The past three days was hell for me. I mean, yes—being in his house, with him, being his secretary and hearing all his demands—are already hell but the past three days were even worse.

I have had little to no sleep attending to the gorilla’s demands and honestly, I hope he just shuts up and die or something. Ugh, why does he have to do all these hotel work, he’s already an idol!

I am his nurse by day, his robot by night—literally. Now I have to deal with all these paper works while he sleeps his all night.

I’m sitting in front of the computer doing his technical s. Ugh. I yawned and rolled my eyes. You’ll have ten minutes for this and you can sleep Dohee-ah! Fighting!

I straightened my back and started to scan some documents when I heard my phone ring. I checked who it was and—guess who? You’re right, it’s the gorilla. What now?

From: Gorilla Devil Boss

Get me some pain killers.

This man has been abusing himself with painkillers I think he’s going to be so high any minute now. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Ugh, like I have a choice?

I stood up lazily and walked to the kitchen to check the medicine box. There weren’t any left. I bit my lip. Ooops, looks like someone’s going to suffer throughout the night. Hah!

I closed the door of the medicine cabinet and grabbed my phone to reply.

To: Gorilla Devil Boss

We ran out of pain killers Sir.

But my phone vibrated. What? Why can’t I send a message?!

I tried to send it again but it won’t. What is wrong with my signal?

I put my phone on the counter top. This leaves me no choice but to go to him. I turned around and saw my boss walking inside the kitchen with a pained expression.

“Painkillers.”

One cold word and I know I’m in damnation. Uh-oh.

“W-we already ran out Sir.”

He stopped just in front of the fridge and I saw the note I put there. Holy , he should not see that. I gulped nervously and my eyes began to widen in horror. Oh my goodness, I’m not really going to get through this time if he sees it! .

His eyebrows furrowed a little and turned his head to the fridge’s direction. HOLY NO—

I ran instantly in front of the fridge to cover the note with my head without realizing how close our faces got. Shoot. His eyes widened and well, mine too and we stood there for a few seconds, shocked of what I did. What the hell did I do? Mr. Kim stepped backwards after realizing our position. , Dohee, why do you try to put yourself in danger? Why can’t you just—ugh, never mind.

“What are you doing?!”

But it was kind of weird that my brain wasn’t even functioning and ears felt like they were deaf for a few second. S-s-since when did he have those kind of cherry l-l-lips? Omo! H-he s-stil s-s-smells so good.

H-H-He looks really impossibly angelic—nope—erase that.

Omo! Yah! Hwang Dohee what are you thinking right now? Are you really crazy? Aigoo.

Ugh, this is so frustrating.

I blinked rapidly and tried to speak while sticking my head to the fridge to maintain a good distance.  I hope I’m not blushing holy sheezles.

“N-nothing, j-just— there aren’t any pain killers in the fridge.”

“I’m not dumb.” He remarked. I closed my eyes after feeling the raging anger from his eyes and gulped. Oh , why did I even do that? Am I out of my mind? Guess I am. Uhhh, why?

I slowly opened my eyes and saw him crossing his arms on his chest with an annoyed expression. “Hurry, Step aside.”

I tried to stop him in half a second, waving my palms in front of him. I laughed nervously. What the am I really doing?!

His left brow rose up.

“I-I m-mean… I-I’ll get whatever you want for you Sir, you should be resting in your bedroom you know.” I tried to laugh casually but ended up sounding really nervous and weird, like a goat.

His expression didn’t change.

I bit my lip. Can you just go away? Ugh.

“I’m counting to three—”

Holy cow, what should I do? Oh no! Uhh—

Before he could finish his sentence I shouted: “Oh my goodness, what is that?!” I pointed at a wall behind him so that he would look away and I could get the note from the fridge, I hurriedly grabbed the note and started to panic when I realized my pajamas doesn’t have any pockets. Holy uhhhh!!!! Where the hell should I put it—oh .

He was about to look at my direction again, this ing leaves me no choice. I crumpled the note and put it inside my mouth in no time, I closed my mouth and tried to stretch my lips just in time for him to face me.

“What was that?”

Holy , so how can I speak now? Great Dohee, you are so damn genius!

I shook my head and tried to smile as widely as I could and I’m quite pretty sure I look like a mad hatter or something. What the hell am I doing with my life? Really?

Mr. Kim expression grew more curious and studied my face. How genius can I get? Eating the sticky note? Really? Dohee?

. Just go to bed monkey.

He rolled his eyes and waved his hand signaling me to step aside and I nodded rapidly. Finally. Thank goodness!

I watch him bend as he try to search something in the fridge. He got a bottle of fresh pressed tangerines and closed the door. He turned to me before walking out. “Tomorrow’s Wednesday, prepare my papers accordingly with my meetings. Remember to give a five minute interval.”

I nodded, maintaining my smile but he ignored me and exited the kitchen. After he was gone from my sight, I opened my mouth and got the note. Ewwww, I can’t believe I did this!

I was about to throw the sticky note in the garbage bin when I noticed a familiar paper bag inside it. This looks familiar—wait—this was the one Gorilla handed to me a few days ago… hmmm, why did he throw it?

I looked around me to make sure he wasn’t around and got the paper bag from the bin, it wasn’t dirty since it was the only thing inside the bin. I threw the note inside the bin and brought the bag with me.

What could it be?

I slowly opened the bag and saw a pair of slippers. “What the, why is he throwing away slippers—oh my gosh!” I was surprised when I saw the price tag. “Well, these are a bit expensive and he throws it away so casually.” I talked to myself.

I checked the slippers and it was a brown one with an animal character that seems familiar—looks like a Meer cat to me. Hmmmm, maybe this is a sasaeng fan’s gift to him, I once read sasaengs are really extreme they would buy any gift they’d like to give but they could also stalk you wherever you go. Scary.

B-but, wait a minute. W-why did he try to give this to me—aish, what am I even thinking?!

Dohee, he wasn’t trying to give it to you.

Maybe he just wanted me to first see what the bag really contained because if it was a bomb, I’d be the one to get hurt and not him.

Omg! Right! What if that was really the reason. Aish, no wonder he’s really a devil! Tskkk. Tsskk, I should be really careful next time around. That gorilla can’t really be trusted.

But it still has a price tag—who would give gifts with price tags? Dumb sasaengs.

And seriously Dohee, why do you even care? So what? Just bring this back to the garbage bin. Right, I guess I should do that.

I put the slippers back inside and the price tag as well and closed the paper bag. I opened the door and was shocked to see Mr. Kim outside and was about to knock (since his fist was up in the air). I immediately hid the paper bag behind me while freezing on my spot in front of him. I looked up.

“I’ve been calling you.” He blurted out while his eyes were travelling down to my hidden arm.

I gulped. Oh , right, I left my phone in the kitchen!

I cleared my mouth to get his attention.

“I-I think I left my phone downstairs.” I managed to reply.

“What is that??” he asked, trying to take a peek of the bag behind me.

None of your business.

“N-nothing S-sir…”

His brow curved up. Just please stop being so sneaky and go to your room already.

He gave me a ‘I’m-notbuying-that’ look. Ugh. So annoying indeed!

“Here they are—oh my goodness what’s that on the ceiling behind you?” I said, pointing at something behind him and swiftly threw the bag at the side of my room. I immediately laid both my palms in front of him.

My chest was beating so fast. Aish, getting the bag was a wrong move.

“Ms. Hwang are you out of you mind?! You keep on pointing on walls.”

I gulped. Maybe He then noticed my hands were empty and looked even more confused and annoyed.

He darted me a look and exhaled deeply. “Did Kang Baro call you?”

I shook my head. “A-as far as I can remember I haven’t received any calls, I’ll j-just inform you Sir if he does.”

He looked at me with eye brows knitting and then nodded. “Okay. Inform me the second he does.”

I nodded attentively at him and then he turned around to go to his room. I closed the door and wiped my forehead dramatically. Wew, that was close.

It’s still 4 am in the morning but my phone is already buzzing with messages. Ugh, freaking employees can’t just ugh—

Everyone kept asking if Mr. Kim was going in today but—who the hell cares it’s still 4 am! Aish, can they just leave me alone! I haven’t slept all night!

I rolled on the other side of the bed and heard another ring. AISH! I swear I’m going to kill you when I get there!

I answered it right away and spoke aggressively without evening checking the screen. “Yes! Mr. Kim’s coming in today!!! Are you satisfied? Now can you please let me sleep—”

“D-dohee-ah—”

The voice, which sounded shaky and whispery, was so familiar that it made me freeze in a blink of an eye. I checked my phone and realized it was m-m-m-my father.

.

 I stared at the screen of my phone, speechless. W-what s-should I do? W-why is he calling all of a sudden?

My heart started to race and my chest felt so heavy. I think I just stopped breathing.

I cleared my throat before any lump would start. “I’m sorry, you called the wrong number.”

I ended the call and just sat still on my bed for a while, shaking for a while. Why did he call me?

No Dohee-ah, don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry Hwang Dohee.

My eyes started to water but I closed it before they could form into big chunks of tears. No.

You made the right decision, just go back to sleep. I thought to myself—this became my mantra ever since I could remember and it works every time. Every—damn—time.

4:06

4:13

4:36

4:50

And I was still wide awake and too tired chanting the mantra that seemed to have lost its power. Unfortunately I can’t go back to sleep no matter what I did. My mind was flying back to that 4 am call. Why did he call? It made me curious and anxious but at the same time, I didn’t want to talk about it, I feel so angry. I can’t think clearly because I’m so, so, so angry that it consumes my entirety and kills me.

I skipped sleep and went outside, in the garden, to breathe some fresh air. Now that I remember, I haven’t started on it yet. I used to be so happy around plants, around gardens and I was too excited about this, now I feel sorry that they are slipping away from my mind because I’m busy doing things that doesn’t really make me happy. How Ironic. Maybe I should call some landscapers to help me out here. Right? Yeah, I guess so…

I was sitting on the steps of the doorway towards the kitchen, hugging my knees and trying to keep myself warm. I didn’t know being a lone is this hard.

It’s so hard. Why do I feel so alone?

I checked my phone and ran through my contacts. Who should I call?

I typed “J”

And Joon’s and Jaehwan’s names appeared.

But—Joon would just push me to go home, so as Jaehwan. Ugh.

“Aish, how did my life wind up this way?”

I got frustrated and ended up throwing my phone out in the garden which was very wrong move. Holy , my life decisions lately have been so stupid. UGH!

I dropped my shoulder in frustration and came to a point that I just wanted to cry because I’m so angry and tired of all the has been happening to me.

I ran to the sea of tall grasses and tried to find my phone.

“Ahhh! I hate the world!” I exclaimed as I searched the grass. It was so cold outside but my insides were the one to freeze me first.

I bent down to search again for my phone. “Where the heck is that?!”

But I couldn’t even find it because tears were starting to form and fall from my eyes. B-but D-Dohee, we said no more crying right?

But I feel so angry!

I feel so alone! Why do I feel so alone! It’s like everyone is against me.

How can my chest be this heavy?

To distract myself from crying, I started to push the grass aside with so much force as much as possible but I didn’t know if I was still trying to find my phone or just venting my anger out on something (sadly, this time it’s my baby grasses). I kept on lashing out my arms forward, bending as low as I could when I tripped and hurt my elbow. I looked up at a clear black sky with little pinches of sparkling stars. O-ouch. U-uuniverse? D-do you really hate me that much?! We’ll thanks for tis elbow scar, I appreciate it so much!

And before I could even slay another arm, I started to cry out loud because I didn’t know what to do and I started to doubt myself—Did I really make the right decision?

I didn’t know I had the talent to sob so much in a place I enjoy the most and in this time of day when I should be sleeping. Dohee, what are you—really?

Author’s note:

Hi, so this is an update and I know it’s a really lame comeback after being on hiatus for a very, very long time. I know, I know—I’m still trying to feel the “fanfic” feel back… If you have any idea what I mean.

But first of all I want to tell you that I missed AFF.

Secondly, to all the new subscribers and upvoters—Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I know I lack a lot, grammar-wise, story-wise and everything but thank you for upvoting and subscribing. TBH, I thought the most upvotes I’d get from this story is 35 (Really, no kidding). And subscribers would be less than 90 but here I am, seeing a three digit number of subscribers and that’s really huge!

I’m actually a bit pressured since I’m not so confident with my story telling and my characters but I’m trying so hard, really and I do hope that in the coming chapters I’ll let you feel the “butterflies” I feel when I imagine scenarios of Dohee and Joonmyeon (because I really do feel butterflies and in the Philippines they call it “kilig”—but it’s more translated into a “giddy” feeling that makes you cringe in a good way or something—).

Thirdly, to all those who commented whom I haven’t replied to because I was away from AFF for a very, very long time and also because I lost count (not that I have a lot of commenters but because I’m just dumb) but I also acknowledge that these people who comment are loyal readers and kind ones so I’m thankful for that, I’m always happy to see a comment or two since it reinforces me and well yeah—I get to feel that Dohee and Suho’s story affected you in some way.

But I hope you also keep in mind that you don’t have to comment every time because it might be a burden to you or something…Hihihihi.

And yes, I admit this chapter is kinda like boring, passive or I don’t know but don’t worry, I’m really trying my best to make the next chapters even better.

Please give me another chance and also, if you are not interested in this story anymore, you can really unsubscribe, it’s totally fine with me :-)

Kem.

P.S.: It’s a double update with cherries on top. Hahaha.