I woke up with the bright ceiling lights above me shining into my eyes. 

It was hurting my eyes and I blinked a few time before I was able to open my eyes fully and set my vision right.

The last time I remember, I collapsed into my mom's arms because I tried attempting suicide.

I looked to my side and saw Hanbin lying his head on the side of the bed while holding on to my hand that I slashed myself with his eyelids shut.

He must be exhausted putting up with me.

I looked around and finally realised I was in the hospital wearing a white gown with the strong detergent smell around me.

I felt a little headache from the smell and I winced before I lifted my hand up to rub and ease the pain.

Unfortunately,  I disturbed Hanbin's sleep.

He felt that I was moving and immediately he opened his eyes and lifted his head before looking at me with his surprised eyes.

"Sua!" He called.

His voice sounded the entire room, causing Bobby to wake up as well on the couch at the corner of the room.

Bobby woke up and dashed to me before looking at me with worried eyes, "gwenchana?"

I nodded my head and turned away from them.

Again, I was too embarrassed to look at them and I didn't even deserve the way how they were treating me now.

Please take a good look at Hanbin, his face was like a swollen pig from all those bruises and it was all my fault.

iKON's reputation was no difference to trash now after losing all the respect from people around especially those rookies group because Hanbin wasn't able to control his girlfriend for ing around.

That was what it was going all arount the Seoul city especially the high school student.

I embarrassed him.

Bobby sighed and pulled out his phone, "I'm going to tell eomma that she woke up."  he told Hanbin and left the room, leaving with just me and Hanbin.

I could sense that there was a thick tension between us, I knew Hanbin wanted to ask me something but he was just too afraid to speak to me especially after I tried attempting suicide.

I heard him sigh before taking a seat on the chair beside my bed again with my back facing against him.

"Sua." His voice was a little unsteady. "I'm sorry.... I'm sorry that I should be with you that time." He referred to when I was trying to take the sleeping pills.

No.

 He shouldn't be there because I wanted to end my life for them. 

I want them to live well instead of getting punch by some hoobaes and coming back with a worse condition every single day.

Hot tears started streaming down my pale cheeks uncontrollably as I bite my own lips so that I wouldn't make any sound of me crying but I was pretty sure my whole body was shaking.

Now that I made the people around me worried, I felt guilty.

If I ended my life just like that, wouldn't it be better? 

They would only be sad for awhile and soon they would get over me and they would eventually forget about the disgusting video.

"Don't do that anymore, okay? Do you know how worried I was with the thoughts of losing you? I can't afford to have you not by my side." Hanbin honestly said and I could hear that he was really afraid of losing me.

His words really did reach my heart and I felt something.

But what could I have done? My entire life was like pointless to me, it was meaningless for me to continue living.

"We can start from zero again. There's still a lot of things you can do instead of ending your life. Do you think ending your life will do good to everyone? Have you thought about Bobby, your mom, iKON and Lovelyz? They were all rooting for you." He frowned and gulped his saliva before continuing. "Yes, people around us were making fun of us and we were losing all those respect..... but did we ever complain? No! Because we all knew it wasn't you. We believe in you and we trust you, and you just want to end your life like that for us so that we will stop getting hurt? Have you ever thought how we will feel if you ever ended your life for us? We will be guilty as hell!"

Those words that Hanbin used to lecture me caused a panged in my heart.

 His words hit me so hard that I was finally starting to get my conscio