I stand alone in the kitchen after talking with Jeongmin, he looked so sad and angry. I know he wasn’t angry with me but with the whole situation. I know he is just worried about Hyunseong, the doctors said he was stable so it will just be a matter of time until he wakes up, I just wish he will wake up soon because Jeongmin it is not the same without him , he looks so lost.

I open the door of my room and enter. I sigh while leaning against the door, I guess I have to talk with manager tomorrow and tell him about Xiaoyu. How would he take it?? Would he be surprised?? Worried?? Hurt??

Hurt. I open my eyes and I take a look at the room where I am standing, it is Donghyun’s but he is not here, his bed is empty. He definitely was here when I left earlier. I just head to my room and lie on my bed but after an hour of moving and tossing around I just give up, I don't feel like sleeping, at all.

I take out of my drawer the picture I have been keeping for a long time now. The one where Xiaoyu and Donghyun are standing together, smiling. Just looking at her pictures makes me angry, I can't believe I wish to be like her just days ago. I can't believe she betrayed them like that. I can't believe she is so heartless.

Unknowingly my hands move on its own and I rip the picture apart, Donghyun is on my right hand and Xiaoyu is on my left one. I close my left fist, crushing the piece of paper on it. I focus all my anger in that simple movement and finally open my hand, feeling my heart a little lighter. The piece of paper becomes a little ball that I carelessly throw as far as I can ending somewhere on the bedroom floor.

I sigh and look at my other hand where there is a smiling Donghyun. I smile sadly at the picture. Donghyun, how are you feeling?? Do you feel sad or betrayed?? What do you think about her now?? Are you ok?? Are you sleeping now?? I place the picture on my night stand and get out of bed, I will just take a look, just to make sure he is sleeping.

I walk to my bedroom door as quietly as I can and open it slightly just enough to see Donghyun's bed. My eyes widen when I look at the bed which is still empty. It is pretty late now. Where is he?? Is he allright?? He couldn't just have gone out, right?? He wouldn't have gone to look for her, right??

Suddenly I feel my chest being pressed, worrying about the endless possibilities of Donghyun whereabouts. He isn't as reckless as to head to the enemy's headquarters to face Xiaoyu. No, he wouldn't do that. Then, where is he?? I exhale deeply and get out of the room once more, this time to look for Donghyun.

I go to the bathroom first but it is empty, then I check the roof, emptY. The kitchen, empTY. manager's office, emPTY. The music room, eMPTY. WHERE IS HE?? I enter to the garage this time, I open it and I look for him but the only ones I see are Hyunseong and Jeongmin. They are sleeping in the same bed, Jeongmin is curled up hugging the older one by the waist. It is nice to see Jeongmin acting so caring towards Hyunseong but still, Donghyun isn't here. EMPTY.

Next, I go to the research room. As soon as I open the door I notice some light coming from one of the screens, he must be here. I go closer to the light and finally see him, well his back, he is just sitting there facing the screen which is showing an audio file open.  

"Donghyun?" I ask but he doesn't answer. "Donghyun?" I try again, my voice higher this time but he doesn't seem to hear me. I go closer to him and look above his shoulder that is when I notice the pair of earbuds on his ears and his eyes closed. He is asleep.

I sigh and stare at him for a moment, there is a thin line glistening on his cheek, it starts under his eyes and ends up on his jaw line, the trail of a tear. He has been crying, why?? Is because of what he is listening?? My eyes wonder from his earbuds to the screen and I decide to listen to the audio.

I unplug the earbuds from the computer and I immediately regret it because the voice I hear it is no other than Xiaoyu.

"Oppa, stop it. Why do you want to record it?"  She doesn't sound as cold as I remember her voice being but it is definitely her.

"Come on, I just want to be able to hear it whenever I want"  I can almost hear Donghyun's smile forming on his lips.

"Ok"  Are the last words Xiaoyu says before a different sound comes from the speakers.

It is a soft melody, a melody that I have heard before and my heart stops for a second trying to understand. It is the same melody that Donghyun was playing on the music room the night when he came back after two months of being out on the recognition mission. My mind understands the meaning of the audio but my heart doesn't want to deal with it.

My eyes become watery and I grit my teeth. This is their song, right?? The song that I like so much, the one I couldn't get out of my head, the one he plays so beautifully,  it is all hers. From begining to end, this only reminds him of her. Why is he listening to this?? Why is he listening to her voice and thinking about her?? What does this mean?? Does he still have feelings for her?? Even after what she did. Could it be that he still loves her??

When the melody is over the audio starts all over again. I just stood still dumbfounded. How many times did he hear it?? How much did he cry?? I turn around to look at Donghyun who is still sleeping on the chair.

"Stupid Donghyun" A tear leaves my eyes and I wipe it away while stopping the recording and turning off the screen, darkness invading the room.

I turn around and start to walk away but I haven't take more than two steps when I feel a strong grip on my right arm.

"Why did you do it??" Donghyun's voice sounds cold and angry, really angry.

Why is he so upset?? He didn't want me to turn off the audio?? Is he being serious??

"Answer me!!" He states loudly and tightens the grip around my arm.

"What is wrong with you?" I answer and try to let go of him but he won't move

"Xiaoyu, tell me!! WHY!! WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME ALL THIS TIME??" his voice is breathy and I bet he is crying right now, his words resound on the silent room.

I feel my knees weak and my heart breaking. Did he really .... Did he call me by her name?? Tears start running down my eyes. I face him and realize his eyes are still closed, he is dreaming. He is dreaming about her. Why am I in this situation again?? Why does he always end up thinking I am her?? Why?? Why he only dreams about her?? Why is he so cruel?? WHY?? 

More tears leave my eyes and I start sobing "I AM NOT HER!! YOU STUPID GUY!!"

"I AM NOT THAT HORRIBLE GIRL!!" I yell while hitting his chest with my captured arm.

"I AM NOT HER SO STOP SAYING HER NAME!! " my other hand starts to hit him as well.

"STOP THINKING ABOUT HER!! STOP DREAMING ABOUT HER!!" my crying becoming louder.

"Alex??" I look through my watery eyes to him and his eyes are open now. I move away from him and just glare on his direction.

"YOU ARE REALLY STUPID, YOU KNOW??" I start to walk away quickly. I don't want to see him.

"Alex! Wait" I hear his voice but I don't care. I know he was just talking and acting on his sleep but how could he call me by her name?? I really don't want to face him because if I do I might explode. I might tell him why I feel so stupid at times like this. Why I am so mad. Why it hurts so much to be confused with the girl that I don't know if he still loves. I might end up telling him that I love him.

I finally reach his room and pass through it entering to mine. I am about to close the door but I am too slow, before I know it Donghyun is inside my room too, looking at me with slightly puffy red eyes. Seeing him like that only increases my anger because the tears he had shed are all because of her, because of Xiaoyu.

"GET OUT!!" I yell, not caring if I might wake up everyone else.

"Alex! Why were you hitting me??" he looks serious now but I won't give in.

"I don't want to talk to you. Get out" I say coldly and try to push him away but he grabs my arms, holding them.

"Get off me" I say while glaring. He looks really confused. He comes closer to me while holding my arms and I step back.

"What is wrong??" he is even closer and now we are inches apart.