We had our reception in a ballroom of my step-father’s hotel, the same place where we got married. Sehun kept me company all the time never leaving my side, I am thankful for that as I’m not much of a sociable person. I have this feeling of insecurity that if I approach someone they might not like it or just ignore me. Sehun reached out for me first, and I took his hand.

“Areum-ah, what do you think about escaping for a while, I’m tired of smiling when I don’t feel like to” he whispered in my ear, I leaned closer to listen to him but I could see people looking at us as if we are just a typical newlyweds that can’t stand without each other’s company.

I nodded, excusing ourselves from the guests. Sehun lead me to the balcony and locked the door. He leaned his back on the door frame, watching me walking towards the terrace. I hate night time because when I fall asleep, I don’t know what’s going on around me and what will change the moment I open my eyes, the feeling itself makes me shudder. I’m afraid of darkness, and this night is not any different.

I hugged myself when a pair of strong arms held me securely from the back. He rested his chin on my shoulder, kissing my neck.

“What are you thinking about?” asked Sehun, looking up the sky.

“Nothing”

“Liar” Sehun got stressed out sometimes when he can’t get in my head when I need him to. I’m not the type who says my thoughts out loud, so I need people to understand me better, which is quite impossible. My thoughts are never written in a book, it is ongoing and keep on changing randomly that it will be eternally unstable and complicated.

“Is this even closer like the wedding you imagine?” he asked another question trying to keep the conversation going.

“It is beyond my imagination because I never have the thoughts of being married to someone”

“Neither do I, I’m doing this because I want you to be mine and stay mine forever. I love you and I hope you know that”

His feelings towards me… I can never love him as much as he loves me, because from the very first start, I belong to someone and that person never disappear from my memory even when now I am different and somehow a lot more gloomy and depressed, I know I will be fine because I have Sehun with me. I will learn to love him and that will take a lot of time but I’m not going anywhere and I’m here to stay.

After saying goodbye to our family, I changed into my casual wear. A black, leather skirt and a dark green turtle neck shirt. Sehun put our luggage in the trunk before hoping in the car. I waved my hands blowing kisses to my family and my in-laws. Sehun kept his eyes on the road, we’re going to spend the night in our new house.

Before the wedding, Sehun bought a semi-D for us even when I insisted on buying an apartment. We are just going to be living by the two of us alone in the big house. Knowing about my past, he didn’t want to pressure me in building a family, cause I’m not ready for it. My in-laws too never mention anything about grandkids, what did I do to even deserve these great people?

We climbed up the stairs to the master bedroom, our house is fully furnished and nicely designed. Tomorrow we’ll be flying over to Japan for our honeymoon. I grabbed my towel and walked in the shower while Sehun was busy checking the stuff for our trip tomorrow.

“Honey, have you packed the things I told you to?”

“I did”

“Then, we’re good to go” he clapped his hands before I heard footsteps approaching the bathroom door. “Can I come in?”

“Silly” I the water to a higher temperature, I felt colder tonight. Maybe because I’m nervous?

“I’ll shower in another bathroom, don’t go to sleep yet ok? Wait for me”

“Sure” I lstudied myself in the mirror, I’m stark . The scars on my body are still visible, red, blue, dark brown, my skin is the canvas of my life, my soon will be forgotten life.

I wore a white shirt and underwear underneath my big size tee. I didn’t have any plan to seduce my husband, it is just simply my normal sleeping wear. I lied down on the bed before Sehun came in with only a checkered black boxer on with his hair wet.

“Are you trying to seduce me?” he gave me his infamous smirk.

“Why? Is it not working?” I more, pouting my lips.

He sat on the bed, handing me his towel. I used it to dry his hair. “Are you excited for our honeymoon tomorrow?”

“Of course I am, we’re going to have so much fun”

Suddenly, he grabbed my arm, stopping me. He gently held my shoulder before leaning in until my back touched the mattress. I looked into his eyes, his dark black orbs reflected my face. I closed my eyes letting him kissed my lips, he was so gentle in his every move as if I am a fragile porcelain that can break any moment.  

“I love you” he whispered in my ears before trailing kisses on my neck. I kissed his jaw, pushing his chin up with my fingertips. “I trust you Oh Sehun”

“Are you sure?” Sehun didn’t want to hurt me as I have never been verbal about what I feel towards him. I never say I love him so he never brought it up. I guess he’s afraid to touch me because I've never been clear of his position in my heart.

“Are you going to leave me after you get what you want ?”

He my hair, tucking my bangs behind my ear. “Never in my right mind I have the intention to leave you, not now, tomorrow, never…unless you want me to”

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. “I love you Oh Sehun.”

We spent the night, confirming our feelings for each other and I never regret any moments of it.