Kyuhyun POV

I kept on massaging my temples, hoping that my headache would go away, but it didn’t.

The thing is, I’m an idiot. No, more than an idiot. I’m worse than any female main character in a Korean drama, more dense, and possibly more annoying.

I was in the library, trying to get Lunar New Years out of my mind. I don’t understand why I’m like this, all stupid and such, but I am.

During the whole “Please pretend to be my girlfriend” fiasco, it was going great—wonderful, actually. I was taking her out to see fireworks, and we were sitting there, perfectly fine.

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“Okay, so let me get this straight.” She chuckled, “Rather than socks, you used a pair of pants in order to get more presents?”

“I was a smart kid during Christmas.” I smiled, “Which is why my sister always hated me.”

“I would’ve hated you also, considering how you never try.”

Alex chuckled, looking at the fireworks.

“Sorry that I forced you into this. I’m sure you’d rather be with Seunghyun right now.”

“I’m used to Seunghyun not being here. He’s always really busy.”

I was silent, but I was curious at the same time. Why was she dating someone who wasn’t there? That seems kind of pointless.

“You deserve better.” I—stupidly—blurted out.

Alex looked up at me, her eyes twinkling in the night. She was beautiful like always, but tonight, she was prettier. Her skin reflected what was going on up in the sky, and her eyes—those eyes—were just beautiful as always, staring right at you, deep into your soul. God, I sound cheesy trying to describe her, but I can’t you see? I can’t help it. At that moment, I was completely mesmerized by her.

She suddenly laughed, “Only pretty girls get better.”

“I’ve told you this before, it’ll get better.”

“I’ve been waiting for the better part for a while now. And I really hope Seunghyun is the ‘better’ part. If not…” she paused, looking at the fireworks. “I don’t know. I don’t want to wait anymore.”

I couldn’t help it. I leaned in and kissed her temple. I didn’t know what else to say, other than, “You deserve better”.

She looked at me, the corners of her lips forcing to curl up. “Chae sure is lucky to have you, isn’t she.”

“Yeah, Chae, lucky.” I say. But Seunghyun’s luckier.

~~~~~~`

That scene keeps on replying in my mind, wondering, “What if?” What if I told her? What if I actually manned up and said that I was absolutely and utterly smitten by her? But of course, the thought is useless. Because the honest truth is, is that I’m a coward, and nothing but a coward.

It makes sense. I mean, I depended on Alex to try and set up a date with Chae rather than going up front and saying, “Oh hey Chae, let’s go out” which would’ve been a lot easier. I kissed her, and told her that it was an at the moment thing and that it meant absolutely nothing which led to her crying and me feeling like a jerk (and I still do feel like one). And lastly, possibly my favorite, rather than telling my family that I’m not seeing anyone, I made Alex get involved.

I’m possibly one of the most cowardly cowards of all time, to be honest. There’s no one more cowardly than me.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Sunbae, are you okay?”

My eyes widened as I looked up. But it wasn’t Alex—how could I mistake it for her voice?—It was Chae.

I blinked for a bit, “Yeah, I’m just…Stuff.” I say, shaking my head.

Chae sat down next to me, looking at me. “Are you sure? You seemed really stressed.”

I forced a smile, “I’m fine.” I say, closing my book, “I should probably leave anyways.”

She continued to stare at me with those brown eyes and nodded. “Alright.” She then straightened herself, “Also, would you like to go out for a cup of coffee with me on Saturday?”

I stopped packing up. “Wait, what?”

“You know, coffee.” She smiled, “And I kind of need help in science.”

“Oh..Well, yeah, that’s fine.” I blinked.

“Great!” she beamed, “It’s a date!”

…Date?

Chae patted my back, “And, I know it’s a bit late now, but can I call you informally?”

I blinked, “Y-yeah, that’s fine.”

“Perfect!” she smiled , “Well then, bye!”

I walked her walk away, and I was still staring at her. The words didn’t formulate in my mind. It just…It just didn’t make any sense whatsoever. So I did what I would normally do in these type of situation, I continued to pack my stuff, and walked away, got outside, got in my car, and bam! It hit me.

“I’m going out on a date with Chae.” I say to myself.

For some reason, I wasn’t happy. I mean, Chae is an amazing woman and all, but…I can’t explain it. But I want to blame Alex for it. Yes, I’m crazy for Chae, yes, she’s extremely attractive and very kind. But…There’s Alex. A nerdy, awkward, kind person who I know for a fact I can talk to about my problems. Plus, although I’ve known Chae longer, I’m closer to Alex because she’s such a supporter.

I widened my eyes, “Oh god.” I say.

There could be a possibility that I—no, wait, it couldn’t be. It just can’t.

No, no! It’s just a friend thing! A friendship in which I was always around her, helping her out, reminding her to eat, forcing her outside to enjoy life—yes, yes. A friend thing.

But…It would make sense. But if I did, you know, have a crush on her, then what would I do? Tell her? If I did, then it could possibly ruin our entire friendship. Besides, she’s dating Seunghyun, and I’m not going to be the jerk that’s going to ruin a relationship just for a girl. Unless, are they a couple, or are they just dating? Because if they’re just dating, then she could just try out other humans to see if she likes them. But Alex being Alex, she probably wouldn’t want to date other guys regardless. Plus, it’d be awkward. Two friends, who’ve known each other for a long time, suddenly dating and becoming a thing and—wait wait wait, why am I thinking of this?

I’m going out with Chae on Saturday, and that’s great. I’ve got a date! I’ve got something to do, the girl of my dreams asked me out! I should be happy!

…But why aren’t I?

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