For some time we just stared at each other, until Baekhyun's eyes fell on the ground. He avoided more eye-contact with me and kept looking at the ground. 

"Byun... You didn't show up the whole day. Explain!" I tried to find the right words. For sometime Baekhyun didn't answer, but then spoke with a weak voice.

"You don't know? It's you who did it after all," he said and made me confused.

"I said explain not make me more confused!" I crossed my arms.

"Sir, tell me what do you think about me? What am I to you?" he asked. Something bothered him and it was most likely connected with me. I didn't understand a thing. Today I had no contact with him and the day before we had normal trainings. I just left to the party and that was all. I thought about his question.

"Well, you are a student and soldier here for me, Byun," I said the truth.

"No, how do you find me? First day when you met me, I was a disappointment for you. What is your image of me? Be honest!" he said. 

"Why would I?"

"Just say it, and don't try to pretend!" 

"Give me a reason for answering. Your questions are disrespectful and offensive! It is not something you would ask your trainer after you were late for training!" I didn't want to answer.

"Fine then. I won't bother you anymore," he gave up on trying and rushed past me to get on the other side and get away. 

"Where do you think you are going now?" I cought his wrist before he could escape and kept him on place. Baekhyun refused to look at me and answer. "Byun, you got no right to leave like that! You weren't around for a whole day, then you finally appear here on the second floor and cover me with random questions that make no sense! Act like a solider and stop running away from your problems, like you are doing now. I expect an explanation for all the questions, because I am sure I will be thinking about them all night if I don't know what they mean!" I rised my voice.

This time Baekhyun looked at me. He was furious. Very curious and I actually didn't want to know why anymore. 

"Explanation?" He sighed and rolled with his eyes "You know everything! You are just too stupid to use your brain and think!" Baekhyun pulled his hand away. 

"Don't say that to me!" I pointed with my finger on the smaller one. "You will respect me or you also won't get my respect back!"

"You are not the only one who expects and wants some respect from others!"

"Can't you see, that I have absolutely no ideas about what are you talking?" I rolled my eyes.

He waited for a moment, like he was picking the right words. "Tell me, sir..." he looked at me with ferious eyes, "...Tell me! I was a coward for you from the first day, wasn't I? Not just that! You called me other things as well! A bi-" he didn't end, but looked down.

I didn't understand what he ment with that. I did tell him once that he was a dissapointment and tried to push him down, but it still didn't make sense.

"What, Byun? Speak up," I got impatient and wanted more answers. "What did I say and tell me exactly when!"

"That- That I'm a huh? Idiot? ? Maybe something uglier and more disgusting?" he looked up, anger in his expression was getting more and more visible. 

"What- Where did you get that from? I never said that!" I got mad at what he just said. I thought about it, but couldn't remember saying anything like that. Maybe he had had a dream about that... I wouldn't have been surprised, if he had had nightmares about me, where I would've been a main villain. A y, handsome, strong and tall villain, who makes everyone scared just by looking into them. I liked that concept, but Baekhyun was really serious about that, so I put the joke aside.

"But the drunk head of yours did!" he rised his voice.

"Drunk?" I asked. I had been drunk the day before, but it was strange that I couldn't remember saying any of that. I was usually able to remember every single detail of nights after drinking a lot. Maybe I had been a little too drunk...

"Common, sir! Don't tell me you were just drunk. I know you knew very well what you were speaking!" he said.

"Maybe I was giving you that kind of a vibe, but-" Something came to my mind. I remebered the moment when I had told him exactly what he had tried to tell me some time ago. I remembered refusing his help, saying things that had just came from my mouth without any actual reason. I just didn't like him and I wanted to tell him that, but at the same time I didn't hate him that much, to say something like that. I just wasn't that mean. "You mean yesterday night?" I asked and he nodded.

"You said that and don't think I care about the fact that you were a little drunk!"

"You are bothered because of what I told you?" I glared at him. However it was clear that he wanted to say yes. "You belive it? You believe everything you were told yesterday? By me?" 

Baekhyun still didn't talk, but just slightly nodded with his head. 

"You belive to all the bull that people tell you?" I asked. Still he refused to speak and kept staring at the ground. "Byun, answer!" 

"S-Sir, I do not belive everything but- when it comes to comments like- that-" his voice was cracking and he didn't end. He belived it. I was getting mad over his childlish acting. He shouldn't act like that, because of a few comments which had come from me, while I had been completely drunk. I literaly didn't know what I had been doing and he belived it. Other way I also belived that a drunk person speaks the truth, so I somehow understood Baekhyun's grief.

I stepped closer him and took a better look of him. "So, you do belive it? Byun, as you wish! Believe it as much as you want! It would be a high time for you to get over it. You can belive it and just cry and complain here in front of me, while falling into that agony, or simply just deal with it and go on! I don't care what you prefer, the decision is yours!" I rised my voice again. I was rough, but it didn't seem like he really cared of what I told him. "DID YOU EVEN HEAR ME, BYUN?" I called and he looked at me.

"Hear? Yes I did, you are almost screaming here..." he said, "listen to you? No, I wont listento  somebody who makes me feel even worse than I already do!"

Silence fell and I was slowly starting to feel awkward. Baekhyun was still tensed and his fists were tightly closed. The sun was gone and it was getting dark. I wondered when others were about to come up from the dinner and I felt that our conversation was about to end soon.

I cleared my throat and ended the silence. "Fine, then you can go! Think about what I said!" 

"It's all my decision after all," he said and in the next moment he wasn't there anymore. He left the hallway and dissapeared behind the corner. He obviously didn't even think about turning around or saying anything else to me. I was left alone with all the thoughts about what had just happened. Baekhyun acted on a strange way and I didn't like it. Until now he had shown me a lot of his weak spots, but none of them disappeared yet. He was still the same. 

Jongdae was keeping him in a room, where he could be able to escape all his problems. Junmyeon helped him on the way, like mothers care for their children (that actually wasn't something unusual, since he acted the same around Sehun). I was wondering if any of this could actually help Baekhyun get over all his fears. Being aftaid of seeing blood spilled over something, really wasn't something for military university. Baekhyun would just lock himself into that room everytime something went wrong. He had just heard a few rude comments about himself and he ended up like that! I promised myself to change that. I wouldn't be nice with him, I wouldn't just pat him and took care of him like his mommy would have. I was about to show him how to get over everything, deal with problems and learn him how to be stronger.

I went back to my room. I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened and it bothered me a lot. I thought about it even when I took shower and cleaned myself. I could hear higher ranks walking around on the hallways while talking to each other. I didn't think about meeting Junmyeon, Yixing or Sehun. They were probably doing something together. Playing Call of duty or any other game they liked. Junmyeon was for sure taking care of Sehun like always and none of them actually missed me in the company. I was completely okay with that, because I just wanted to finally end that day.

I spent some time on my phone, just scrolling on apps. It was 10:30 when I finally put my phone away on the shelf next to my bed. Soon I felt my stomach growling. I had missed the dinner because of Baekhyun today and now I felt it fully empty. I did the first thing that came into my mind. I left my room and went down the hallway. It was dark and only a few lights on it were still on. I walked down the staircase to the first floor and then headed to the kitchen. Sunhee had given me a premission to enter anytime I wanted and I knew, that I could get the food I wanted right there. 

The kitchen was empty and clean. there was no dishes left and the desks were tidy. I a few lights and stepped furter inside. I didn't know what exactly to eat so I just opened the first fridge on my way. Sunhee had a lot of healthy foods, like fruits and vegetables so at first I thought I would end up with nothing to satisfy my stomach. I was about to look further into the fridge to find anything else than vegetables, but suddenly I heard something.

Someone ran through the dining room and past kitchen. It got my attention and I closed the door of the fridge. The peron was running quietly and slowly and when I came out of the kitchen, I could hear sobs. Someone was crying and obviously didn't know how to do it quietly. Annoying kids who can't deal with university life.

I tried to ignore it, because I didn't want to deal with another annoying crying boy. I had enough of Baekhyun for one day. But at the same time I felt like I had to check what was happening. I was a major and pretty much responsible for the things that were happening at the campus. Junmyeon told me to be responsible, so I walked in the direction where the boy ran and made sure, that I was still on the right way. We both left the warm hallways and I had to follow from outside on the cold night air. I could catch up and hear the boy better, even though I wasn't really trying to be fast. 

I noticed that I was walking towards the training rooms and for a moment I thought the boy was just about to practice, but this didn't explain his crying. The training rooms were always open and everyone was allowed to use them anytime they wanted. I walked on and as expected the boy led me to one of the buildings with training rooms. 

I got the sight of the boys back, but couldn't see who it was. It was too dark to even see anything. He stopped in front of the door and waited for some moments. It was like he was waiting for something, but then he entred. He shut the door behind him and left me outside. 

I waited for sometime and then checked if anyone was around. Then I went to the door and slowly opened them. Inside was dark and only a few lights were on, which were marking the boys way.

I stepped inside and tried to make as little noise as possible. I closed the door and then waited for some moments more, just in case if the boy nocided my presence. However I couldn't find the boy inside and wondered where he could be.

I walked around the training room and heard the sobs again. They led me to the side room, where was all the equipment for trainings. 

I slowly and quietly walked towads the half closed door that led to the side room and opened them fully. The room was darker and I barely saw anything, but still enough to recognise the boy. 

In the very corner of the room was a small and skinny figure. He was on his knees and bent down in the shadows. His skin was pale and bright in the weak light and his white hair were messed as always. From his eyes fell tears and sobs escaped from him. I also noticed a small, but sharp knife in his hands which he got from one of the shelves in the room. 

"Byun-" I spoke and got the boys attention.

He looked at me and I could sense his fear. He didn't say anything, but just looked down at the knife in his hands. I took a step closer, but didn't continue because Baekhyun backed away. It was like he was about to disappear from fear.

"Back off!" he suddenly said.

"What are you doing?" I asked even though it was obvious. He was about to cut himself. Self harm himself to cover the pain inside him. 

"Don't- Don't come closer!" he warned.

I backed a bit away as he had told me to. He was tensed a lot and I was not welcome in the moment. "Alright, Byun. Would you just put the knife down? You don't want to cut yourself with that!" I started and pointed at it.

He looked at me like I just said the most stupid thing ever. "What if I don't want to?" he asked.

"I don't think that would be safe..." I said.

"Of course it is not!" he sobbed. " But It is all my decision anyway!"

I didn't want Baekhyun to hurt himself. When I had promised to make him stronger, I didn't mean it that way. Making him depressed to the point when he would've self harmed or even killed himself... That was not the option, but he went directly for it. I got a bad feeling with that. I didn't want to be the one responsible for his actions, but it was getting too late. I didn't want the past to repeat itself... "Byun, please-"

"Just shut up and get away from here," he said with weak, quiet and trembling voice. He placed the knife on his wrist. He was ready to cut into himself, but he waited.

"I didn't mean it this way-" I stopped, because something told me, that I actually meant it that way. That was actually the part of my promise, but I refused to think about what could happen, if he decided to hurt himself. I had been sure, he would've dealt with all the comments, but he hadn't. Insted he had picked the other way. "Leave it, please," I tried at last.

"Leave it? And what then? Deal with everything? I can't do it. Not anymore," tears fell down his cheeks and I could see the knife digging into his skin, but still not really cutting it.

In the next moment I noticed something else. Baekhyun's wrists were already full of scars. Until now I never paid a lot of attention to them, but they were there. He had never thought about hiding them on trainings, but I had always thought, that he had just gotten them while playing or something like this. The scars were weak and almost invisible, but enough to notice them.

"Byun-" I couldn't speak anymore. I just did a step forward and for a moment wanted to pull that knife out of his hands. I couldn't understand why I was acting this way, but I knew that he didn't deserve another cuts on him because of some comments!

"Get away!" Baekhyun rised his voice a bit and backed away further into the corner of the room. I could actually pull the kife out of his hands, but it was that near his skin and veins that it was just a matter of time when the blood would rush out.

"Think about it. Is it worth doing it? Just a few words made you like this. You have to harm yourself for those 3 words?! I tell you it's pointless!" I tried, but I was horrible at convincing people to be happy and chill, when they were ready to kill themselves.

"Pointless?" he replied. I actually got some hope that he would stop and leave everything behind, but the hopes disappeared before they appeared. "No. I do have a point..." he didn't end.

The knife in his hand got deeper into his wrist and dark red blood appeared. He didn't stop cutting deeper and deeper. The blood dripped down and then slided to his fingers, until it dripped on the ground.

I got numb. For a few moments I just watched how his blood slid down. I felt pain from Baekhyun rising inside me and making me clench. I couldn't stand watching him anymore and I stepped closer. I bent down and went on my knees next to him. He still didn't stop. He was just deepening the one cut he did without stopping. He will kill himself!

I greabbed the knife with my left hand and tried to pull it away, but Baekhyun held it in place. I had to use more force and so I grabbed Baekhyun's harmed hand and separated it from the knife. Baekhyun fought to get the knife back and continue what he started, but I threw it away and held him still.

Baekhyun's blood was now dripping between my fingers and I couldn't help myself, but also feel hurt myself. This souldn't have been happening and I felt responsible for Baekhyun's cut. This should have been my blood and I should have been the one in actual pain. I never thought something like this would happen and after all it was because of me. 

Baekhyun was still fighting and trying to get out of my hold.

"Stop!" I said, but just gained more kicks from him. "Baekhyun, STOP!" I called his real name. I could sense the sudden change of the atmosphere and he stopped with fighting for freedom. He was already weak and tired. The blood lose was too much for him and he slowly collapsed down onto my hands. 

I could feel how he relaxed on my arms. I knew, that I should hurry. The cut he did was deep and ugly, because of which the blood just didn't want to stop pouring. I stood up slowly and carefuly took his body into my arms, so he was lying down. I kept his harmed arm in place and made sure it was protected. I carried him to the hospital wing. I walked slowy and carefuly, like I didn't want to wake Baekhyun up. I knew he wasn't about to wake up but still belived that any sudden moves would meke him float away.