It hasn't always been rainbows and sunshine, that's a known fact. The journey to stardom was something that you didn't exactly expect to happen but you were glad it did, though there were things that you wished could be better.

Most people knew you started training since young, which meant the latter half of your childhood was spent with people much older than you, lack of parent figures (as they're living some continents away from you), and lack of friends your age, aside from the trainees at the company. You didn't have the experience people your age does, like going to the arcade for fun, crushes, young love, and so on. Would you prefer to experience them? Sure. Have you ever thought about quitting and pursuing other paths? When times got too difficult to handle alone, sure. Have you ever really considered it? Yes. So why didn't you?

The answer was your parents, your strong will, your strength, and your members.

The first hardship you faced was during the first few days of training. You had to get used to a new environment, new people, and being so young for being away from your parents was starting to take its toll on you. When you got there, your then-manager picked you up from the airport, took you to the company to take you around, and introduced you to the things you had to get used to. She was nice and understanding, which you were grateful for. She introduced you to your two roommates and even though they were polite and welcoming enough, they didn't want anything to do with you. They were about two to three years older than you and they'd been there long enough to know it was a tough competition, so they didn't want to make you too comfortable to think you were all friends. This really shook you because you were fourteen, didn't have anyone, and so far no one wanted to be friends with you. 

"It's a competition, Eli-ssi," your manager explained after the encounter. She looked sympathetic. "You have to be careful, okay? Really choose who you can be friends with, as some would only take advantage of you or even try to push you out of here so they wouldn't have even more people to compete with."

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion and slight sadness. "So I wouldn't have friends?"

She gave you a kind smile. "You would, it's just not that easy to find a good one." She stood up to leave you to unpack and get a little bit familiarised with your space. "I would suggest just staying away and really picking the ones who also do the same," she looked back at you, gaze serious. "They're usually the ones who think the same as you do." 

After that she left, leaving you to your thoughts. That was the first time you cried yourself to sleep. 

The next day was your first day as a trainee and you followed your manager's suggestions, staying quiet in an attempt to not stand out too much. You were already the talk of the town as a trainee from Australia and surely they had their own expectations, and you didn't want to deal with that. Still, you were able to attract Seulgi and Irene, and things started to look up from there. 

The second hardship was about two years into your training. You were experiencing some stagnancy in your training and you felt like this was not something you'd want to pursue. How long would you have to train for? Two years? Three? Four? You didn't know the answer to it, and the company didn't either, so you felt like you could be doing something else with your life. You've only been gone for two years, you could pick up your life from there, right? But were you really willing to let this end this part of your career, leaving behind Joohyun, Seulgi, and the sacrifices your parents had made for you to be able to do this?

You were struggling, and your older sisters could see it. They noticed you were showcasing the same attitude they did once they hit stagnancy and they knew they had to do something, and quick. 

Seulgi had been a trainee for so long that she felt like she could be there forever and still not debut. So, she knew she had to be the one to talk to you. 

"Eli-ah," Seulgi called after practice, the room empty after the rest of the trainees have gone back to their dorms for the night. "Talk to me for a sec?" 

You furrowed your eyebrows in concern. "What's up, Unnie? Is something wrong?" 

She gave you a warm smile, gesturing for you to sit in front of her on the floor. You did what she asked and she scooted closer, knees touching yours. 

"How are you doing, dongsaeng-ah?" 

Having her call you that really made you feel warm, feeling like she's your real older sister. The name really made you want to open up and you knew why she did it, so you didn't even try to deny anything.

You're just so lost.

"I'm not too sure, Seulgi-unnie," you sighed, dropping your face on your hands. You felt Seulgi's hand on your head, giving it little pats. "I feel so lost and I don't know if this is for me anymore," you looked up, eyes pleading and teary. "What do I do, Unnie?"

Seulgi cooed, bringing you into her embrace and you finally let out your frustrations in tears. "Oh, sweetheart," she hugged you tighter and she wished Irene was there to comfort you too. 

"I've been where you are and it's normal, Eli-ah, don't think too much about it," she explained and gave your head a kiss. She pulled back so she could be eye-to-eye with you. "What made you feel like you have to quit, hm?" She wiped your tears away and you truly understood that she saw you as her little sister, just like you saw her as your older sister. 

You pouted and Seulgi had to prevent herself from squealing. "I feel like my skill has stopped developing, and I don't know when I'll debut so I don't know if this is worth doing anymore," you heaved a heavy breath. 

"But..." you trailed off, realising something. "If I quit, the sacrifice I've made, my parents made, will go to waste and I really haven't found anything else I enjoy doing." You looked up at her with newfound determination. "I would also be disappointed in myself because I don't finish what I had started," Seulgi gave a knowing smile and you raised an eyebrow. "Is that why you're still here?" 

She chuckled and nodded. "Partly, yes. I also know that this is, truly, what I enjoy doing so I keep reminding myself of what makes me happy and this stagnancy is just another part of the process of getting there." 

She turned serious and put both hands on your cheeks. "Eli-ah, is this what you really want? We won't stop you from quitting if that's what you think is best." 

You gave a nod and you realised your chest didn't feel heavy anymore. It felt like there was a weight lifted off your chest and there was only the drive to succeed left. 

"Every time I sing I feel content and happy, and I would like my songs to help other people feel the same," you smiled your signature smile and Seulgi grinned, pinching your cheeks. 

"Then you should continue, see where you go," she softened. "It's not going to be easy, but you have me and Joohyun-unnie here, right? I know you can't tell your parents this but they just want you to be happy, remember that." 

With that, you finally felt like you found your way again. You smiled and rolled your shoulders back, feeling the weight being lifted off. "Should I talk to Hyun-unnie as well? 

Seulgi shrugged, standing up and gathering her bag. You followed suit. "It's up to you but you already know the answer to that, don't you?" 

You sighed and nodded, already picturing the scolding but also the worried expression on your guardian's face. You subconsciously let out a smile. "Before you deal with that though," your older sister nudged you, leading the way out. "Let's get some food, I'm starving!" 

You laughed out loud, shaking your head in amusement. "Okay, Unnie. Pick the food, then." 

She let out a celebratory "Yes!" and you chuckled, looking at her with love in your eyes. You've managed to overcome another obstacle and you knew there would be more, but you have your sisters with you and you knew you could get through them too. 

After your debut, things were hectic. You suddenly had fans and critics looking at your every move and you were starting to feel like you couldn't breathe. You tried to think that it's okay to be yourself and not think about it too much, but you found that to be difficult to actually execute. 

After promotions were done and you felt like you could finally breathe a little, you isolated yourself from the rest with your guitar, playing melodies and singing on the balcony. Now, Irene had noticed you were experiencing some difficulties and she could guess what they were, but she wanted you to come to her on your own. When that didn't happen, she realised you didn't want to burden her with your problems as you knew she was facing her own. She loved how considerate you were but she also hated, knowing you had to struggle alone thinking that you had to solve everything by yourself. You could, but you didn't have to. 

She knew she had to be the one who approaches the other first so the minute she heard the guitar she headed to the balcony, already knowing you would be there. Your back was turned towards her and she stood there for a bit just to admire the lady you had become. You were such a cute little thing and now you towered over her, though for some odd reason, your height provided comfort for her. 

She didn't realise she had been standing there for a while and only the sound of your voice cut her off from her thoughts. "What's up, Hyun-unnie?" 

She gasped, walking towards your smirking figure. You had turned around so you would face her. "How did you know it was me?" 

You chuckled, putting your guitar down. "I could distinguish your steps, as I could the rest of the members," you shrugged like it was nothing and she could only gape in astonishment. 

You patted the space next to you and gave her a small smile. "Sit down, Unnie." She did just that and really took in your face. She noticed the bags under your eyes, the aura of heaviness, and just how exhausted you looked though you tried not to show it by giving her your warm smile. 

"Eli-ah, tell me what's going on."

You leaned back slightly in surprise before cooling your expression back to appear untroubled. "What do you mean, Unnie? There's nothing going on, I'm just glad that promotions are over so we could rest a bit before our next one." 

Irene was silent before shaking her head. "That's not all of it, right El?" 

There was a staring contest before you finally accepted your defeat. "I would only tell you if you confide with your problem as well." 

That didn't surprise Irene much but she was still hesitant. She didn't like sharing her problems as well as she didn't want to worry others but she would be a hypocrite to you if she didn't and she didn't want that. 

She eventually let out a sigh, letting out a defeated smile. "Deal, now tell me." 

You chuckled before turning serious again. "Our debut didn't happen in the best circumstances but I'm still happy with it, though I realised that I don't exactly know how to... deal with it," you sighed, turning around slightly to face the sky instead. Irene followed the gesture though you could still feel her gaze on you. 

"We have a lot of people looking at our every move now, and a slight mistake has the potential of ending not only mine but our careers," you turned to her with anguish in your eyes. At that moment Irene felt like she had failed as both your leader and your guardian. How could she let this drag too long? Shouldn't she notice things sooner?

"I don't know if I should be myself or create a whole new person for the public to see, Unnie," you sighed. "And I don't like it but what choice do I have? I don't want to ruin this for us. It took us too long and too hard for me to blow everything over," you finally let out and Irene took your much taller figure into her tiny one, trapping you in her warm embrace. 

You closed your eyes in relief and put your arms around her to hug her tighter. 

"I'm facing the same thing, Eli-ah, and I think staying true to ourselves would serve us better in the long run, right?" You nodded into her shoulder and she cooed at the cuteness. "Then it's settled. We should be ourselves but still be careful, okay? How about that?" 

You nodded again and pulled back slightly from the hug, still having her in your arms. "Then tell me about your struggles aside from that one, Unnie. I know that's not the only one." 

She bopped your nose cutely and gave you her breathtaking smile. "You know me too well, Eli-ah," she sighed. She changed position so she's cuddling into you, head on your chest to listen to your heart. You hugged her closer with your head on top of hers. 

"I don't think I'm a good leader, Eli-ah," with that you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion though you stayed silent to let her continue."I'm too shy in interviews and I'm supposed to be the one talking the most. I don't come to you much earlier or notice your problems much earlier, which I think I should be able to do," she let out a sigh but you knew she wasn't finished. "I feel like our debut wasn't the best and I wasn't able to keep our group together better. Should I assign Seulgi as the leader? I think she would be better at it than I am," she finally laid out her insecurities to you and you realised it was much worse than you thought. 

"I think you're a very good leader, Unnie, and we wouldn't be here without you." You raised your head and straightened her a little so she was looking at you in the eyes. "Maybe Seulgi-unnie would be more vocal but there's nothing wrong with how you are now," you gave her a warm smile. "It's only the beginning, Unnie, and you could practice becoming a better leader, well, the leader that's up to your standards, I guess." You couldn't help but and she pouted, hitting your chest lightly. You laughed. 

You sobered up and gave her a warm gaze filled with respect and love. "And for not noticing sooner, we're all busy and tired so that's understandable, I don't blame you for it, Hyun- unnie." This time you bopped her nose and blush spread on her cheeks, making her look even lovelier. "And you keep our group together just fine, it wasn't anyone's fault that our debut wasn't the best. That's totally out of our control," you added seriously. "I know you love us and care for us, and that's enough to keep our group together for a long time. The rest will come with it." You smiled tenderly at her and she replied with her own, patting your cheek softly. 

"You've grown so fast, Eli-ah. Please slow down." You laughed loudly at that, body shaking in genuine laughter. 

"You're funny, Unnie." 

As the group's popularity raised, so did the hate. The one who got hate the most, though, was Yeri. She joined the group much later and that caused a lot of controversies that she didn't mean to cause. You felt like your group had become a lot livelier and happier with her around, and you couldn't be much more grateful. However, that wasn't enough to stop the hate and your little sister was really struggling with it. 

"Yerimmie," you knocked on her door. "It's Eli-unnie, can I come in?" 

It was silent for a while that you thought you'd try another time before a weak "yes" was heard, breaking your heart in the process. 

You opened the door to a puffy and teary-eyed Yeri and you could feel the tears starting to appear in your own eyes. You closed the door softly and came to her side, her hugging you the second you sat down. You hugged her tighter and rocked her back and forth, humming a calming lullaby. 

"Let it all out, dongsaeng-ah," you cooed softly. "Unnie is right here with you." With that, she let out all her cries and your own tears fell on your cheeks though you tried to not let your voice become teary. 

You didn't want to make her feel even guiltier. 

You continued singing the lullabies and after she finally calmed down after some time, you wiped the tear tracks on your cheeks before pulling back from the hug just a little bit, kissing her head in the process. 

You took her face in your hands and wiped her tears away with your thumbs, giving her a motherly smile. "Are you feeling better?" 

She nodded and you kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry that you have to deal with all this hate, Yerim-ah, you truly don't deserve it." You were serious and she was watching with rapt attention. "Just keep reminding yourself of the love your family, your members, and your fans have for you, and we trust and believe in you so much." She teared up again, this time because of your sweet words, and you chuckled. "Don't cry, Yerim-ah. We're here for you, okay?" 

She nodded again and gave you her gummy smile before putting her head back on your chest. You chuckled at her cuteness. "Do you know that I've admired you since trainee days, Unnie?" 

You were confused. "Me? Why?" 

She pulled back from the hug to face you with a big smile on her face. "I know you struggled a lot but you succeeded in overcoming them, and I'm so relieved when you didn't quit because I didn't know where I'd be if it wasn't for you staying." Her words truly brought tears to your eyes. You didn't know you had that much impact on anyone, really. 

"Thank you, Yerim-ah. I didn't know I had that much influence on anyone, let alone someone so strong as you." 

She giggled cutely before kissing your cheek in thanks. "Well, now you know and you should always remember that, okay?" 

"I promise," you nodded with a wide smile on your face. You truly would.

There are times in your career when you thought you should be better or you should act differently, or just straight up think that it would be better for the group if you weren't a part of it. On days like these it's hard to shake you off of it, even Irene struggled with it, so it's up to Joy to do it. 

As most people know, you and Joy were the blunt and not-afraid-to-say-what-you-think members so when you feel like this, Joy's the only one who could help you. 

"Eli, think about it!" Joy shook your shoulders to try to make her point. "We wouldn't be Red Velvet without all six of us! You complete the group and we would be so lost without you!" She stopped shaking you and sat next to you instead. "You're the one we talk about our problems to, Yeri looks up to you, Seulgi-unnie relies on you, I rely on you, and even Joohyun-unnie and Wendy-unnie would willingly tell their problems to you!" She sighed slightly to cool herself down. She didn't want to appear too worked up. "Sure we'd still be here if you weren't but we would be a much different group if you weren't, and we don't want that to ever happen." 

She hugged you and kissed your head lovingly. "We love you, Eli, don't forget that." 

You were about to reply to her but your bedroom door banged open to reveal a wide-eyed Wendy. "Are you guys okay? I heard Sooyoung yelling at Liza." 

The moment was so absurd you laughed tearily, causing Joy to also giggle and Wendy finally figured the situation out so she chuckled too. "We love you, Liza," she came over to your side and took you into her embrace. You closed your eyes in solace.

"We want you here, okay? And we'll never change our minds. The fans love you too, we wouldn't have much of them if you weren't here, to be honest," she rambled on and you giggled, opening your eyes and pulling back from the embrace just slightly.

"Right, I attracted them so I have to stay to make sure they stay too," you joked and they laughed, sitting on either side of you and both side-hugging you.

"We'll always be here for you, okay? If you ever feel like this again just remember that we wouldn't be here without you, and if that doesn't work, just call Sooyoung to yell at you again."

The three of you laughed loudly but you nodded in agreement nonetheless. "Thank you, Unnie. Thank you for always listening to me and being my older sisters." You looked at them both. "I love you."

They smiled and kissed each cheek. "We love you too, Eli-ah."

You knew things would sometimes be difficult but you have your sisters with you and you wouldn't have it any other way.