The sound of a doorknob moving makes me open my eyes in the middle of the night, I quickly sit down and look towards the door, ready for whatever is about to come in.

I just hope it is not CEO drunk again, last time it was so difficult to take him to his room to sleep. I actually had to drag him through the whole hallway. Wait, what if it is Xiaoyu after “dealing” with someone?? I don’t know if I can take the smell of dry blood coming from her clothes again.

Why is no one entering through the door anyway?? I heard the sound a while ago.

“Alex??”

I look towards my left where the voice is coming from and my gaze softens immediately when I see Donghyun looking at me with confused eyes.

“Is everything ok?? Is your arm hurting??” he looks worried.

“No, I am fine” I lie to him “I just thought I heard the door” I say avoiding Donghyun’s intrigued look and I quickly lie down on the bed, looking my bedroom’s wall while I try to settle my breathing.

I … I … for a moment I thought I was back in that place.

I thought I was still in Xiaoyu’s headquarters where I was surrounded by danger and where I couldn’t let my guard down even for a second. Even though Donghyun is close to me this time, he is right next to me, but still I didn’t see him nor felt his warmth.

I was so trapped in my own head I didn’t notice where I am actually are.

I feel warm fingers on my wrist moving slowly until they are drawing invisible patrons on top of my hand, the little touches make my breathing rush but for an entirely different reason than seconds ago. Suddenly Donghyun’s hand is holding mine while he caresses the back of my hand with his thumb, my heart beating at the rhythm of his soft .

“Alex, what is wrong??” his voice is just above a whisper but it sounds as clear as if he is saying it directly on my ear.

My face starts to warm up as I turn around to look at our linked hands, even if the lights are off I can clearly notice how tiny and fragile my hand looks trapped on his. I open my mouth but I can’t bring myself to say it, to confess the wave of panic that invaded me when I heard the doorknob.

“I am …” my voice sounds so weak and just pitiful. “When I heard the door I thought … I thought I was still there” I let the truth out. I hold Donghyun’s hand tighter as if the action would make me strong enough to face my own feelings. “I … I am scared”

“Alex, you are safe now” he says sweetly. “You have nothing to be scared about, I am here. You are safe, ok?” I nod at his words and stare at the bed for a long time. I hate feeling so weak, so useless. Why can’t I stop being scared? Everything is over now so why do I still feel like this??

“I am sorry” Donghyun’s words startle me for a second “I am so sorry you had to live in that place with Xiaoyu and her team. I am sorry they hurt you like this. I know everything it is my fault, all of the wounds you have, everything you went through, I am the only one to blame” He feels guilty, completely guilty and I don’t like that.

I raise my head to look at him, his eyes look sad “Donghyun, it is not your fault, I went there because I wanted to. I took that decision by myself.” I try to reason with him.

“It is my fault Alex. I shouldn’t have left without saying anything.  I just …” he lets go of my hand and looks away. “I couldn’t face you. I know I wouldn’t be able to leave if I saw you and I …” Wait! What?? What is he saying??

“… I needed you to be safe so the best was that you stayed here, where the guys could protect and watch over you so I wouldn’t have to worry but you … ” Donghyun’s gaze locks with mine and I really can’t understand him now, he somehow looks angry. What is going on??

“You did exactly what you weren’t supposed to do … You looked for me” his voice rises slightly and his face is deadly serious. “You made a silly plan and put everyone in danger” How did this conversation change so fast?? He was apologizing a second ago and now, why does it feel like he is scolding me?? Don’t tell me he is angry at me after all??

I sit down on the bed to avoid his strong gaze and I bite my lower lip expecting Donghyun’s lecture on how irresponsible I was. Of course he is angry, any of us could have died because of my plan, I know it too but doesn’t he know what my real intention was?? Can’t he understand that I only wanted to bring him back??

“I am sorry, I just was trying to …”

“Why do you have to be so impulsive all the time??” Donghyun’s words cut mine. He also sits on the bed and I focus my eyes on the bed sheets even more. “I thought I was going insane when manager told me you went to Xiaoyu’s side” Damn, I guess he is really mad at me, right??

A warm hand on my shoulder takes me by surprise and makes me turn around so I end up facing Donghyun. Our eyes meet and I feel more confused than ever. He looks so hurt, almost broken. And his eyes, they are filled with pain and, what is that?? Regret??

My eyes open wide as he comes closer, so close our noses are touching. “You even put yourself in danger” hot air blows on my lips with every single word he says and I am dizzy because of his scent and his sudden closeness. “Do you know how worried I was all this time??”

Before I can think anything else less answer, I feel his lips in mine.

Donghyun’s lips feel so hot against my own but I don’t mind even if I get burn. I just let the wave of warmth created by our lips on each other to invade me. His hand that was previously on my shoulder somehow is placed on my cheek now, my skin softly.

After a few more seconds of our lips pressing to each other and feeling like my chest is about to burst, my lips are free. I have only taken a couple of mouthfuls of air when I feel my upper lip being trapped softly by Donghyun’s lips making my heart jump uncontrollably inside my chest.

I kiss him back clumsily as I feel a small lighting hitting the back of my neck where Dognhyun’s warm hand is pressing against my skin, making my head tilt and leaving a tingling sensation that runs through my whole body.

My focus is concentrated on our lips brushing each other, tasting and meeting like they have been wanted to do it forever, like they are trying to make it up for all the lost time.

That is why I didn’t realize my body has acted on its own. My left hand is tangled in Donghyun’s hair, feeling the softness of the dark strands and pulling him even closer to me what causes our lips to press harder against each other.

My lips are wet and slippery now, my head is spinning like crazy but I don’t want to break apart from his lips, the idea sounds hideous to my now clouded and numbed mind. Why do I have to stop kissing these lips?? Why do I have to stop this amazing feeling??

The answer comes quickly as my lungs and throat are burning to have some oxygen inside of them, of course, AIR.

I let Donghyun’s lips go as fresh air invades my chest. I press my forehead in Donfhyun’s right shoulder and take deep breaths of air, my left arm placed around his neck prolonging our closeness and my eyes closed not daring to face him. After a few seconds I feel Donghyun’s lips pressing lightly against the hot and probably red skin of my cheek.

“Alex” he is talking directly into my ear and I can’t help the heat of my body rising at his lips so close to me nor the deep sigh that leaves my lips. “All this time we were apart … even if I didn’t want to” his voice comes out in short breaths and sounds deeper than ever. ”All I could do was thinking about you, I … I just couldn’t get you out of my head. I … I missed you”

Another kiss is placed on my cheek and I immediately open my eyes at the contact. What does he mean by that?? What is he thinking?? Why did he just kiss me?? Maybe, just maybe … that means he likes me?? My heart beats so fast because of that possibility that makes my chest hurt.

In the spurt of the moment and thanks to the sudden hope that has taken over me, I have the confidence to lift my face and look at him. “I missed you too” A genuine smile leaves my lips and Donghyun links our lips together once more.

The kiss we share is more intense than the previous one. It is like he is trying to tell me without words what he feels. The longing and worry he has felt for me all the time we were apart. The need he has of me being close to him at every time. The care and affection that has grown inside of him since the day we met.

I missed you. I can’t let go of you. I need you.

I kiss him eagerly in response as my mind is filled with only one thought Donghyun,

His strong and intoxicating woody like scent making me dizzy. The slightly salty taste of his lips on mine. The faint sound of his warm hands caressing my lower back and the amazing feeling of the hot skin of his neck under my fingertips.

I want him, I need him, I love him.                             

We break apart for a couple of seconds, searching from some needed air and I am leaning forward to close the gap between us again when I hear him. “Alex, I … really like … you” he lets out his words between pants. “I even …” he takes a deep breath of air before coming close to me and saying those three words right on my lips.

“I love you”.

I don’t get a chance to tell him I love him too because he captures my lips in an almost desperate kiss and of course I kiss him back. Once again, our lips dance together in a ball I wish it would never stop. It is incredible how nothing has felt as right in my life as kissing him.

I smile into the kiss and soon my lips are free again.

“Me too” my voice is only a low pant but I know Donghyun heard me. I can tell by the huge grin on his face.

.

.

.

That night Donghyun and I spent it between kissing and talking.

He told me how manager let him know about the decision of the government of letting him go and about the time he spent away, how he visited his old home and went abroad.

He also said that after capturing Xiaoyu and destroying the whole organization manager worked to make invalid the initial decision of fire him so now he is working for the government once again. He is going to stay here, with the guys and manager. I was so happy after hearing that.

Of course he asked me about the time I spent with Xiaoyu and her men and I told him everything, from the “training sessions” I had to the times when I couldn’t sleep because of the dubious environment I was in.