Baekhyun managed to pull the last words out of himself, telling me that he loved me. 

His eyes were closed and completely still, his body was relaxed, laying in my hands and there was no signs of movement. "Baekhyun—" I cracked out of myself and felt a horrible pain in my chest as my heart cracked, by the sight of that. "Look at me, my love," I begged and kissed his motionless, but still warm lips. "Come on," I kept on begging him, just to get no response. I looked at him and pushed my hands through his hair, painting them with the blood that sticked to my hands. He was beautiful like always, but the lack of life in his body was killing me. "Baekhyun, you should wake up. There is still so many things we haven't done, there is so many things I should show and make you feel," I was speaking like he was listening me, like he was only sleeping quietly.

I kissed him again and then screamed in agony. I bent down until our foreheads met. I cried and begged, but for no response.

It was all my fault. 

My fault and nobody else's! It wasn't Baekhyun's like he had said. It also wasn't Woosuk's. It was mine — I was the one who had brought the gun in the first place, I was the one who had pulled and twisted Woosuk's hand, making the bullet hit Baekhyun. It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one shot. I was supposed to be punished for that — or was losing Baekhyun like that my punishment? A punishment even worse than death? 

I remembered the time when my ex-girlfriend had done a suicide. I had made her miserable and I hadn't done anything at all when she had been obviously in a bad situation. 

I was guilty for her death and I was also guilty for Baekhyun's getting hurt like that — for probaqbly ending on the same way as she. 

I had been afraid of losing and destroying him like that since I had first started feel that he was more than just my student or friend. I had been afraid of ending that relationship on the same way — by making a mistake and causing a mess.

This time it was even worse than before. 

"I'm so sorry for this, Baek," I said. "I should have been more careful. I should have thought about the consequences. I shouldn't even have thought about bringing a weapon here," tears slid down my cheeks again. I screamed again, trying to get over the emptiness in my chest, trying to throw the guilt off my back and somehow get over it, but it was impossible. 

I was already seeing myself in even worse state than I had been years ago after losing her... Did I even want that?

I wasn't going to live this way. I wasn't going to live without him. I wouldn't be able to stand up again after this. No way I would ever be able to forget any of this. There would be no second chance anymore, like Bakehyun was for me. He managed to show me that I still could love even after my girlfriend died. He had showed me how to be happy again and live fully. But there would be nobody else. I wouldn't be able to start a new life again. I didn't want changes again. I loved Bakehyun too much to let him go. 

I felt the g