For some time I was just floating in nothing. I didn't see, but it felt like colours were swinging around me, filling the emptiness. I wasn't able to hear anything, when I was hearing voices everything got so confusing that it didn't even seem important for me. I had nothing to move. My body was left somewhere behind. I wasn't able to feel anything, just the thought of love and coming back after some time remained with me. I wanted to stay here longer. It was peaceful. Quiet. There was no pain. Nothing that would make me suffer. The only detail missing was Chanyeol – the only reason why I didn't want to die. I wanted to come back, but it seemed impossible.

I had no ideas how much time passed. Hours? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? I didn't know and it wasn't important. I felt how I was slowly coming back to my senses. Slowly. My mind pulled itself from a world of darkness surrounded by my memories and feelings back into a painful reality which had brought me there. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I wanted to fight with that feeling, but my body was still separated from my mind.

Gravity took over me again and pushed on me, forcing me to use some straght again. I didn't feel my body completly, but I could tell I was going to soon.

I felt sick and used. Pain came back, but I could do nothing about it. I was screaming in my mind, but nothing came from me. The sudden heavines made me confused. all the thoughts, memories, feelings of love were now pushed back. I didn't know why this had to be so hard to hold, but something deep inside me told me to stay strong until the end.

I was strugling with that pain for a long time until I felt something that took my attention. I felt my body. Well... At least part of it... I was able to feel my fingers. I rubbed them against each other and felt my skin and the heat from it. I focused to keep my breathing normal. I just felt it, how I moved my chest and a cold and fresh air filled me up, making me relaxed again. Everything around me was quiet. The only thing I could hear was my quiet breathing and beeping of a machine. My heart beat. 

I slowly opened my tired eyes and got in touch with a bright light, which made me blink a few times before I could normaly see everything around.

I found myself lying on a bed with white sheets, covering my body. My arms rested on them, placed by the sides of my body. There were wires, thin tubes and other equipment attached on me, my arms, chest. There was an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose, probably helping me breathe.

The room was not really big, but still very nice and comfortable. Its walls were in white colour with some bright blue details. On my left there was a big window. Sun was shining into the room and made it even brighter than it already was. Under the window there was a wooden table and on it papers, pens and a vase with different coloured flowers. There was also a watter bottle and right next to it I found a phone. It was my phone, but I didn't think about giving it much attention. Next to the table there was a chair, and over it a big black coat, hanging off. I wondered whose it was, but didn't have much time to think of it because I heard door in front of me crack.

They swung open and two persons step inside. I automatically closed my eyes and pretended to be unconscious, even thought I had no ideas what was my reason for doing that. Wasnt it good that I was awake? Stupid thing to do... "I told you, Jongin!" Kyungsoo's deep voice came. "You could burry him alive and he wouldn't even notice for the next decade!"

"K-Kyungsoo-" I said weakly and opened my eyes. My voice was hoase and barely heard.

"Soo, I think he actually heard that," Jongin replied, making my best friend look at me surprised.

"Oho, Baekhyun!" he said and quickly ran to me full of excitement. "Jongin, find his doctor! We should tell them he came back!" Jongin followed his orders and left the room. "You stupid idiot!" he immediately helped me to pull the oxygen mask off my face and gave me a huge smile, making a heart shape with his lips. "You really wouldn't believe how happy I am that you are finally awake, but I really don't understand why you had to wake up and hear how I was thinking about burying you alive and waiting how long it would take you to wake up and notice what had happened to your misrable self! Baekhyun, I love you!" 

"I really don't care what you wanted to do with me," I pulled out of myself, rolling with my eyes.

Kyungsoo leaned down to me and gave me a tight hug which brought pain in my chest.

"Ah!" I complained and he released me. 

"Sorry, I really got a bit too excited," He said and removed the rest of the wires off my body. 

"Don't apologise," I clenched my teeth to deal with the pain. I remembered the reason for it and did my best to forget about it as soon as it came to my mind. I didn't want to bother myself with it. At least not in that moment. It wasn't the time for regrets and anger.

Kyungsoo now took his way around the room and took a water bottle from the table. "Wanna drink something?"

I nodded. My throat was completely dry and I needed something to get it back to a normal state.

"Would you help me pull myself up first?" I asked.

"Right," Kyungsoo moved towards me and then helped me up to sit. My body ached by every move I did and I kept groaning and quietly cursing, but Kyungsoo managed to help me a lot. He put a pillow behind my back, so I was able to lean on it. He got a glass, poured water into it and handed it to me. I was able to hold it by myself, but my hands kept shaking, so Kyungsoo helped me with that too. I closed my eyes because of that view. I remembered a glass filled with water as something bad – the reason why everything went down in the worst possible moment. I took a deep breath and drank.

"Thank you," I said and moved my hand so I was holding it all by myself.

Kyungsoo just hummed in reply and then sat down on the bed next to me. He looked at me, suddenly his happiness and excitment fading away and he looked at me with mostly expressionless look. "How do you feel?" he asked.

"Everything hurts me," I complained.

"Do you feel dizzy or anything? Any headaches? You have been unconscious for a while."

"Not really..." I answered. "I feel a bit sleepy, like my mind and body are still floating somewhere away from the reality. I can't really tell the difference between dreams and the reality and I still don't really know what actually happened before I fell into darkness..."

"Well I also don't know..." he smiled, but there was seriousnes in that smile. "You will soon remember everything. I am sure about that."

"I actually don't want to," I didn't want to remember all the pain and suffering. I got scared by looking into a glass filled with water. 

"You mentioned I was unconscious for a while now... How long and what happened when wasn't here?" 

"Well... Happy Christmas, Baekhyun!" he greeted me, keeping the serious expression.

"Christmas?! December?"

"You were in coma for a month," he told me. "We found you on the floor literally lying in a sea of blood. You were unconscious. You all were unconscious when we came there. The doctors did their work. They told us to stay away, but I could tell that you were in a very bad position. You were unconscious and you lost lots of blood. It looked like you were already dead. Maybe you actually were, but I can't know for sure. You were so pale and that blood made it look even worse. They did everything to keep you alive, but you still ended up here in a coma for a month. This actually ended quite good for you. You are lucky to survive."

"What about—"

"—Woosuk is imprisoned now, you don't have to worry about him. He got from the hospital quite soon, because he wasn't in so bad state. He got charged for , violence and murder..." Kyungsoo said and looked away, while caresing my legs a bit as they were right next to him.

The last word made me sick and I wanted him to look at me again.

"Murder?" I asked and looked around me.

"Yes," he slowly told me and kept his look away.

"I am alive..." I said. I was obviously alive, but then somebody else was dead. An awful feeling got into my chest. I didn't know what it was, because I had never felt it before. It was the worst kind of a pain ever.

"Kyungsoo, look at me now," I ordered him, my hands started to tremble.

He did as I said and I saw that tears were collecting in his eyes. "Please, Baekhyun, don't aske me that question... I don't want to be the one to answer it."

"Kyungsoo..." I repeated his name. "...where is Chanyeol?" 

He didn't say anything and it was obvious he was struggling. I didn't want to overreact. I wanted to hear it first. I wanted somebody to comfirm that I had the right thing in my mind. I would have time for screaming and overreacting later when I heard it is true. I didn't want to hear it. "Chanyeol?"

Kyungsoo hesitated again. "Well... You know... The doctors made sure to take care of you first. You were completely unresponsive and Chanyeol... Well it seemed like he was okay, partly. Like he was big and strong so everyone expected him to recover..." he rubbed his head. 

"Stop spending time and tell me where the Chanyeol is!" I got impatient now. I was nervous and afraid and Kyungsoo didn't make it easier.

"He is... Uhhh...." he sighed and looked away from me once again.

"Stop being like this, Soo!" I got mad at how he acted. In fact I didn't want to know, but I needed to know.

"He is gone!" he shot now. He was looking at me with tears sliding over his face. 

I froze at his words. I felt numb once again and all air from me happened to leave me, my heart stopped beating for a moment. I had a feeling like I was in a completely different world again. An awful pain in my chest got even worse. Like my heart was about to stop beating. "G-Gone-" I cracked at once. "N-No. It can't be-"

"I am so sorry Baekhyun," Kyungsoo said. "We had his funeral two weeks ago... I was also among the ones who had a speech, because you weren't there... I can read it to you, I wasn't really sure if you would liked it, but I was speaking out of my heart as the best friend of Chanyeol's love..." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and startwed reading. "Chanyeol! Major Park Chanyeol! You were one of the—"

"—STOP IT!" I screamed and threw the glass, which I was holding all that time, to the ground, making it shatter into thousands of pieces and make a lot of noise. "Stop lying! H-He is here! He- He can't be- he wouldn't just give up on life!" I now felt how rivers of tears flew down my cheeks. I screamed out to get rid ot the emptiness, but it got even worse. Kyungsoo moved closer to me and then wrapped his hands around me, hugging me. I couldn't help, but hug back. I burried my face in his shoulders and cried harder than ever before. I couldn't belive it. Chanyeol couldn't be just dead. He would fight for us to be together. I didn't want to belive. I was breathing hard, but part of me just wanted to stop breathing. To die right away. I wasn't going to live without Chanyeol. There was no point that I woke up at all. My heart ached and I felt heaviness in my chest. I missed, loved, needed Chanyeol. "It- can't be!" I cried into Kyungsoo's shoulder. "He is strong! He can't be—" I choked out of myself.

Kyungsoo caresed my back, but said nothing. I wished he told me Chanyeol was still here, alive, that he would maybe come soon or something, but he didn't. It was just the wish that wouldn't come true.

"H-He isn't dead!" I chanted now. I was mad, in pain, tired from everything that happened. I took a strong grip on Kyungsoo's shirt. "He in NOT dead!" I rised my voice. With each word I said, I got more hurt. I knew I was lying to myself, but I didn't want to accept it. I kept crying, sobbing, calling for Chanyeol to come back.

My voice got weaker as I started screaming for Chanyeol to come back. I was in no state to scream already, but the pain caused by the fact that Chanyeol was dead, made me let my eyerything out. I kept clenching onto Kyungsoo, his shirt soaked in my tears. I got quiet after what seemed like years. I just sobbed, but didn't speak up anymore. I let Kyungsoo away and let my back fall on the pillow behind me. I burried my face in my hands imediately.

"I-I loved him," I sobbed quietly. Kyungsoo slightly nodded and then looked at me in the eyes. "I will