Day 11

Fast forward a week and Kyungsoo still couldn't tell Jongin about his doubts. Hell, how could he even begin? Despite feeling like every night before he goes to bed, he's still very happy being around Jongin. The boy makes him blush, pout, huff, and puff all day long, and it's adorable how Jongin just pops out of nowhere at random times to give him a kiss.

Eventually, Kyungsoo warms up to the idea of kissing Jongin in public. Or at least, in the middle of a busy campus. Most of the frats and sorrorities have already accepted the fact that they're together. I mean, the fact that the Nu frat made such a ruckus about it weeks back, and then Jongin's outright declaration of love for Kyungsoo, coupled with the fact that Jongin's been spending more and more time with the older male lately is enough to conclude that they're together.

The only ones who couldn't accept this are the alpha sorrority girls. They're still the main sorrority on campus, so naturally someone from an alpha is not supposed to mix with someone from a beta. The system has been operating in such a way for a very long time that it's almost tradition. Every alpha should know this, every other houses should stay away.

Jongin doesn't accept invitations by the girls anymore, and he doesn't frolic around like he used to. Instead he stays home and studies. He calls up his boyfriend every night and the both of them would talk on the phone for hours. It's already a week plus since Jongin made the deal with Kyungsoo. He's going to make Kyungsoo stay forever this time, and there's three more days before they could officially put on their couple rings again.

Looking at the way Kyungsoo has been acting around him lately, it's only a matter of time before Jongin could keep Kyungsoo in his bed forever. In fact, he's thinking about asking Kyungsoo to move in. There's a soft rap on the door and Jongin's ears immediately perk up in attention.

"Come in, baby..." He coos, and Kyungsoo walks in like a boss soon after.

"Guess what stupid Luhan did today." Kyungsoo huffs, plopping himself down on the bed angrily before crossing his arms.

"Hang a skeleton in your closet?" Jongin guesses, inching closer to give his boyfriend a massage on his shoulder blades. Kyungsoo visibly relaxes after that.

"He bought me dresses! Dresses, can you believe it?! And Joonmi noona is on his side. They want me to do a fashion show for them tonight, which is why I'm planning to sleep over again tonight."

"Damn...I'd like to be at that fashion show. You're hot in a dress, baby."

" you too."

"Gladly." Jongin takes in his boyfriend's lips after that, vigorously kissing him like every other kisses they share recently. He found out that Kyungsoo actually likes it when he plays with the older male's ear while they kiss, just casually rubbing his thumb against the earlobe. That simple kiss turns into a full on make-out session, and then Kyungsoo's lying on the bed with Jongin above him on all fours.

"You're so beautiful, Kyungsoo." The younger male says, lapping more kisses on Kyungsoo's neck after that, and the latter could only moan in delight. Kyungsoo forgets about his doubts when he's around Jongin. He forgets about their past, and his fear of being in a relationship again. He drowns in the pleasure that Jongin gives him, enjoys the little affection they share in public lately, and he's always looking forward to a future together.

They've had for the first time in months two nights ago. And now Kyungsoo's a wrecked mess inside, but he doesn't voice it out. He keeps it inside him, letting the bubble inflate until it's too much for him to hold it anymore. He doesn't want to stop this thing they have between them. Love is not something he could easily disregard.

Jongin pulls up his shirt and gently caresses every inch of his body. Kyungsoo closes his eyes to feel the pleasure rippling through his body, following the trail of warm fingers now moving down south until they stop in front of his waist line. He knows what's coming next. They've done it a few nights ago, and they would do it again now. .

He goes home later that night with a smile on his face. How could he not? Jongin just made love to him. They've done this before. He was happy about it. They are happy about it.

But the moment he steps into the beta house, his mind draws back to the past. He sees Minseok and Jongdae on the couch, making out, and then his knees are suddenly jelly beneath him. They immediately stop making out when they see him fall to his knees, eyes filled with tears. "Kyungsoo, what's wrong? What's wrong, sweetie? Why are you crying?" Jongdae reacts, quickly holding on to the younger male. Minseok goes off to get some tissues.

"I keep remembering what happened, hyung. I can't forget everything. I can't forget even when I'm already happy with him. I know that my feelings are sincere when I'm around him, but I just can't help being afraid. I don't know what to do right now."

"Oh god, what are we gonna do with you?"

Joonmi comes down at the time and gasps in surprise when she sees Kyungsoo crying in the middle of the living room, with Minseok passing tissues after tissues to the boy, while Jongdae gently rubs his back to calm him down. "What's going on here? Are you okay, Kyungsoo? Are you hurt?" She rushes over to check if he has any bruises on his arms and face, but finds hickey spots instead.

"You were with my brother earlier, weren't you?" She asks, looking concerned.

Kyungsoo spills out everything to her that night, wondering when he could ever get over this phase soon. It's bad enough that he's heartbroken after being separated from Jongin for too long. And now he's still heartbroken despite being back together with Jongin again. It's crazy!

"You know what you need, Soo baby? You need a vacation. I think what you need is some time to think this through again. All these while you never had enough space and time for yourself to just sit down somewhere quiet and think about what you want. You want to forget Jongin but he's there, everywhere. What he did was unforgivable, and to be honest, I don't think I could ever be as strong as you. I don't know how you could still face him after all that. But that's beside the point right now. Right now, I think it's only fit that you take some time off for yourself. Let's go somewhere far, where no one could find us. Or you, to be exact. And I want you to rest. I notice the lack of sleep you've been having lately, Soo. I'm sure everyone notices it too," Joonmi tells him, a small smile gracing her lips as Kyungsoo hiccups and sniffles beside her.

Jongdae and Minseok are sitting on floor in front of him, twiddling with his fingers and rubbing his arms. At least he's not crying like a any longer, but the hurt is still there. It's still raw.

"Remember what I told you before, Kyungsoo? Back then, during Valentine's, when we were talking in the saloon and I said--"

"You said that falling in love is not easy for Jongin. You also said that you don't want him to go through the same hardship that you endured because of your parents. I still remember. But what are you trying to tell me right now, noona?"

"Well, I also said that I won't let our parents get in the way of your relationship with Jongin. But right now... this has nothing to do with my parents. This is solely on you. You want this relationship to work but you're afraid to get hurt again. You don't believe in second chances despite being happy with him. You feel as if you've accepted him, but then you come home doubting yourself. And just you said, falling in love is not easy for Jongin. Once he falls, he falls hard. If you agree to leave, and this would be sudden to him, it might end up hurting him the same way you were hurt too. The way it was done may be different - you got cheated, that's worse - but the pain would be the same. You have to be sure if you want to do this."

"What about you, noona? He's your little brother. How could you still talk to me after this, knowing that I'm about to hurt him?"

"He's old enough to learn his own mistakes, Kyungsoo. I'm only there to guide him when he strays."

"He'll be blaming himself if I leave. I don't want him to hurt himself, even though he was the one who cheated on me."

Minseok suddenly clutches his hands tightly, cutting in. "Don't think about his feelings, Soo. It's just you. And I'm pretty sure no one would allow him to hurt himself. He has good friends over there. Kyungsoo, it's gonna hurt both of you if you don't do this. I think Joonmi noona is right. You need some time off to think. We've been trying to get you and Jongin back together that I didn't consider the implications that would occur to you. No one would blame you for leaving, Soo. You have the right to do so, but I really hope by the time you get back, things would be clearer for you."

Kyungsoo switches his gaze from Minseok to Joonmi, then to Jongdae and he realizes that it's really just him right now. He needs to clear off the doubts he's having, and even though running away seems like a cowardly option, but with everything around him being a distraction, it's hard to see what he really want these days.

"What about classes?"

"Kyungsoo, it's already November, and it's nearing December soon. Classes are getting lesser lately because our lecturers want their holidays too. Some people are already going home for the holidays. You won't miss many classes, and no worries... we'll be here to take notes for you," Jongdae says, "Plus, you look ugly when you cry."

" OFF!"

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Kyungsoo tells the beta frat about his plans the next morning, and Luhan ends up wailing for him not to go. There's something about the world ending, and underwears never fitting again and whatever nonsense he decided to pull just to keep Kyungsoo there. Sehun comes in for a morning tea and he's into the gloomy atmosphere too, but it's not like he cares.

Joonmi and Taemin are packing their things because they're supposed to leave by tomorrow, and the children are being watched by Jongdae for the moment. When afternoon rolls in, Kyungsoo tells his friends that he wants to see Jongin one last time before he leaves. He needs to remember these last few hours he'll have left with the younger male.

Jongin would be devastated later, to find him missing so suddenly, so it's better to leave with good memories for both of them to remember. Plus, it's not like Kyungsoo doesn't love him. He just has a very messed up head right now, but he'll definitely come home soon. He's not sure where's he going, since Joonmi isn't telling him.

But it'll probably last for only a few days. Maybe. It could also be only a few hours.

If he doesn't want to go somewhere with Joonmi, then he could always choose to go back to his real home. His mum would be ecstatic to have him over for the holidays early. There'll be cookies and cakes and all the assorted pastries he enjoy eating. His older brother would be there to hang out with him and his dad wouldn't mind taking him out for a drive. His family would be a great escape for his messed up life in college.

But then again, he doesn't want them to know that he was dating a boy in college. Or at least, he doesn't want his father to know. Jongdae may have told his mum.

"Hey Nini," he greets the lanky male the moment Jongin opens the door. Jongin throws both arms around Kyungsoo's neck and pull him in for a hug. It's a Saturday afternoon and Kyungsoo's already at his door. It must be heaven. He didn't expect Kyungsoo to turn up at all since he mentioned something a dance lesson yesterday and Kyungsoo agrees to let him practice. Screw all that right now. He's just happy to have his angel here.

"DId you miss me already, baby?"

"Of course." Kyungsoo says cheerfully, truly sincere with his words. Jongin looks handsome as usual, dressed in a casual white T-shirt with Calvin Klein written across his chest in bold letters. A pair of dark blue jeans hug around his legs perfectly, and Kyungsoo doesn't want to admit that his boyfriend actually looks taller than usual today. "Were you on your way out?"

"Yeah. I've got dance at 2."

"Can I come?"

The younger male gives him a quizzical look, because Kyungsoo has never attended any of his dance practice before. It's just a class filled with sweaty-looking people anyway. Nothing too great. The sorrority girls are not joining them today, so it's just the guys. And Jongin wants to be there early. He's got to prepare a solo performance for the Christmas party coming up soon. The other guys said they'll be joining him later around 5.

"You sure about that? It's just me for now. Everyone else is coming later."

"Even better." Kyungsoo smiles, wondering if Jongin could give him a lesson or two.

He ends up stepping all over Jongin's feet when he dances, and after giving the triple pirouette that Jongin's good at for the third time, he finally gives up. "How in the world could you do it without feeling all dizzy when you stop?" He laughs, feeling so tipsy and fuzzy that he ends up falling against Jongin instead. It's a nice cushion compared to the floor, and oh boy, he's been hitting the floor non-stop since he started.

It's only been an hour and he's already sweating like a pig.

"I've been doing it for years," Jongin chuckles, carefully pushing Kyungsoo down to sit on the floor. "Let me get you some water."

"No ice please."

"Roger that, angel!"

They talk a lot after that; just talking non-stop until it's already 5pm and it's time for the real dance class to start. Other students start filing in one by one and Kyungsoo asks why they're all guys. Jongin says that the girls don't have practice that day since the performances would be separated by gender. It's a little different this year for the dance performances.

Jongin then tells Kyungsoo to go home and rest, seeing the older male to the door before giving him a quick peck on the lips. It's not enough, Kyungsoo thinks. It's too short. So instead of letting it end like that, Kyungsoo cups his boyfriend's face and kisses him long and hard. He closes his eyes to feel Jongin's lips on his; embedding the memory of it into his mind because he needs this. Dear god, he needs this so much.

When he pulls back, Jongin has a dreamy look on his face, slightly amused too because Kyungsoo has really changed these past few days. He's not afraid to initiate his affections in public anymore. Jongin wants to believe that Kyungsoo has finally open up to him once more. Please don't let this end.

And then Kyungsoo's gone, bading farewell before disappearing down the path that leads to the beta house.

That night Jongin doesn't bother to call or see Kyungsoo. He knows that they'll be together soon. Plus, he wants to give Kyungsoo some space too. They've been seeing each other almost everyday these past two weeks, so it's only right to give him a night off. There's always tomorrow and the day after. And the day after.

Yeah, there's always tomorrow. Tomorrow is Day 13.

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Day 13, in the morning

"Jongin, he's not here. He's not going to be here for a while. We don't know where he is, or where he's going. But you can look everywhere, anywhere.... we assure you, he's not here."

Jongin's world shatters into pieces that day, his heart breaking into a million pieces because he doesn't want to believe what they say. Baekhyun's just lying. Of course they would know where Kyungsoo is. He must be hiding somewhere in the house, probably waiting for Jongin to fall into his prank trap.

"Don't lie. He's in there somewhere, right? Come on, this isn't even funny."

"We're not being funny, man... Fine, if you don't believe me, go ahead and look for him inside."

Jongin checks the whole place that morning, including the spare bedrooms, and no, there's no sign of Kyungsoo anywhere. Where could he be? He's probably already in class. Just as he's about to head off to the main building, he remembers that it's Sunday and there are no classes that day. Maybe Kyungsoo went grocery shopping.

"He's out in town, right? Getting groceries I guess."

The beta frat gives him such a sympathetic look that he begins to believe they might be right after all. What if Kyungsoo really went somewhere he doesn't know? Then when is he coming back? "Did he go visit his family?"

Joonmyeon shakes his head. "We don't know, Jongin. He just up and left this morning with your sister. I didn't know he was gone until they told me this morning. And sadly, like you, I'm the only one around here who didn't get the information until it's too late. You guys are real ers." He glares at his beta mates, pouting angrily.

"Wait, what? He left with my sister?" Jongin whips out his phone to give his sister a call. She picks up after the third ring. "Where the hell is Kyungsoo?!"

"He's not with me anymore, that's for sure. He took the 7am flight to New York this morning, and that's the last I heard from him before we parted ways at the airport."

"And how in the world did he manage to get a ticket to New York when he's not even rich to go anywhere in the first place?"

"I gave him money, Jongin. I think he needs this break, to just get away from everything and think about what he really wants right now," Joonmi sighs. In the background, Jongsu is crying and Taemin tries to calm him down.

Jongin curls his fingers, biting his lips to calm the raging storm that's forming inside him. How dare his sister try to break them apart when they're already so close to being together again! He's just mad as hell right then, unable to believe what's he's hearing. "And who are you to tell him if he needs this break?! He's happy with me! Can't you see that? It's almost two weeks since we agreed to give ourselves another shot at a relationship and we're so close. Why do you have to do this now?!"

"Well, why don't you ask his friends why? He may look cheerful on the outside, Jongin, and he admits that he's sincere about it too, but he's still afraid to be with you again. He's still doubtful over this. The past keeps coming back to haunt him. If you love him so much like you say you do, then you should have noticed this too."

She ends the call after that, not bothered to hear his reply, and he just throws his phone to the floor, pulling at his hair in frustration.  Then he turns to the beta frat standing behind him. "Tell me everything and don't bother to spare the details. I want to know why he left and when he's coming back."

They tell him everything, but they're definitely not sure about his return. It may takes days. Maybe weeks. Or worse, months. But Kyungsoo did promise to return, so Jongin would just have to wait.

Wait.

He's been doing that for months now. And even when Kyungsoo is already inches away from his grasp, he still can't hold on strong enough to keep the older male there. And now he needs to wait again. Jongin thinks a lot after that, about himself. About Kyungsoo. About them. He doesn't stop thinking even when Christmas rolls by and he needs to perform on stage. He doesn't stop thinking even when his friends try to distract him with their shenanigans.

He becomes quiet. Distant.

Cold. A shell that doesn't recognize pleasure anymore.

And no one knows what to do with him.

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