I'M PRETTY WHEN I CRY
THANK YOU, I'M SO SORRY, LOVE YOU.
Luhan woke up with a headache.
It was already late afternoon, the sun shining bright outside his shut windows.
A warm body underneath his.
Skin to skin.
Sweat.
With a jerk, Luhan sat up just to see he was on top of Sehun.
The boy still fast asleep.
Luhan stared at Sehun's white muscular chest and at the drool he had left on there.
He quickly cleaned it and got up.
The first thing Luhan checked was his jeans. They were still on and that somehow relieved him. No matter what he and Sehun had done, as Luhan only remembered bits and pieces: he remembered drinking and plucking a rose from the garden.
He remembered getting on top of the diving board in the swimming pool and falling down.
The aching bruise on his head confirmed that.
But what hurt was not the bruise or his head, it was his heart.
How could he have been so irresponsible?
There was nothing apart from alcohol that Luhan hated the most.
How could you, Luhan? His mother's voice said in his mind, You did what you ran away from.
"No..." Luhan stumbled on his feet and ran to the bathroom.
Bending on the toilet bowl, he emptied the content of his stomach.
It burnt his throat and nausea hit him again and again as he kept vomiting.
When nothing more came, the shaking boy got on his unstable feet and flushed the toilet. Then he quickly wiped his mouth with water and looked at his reflection in the mirror.
Ruffled hair, a purple, yellowish bruise on his head, bloodshot tired eyes, and his neck...hickeys on his neck, and then the scars of his past on his chest and stomach.
Bruises can heal but the scar will never fade away.
The blood from his nose started dripping slowly.
Look what you did to yourself.
"No, no, no," Luhan fell on the floor and curled up in a ball as he held his head in his trembling hands.
How could you?
"No, please mom..."
As soon as he couldn't hold his tears back anymore, Luhan knew he had lost everything.
All the walls he had built around himself. The weakness he had run away from. The pain he had buried with his mother's body.
The tears fell and Luhan cried.
Never cry Lulu, it's not worth it...
Luhan cried his heart out as he held his head.
So much pain inside his heart. So much suffering. And yet, somehow, he always put others before him and acted as if his own feelings didn't matter.
But why did it even matter when he would probably be dead in a few months anyway.
Did happiness really mean anything?
"Luhan!"
The boy didn't stop crying even after Sehun kneeled down next to him.
"What is wrong, Luhan?" Sehun hugged Luhan tightly and held him for a few minutes, not caring about the blood that was getting on his shoulder.
"Luhan?" Sehun called out as the boy's breath started to get to normal after a while.
Not receiving an answer, he pulled away just to see that Luhan had fallen asleep.
Sehun knew what hurt Luhan the most. It wasn't what they had done in the swimming pool. It was the fact that he had drank alcohol.
That day he had read his diary, about Luhan's father and his drinking habit.
Not only Sehun had not stopped him, but he had also got drunk together with him.
He had hurt Luhan so many time, yet the boy always forgave him.
Sighing, Sehun got up holding up the boy.
"Luhan?" he tried to wake him up, "You can sleep once you clean up your face."
Luhan opened his eyes just to find Sehun holding him.
He looked at Sehun for a few seconds before pushing him away.
"Luhan!"
"Go away, Sehun!"
"But..."
"I said leave we alone!"
"Luhan, you don't understand!"
"I understand everything," Luhan suddenly screamed, wiping away the tears and blood, "You don't know anything! You just want to
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