Luhan was scared to enter in the mansion, which was rather stupid as it was his own house.

He had dreaded this moment since when Sehun, Chanyeol and even Xiumin had left him standing alone in the corridor and carrying Kai away.

After Luhan had recovered from the initial shock of what had happened, he had decided to spend the rest of his day in the library. Obviously not because he wanted to study. But because he felt the need to stay away from his friends for a while. He would explain to them later. They won’t listen to him now though.

The sight of Kyungsoo crying tore at his heart. And to top that, he had made Kai cry as well.

Who was he to have the right to say such things to Kai and Kyungsoo?

He was nobody...

Sighing heavily, Luhan entered the mansion. He had waited until nine in the evening to make sure that everyone would be probably already doing their own stuff and he could just slip in to his grandma's room and sleep. To his surprise no one had called to check up on him and even if it hurt, he let it go quickly.

He held his breath and tip toed towards the stairs, which was again stupid, because it was not like he was some thief, sneaking in. But still, the thought of confronting his friends, if he still could call them that, was terrifying to him.

"Get down here!"

Luhan jumped just when he had reached the top of the stairs. He almost fell down and to be honest after seeing Sehun's dark eyes on him, Luhan wished that he had.

Gulping loudly, Luhan ran down as quickly as he could. He had to explain. Sehun would listen to him.

"Sehun-ah I..."

"Shut up!"

He would understand…or maybe not.

Luhan froze on his steps. But he wasn't going to give up. It's not like Sehun hadn't spoken to him like this before.

"Sehun-ah I can explain what happ...."

"You don't need to ing explain a damn thing! I don't want to hear a ing thing coming out of your ing mouth"

Luhan flinched and backed away. Sure Sehun had been angry at him before. Hell, he was always angry at him. But time it was different...It seemed real. And it scared Luhan.

Sehun roughly grabbed Luhan's shoulders and pushed him against the wall.

Luhan yelped but didn't fight it. He deserved this...It was nothing compared to the way he hurt his friends.

"Kai tried to ing kill himself, you ing bastard!" Sehun growled. "You hear me?! He ing drank that to end his ing life!"

Luhan's eyes widened as he struggled to breathe evenly...how? Why?

Sehun's grip on him hardened, but Luhan was numb. Sure he had said harsh things to Kai but how could his words have impacted him so deeply? It didn't make sense...

"Are you ing gone deaf?!" Sehun shook him and Luhan’s head slammed on the hard wall against which he was pushed.

"Let...let go of me...Please...Sehun-ah..."

"Don't fuking call me like you ing know me! You don't know !"

Those words rang a bell in Luhan's head. It was true, he didn't know anything...

"Please..." Luhan's head fell down weakly, “Let…go…”

"It's your fault he almost ing died! Do you ing understand?! HE ALMOST ING DIED!"

I understand Sehun-ah. I do! I am dying too...

A low chuckle that came from Luhan, made Sehun's blood froze.

Luhan's head moved and he suddenly looked up at Sehun.

Shocked by the look in Luhan's eyes, Sehun let him go, pushing him away from himself.

Stumbling on his feet Luhan fell on the floor still laughing madly. It was a sound that made the younger sick.

Sehun watched shocked as the smaller boy got up and walked up the stairs, shaking and giggling.

*******

Luhan laughed every time he wanted to cry.

Because crying was not worth it.

He had learnt to do so a long time ago. It was hard at first, but now it came naturally.

As he rolled on his makeshift bed on the floor that night, he thought about what Sehun had said. Did Kai try to commit suicide? But why?

Luhan was sure that it couldn't have just been because of what he said. No way...Was Kai alright now? Was Kyungsoo alright?

It was already two in the morning and Luhan still couldn't sleep. His stomach's rumbles echoed in the empty room and Luhan groaned in frustration. Several times he had thought to just go down and eat but he couldn't face anyone at the moment.

The sleep was lingering in his eyes but Luhan couldn't fall in the peaceful world of dreams, so he gave up.