Kyungsoo shuts away the world that night; just being in that little cocoon he made around himself as he stays up on his bed that night and thinks about everything that he had gone these past few months. It's going to be one year soon; one year since he pronounced his love for Jongin.

Despite the rough patch they experienced along the way, Kyungsoo has never truly stopped loving Jongin. It's difficult to forget a person in one night. It's difficult to shut away memories that had been seen and heard. To be honest, Kyungsoo would not have given Jongin a chance at all. He's not one to believe in second chances.

But what changed him in the end? He may have felt guilty for not understanding Jongin too, but that doesn't mean Jongin has an excuse for cheating on him.

No, nobody should cheat on anyone!

Yet, here he is. Falling for Jongin all over again. When the younger male is around, his heart beats twice as fast, but he also noticed that it's not the same as he had felt for Jongin before the 'incident'. It's like... he's more wary now. Cautious. Afraid. He doesn't want to go down that hill again, and he's pretty sure that if it ever did happen again, he would really give up on Jongin after that. Forever. With no qualms whatsoever.

Once is enough to break him. Twice would just make him a fool. He'll probably never believe in the concept of love anymore.

"Hey Soo, you okay there, man?" Minseok knocks on the door, taking a step in. It's already 3am by then, but Kyungsoo's not surprised to see his older hyung awake.

"I'm fine," he remarks tiredly. His eyelids are drooping heavily by then, but he doesn't want to sleep yet. He couldn't sleep; not with all these thoughts running through his mind.

"Wanna talk about it?" The older male takes a seat on Kyungsoo's bed, leaning in closer until Kyungsoo automatically crawls onto Minseok's lap. It's one of these times when they know that talking is the only solution to their problems. Sometimes Kyungsoo would be the listener, but mostly it's Minseok.

"I don't know if what I'm doing is right...." Kyungsoo starts, playing with Minseok's fingers and linking them with his. "I keep feeling guilty for not understanding Jongin, for not talking it through properly instead of just barging out of the relationship. Yet, when I'm alone... when I'm actually thinking and that's all I've been doing lately, I keep feeling as if what I did was the right thing. Jongin deserved to suffer for what he did. Just because he didn't know what he was doing that night doesn't constitute as an excuse for cheating. No one should cheat their own partner. And here's the worst thing, hyung.... when he's around, I feel like the happiest person in the world because Jongin is back with me again. We love each other. I keep telling him that until I start to believe in it again. And he's changed a lot since then, so I thought that maybe...just maybe... we might work out once more. Go back to the way it used to be."

"But how do you feel when you're not around him?" Minseok asks, his voice thick and low, pushing down the weight that is heavy in Kyungsoo's heart. That's the question he's been asking himself. That's the one that's making him sick to his core every night.

"I doubt, hyung. I doubt everything I said these past few months, all my actions, and my heart, and my head, and I wonder why I could give him a second chance when I strongly believed that cheating is wrong. I don't want to go down that hill again. I'm afraid to love him again. But I can't help feeling my heart soar when I see him. I can't help feeling happy. I told him I love him, but then I think about what I said after that... and I doubt."

"Then you're not really there in your relationship anymore. Kyungsoo, for you to feel doubt, it means that you're not actually ready to accept him yet. You may still love him, but a small part of you holds a principle that couldn't be broken. It's what you've told yourself to believe since day 1, and it's not something you could easily change in a matter of months. You'll need to decide what you want to do about it soon. If you keep torturing yourself like this, then you'll end up hurting yourself worser than before. I can't tell you what to think, Soo. Jongin's action was inexcusable, and to be honest, I wouldn't have given him a chance too. But you've always been hardheaded over what you want. I'm sure you'll figure it out soon."

Kyungsoo stays silent, looking down at the creases between his sheets as Minseok gets up from his bed. "Get some sleep, baby Soo. We have classes tomorrow."

Kyungsoo tries to sleep, but as usual, he couldn't barely close his eyes before his mind drifts back to all his doubts.

________________________

"Kim Jongin, there you are! I was looking all over for you!" Yoona calls out, her shrilly voice breaking through the gloomy atmosphere in the main wing's hallway that morning, and Jongin sighs into his locker.

His alpha friends could only give him a pity look before Yoona has her hands on his arm. "Good morning, sweetie!" She greets him cutely, flipping her hair back flirtatiously.

Jongin gives her a tired look. "What do you want, Yoona noona?"

"Didn't I tell you to drop the noona? Sheesh. You never listen to me. Anyway, my daddy is having a meeting with your daddy this evening and they want us there."

Jongin groans, cursing his luck. Why does his father insist on pairing him up with Yoona? It's obvious how much Jongin dislikes her. The queen bee is nothing like Kyungsoo, who is gentle, mature and intelligent. If anything, the way Yoona continuously throws herself at Jongin is just downright annoying. Anyway, the whole campus should know by now that Jongin's dating Kyungsoo. Why is she still acting as if she owns the world?

"Do we HAVE to go? Why can't you just go by yourself? It's not like I'm needed to do anything for the company yet. I can't officially own it until after I graduate."

Yoona simply shoots him a pouty look and wedge herself closer against him. Jongin puts on a disgusted face instead. People are watching them closely now, judging his actions. They want to know if the rumors are true; if he's really gay and dating nerdy freak Do Kyungsoo.

"Don't be silly, Jongin. Of course you have to be there. I mean, it'll be weird if I'm there alone. My dad wants to see you too. You rarely join us for business meetings anymore."

"I don't find the need to. Could you get off my arm now, noona? People are watching."

"Let them watch then." She smiles.

Kyungsoo walks by that moment, and Jongin quickly pulls himself away from Yoona. It's not because he doesn't want Kyungsoo to misunderstand the situation, but because this is his chance to prove to the people around them that the rumors are true; that he's officially and seriously dating Do Kyungsoo. He approaches his boyfriend in lightning speed, ignoring the loud gasps echoing around the hall and roughly pulls Kyungsoo in to share a kiss on the lips.

The latter could only widen his eyes in surprise, the gears in his brain are still a little too slow to process such an action in the morning. His beta friends around him gasp in surprise too, and Kyungsoo realizes that this is not a dream.

It's 8am on a Friday. Yes, a Friday. They are supposed to have music lessons in twenty minutes. He barely had enough sleep last night, and breakfast had to be sacrificed for the sake of arriving early for class.

And here he is; kissing Kim Jongin in the middle of a busy hallway first thing in the morning.

There's supposedly nine more days before Kyungsoo makes his decision to accept Jongin again or not. But this... this is going to minus off a lot of points on Kyungsoo's list. They'd only expressed their feelings openly to each other yesterday but that doesn't mean Kyungsoo has given himself fully to the idea of being together with Jongin again. He's still a little doubtful.

And Jongin's action is sort of like pushing down the weight in his heart even more. Now everyone knows that Jongin is officially with Kyungsoo.

What would they say if Kyungsoo ended up saying no?