got complicated. Or rather before things quickly escalated to a degree where it overwhelmed us both, Winter for the most part.

Maybe it won't make much of a difference, but at least we had a head start, or it was out in the open that early without any implication of sort. For example, na si Winter yung lilipat dito.

I don't know pero parang yun ang expectation? Or maybe that's just me.

Instead of taking our relationship at a slow and steady pace, now everything feels rushed.. again. Like we're being forced to make a decision kahit hindi pa naman talaga kailangan. Alam kong hindi lang ako nakakaramdam nun, Winter feels it, too.

It frustrates the heck out of me because I thought I was doing a great job of slowing things down, even by just a bit. I felt I regained that control by going on to our days like how we normally would and by telling Winter she shouldn't worry about us.

Then this happened.

Nilayo pa talaga siya.

I'm not blaming Ate Taeyeon. God, no.

It's just..

How do I keep our relationship from being affected by these unexpected turns? Because I feel like it's directing us somewhere we shouldn't be.. yet. Para kaming minamadali eh. I mean.. anything rushed is bound to crash.. right?

Knock! Knock!

"Karina?"

Giselle threw a worried look.

"Sorry, ano yun?"

"Sabi ko sayang. She was looking forward pa naman for our Pangasinan trip."

"Yeah, she was." I smiled a little when I recalled how thrilled Winter was. "Siya pa naghanap nung lodging."

"Uuwi naman siya for Coron, diba? Birthday mo eh."

"Maybe. We'll see -"

"Girl??" Ma-eskandalo niyang pagsingit. "Kung hindi, ako mismo ang pupunta doon para kalbuhin siya." She playfully threatened.

Thank God for friends who know when to cheer you up. It may be just a distraction to the underlying worries for now but hey, I'll take whatever I can to get through the day.

"Isama mo naman ako."

"Para ano, mapagtanggol mo?"

"Baka puno na kasi luggage mo. Lagay mo sa luggage ko yung clipper."

We both chuckled.

Sorry, Winter.

Sana hindi ka mabilaukan sa panaginip.

And no, hindi ko siya kakalbuhin. Trim la