Jongin's conciousness slowly crawled back to him. His finger twitched a little before he let out a shaky breath. His chest had stopped hurting but Jongin felt all the energy had been drained out from his body.

"Jongin-ah?"

Jongin's lips parted open.

Mom?

He slowly opened his eyes, winced a little when his eyes made a contact with the bright light.

Mrs. Kim was staring at him. Her eyes were full of worry.

Jongin moved his body a little to sat up but his head suddenly hurting again and he groaned.

"Don't move too much. Just stay in the bed." Mrs. Kim said.

Jongin couldn't be happier when he heard the concern on his mom's voice. Jongin laid his head back on the pillow and sighed.

"What happened to you?" Mrs. Kim asked softly. "How could you fall down from the stairs?"

Jongin didn't immediately answer. He just felt his chest was almost exploding and his body just gave up like that.

"Jongin-ah?"

"-ah, yes..." Jongin startled. "I... I don't know... Maybe it's just a lack of sleep."

Mrs. Kim stared at him with suspicious eyes.

Lack of sleep?

The beautiful woman was about to open his mouth to speak again when both her and Jongin heard the door of Jongin's room being opened.

"Mom? -ah, Jongin! You've awakened?"

Jongin pressed his lip into a tight line when he saw his older twin made his way to the room. A plastic on his right hand.

"I've bought it, mom."

Mrs. Kim nodded and turned his head back to Jongin. "What do you want to eat? Eat something and drink vitamin."

Jongin blinked. "Anything..."

Mrs. Kim and Taemin stared at Jongin for a while, noticed how weak his voice was.

"I'll make you porridge." Mrs. Kim ended and walked out of Jongin's room.

Taemin made his way and sat on the chair that previously was seated by their mom. Taemin stared at his younger twin's pale face for a while. "Are you feeling better?"

Jongin nodded slowly. At least his chest wasn't hurting again.

"Aren't you feeling sick? Why all of sudden you fainted?"

Jongin raised his shoulders. "I-... I don't know..."

Taemin sighed. Jongin looked down and played with his blanket, didn't look at Taemin at all.

Taemin was so beautiful, and looking at him was like looking at the pretty perfect expensive teapot through the mirror. They are so similiar, yet Jongin was the cracked one.

"Jongin-ah."

Jongin looked up when his name was being called and immediately met Taemin's sad eyes.

"Are you still mad at me?"

Jongin blinked and shook his head. "No. Why should I?"

"You see, my relationship with Zico hyung that time is- well... Well I don't know you also like him. Y-you should've told me you know. If I knew then I wouldn't-"

"That's okay." Jongin whispered and averted his eyes back to his fingers which were now grabbing the blanket's sheet tightly. "It's not like if you didn't accept him he would turned to like me anyway."

Taemin winced at the bitterness on Jongin's voice.

"I- I'm really s-sorry Jongin-ah! Please! We've not been talking for almost a month!"

Jongin sighed as he bit his lower lip to hold his sudden mix of emotion. He's not just angry for Taemin stealing away his secret crush in highschool. He's not just envying all the attentions that Taemin get for having such a lovely look and bright attitude. But he's the most angry toward himself. For being such a miserable person living on the earth. With nothing to be proud of. Not a decent looking boy, nor a talented and lovable one. Jongin felt useless, and looking or talking to Taemin will just make him feel even more worthless.

"Jongin-ah. I-"

"Hyung? I'm tired. Can I sleep now?" Jongin asked.

Taemin stopped the words that were just about to pour out from his mouth.

Jongin laid body on the bed and turned to show his back on Taemin.

Taemin sighed inaudibly and stared at Jongin's back for a little while. Was it that hard to kick out the frozen heart of Jongin?

Taemin blinked away a droplet of tears that formed on his eyes. It's not his fault! Why Jongin's so selfish for not caring to even just listen to Taemin's reason?

"It's up to you, then." Taemin gritted his teeth to not let out a quivering voice. "Sleep tight, Jongin-ah. Get well soon."

With that, Taemin raised himself from the chair and walked out of the room to left Jongin alone by himself.

Jongin moved his hand and wrapped it around himself. He curled his body into a little ball. He closed his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. He felt guilty for cutting out every single words that Taemin had said. It's better to not look at Taemin at all so his heart wouldn't need to be clenched out painfully when he realized that Taemin was unreachable for him.

Jongin slowly drifted back to his sleep. Even just an hour, he wanted to escaped his pathetic life. And drifted to a land where all his dreams came true.

A place that will never make Jongin sad again.

Oh.

How Jongin wished he could go there soon.

***

That day, Jongin was imprisoned in his house. He couldn't go anywhwere and did anything except sleeping on the bed.

The next day, Jongin didn't have any classes so Chanyeol asked him to meet up. They were in their current favorite place to chill out, Jib cafe. Jongin liked the homey feeling of the cafe and the pastries turned out to be super yummy that Jongin craved and craved more. While Chanyeol? Well... He just craved for Jongin's face more and more.

Chanyeol watched as Jongin traced the picture's frame on the wall with his fingers. "...they travel around the world..."

Chanyeol took a peek on the picture and smiled. "Yes. Twice a year. And sometimes more when they do backpacking."

"They are so lucky." Jongin sighed as he sat his back on the sofa.

Another dream of Jongin was to travel around the world. His family had ever took him to Hongkong once, about 2 years ago and he developed himself as a wanderlust. Someone who's lusting after traveling the world. To meet new people, tasting new food, breathe the new air, stand on another ground. Jongin loves it. And it's a part of his dreams. But these days, his parents never asked any of him or Taemin to join them. Mostly because it's no longer going for vacation, but for job. Jongin missed that feeling when he's on an airplane.

"Let's go