Baekhyun managed to pull the last words out of himself, telling me that he loved me. 

His eyes were closed and completely still, his body was relaxed, laying in my hands and there was no signs of movement. "Baekhyun—" I cracked out of myself and felt a horrible pain in my chest as my heart cracked, by the sight of that. "Look at me, my love," I begged and kissed his motionless, but still warm lips. "Come on," I kept on begging him, just to get no response. I looked at him and pushed my hands through his hair, painting them with the blood that sticked to my hands. He was beautiful like always, but the lack of life in his body was killing me. "Baekhyun, you should wake up. There is still so many things we haven't done, there is so many things I should show and make you feel," I was speaking like he was listening me, like he was only sleeping quietly.

I kissed him again and then screamed in agony. I bent down until our foreheads met. I cried and begged, but for no response.

It was all my fault. 

My fault and nobody else's! It wasn't Baekhyun's like he had said. It also wasn't Woosuk's. It was mine — I was the one who had brought the gun in the first place, I was the one who had pulled and twisted Woosuk's hand, making the bullet hit Baekhyun. It was supposed to be me. I was supposed to be the one shot. I was supposed to be punished for that — or was losing Baekhyun like that my punishment? A punishment even worse than death? 

I remembered the time when my ex-girlfriend had done a suicide. I had made her miserable and I hadn't done anything at all when she had been obviously in a bad situation. 

I was guilty for her death and I was also guilty for Baekhyun's getting hurt like that — for probaqbly ending on the same way as she. 

I had been afraid of losing and destroying him like that since I had first started feel that he was more than just my student or friend. I had been afraid of ending that relationship on the same way — by making a mistake and causing a mess.

This time it was even worse than before. 

"I'm so sorry for this, Baek," I said. "I should have been more careful. I should have thought about the consequences. I shouldn't even have thought about bringing a weapon here," tears slid down my cheeks again. I screamed again, trying to get over the emptiness in my chest, trying to throw the guilt off my back and somehow get over it, but it was impossible. 

I was already seeing myself in even worse state than I had been years ago after losing her... Did I even want that?

I wasn't going to live this way. I wasn't going to live without him. I wouldn't be able to stand up again after this. No way I would ever be able to forget any of this. There would be no second chance anymore, like Bakehyun was for me. He managed to show me that I still could love even after my girlfriend died. He had showed me how to be happy again and live fully. But there would be nobody else. I wouldn't be able to start a new life again. I didn't want changes again. I loved Bakehyun too much to let him go. 

I felt the guilt inside me, pushing me down, making me locked in my mind. Swallowing me into a darkness and not letting me out. I remembered well how very painful it had been to get over it for the first time. Baekhyun death wasn't going to be foregiven. I wasn't going to forgive myself. Not in that case.

I clenched my teeth and placed Baekhyun down to the floor, making sure I didn't do any more harm by placing him like that. I passed through my hair and screamed again. I tried to calm down, I thought about trying to get Baekhyun back to life, to find help. There were lots of houses around, somebody must have heard the gun shot. The ambulance was coming, I called the police and Junmyeon as well. They all were on the way, but all I could do was waiting there. I couldn't force myself into anything, because my mind couldn't control my body. I wanted to help Baekhyun to get him back to his life, use my skills of first aid to help him, but I was completely frozen. I was only falling into an awful fear of loosing him. I wasn't in condition to do anything else, except begging for him to come back to me.

I felt like time just didn't want to go on and nobody came to help and my mind kept attacking me more and more, causing a war of my thoughts.

If anyone is a murderer, its you! You did it all! You will never deserve the love you want to have! I belived every thought I heard in my head, screaming back at me, even though I tried to deny them. I was so useless!

"So this is how you wanted it to end?" I heard Woosuk's sorrow voice behind my back. I had forgotten about him as Baekhyun's death took over me whole. It was making me mad. I was mad at him and myself. Baekhyun had gotten in that situation because of him and I ruined it because of my confidence. 

"You er," I cursed, but stayed motionless, because I still didn't want to believe that Baekhyun was lying in front of it, showing almost no signs of life. 

"You are accusing me again?" he asked and I could hear that he moved... Probably pulled him up. I had hit him hard, before I had seen what had happened with Baekhyun. I was hoping it would pull him into darkness for longer period of time. I didn't want to hear him now. The voice in my head, telling me, that it was all my fault, was already too much. He only made it worse.

"It is my fault," I repeated the words on my mind. They sounded real. The only really and truth. I was the main reason for all that and I deserved to suffer like that. "I killed him. I don't deserve him," I kept chanting, while repeating Baekhyun's name, calling him quietly.

"I really don't care, because you are joining him," he said. I looked up at him now. He had the previous gun pointed at me. I looked at him with fear in my eyes. I couldn't help, but trembe at the sight of it. The fact that the same thing happened to Baekhyun brought horror inside me, making me rise to the point where I had a feeling like everything was going to end — and I liked it. I didn't want to live in a world without Baekhyun. 

I only had time to bend down again and press myself to Baekhyun's body.

I heard a gun shot, which was followed by an awful pain in my shoulder. I couldn't hold myslef together and I collapsed to the ground, still facing Baekhyun. I didn't release a voice out of myself, even though the pain spread all over my body. I was choking on fresh air. I could feel my own blood soak into my suit and warm my skin, make it sticky.

"I guess you could meet each other in other world. Let's see if love can do it. I am already in prison anyway... Might meet some buddies there. Good luck, Park!" he continued and triggered again, making the bullet hit my back again, which finally forced me into groaning. 

My mind was spinning around and Woosuk obviously also wasn't in a best state, since I had dealed with him pretty well before. I heard him collapse again, just like I had, but I completely ignored it.  All I wanted to see was Baekhyun in that moment. I just wanted to be close to him and see him for the last time. My mind was slipping away and my view was getting more and more dizzy every second. I forced a smile on my face to relax through that pain. It was okay. 

"Be-Baekhyun- Ahh-" I painfully groaned. "I love you," I said and heard noise. I couldn't really understand all the words being said. I heard someone calling my name, loudly, roughly, filled with worries, but I was already fading away warped in my thoughts about Baekhyun. The darkness swallowed me up as well.

Sorry for late update, please wait for more adn the end of the story.

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