And meet me there

Bundles of flowers

We'll wade through the hours of cold

 

You know that one annoying kid who always asks questions?

That's me.

I was a curious kid growing up.

I used to ask lots of questions, may it be sensical or not. 

I didn't care. I wanted to learn.

Pasalamat na lang ako mahaba ang pasensya ng pamilya ko sa akin, especially Dad. He's all ears whenever the first word that would come out of my mouth is why or 'bakit.' Mahaba-habang discussion until my curiousity is satiated, minsan kasi may follow-up questions pa.

'Why is the sky blue?'

'Bakit ako sinusundan ng buwan?'

'Nasaan si Mommy?'

At tuwing sasagutin niya mga tanong ko, he would level with me, smile adoringly, and give me the most creative answer he could think of on the spot.

'Kasi karugtong siya ng dagat.'

'Kasi binabantayan ka niya.'

'At her second home.'

Okay, that last one is the worst answer you could give to a 3-year-old girl.

I cried the whole night and kept asking him kung bakit ayaw na sa amin ni Mommy, kung uuwi pa ba siya, bakit niya kami iniwan. He didn't know what to do kaya the next day we travelled to Manila para lang makita ko si Mommy. Nakurot pa siya ng nanay ko, bakit naman daw kasi yun yung sinagot niya. Never ko na ulit narinig yung sagot na yun galing kay Daddy, ever.

But he did his best to raise us.

I always wanted to be like him when I was young -- calm, composed, confident.

I thought I was, akala lang pala yon.

 

And promise this

You'll wait for me only

Scared of the lonely arms

Surface far below these birds
 

 

The thing about life is..

It won't let you live in peace.

Gusto niyang hinahamon yung pagkatao mo eh. Test of character in those crucial moments wherein you're sure of yourself then.. voila!

'.. do you even see yourself living a life there?'

Hindi mo na alam.

And just like the song that Winter chose to play on repeat as she sleeps beside me, on repeat din yung tanong sa utak ko.

Ganun pala pakiramdam kapag hindi mo alam ang isasagot.
 

 

And maybe

Just maybe

I'll come home
 

 

I can vividly remember what transpired that night.

How Winter's voice was laced with frustration because of our setup, how she didn't want me to give up everything I've worked for para lang sa amin, and how regret flashed in her eyes when she asked the question.

I know she didn't mean to put me in a tight spot. The question actually shows Winter's selflessness when it comes to me but the context changed when I chose not to answer.

I wanted to, but I couldn't.

The words got stuck in my throat.

I couldn't give her an answer when I'm not sure kung kaya kong panindigan. Everything's going too fast that if I answer without giving it a thought, where would that lead us? It's like driving with blindfolds on. And it's not really a question that you can answer with a yes or no when there are a lot of factors to consider. 

Yes, there was a part of me that did consider moving.

As I said, someone has to, and.. maybe I can.

I'm not saying this because napilitan ako.

I know what Winter's going through.

It isn't just her deciding where to reside for the rest of her life; it's more than that. It's her coming to terms that sooner or later, she'll have to walk on her own because that's how you grow. At nahihirapan siya kasi.. come on. That's her sister, the only remaining family she has. 

She may not admit it to herself, but I think she's not ready yet to take that step.

And I understand.

Kasi ganun rin naman ako eh.

I can't commit myself entirely to the idea of moving now when everything's going well to the cafe, not when our hard work is paying off. Yung mga hindi namin inakalang ma-achieve namin in a short span of time, binigay sa amin. Hindi ko naman pwedeng iwan lang basta-basta yun.

And it's not just 'work' for me or an 8-5 job eh, I poured my heart and soul into every corner of the cafe. It's something I can see myself running for a long time, for as long as I can. And I'm one of the luckiest people in this world to be with someone who supports me wholeheartedly.

Yung isa pang sinwerte?

That would be my mom.

I still think it's too early para mag-decide kami ngayon. Perfect example ang parents ko eh.

Mom didn't leave her career when she got married to Dad.

He understood and respected Mom's dedication to her career. Sabi nga niya it's one of the things he loves about her.

I think I was 6 or 7 years old nung naging regular housemate si Mommy sa bahay and not just someone na nakikitulog lang sa amin tuwing off niya. Mas matagal pa nga inantay ni Ate Irene kaysa sa akin eh.

It wasn't easy kwento nila.

For Mom, it was years of missing her daughters grow up.

For Dad, it was years of figuring out how to raise his daughters.

Pero kinaya nila, they made it work for us.

At kahit isa lang ang alam kong success story, panghahawakan ko yun, that maybe Winter and I can beat the odds, as well. Kaya siguro malakas ang loob ko to put our relationship in a state of uncertainty.

But that's not the problem here.

Babalik lang ulit sa tanong kung sino sa amin ang lilipat eventually.

And I regret letting Winter feel that I couldn't make that jump.

I should've said something, anything.

Relasyon pa namin nagpa-realize sa kanya na it's not easy to 'cruise that priority list together' like she said before.

 

And who am I, darling for you?

Who am I?

Will be a burden

Who am I, darling to you?

Who am I

 

Winter, honey, baby, kasalanan 'to ng kanta mo.

The song demands to be felt.

It's totally fine with me except for the fact that..

I. Can't. Stop. Thinking.

All of a sudden, every lyric is about us, the melody bringing me back to the past and off to the future. Ang galing mag-stir ng emotion nitong kanta.

May ganun eh.

Yung emote ka habang nakadungaw sa bintana.

Dibale, loophole na lang na nasa biyahe pa kami. Hindi pa 'to counted.

We promised last night we'd set aside that topic for the weekend getaway with our friends. Nagpakiramdaman pa kami kagabi who'd propose the idea first while we were packing our bags, both of us not wanting to think that we should avoid the talk again. Although, ganun naman talaga yung nangyayari kasi hindi pa namin ulit napag-uusapan.

I gave in.

We were all looking forward for this trip.

I didn't want to dampen the mood of everyone knowing how invested our friends are, lahat pala kami.

Just the other day, we had to check with Yej and Lia kung gusto ba nila talaga ituloy yung lakad today. Siyempre gusto namin mag-enjoy kaming lahat without them being awkward to each other. But they told us na okay lang and they're good.

Last I heard, nag-usap na sila nung isang araw.

How it turned out, I have yet to find out.

They looked fine to me naman kanina nung nagsidatingan sila sa bahay so maybe it went well. I hope it did.

And I want Winter to enjoy this trip, like a pause button to her reality.

Given that it's the only thing I can do for her.. which frustrates me the hell out of me.

I can't do anything to make it easy for her, even just a tiny bit. Hindi ko siya pwedeng kausapin about her situation because that doesn't seem fair to me. I know she won't think I'm trying to steer her to my direction pero yun yung mararamdaman ko eh.

As for me..

I know what I want in the end but how do I get there?

I don't know what we should do or what I should do.

Where do we start?

Do we wait it out?

How do we approach it?

Kahit mag-drawing ako ng mind map, it won't help eh. My thoughts are in a mess, running in circles. Nakaka-OC, honestly.

I'm hoping this weekend could give us a break we need.

"Guys, we're here," Yeji looked back at us from the passenger seat.

Ang funny lang na kasabay ng pag-unat ng mga tao, nagsisiputukan din yung mga buto nila. I'd love to join them but the big baby beside me didn't budge.

Ang himbing pa rin ng tulog.

Yakap-yakap ko siya, her face buried in the crook of my neck. Kanina pa ako nakikiliti sa init ng hininga niya.

I looked outside the window.

Madilim pa.

Maaga kami umalis kahit hapon pa talaga ang check-in time. Overnight lang kami dito and we wanted to explore the area para bukas we can just relax.

"Hindi pa tayo bababa?" Ryujin asked, medyo paos pa ang boses niya, obvious that she just woke up. She was seated behind me.

"5 pa sila magpapapasok." Yeji replied.

I put Winter's airpods back to its case. She shared the other earpiece sa akin para daw romantic. Sabi ko pa baka gusto niyang i-update yung moves niya, yung pang 2010s na. Sinimangutan lang niya ako bago yumakap sa akin.

Ang sarap talagang asarin.

Other groups were waiting like us. Some in cars, yung iba nasa may tindahan at nagkakape. The rest were grouped in circles with their backpacks.

Giselle offered their van with Kuya Mac as our driver.

Aabutan na lang namin si Kuya and chip-in sa gas. Mahihirapan kami sa biyahe sa dami namin if we opt to commute, malayo rin kasi 'to sa condo.

The campsite is located in Tanay.

Yeji's been here before.

Nung pinaplano pa lang namin 'to, she considered our experience in camping and trekking in general. Given na most of us have zero experience, she suggested na dito na lang pumunta. Perfect daw to relax and indulge ourselves to mother nature. Next time na lang daw niya kami papahirapan.

Most of our friends went down to get coffee, si Ning at Yuna nag-unat pagbaba. Sinama nila Lia si Kuya Mac sa tindahan. Ako, si Yeji, and Ryujin lang ang naiwan sa van. Pati pala yung katabi ko na tulog pa rin hanggang ngayon.

"Pinagod mo ba yan kagabi?" Madilim but the light from the dashboard was enough for me to see Yeji smirking.

"Paalala ko lang." Ryujin butted in before I could answer. "I'm still here and traumatized pa rin ako sa so please, wag detailed."

I rolled my eyes.

Paalala ko ba sa kanya na nakiagaw siya sa na yun? Tapos ngayon..

Batang 'to.

And why would she bring that up when she knows exactly what we did last night?

"Nagprayer meeting tayo via video call kagabi, diba?" Paalala ko sa kanila.

Okay..

That's not a joke.

Umulan kasi nung mga nakaraang araw and sabi sa balita, may papasok na bagyo. We were worried na baka umulan din today kaya nag-aya sila ng video call sa group chat namin para magdasal daw kami. Nagdasal talaga kami, si Yuna pa nga ang prayer leader. We also prayed for our safety.

Sabi nga ni Chaeryeong --

'The more the merrier the powerful the prayer.'

Tumagal lang yung call kasi nag-reminder pa si Yeji sa amin ng mga kailangan dalhin like flashlights, powerbanks, and medicines, etc. Aside from that, nag-share si Heejin ng bagong kinakalokohan niyang TV show -- Money Heist.

Yung katabi ko sa kama, lumawak bigla ang ngiti eh.

Heist pa lang daw, alam na niyang maganda.

Minsan nakakalimutan ko na she loves action or crime movies.

Kinulit kami ni Heej na panoorin rin para may karamay daw siya. It looks promising when Winter searched for it online, mataas ang ratings sa Rotten Tomatoes and the reviews were all positive. Eh hindi na makapag-antay yung girlfriend ko kaya nanood kami ng isang episode. Na nasundan pa ng isa.. at isa pa. Next thing we know, 1am na.

Kasalanan pala namin bakit siya puyat.

"Ang cute ni Winter matulog, parang baby lang." Nakangiting sabi ni Yeji, I smiled back.

Yup.. my baby.

Napatingin ako sa legs ni Winter na nakapatong sa lap ko.

Nahiya yung mahaba kong legs nung nagreklamo siya na masikip daw yung leg room. We sat in the middle row kasi. Para-paraan lang siya para dumikit sa akin eh.

Pag-angat ko ng ulo, Yeji was smiling at us. "I'm happy for you, girl."

My heart swelled hearing it.

I know they are.

It hits differently when the people you love the most, your friends and family, not only support your relationship but are genuinely happy for you.

Magkaiba kasi yun for me eh.

Meron yung support pa rin kahit tanga na yung kaibigan mo. Yung wala silang choice kundi suportahan ka pa rin sa kagagahan mo kasi hindi ka naman nila magawang iwan. Yung alam mong pikon na pikon na talaga sila sayo sa likod ng mga ngiti nila. Like they're planning something diabolical para magising ka.

Yep, ako yung tanga.

Lahat naman kami naging tanga. Rite of passage yata namin yun.

Pero ngayon, pakiramdam ko makikiiyak din sila if Winter and I break up. Hindi lang yata ako ang ginayuma ng girlfriend ko, pati mga kaibigan ko. How can they not when this sleepy head is too adorable to resist?

Nagulat kaming tatlo nung marahas na bumukas yung pinto.

"Hoy, Win!"

Winter jolted, "H-ha?"

Mabuti nakaiwas ako agad or else nauntog na yung panga ko sa ulo niya. Disoriented siyang tumingin-tingin sa paligid at para bang hindi alam kung nasaan siya.

"A-anong oras na?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from laughing.

Sobrang cute lang ni Winter.

"Dong, mahiya ka nga kay Karina. Natuluan mo pa yata ng laway sa dibdib."

She quickly turned to me, I think I heard her something crack. She wasn't look at me, she was --

"Uhm.. babe..?"

"Hoy, Winter!" Eskandalosang tawag ni Yuna, everyone was laughing behind her.

"Bakit mo kinakapa dibdib ni Karina??" Chaeryeong exclaimed.

Nanlaki mga mata ni Winter, pulling her hands off me. "Oh my god!"

Natawa na rin ako.

Apologetic siyang tumingala sa akin. Conflicted kung itutuloy ba niya ang search for the drool map sa.. chest ko. "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.."

I softly smiled at her.

Alam ko naman na nataranta lang siya. At 80% tulog pa.

"It's okay." I lightly tapped her chee - okay, basa nga ng kaunti. Either laway 'to or pawis.

I grabbed my sling bag beside her.

Realization hit her when I wiped her cheek with kleenex.

"Hindi tayo sure kung ano." I winked.

She inched forward and --

OH MY GOD.

Tumili si Heejin at Lia.

"Ano ba naman, Minjeong!" Ning covered her eyes.

"Wag niyo naman gawin yan dito!" Lia demanded.

"There are kids here!" Suway ni Giselle sa amin then covered Chaeryeong's eyes with her free hand.

Winter?!

She glared at them. "Inamoy ko lang kung laway!"

Humarap siya sa akin ulit, unaware how she affects me in.. yun.

Inamoy niya lang naman kasi yung leeg ko down to my collarbone!

Okay..

I know she's not fully awake yet kaya hindi niya alam mga pinaggagawa pero..

Okay..

Let me breathe..

Okay..

taolangakonamaykahinaanbakitkailanganidaplisyunglabi.

Kinuha niya yung kleenex sa kamay ko and wiped the other side of my neck.

"Hindi laway, hindi maasim eh." Seryoso pa niyang sabi.

Winter will be the death of me.

Ryujin cackled. "Ba namang magjowa 'to."

Naupo sila Lia sa gilid ng van while si Yuna, Heej, and Giselle stood beside them. Ryujin hopped off at pumunta sa tindahan to buy candies.

Nag-uusap kami sa mga gusto naming kainin for breakfast when the other guests walked towards the gate.

"Guys, flashlights," Yeji said, waving hers to us.

We let the others grab their valuables bago kami bumaba ni Winter. Iiwan muna namin yung tents and other belongings sa van kasi after lunch pa raw pwede mag-pitch ng tent yung for overnight stay.

Sabay kaming huminga ng malalim ni Winter pagbaba.

It has been a while since nakalasap kami ng sariwang hangin.

I glanced at her making her smile lazily. "Tara?"

She circled her arm around my waist kaya napaakbay ako sa kanya. "Tara."

She dragged my body along with her palapit kela Yuna.

I smiled to myself.

Inaantok pa nga 'to.

Iidlip daw si Kuya Mac kaya nagpaiwan siya sa van, mamaya na lang daw siya kakain ng breakfast. We told him na he can stay with us, kukuhanan namin siya ng sarili niyang tent and he doesn't need to worry about the expenses. Tinanggihan niya kasi bibisitahin daw niya yung isang kamag-anak niya na taga-Tanay lang din. Babalik na lang daw siya tomorrow to pick us up.

For sure nahihiya lang yun sa amin. College pa lang kami ganun na siya.

We noticed that the other groups had tour guides with them.

Yej mentioned na meron daw experienced mountaineers who arranges day-tour trips for extra income, yung iba naman from tour agencies.

There were a few staff that greeted us along the way.

The group of friends in front of us was in good spirit.

They kept playing with their flashlights. When one of them started dancing, they all pointed their phones to their friend. Nakakahawa yung energy nila pati kami nakisali. Walang nakisayaw from us, additional strobe lights lang kami.

After a few minutes of walking in the dark, natanaw na rin namin yun registration site.

A staff welcomed and asked us kung day tour or overnight stay. Yeji answered for our group. Pinatabi kami ni ate along with other groups kasi uunahin daw nila yung mga for day tour. Mamaya pa rin naman talaga ang check-in namin so we don't mind waiting.

Winter crouched and hugged my leg.

Nagulat sila Lia when she did.

It's a rare sight to see Winter clinging to me in front of our friends. Ayaw daw niya kasi mainggit yung mga kaibigan namin. For all I know, nahihiya lang siya matukso ng mga 'to na pa-baby siya sa akin. She can be a baby at times naman talaga. She knows how to use her charm when she wants to.

Nag-aya si Yeji na mag-breakfast muna sa restaurant while waiting.

Guests are not allowed to cook within the camping grounds for safety reasons. Mas naging strict daw sila with flameable items ever since the news na nagkasunog sa Mt. Apo at campers daw ang may kasalanan nun. Pwede naman magbaon ng snacks although they charge a corkage fee for it.

Once seated, may lumapit agad na waiter sa table namin. He distributed menu to both sides ng long table namin and said na babalik na lang siya for our orders.

"Karina.."

I glanced at Winter, nakapatong ang ulo sa balikat ko at nakikibasa sa menu.

"Yes, coffee."

She yawned. "Thank you."

"Ano order mo?"

Nag-isip siya saglit.

"Tapa?"

"Okay." I scanned the menu, nakikitingin din si Chaeryeong. "Longsilog na lang akin."

I passed the menu to Chaeryeong. She shared it with Lia and Ryujin.

After a few minutes, bumalik si Kuya Waiter. "Ready na po?"

Kami lang ni Winter ang tumingin sa kanya.

"Kuya, isa pong tapsilog, isang longsilog." I answered, "Pwede po pauna na nung coffee?" Tumango siya while writing down our orders. I looked around everyone na nagdidiskusyon pa rin ng kukunin. "Balik na lang po kayo, matatagalan pa sila."

Kuya smiled and nodded.

Matatagalan pa talaga sila.

It takes us forever whenever we dine-out. Ang haba ng discussion lalo na kung family style yung serving ng restaurant. I just know aabutin kami ng 30 minutes or more sa pagpili kapag more than 3 pages back-to-back yung menu ng restaurant.

Humarap ako sa mga kaibigan namin.

"Anim lang yung pagpipilian niyo." Biro ko, natatawa sa seryoso nilang mukha. Walang pumansin sa akin.

"Di ko sure kung gusto ko ng tuyosilog or tapsilog." Ning casually said, squinting her eyes as she reads the menu. Unbothered sa mga nakasandal sa balikat niya na si Giselle at Yuna.

"Parang nakakatamad maghimay ng tuyo ngayon." Giselle voiced out, helping Ning to decide.

"Parang masarap kumain ng tosilog." Yeji thought, she was sitting beside Giselle, craning her neck para makita rin yung menu.

"Matamis ba longganisa nila dito?" Yuna asked no one in particular.

"Boneless kaya yung bangus?" I heard Ryujin ask.

"Marami kaya yung serving?" Lia asked.

Yep, normal occurence kapag o-order kami ng pagkain. Sanay na 'ko.

"When in doubt --"

Click!

"-- choose hotdog."

We slowly turned our heads to the person beside me.

She was taking test shots with the tissue holder as her subject. Hindi pa niya napapansin yung eskandalosang tingin sa kanya ng mga kaharap niya.

"What?" Winter innocently asked. "Iisa lang lasa ng hotdog kahit saan.."

I let out a soft chuckle.

Kitang kita ko kung paano nahiya yung maduduming utak ng mga kaibigan namin.

At last, naka-order na rin lahat.

The sun was starting to rise.

Now I know why Yeji was so excited to bring us here. The photos she sent us didn't do justice to the breathtaking view. Halos ka-level na namin yung mga ulap from where we are sitting.

"Wait 'til we get to the summit." Pagmamalaki pa niya.

Our table was filled with stories while eating. Lahat may kwento how their workweek went. Winter and I were listening, laughing along with them.

Everyone was excited to hear Yuna's.

"Gusto kong magpabaon sa lupa kapag naaalala ko." Yuna started, we were all tuned in. "So nung isang araw, nasira na naman yung MRT." She rolled her eyes. "Pagbaba ko sa Ayala, kumaripas ako ng takbo kasi gusto ko habulin yung shuttle service."

Ahh.

Nung corporate slave pa ako, our company provided shuttle service, halos lahat I think. Dati kasi hindi commuter-friendly ang BGC, lalo na yung location ng office ni Yuna sa McKinley.

"Nung patawid na ako ng stoplight pa-gas station.. nakita ko yung shuttle paalis na." She continued. "Edi hinabol ko! Mga teh, nakatakong pa ko nun!"

"Nahabol mo?" Chaeryeong was engrossed in the story. We all are.

"Naman! Pero -"

"Nabali takong mo!" Lia guessed.

"Nadapa ka!" Ryujin did, too.

"Grabe sa nadapa, pwede bang natapilok muna siya?" Heejin cut in, laughing at the absurdity of their guesses.

"Fill-in the blanks ba 'to?" Winter sarcastically asked.

"Shuttle pala ng ibang kumpanya yun."

We burst out laughing, Yuna did as well.

Pinagtitinginan na kami ng ibang grupo sa lakas ng tawanan namin.

"Napansin ko na lang nung naglabas yung katabi ko ng lanyard niya! Ibang kulay!" Dagdag pa niya sa kwento, "Competitor pa ng kumpanya namin! Hindi na ko mapababa nung driver kasi huhulihin siya nung enforcer. Nagtaxi na lang ako mula sa.. pugad ng mga kalaban."

Hindi na kami makahinga kakatawa!

"Nakakahiya ka!" Chaeryeong was literally gasping for air trying to recover.

Everyone was fanning themselves from laughing too much.

"Nakakahiya talaga. Pero mas nakakahiya na tinutok ko pa yung aircon sakin pagsakay ko."

What a way to start our day.

"Ano, saya na kayo?"

"Thank you, Yuna." We all said to her.

Naputol ang tawanan nung dumating na si Kuya with our bill.

Yeji looked at us, her eyes filled with excitement.

"Ano pala unang gawin natin?"

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

Gloves.

Helmet.

Safety line.

Safety harness.

At maraming ropes.

Gustong umurong nung kakaunting bravery ko.

Pwede kayang sa swing na lang ako?

Not the high swing, yung regular height swing lang! I saw a couple of it nung pababa kami dito sa rope course.

Because this gigantic course is not for the faint-hearted people like me --

"Karina.."

And Chaeryeong.

She gripped my arm tighter.

I didn't mind her cold and sweaty hands na hindi mapakali sa braso ko. Parehas pala kaming takot sa heights. Sino bang hindi? Kung hindi ako takot before, after nitong gagawin namin matatakot na ako.

Paano naman kasi, yung activity area nila nasa edge ng cliff. Sa may paanan banda ng campsite.

Spiderweb, obstacle course, and high swing.

The campsite had other activities din like recreational ATVs and.. there's a pool!

We can swim.

I like swimming.

I'm good a swimmer.

Bakit hindi na lang yun?

Looking up to the spiderweb, para akong natuyuan ng lalamunan. Nanlalambot yung tuhod ko. Si Kuya David chill lang nakaabang sa taas.

Gusto raw nila ng group picture dun sa taas.

Uso kaya photoshop!

Hindi ko na nga ma-enjoy yung view kasi yung bangin na lang naiisip ko!

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

"Babe?" I didn't notice Winter was already standing close to me. She grabbed my hand. "Ang lamig ng kamay mo."

"No ," I mumbled.

Tinawanan lang ako!

I threw a light jab to her arm sa inis ko.

"Okay na po, mga ma'am?" Kuya Cardo asked us.

I tried to listen kay Kuya C kanina pero pati utak ko nanginginig sa takot eh. Wala ata akong na-absorb sa safety instructions na binanggit niya.

Wait, meron pala. I think. Pero ang komplikado. Something about sa.. I can't think straight.

Everyone looked at me and Chaeryeong.

"Dapat yata maghiwalay kayong dalawa." Yuna thought bago hinila si Chaeryeong. Wala ng nagawa si Chaeryeong but she whispered 'help me' before Yuna peeled her off my arm.

"Gusto niyo ba talagang umakyat?" Yeji asked for the nth time.

Winter gently caressed my back. "Okay lang kung hindi."

Lumingon ako sa katabi. Her bright puppy eyes did the trick kasi I have no recollection of how I said yes to this in the first place!

Okay, relax.

Kaya ko 'to.

Inhale, exhale.

"Let's do this."

"Yown!" Everyone cheered except the girls. Alam nilang hindi ako napapapayag sa mga ganito!

I caught Giselle mouthing whipped.

I-whiplash ko kaya siya mamaya.

Sabi ni Kuya C, isa-isa lang pwede mag-climb sa rope net. Mukhang safe naman yung pag-install nila pero yung utak ko kasi hyperdrive na eh. I know this isn't the right time to remember that movie pero.. Final Destination exists, okay?

"Babe?" Winter sweetly called. "We'll go last."

Tumango lang ako.

"Karina?"

Hindi ako sumagot. Patuloy ko lang pinanood yung pag-akyat ng mga kaibigan namin. Internally praying na makaakyat sila safely kasi..

My dear mother.

Bakit naman kasi kailangan ropes yung paakyat?

Tiningnan ko yung isang option to get to the top which is a steel ladder..

Okay..

Dito tayo sa net.

"We can stay here if you want."

I quickly turned my head to Winter. "H-huh?"

"Kung ayaw mong umakyat kako, pwede kitang samahan dito."

"Gusto ko rin --"

"Ang ganda!!" Sigaw ni Yuna pagkaakyat, Lia joined her then. Screaming on top of their lungs.

"Parang kukunin na 'ko ni Lord!"

"Pero ayaw Niya sayo!" Heejin shouted back.

"Hoy, may mga natutulog pa!" Suway ni Yeji sa kanila. Hindi siya pinansin nung dalawa.

I gulped. ".. kinakabahan lang."

Pinagpapawisan na yung kamay ko sa kaba.

Tumabi si Winter sa akin at sinundan din kung saan ako nakatingin -- sa likod ni Giselle na maingat tinatapak ang paa sa rope.

"Sabi nga ni Miley Cyrus, it's the climb."

I deadpan stared at her, she sneered.

Inayos niya yung helmet ko, checked the lock, hinawi pati iilang strand ng buhok na nasa sa mukha ko. Pati harness ko sinigurado din niyang nakakabit ng maayos.

"You can do this, okay?" Pag-encourage niya sa akin, smiling.

"Okay.." Bulong ko, I took a deep breath before nodding.

Yung pep talk niya before we climb calmed me down but I realized na wala naman talaga akong gustong patunayan sa sarili. I only said yes kasi it's hard to say no to Winter, not when her smile is brighter than the sun peeking behind her.

"Okay.." Her smile did not leave as she turns her body sideways. ".. mauna ka na umakyat."

"Excuse me, what?"

"Para kapag tumingin ka sa baba, ako yung makikita mo." She reasoned.

"Hindi ba mas matatakot ako nun?"

"Okay, sabi ko nga." She paused. "Wait, matatakot ka sakin?"

"Salubungin mo ko sa taas."

"Sure na talaga? Para may tiga-cheer ka dito."

"Basta salubungin mo ko." Nakatingala kong sabi. Nawala na yung takot ni Chaeryeong, nakatayo na siya sa tabi ni Yuna at nakataas pa ang dalawang kamay.

Kung nakaya niya, kaya ko rin!

Winter walked to the rope net.

Aaaaaaand.. tada!

Nag-morph yung girlfriend ko to her gagamba form.

She climbed swiftly and in no time, nasa taas na siya. She carefully positioned herself near the net to meet me as promised.

She nod my way to tell na pwede na akong umakyat.

"Kayang kaya mo 'to, ma'am."

Kuya C kindly gestured na lumapit na ako.

Yung puso ko.

Kung kanina jelly yung legs ko, ngayon pakiramdam ko human stick ako na isang diretso lang yung legs, yung walang tuhod -- ang tigas ng paglakad. My arms glued to my sides.

"Karina!"

I looked up to see my girlfriend's dangling legs on the edge of the spiderweb. Parang wala lang sa kanya.

"Be like Miley!"