NO ONE'S POV

"Jeong, I wanted to die."

Jeongyeon's eyes grew bigger, her whole body started trembling but the older girl couldn't see it because her face was covered by a shade.

"One day.... I woke up from an afternoon nap feeling this emptiness inside me, it caught me off guard I didn't know what to do. You were in practice, and I couldn't feel anything. I stared at the ceiling until you came home, I looked at you and I forgot what I felt. But once you leave I get drown in sinful thoughts, I knew then I was emotionally drained. Don't get me wrong, you didn't do anything wrong Jeong I was happy you were there. If it wasn't for you I would've done it in a blink of an eye."

Jeongyeon couldn't move, it's like her own saliva was choking her. This time she cries tears of pain and not anger. It's like being burn alive.

"Whenever I'm alone I started to feel weird things inside me. I try to avoid it by being busy but it would only work for a short period of time. It was weird I have everything, I should've been happy but I didn't know where the sadness was coming from. I cried for something I'm not even sure of. I didn't know why but I felt I couldn't do anything, that my heart was breaking. I didn't understand what was happening and it was driving me crazy, I always end up crying until I fall asleep. Remember you always find me in bed whenever you finished practice? You being the most thoughtful person I ever know, would just clean the mess I left and even make dinner. You didn't even complain even once, didn't ask me why but sometimes I wish you asked me....."

The older girl paused for a while.

"At first I was in denial, I thought it was just me, that it wasn't something serious, that eventually it will all pass but I was wrong. The more I ignore it the more I feel it. That's when I accepted I needed help, I thought of asking but you were always in practice and Jihyo..... Jihyo just had her injury at the time, I didn't want to be a burden since she's already going through a lot. I think we both can agree that girl always thought she has to be the reliable one." The older girl chuckles. "She always thought she has to be the one we depend on. That's why I couldn't tell her, I didn't want her to think she has to forget herself so she could help me. I wanted to be the one she depends on even for just one time, even just for that time."

The older girl started wiping the tears on her face.

"And you...... I-I was afraid you'll leave everything for me once you learn about it, I was afraid you'll give up your dream for someone like me. I was afraid because I thought I was beyond reparable, that anytime soon I'll just break. It was too much the only thing I could think of is ending everything, that's when I left Jeong. I went to Sydney to be with my parents, well, that's not the real reason behind it. I left because I didn't want you to see me like that, I didn't want to see the look on your face. I wanted you to hate me, to despise me to the point you don't want anything to do with me, I wanted you to forget everything about me. So if I took my life you won't be sad, you won't feel any pain."

Jeongyeon continued crying in the dark, she bit her lips so she won't make any noise. She looks at the older girl and she feels her stomach being stirred, she wants to throw up.

"When I left, it just got worse. I was missing you and it felt like nothing was going right for me. The days were shorter and the nights were longer, I was ready to go.

I was ready to go Jeong..."

With those words, Jeongyeon felt she's not gonna last long, that her legs would give up on her soon.

"I wanted to end the pain and emptiness inside me. Until I saw a picture of the two of us, of you. I cried until I passed out and when I woke up, I was able to ask for help. I wish I realized sooner that there's no shame in asking for someone to save me. When things started getting better when the emptiness left me. The first thing I wanted to do was run back to you, I wanted to see you, to hug you. I'm sorry it took this long to fix myself. I'm sorry that in the processing of fixing myself I broke you and Jihyo."

"I love you Jeongyeon, if I'm to be honest with you and everyone else. I would tell them I never stopped loving you, I was even ready to take it to my grave. Because you're the only right thing that ever happened to me, I was scared you'll break to the point you can never repair yourself. I left because I knew if I break you then, you'll be able to move on, that it'll be okay after a couple of years because you'll forget me. I love you Jeong and I'm not here to force you to accept me back. I'm not making it as an excuse, you have every right to hate me, I still left you. I came back to give you an explanation, a long overdue one. 

I came back to thank you and to tell you that, that love of yours was the reason I'm still here."

The taller girl was frozen in her place, how could she possibly respond to something like that?

"Jeong?"

Jeongyeon is feeling a lot more pain compare to that day she woke up alone in bed. She wished that it was as simple as the older girl fell out of love, or something like she found someone better than her. She started running away, she didn't even look back at the older girl. She took off on her motorcycle, she was driving 100 kph but she couldn't feel anything.

*KNOCK*KNOCK*

JH : "Ohh what a pleasure to be visited by the empress." The smaller girl jokes, not knowing what was happening.

Jeongyenon just walks inside her apartment the only thing Jihyo could do was follow her. She took her helmet off and the smaller girl saw how her eyes were red.

JY : "Ji I didn't know."

JY : "I didn't know she was going through a lot." She starts tearing up again.

JH : "You finally asked her."

JY : "I didn't know.... Why didn't I know? Why didn't I notice? How was I supposed to know when she's always smiling in front of me? How was I supposed to know she needed me?" She fell on the floor and hid her face in her knees.

JY : "Those days I get home from practice and found her napping, was the same days she would cry herself to sleep. I thought she was okay, she didn't want me to know.... I should've asked her how was she doing, how was her day. I should've told her more how important she was to me. She needed me Ji, she needed someone to save her, she was suffering on her own. All I did was blame her for the pain and I never, not even once thought how hard it was for her. I didn't know, I wasn't there when she needed me the most. I ing didn't even notice." She said grabbing her hair.

"I hate myself Ji! I always thought she just left because she's selfish that she doesn't care about how I feel. For 7 years she was only thinking of me, she was the one who needed help but instead, she chose something that will save me. 7 years, and I didn't know... She carried that for 7 ing years. Nayeon needed me Ji...."

Jihyo couldn't prevent the tears from falling, the first time she heard this from Nayeon she felt her heart getting torn apart, she can't imagine how Jeongyeon's feeling right now but she's sure it's not any better than what she felt. She sat down next to her,

JH : "Jeong... She smiled because she didn't want to worry us, the only thing is we didn't ask her enough. It's always been her asking how we are, and we just assumed that she's okay, that she's the strong one. She didn't want us to see how broken she was inside. She wanted to break free from everything and sadly at that time that's the only thing she thought of doing. At the very last moment before leaving, she was thinking of us, of you." She said patting the older girl's back. "What matters now is that we get another chance. A chance to do things the right way."

Jeongyeon nodded back.

The two of them just sat in the hallway, both silently sobbing. Sejeong catches a glimpse of them and even she could understand the pain these two are going through. Jeongyeon didn't move from where she was sitting no matter how many times Jihyo and Sejeong asked her to lay in bed.

After an hour of crying, they finally convinced her to move to their guest room, she laid right away and Jihyo didn't close the door, she didn't want her best friend to feel confined. It took another hour of crying for Jeongyeon to fall asleep, tonight instead of alcohol, the tears put her to sleep.

And maybe the most heartbreaking part of hearing why Nayeon left was the part where she left without any intention of coming back, not just to Jeongyeon but everyone else. It was the part that she wanted to end everything but she didn't want Jeongyeon to suffer the consequence of it. But what pierced through Jeongyeon's heart was the thought that she didn't have any idea of what Nayeon has gone through.

Truth be told, there's not enough reason to leave someone hanging if she's gonna come back after. But Nayeon wanted to tie the loose ends in a way nobody expected, and that's why she left.

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(A/N) Depression is not a joke, I hope everyone knows you'll always have someone who can help you, someone who'll listen. Author is here if you need anyone to talk to :)