*Finally, I'm able to do an update. The past weeks had been busy with the graduation, and me being part of a committee. Then the summer colds decided to visit me. My normal voice hasn't returned yet but I'm able to type properly again, so here I am. I'm sorry for breaking what I said to put an update every weekend. =(

*Take care of your health everyone, and don't be sick like me. Enjoy!

Once in his lifetime, he understood how to hold someone so precious, to be afraid of losing it to the point that he would keep on watching until he’s sure it’s safe. To others, it’s just a foolish child’s affection, being too attached to nothing but a mere pet of his, a kitten, not even a human being.

But he loved him more than anything else in the world. Living in an orphanage where you’re the youngest and scrawniest wasn’t the best option. The other kids were bulkier, and their towering size over him gave them the sense of superiority that they haven’t ever felt when they were outside the tough walls of the orphanage.

At the end of each day he was humiliated and hurt physically, being comforted by his only real friend, as how he views it, was the best thing he could ever receive.

But that was just part of the past.

One day his usual routine crashed like the time he lost his balance and he got few of his ribs broken.

“Myungsoo, this is Mr. Kim Himchan, though he’s not with his wife at the moment, both of them decided to adopt you and become your family starting today. Isn’t this great news?”

His eyes didn’t show any signs of being excited, or overwhelmed with happiness, just poor curiosity that the persons in front of him wondered how much he had gone through in the past to be so aloof. The workers on the orphanage know for one that Myungsoo was always locked in by his parents who were drug traffickers and users as well. When the police opened the basement, what they saw was a starved kid and not what they expected to be more stocks of joint. That’s how he ended up to be in the care of social workers who he did not consider as family even just once.

“Aren’t you lucky, idiot? You’ll be able to live in a normal home and ask them for what you want but we’ll remain here and wait for some strangers to come and get us out of here. We do know that you’ll still be as weak as that small kitten of yours no matter where you go anyways.”

“What did you do to him? Say it!”

“Oooh, the weakling knows how to raise his voice to me.”

By that time as well, he realized that life has two faces, and that the other side that he hates to see is the same side that would help him survive outside the orphanage.

After all, the walls are only there as defenses, the real world doesn’t expect to wait for you to finish your own walls to avoid getting hurt along the way.

He had only missed one thing since then.

---

Strong scent of coffee in the morning and freshly baked pastry has been a routine for him in the morning. Things has been busier with him reaching the last year in university, and if not for his parents’ constant calls to him that wakes him up early than his alarm clock, he would already be starving every time he reaches school.

“Mom, dad, I told you I don’t need a personal servant, would you mind if I kick him out my apartment?”

“No, now hush and eat your breakfast. You had Mr. Lee with you ever since you decided to have your own apartment. You’re out of the house but you’re still our son so you don’t have any choice but let us do the job as your parents. Anyways, just prepare already or we’ll tell him to bring you lunch as well.”

“Fine, fine, I’m getting up…. What am I, an elementary student?”

“Yah Kim Myungsoo, what did you say?”

“I said, love you mom, gotta hang up now, bye.”

Usual days, until he saw a different face giving him formal greetings, wearing such a bright yellow for an ordinary apron, hands fixated on the coffeemaker.

“Wait, where’s Mr. Lee?”

“Oh, my father’s down with the flu, and since I’m a freelancer, he asked for me to take over his place, just until he feels better. He doesn’t want you to fall ill as well. Before I forgot, I’m Lee Sungjong, kind sir.”

And he wondered how someone could be so conflicted over wanting to be attached or distant to another person. All he could think of after seeing the new kid was his beloved kitten. The whereabouts of his pet never discovered.

“So, um, have my parents… been told about this?”

“Everything’s been cleared, all you need to do now is eat up and fix yourself or you’ll be late.”

He wants to ask more, of what Sungjong does as a freelancer, of where did he stay before, or anything that could spike up a conversation. No words came out though, always the same since he was a kid.

Sungjong would just end up as a passing memory anyways.

---

“Such a cliché.”

“What is it?”

“Oh shoot, Myung! Don’t sneak up on others’ back like that! Do you want me to die from heart attack at such a young age?!”

“We’ve been friends for almost four years now and you didn’t die yet. Stop over reacting, it’s not like you’re not used to it.”

“But I’ll never get used to it!”

Calming down after a while, his best friend since the day he took the entrance exam for the university returned his attention to a good-looking couple being too sweet for their own good, sighing and piercing a piece of chicken nugget from his lunch that ended up looking like a battlefield.

Snatching a piece of his favorite by no other than the glutton friend of his named Myungsoo did not go unnoticed as what the other expected.

“Stop acting like you don’t snatch food from me as well. Now what made you sigh so deeply anyways, since I only hear that every time it’s exam week, or if you lost in your games.”

Putting his utensils aside, he tapped his friend’s shoulder and sighed loudly again.

“You see that couple over there? Why does such kind of people always end up together? This is not even a television drama.”

“Why? Come on, you know you have high standards as well for your dream girl Yeol.”

“And I can’t understand why, I mean, you know how these good and pretty girls get attracted to those guys who give off such a bad boy vibe? Or those men who look like bachelors and aside from being rich are also smart as hell? Like where does that leave us?”

“Oh, that’s it? Sorry bro, don’t lump me with you. You’re the only one who feels that way.”

“Yah!? Is that how you treat your best friend!?”

“Yes, if it’s an idiot like you.”

Without minding the taller guy, he resumed to his finishing his lunch, mind drifting to the image of a guy with an apron wrapped around his waist that had the same shade of ripe lemons, and whose curly hair reminded him of corn puffs and cotton candies.

---

There were no words of welcome after opening the door to his apartment, but he hides his disappointment despite of not seeing the same person’s face from the unusual morning he woke up to. What he noticed next from the absence of the warm atmosphere was how the usually messed up house has been a lot neater and spotless. There were even some potted plants, which he’s not familiar with, placed on the corners of the living room and on top of the small wooden table which is part of the sofa set as a centerpiece.

It felt more like his old home.

Remembering the exact place where he first saw him, he looked forward to seeing Sungjong preparing meal in the kitchen and to be able to give his thanks as well for the effort shown. He wouldn’t tell his original helper though that the son had made such a better job when it comes to cleaning and cooking.

Instead of hearing the clanking of pots or knife hitting the wooden cutting board he was met with silence.

There was a note left on the refrigerator’s front though, the neat and pretty handwriting reminding him of the innocent face that resembles that of a kitten.

“Sorry if I couldn’t bid you my farewell properly for today’s work, had some last minute change of schedule so I needed to go for another job. I cooked dinner already, so just get it from here and heat it up again. Don’t think of just sleeping straight or ordering take-outs, you need to have some proper meal once in a while. Alright, if any problem rise up, just contact my father, he’ll be the one to call me after. Now go and eat up! Rest well after a hard day’s work. P.S. There’s a stash of sweets and caffeinated drinks as well, but don’t indulge yourself too much on it. I’ll know if you had consumed more than you should have.”

Smiling weakly, he followed the words and proceeded to work silently on his architectural project due this weekend. The night felt hollow like any other nights he had spent alone.

His dreamland was full of dancing lemons and white kittens.

---

“Oh, you’re here again.”

Warm smile and the sound of sizzling bacon greeted him in the morning, and he realized how not presentable he looked like with his hair disheveled from moving too much during his sleep, the corner of his lips stained with dried saliva and his black pajamas printed with white stars that he wears for being comfortable with it made him felt like it’s too hard to breathe in it.

“Yup, father’s not as strong as he thought he is. He needs more time to recover. Two or three more days would do the magic. Sorry about this as well,” pointing to the now crispy looking bacons on the pan being transferred to a ceramic plate covered in oil paper, “… but I thought that rice is important in the morning to help you survive until lunch time.”

“Don’t worry, it’s still food anyways.”

He didn’t want to sound so rude first thing in the morning but just from seeing the first rays of sunlight creeping up to warm his face is enough reason for him to not be in a friendly mode. Sungjong just laughed gently though, from understanding or as a form of sarcasm he couldn’t pinpoint.

“Right, it’s still food. But, you need to be more conscious of your health no matter how busy you are. And that’s where me and my father come in. You’re already quite thin, you don’t need to lose more pounds, do you?”

Without answering back, Myungsoo opted to just sit in the nearest stool and wait for Sungjong to finish with his cooking, without smiling in return or laughing at all. He thought of the younger one just putting up a nice front to coax him to cooperate and act like an obedient kid. He’ll never get deceived anyways.

“What did you mean when you said you’re a freelancer?”

“Oh, I do modeling jobs and I accept offers needing musician acts as well. Not available at all times but it pays well.”

“Where’re your parents?”

Flinching after getting burned from suddenly touching the hot pan didn’t go unnoticed by the one who asked, who’s getting eaten by his conscience for lurking towards untouched waters. He doesn’t want to stand up and help ease the pain away but his own feet say otherwise.

“You should wash it with cold water to-”

“I know, it’s fine, don’t mind me.”

“But-”

“No. Just eat your breakfast and go, I’ll clean up after you.”

By then, he knows he had ruined any chance of knowing more about Sungjong. Just by standing beside the doe-eyed boy, he saw a glimpse of an old wound on the other’s left wrist, that has always been covered by accessories or a simple wristwatch. Holding back his self to ask for more, he returned to his seat and quietly finished his food.

---

“This is weird, why are you spacing out bro?”

“What now?”

It’s the first break time of the day for the whole academe due to an unscheduled meeting called by the university president himself, and the sweet hours would pass by like the wind so the school grounds were full of tired-looking students, the cafeteria buzzing with jokes and random stories, even the library with people persistent with maintaining straight As or just simply cramming for unfinished schoolwork.

The two of them decided to stay on their favorite spot in the cafeteria, close to the food stalls but far from tables of the total gossipers.

“You never space out like that. It’s either you doze off or get yourself full with kimbap or ramen. What exactly happened?”

“You’re actually observant? With that IQ of yours?”

“Yah! I’m being a concerned friend here and you’re treating me like some-”

“Stop with the drama Lee Sungyeol. I just happened to offend someone. End of story.”

“But you take the wrath of your enemies head-on. What’s the difference this time? Don’t tell me you’re actually interested in someone?!”

“Shut up. Or you won’t see any more notes of mine.”

“Tsss, you dare hide things from me now. Fine, then keep all your notes to yourself.”

“Just remembered, I’ll pass my homework to Mr. Park in advance.”

“Bro, you know you’re such a precious friend to me, do you mind if I copy that homework first before you go?”

“How did you pass the university entrance exams again?”

Zoning out from the noises around them, he decided to just sleep, his right cheek meeting the cold wooden table, reminding his best friend to wake him up once he’s finished with his forgotten work.

It was just a short nap but he dreamed of a pretty face guiding him through a forest of chocolate and mint trees with jellies as their leaves.

--

He returned to a home full of neatly piled small brown bags and boxes in a corner beside the potted plants that was set a few days ago. He noticed the gentle scent of curry mixed with something that he guesses as vanilla, for dessert perhaps.

Entering the kitchen without any warning, he almost laughed at the image of Sungjong almost dropping his ladle to the floor, his eyes closed and his back slouched as if he had worked straight for 24 hours. Coughing to wake him up from his sleepy mode, Sungjong almost threw the pot’s cover if he didn’t opened his eyes in time to see a smirking Myungsoo walking towards him.

“If you’re that tired, you should have just rested at home. Not sleepwalk here, I could have just ordered pizza for dinner, you know.”

“Nope, I’m not backing out with what I said earlier. You’re eating homemade foods until I’m your assistant here. So just be thankful, alright? Here’s some cheese curry, I’m not sure if you’ll like it, but I hope you will. I also baked some red velvet cookies for dessert. I’ll be finished here in a few minutes.”

“What were those bags and boxes?”

“Sorry, I didn’t tell you in advance. Those are various item of clothing and accessories I need to mix and match for a photo shoot tomorrow. Would you mind if I stay here for a little longer? Just until I finish with my work, I can’t bring it home directly since it’s far from the site that we’ll be setting up tomorrow. I’ll lock up after I-”

“You don’t plan on not sleeping at all and just going to that workplace of you right after you finish up, right?”

“Well, mostly, that’s the idea. It’s usual with this line of work though. It’s not like I’m a regular employee to complain about my work hours.”

“Don’t you think that’s the point? You’re not a regular employee so why do you push yourself too much?”

Removing his apron, the same bright yellow that he wore the first time they met, he moved the pot using oven mitts towards the dinner table, without any words but just an empty smile.

“You know, at times, people tend to do things that would just make them suffer, yet they don’t stop and they don’t even understand why. I’m one of those.”

Scrunching his brows in confusion, Myungsoo took a seat across Sungjong who quietly nod his head towards him, as if saying for him to enjoy his meal.

“You’re quite a deep person, aren’t you?”

“I guess I am. When that day comes when you found what you would want to hold dearly in your life, then you’d understand.”

That night, he dreams of the same pretty face that haunted his personal space for days now, smiling widely while petting the same kitten that he had missed for years now. In his eyes, it seems like they’re glowing.

---

By the time he woke up, there were no more boxes or paper bags, nor the shadow of Sungjong, but there’s the same yellow note stuck on by a tomato-shaped magnet in front of his refrigerator, reminding him to eat well and enjoy his day.

He can’t help but smile wider this time.

His thoughts were broken by the sudden knocks on his door and he almost cursed for anyone who decided to barge in his house at such an ungodly hour but then, he remembered that some of the guys in his group that were assigned to make a model of a five-star hotel would pick him up to prepare the needed materials for their project.

“It’s us Myung, mind opening the door for us bro?”

“Fine, just wait for while.”

It was the usual day, except for not having his best friend in the same group this time and some girls trying to flirt with them once in a while. And seeing that all the required materials are bought already, they decided to have a few drinks and eat samgyupsal, but on the way towards their favorite place to hang out, Myungsoo caught a glimpse of the same curly locks that’re now dyed black as midnight making him stop on his tracks, telling others to go first without him.

For a fact, he’s sure that the younger one is crying, while the lady in front of him dressed in such an elegant black fur coat and black pumps is looking at him as if he’s whole existence is such a joke to mankind. After she entered her white Lamborghini without even throwing last glance to the shaking figure of Sungjong, Myungsoo approached him and hugged him tight despite of the same argument that he’s fine and he doesn’t need any help or comfort.

For a while, without minding the curious looks from the strangers passing them like water in a stream, they stayed still, the only presence they notice are of each other.

---

“It’s fine to spill it all out. It’ll make you feel better.”

They were on the couch of Myungsoo’s apartment, the television but served as mere background music to their conversation. Sungjong seems to not have gotten over whatever happened earlier while Myungsoo finds the other more interesting than the so-called Infinite who’s now performing on a music show.

He ended up not spending the night with his group mates, texting them regarding an emergency, which happened to be with the name Sungjong. For some reason, he couldn’t stop his self from worrying about the same smiling boy who greeted him with such unusual warmth and gentleness like a real family would.

Looking at the once vivid eyes dimmed by pain, he felt more helpless that couldn’t throw away whatever that makes the other suffer like this.

“That woman, is my mother. Supposed to be, my mother. She would never accept me no matter how hard I try to please her, though. I should have known it right from the start when she left us for his own dreams. We were never a part of what she imagined as her future, I guess.”

“You deserve more than this, so stop treating your self as if you’re worthless. You’re more than what you think you are, you could be what you want to be, for yourself, not for her, not for anyone else.”

“You don’t understand, Myungsoo, all my life every single decision I made was for her sake, and now that she threw me away, saying that I could never be her son in front of my face, where would that leave me?”

“You still have your father, so why are you being a brat?!”

“I know that, but I had him all my life and I trust him not to leave me, wanting that person that seems so far away no matter how much you want to be with her… is that same reason why I don’t mind the sufferings, and I decided to walk on that hard path for I know that no matter what, easy or not, he’ll be on the other side to welcome me. Choosing to go on with our lives without thinking of her would make me lose all chances of getting her back… but it’s still useless.”

He remembered the first day he came home with his new family. They were all kind to him, showering him with gifts and affection he did not expect to receive. In return, he could never give them the same amount of love. Yet they kept on waiting for him to open up, until one day he just did.

But back then, he was just a kid. Sungjong’s mother, no matter what sacrifice his son would do, would not be able to return to them if she still thinks of her pride and her fame as the most important things in the world.

“Don’t you think, it’s about time you let go of her and just enjoy the times with the family you have? To your father, you’re the most important person right now. He would not be happy seeing you in this state.”

“…you hate my presence, right? What caused the change?”

Looking at the sad brown eyes, Myungsoo realized it’s not all the façade that pulled him in. If he ever admits it, he would be saying of how he got drowned into those orbs the very first time he saw him.

“…I really don’t know. Is that enough reason?”

For once, he heard him laugh genuinely, one thing he wouldn’t mind getting addicted to. There’s no expectation, no hidden innuendo, just plain, pure laughter.

“Right, that’s enough reason.”

*Yup, quite a slow build at the start, and there's no clear proof that the relationship would turn into a romantic one, so I'm still thinking whether to write a sequel or not. Hmmm...

*Anyways, thanks for passing by! Lovelots. And fellow inspirits, I hope you support winner's come back as well. An inner circle here as well. =)

#myung.to.the.jong