I carried Baekhyun all the way to the hospital wing and entred Jongdae's office at last. He was inside, even though it was very late. He was working on his computer, drinking hot coffee, which I could smell as soon as I entered.

He raised his look and saw me with Baekhyun in my hands. His expression changed in a moment. From completely careless to horrified and worried one. 

He had a good reason for it. Baekhyun's clothes were soaked in his blood, even though the cut was only on his wrist. He looked paler each second and his eyes reminded closed, like he was sleeping — well also like he was dead, but I could feel his slow breathing, which was his only movement at that moment.

"Chanyeol!" Jongdae jumped up in shock. "What- What happened to him!" he was shouting.

"I—" I tried to speak, but Jongdae didn't let me.

"—Common, don't waste your time and place him there!" he was already looking for equipment he needed. He pointed at the one single bed in his office. I slowly laid Baekhyun down on a white bed. For a moment I just stared at him, but soon Jongdae came and pushed me away. He started checking Baekhyun's deep wound and cursed. "How did this happen?!" he glared at me with anger in his eyes.

I stepped a bit away from him and tried to find the words to explain what had happened, but nothing came from me. "Can you just help him?" I said at last. 

"I am working on it," for a moment more he looked at Baekhyun's wound, which was still bleeding. Then he walked away to get a bottle of transparent liquid. He cleaned the wound with cotton wool and then walked around again. Baekhyun's wrist was soon in blood again, but Jongdae didn't look too bothered by it. 

"Chanyeol, please leave. We will talk about it later," he told me, but I protested.

"Why would I? Can't I stay here?" I asked.

"You suddenly want to be here with Baekhyun? I thought you didn't like his company and presence..." he said which was the truth, but other way I felt like I had to take care of Baekhyun, now when I screwed everything.

My lips trembled and I didn't know how to answer. "I just- I should..." I couldn't speak, which annoyed me a lot. I sighed and then slowly took my way to the exit.

"I will see you later. You better have a good excuse for this!" he warned me before I left. Suddenly I was on a white and empty hallway. I didn't want to leave. Not yet. Not after everything that had happened. I still had a feeling like I had to be the one helping Baekhyun, not Jongdae. Well Jongdae was a doctor, but I still wished to be the one who would put the things back to its normal state. 

I decided to stay. Jongdae didn't like me in his office. The hallway was dark and only a few lights were on. There were white chairs, standing next to the walls in a row. I sat on one of them and waited. It was quiet and the time just didn't want to pass quiecker. Nobody came by, which didn't surprise me, because it was very late and I actually didn't want anyone with me in the moment. I just wanted to think about everything and settle my mind. 

I kept repeating the same thoughts and questions, but I got on answers. In about 30 minutes I could feel my eyes getting heavy and I thought about going to my room and take a rest, but it still didn't feel right to just leave. I was walking up and down the hallway. I read all the papers, posters and notices about 50 times at least. I couldn't find anything more to keep myself awake. I just sat on one of the seats on the hallway and waited. My eyes were slowly closing themselves, until I completly fell asleep. 

In some moments I felt someone shaking my shoulder and calling my name.

"Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Park Chanyeol!" Jongdae was more and more impatient. I needed time to realise that I had actually fallen asleep. I was lying on all three chairs. My big body didn't fit on them, so my legs were hanging on to the ground. I was still sleepy and I wanted to rest more, but Jongdae didn't let me. 

"What?" I asked and rubbed my sleepy eyes.

"I didn't think I would find you here. You know that your bed is better than this chairs? This is bad for your back and I hope you aren't doing something like that frequently. It could effect your health when you grow older. You were lying in a very unpleasant position. What are you doing here by the way?" he asked at last after giving me a lesson about hurting my back.

I moved to face him and it was true that every bone in my body hurt after sleeping like that. I did my best to pretend like it was nothing, but Jongdae could just see everything. 

"I told you..." he smiled. "Well? Will you tell me or not?" 

I thought about an answer, but again I couldn't think about any good excuse for being here. 'I just felt like I should stay and wait for you to tell me how is Byun doing'  sounded weird and I didn't feel like telling him this. 

I sighed "I don't know," I said and glared at the ground.

"Well, wherever would you explain what happened. Let's go somewhere else too," he said and made me stand up. I almost lost my balance when I stood up and I had to help myself to stand properly. I needed some time to wake up completly and get back to my senses. I followed Jongdae to one of the siderooms in the hallway that he entred.

"Not your office? Why not there?" I glared, but then realized how awkward the question was. I actually just wanted to know Baekhyun's condition, but Jongdae obviously wasn't going to let me see him.

"No, Baekhyun is there and you won't be disturbing him. He needs to rest," he said. "Sit down and explain," he pointed at one of the chairs, meanwhile he sat on the other one. Once I was on the chair he waited for me to explain. I cleared my throat and thought of the way to explain everything.

"Well... Obviously Baekhyun has some hard time and he—" I couldn't end. 

"—Self harmed." Jongdae ended my sentence and I nodded.

"That is exactly what I was about to say."

"I know, that is why I ended your sentence, so you wouldn't need to say it, because I see you are very uncomfortable with it, but tell me.... How come you were there? Why not his friend or anyone else? What were you even doing outside at that time?" he asked.

"Uhhh, Jongdae you are asking many questions," I sighed.

"And I want answers!" He looked at me and I knew I couldn't opposite him. 

"I was just wandeing around and found him..." I said and tried to be short with words.

"Just wandering around? Tell me more," he slowly made me feel uncomfortable with all the questions.

"Look I was just hungry, went to the kitchen and Byun suddenly came by—" I said, but regret.

"—So you met Baekhyun before he self harmed himself?"

I slowly nodded.

"Why didn't you stop him?" he asked.

"I was sure he wouldn't do it!" I rised my voice a bit, but I was still pretty quiet.

"Tell me more details, please," he asked.

I sighed because I was tired of his questions and 'give me more details'. I didn't want to answer on all of them. Actually non of them. I just wanted to know if Baekhyun was alive, not getting questioned what he had done to get in that situation. 

"He ran to the training room," I rolled with my eyes "I just followed him there and found him in tears with one of knives from campus, okay?!" I still didn't want to tell everything.

"You were sure he wouldn't do it even thought you saw him there with the knive? Do you even think with your brain? It was obvious that he was about to do it!" he was mad. "Tell me, do you know why he harmed himself?" he asked. 

I did know why, but even for me some things weren't answered. I didn't know how Baekhyun could be that bothered by bad comments and could break that fast. I didn't want to tell this to Jongdae so I lied.

"I don't know," I said and he sighed.

"Alright, is there anything else you would like to tell me?" he asked and I shook my head. I didn't want to tell him more than this and wanted to leave. "Then, you can go. I mean to your room," he said at last.

"I waited here to hear about Byun and you told me nothing!" I sounded silly again, but it was the truth. It was strange to hear me asking about others, because I mostly just ignored everyones problems, even though they had usually been caused by me.

"I told you that he has to rest. He will be alright, but he needs time to get better. You really didn't think about bringing him here faster?" he rolled his eyes.

"Fine- Umm- You won't let me see him, right?" I slowly asked and Jongdae laughed at it.

"What's up with you? You aren't yourself anymore. However no, you can't see him. Not even in a life or dead situation," he disappointed me.

"Are you serious?" I insisted. 

"Do I look like I am not?" 

"I never know. You are always serious, but from time to time you just decide and act like you were Sehun 2.0."

"I am deadly serious!" he looked at me and I knew he wasn't lying from his eyes. 

"Okay...." I gave up. "I will go then... " I didn't want to spend a second more there. Jongdae was slow