*Here's another short update... since this week would be busy from tomorrow onwards...

*I'll be on graveyard shift again so I believe coffee would again be my companion for tonight. Take care everyone!

“Time of death, 2:54 am.”

With his eyes closed, he looked calmer. His still warm skin contrasts his lifeless heart. He was once the life of someone; the reason why he forgot his old self, why he did change path for the sake of seeing a genuine smile take over the concerned gritting of teeth.

He doesn’t want to say that it all turned to waste; rather, he’s thankful that He let him be with the most precious person he had ever met, who taught him how to trust, respect, and love, even for a while. The years they spent seem like shorter than a day. He has reached the shore and is now feeling the darkness caving in while the glory of sunset fades.

Should he smile? After all, night and day is a never-ending cycle; one hour won’t last and would pass like a ripple on the pond after throwing a pebble. After all, dawn would still arrive and consume him with the sun’s rays. Everyone would be gone soon too anyway, it just happened that Sungjong’s heart stopped first. He felt his eyes dampen with tears wanting to flow out since the day they first been in the hospital. It wasn’t a simple need to vent out the pain of him losing an important person; it felt like losing half of his heart, and it is a thousand times more excruciating than the time he’s got into a motorcycle accident. That was curable; what he’s going through in the present cannot be fixed by any physician.

For the first time since he decided to spend most of his time in the medical facility to look after Sungjong, he felt tired. Those sleepless nights and eating less and past the right time has taken its toll on his body. If he wasn’t the guy L before, who grew up alone and struggling in surviving, Myungsoo might already be collapsing right now; he kept his ground and held Sungjong’s hand tighter.

He wasn’t used to life’s drama; he cringe when he sees this and critic those persons who cries easily, or are madly in love, or enjoys victory fast, because he knows all of those are short-lived. But now, he’s the one whimpering like a lost dog, punching the bed and cheeks red from holding the emotions for long.

He caressed the now colorless cheeks that he once peppered with butterfly kisses; touched the closed eyes that intimidated him because it felt like looking right through him and to his soul; gently tapped the long lashes that he always admired and pointed out to the younger every moment they woke up facing each other; and then to his lips which always gives him those bright smiles every time he surprises him and hugs him out of the blue. He knows it will be long before he forget every single part of Sungjong’s being; he is engraved  too deep, yet unlike having tattoo which is just painful during the creation; the image of his first love hurts more today than the first time he had it memorized, for it’s too clear that it seemed alive, yet he can’t stick to memories alone for forever. What Sungjong said when they just met on the subway has never meant or weighted much until today, he understands it so well now.

Ink on paper will never be erased, but through time it will fade. Love may give you the best and worst memory; you may hate the one who’ve hurt you, but pain subsides, yet love remains.

---

“You’re not sleeping yet?”

Myungsoo scooted closer to the sleepy figure of Sungjong. Despite of the dimness that swallowed the room, he felt safe knowing that the other’s just a handful away, close within his reach.

“What’s wrong Myungsoo? You should rest, it’s past bed-time now and you’re just rolling and tossing there,” the innocent-looking guy said in a hushed tone. He showed an annoyed face, yet he accepted the tanned guy when he snuggled with him and when the older one wrapped his arms around him for comfort, he did not argue and just let him be. To him, Myungsoo resembles being in the forest; his woody scent reaching him and giving him a calming effect. On the other hand, to Myungsoo, being this close to Sungjong felt like sitting on cotton candy clouds and looking at marshmallow raindrops; the shorter guy’s sweet scent invading his nostrils and he felt teased, his heartbeat felt like racing in a professional F1 competition, and he feared that Sungjong would hear it due to the proximity.

“I fear dreaming Jongie. It’s all nightmares, and I thought that, if I won’t sleep, the past won’t be able to hurt me.”

“Well, that’s true. Dreams are not always happy escapades; at times, they are traps of past pains that haunts us in the present. To sleep is not the way to forget, when your fear is there, you need to face it. But Myungsoo, if you can’t face your nightmares, how much more the reality? And I’m beside you right now, you can strangle me tomorrow morning when you felt like your dream almost knocked out all the oxygen from your lungs. Right now, let’s just sleep, okay? Rest, you need that.”

“Sleep can wait, but this-” places a lingering kiss on Sungjong’s forehead, “-cannot.”

A smirk found its way on his lips, while the doe-eyed boy felt as if he drank a bottle of energy drink due to Myungsoo’s sudden gesture.

“Yah!” he threw light punches on the tanned boy’s head who just laughed in response.

“Hey Jongie, stop it, that hurts already. And didn’t you say we need to sleep now?”

“Wow, now you’re using my own statement against me just to get out of the situation, you brat.” Sungjong hissed but Myungso silenced him with another kiss, just a chaste one, this time, directly on the lips.

“Hush Jongie, and that’s hyung to you, let’s just sleep. Good night, I’ll try to dream just about you, so, dream about only me too, okay?” with those words, he closed his eyes. He’s the one enclosing Sungjong in a cage of his arms, yet he never felt safer than this moment, being assured that the one he loves is there beside him, hugging him back.

--

This time though, he would never receive the same response.

Yet he kept on whispering I love yous, for even if the heart stopped working, love never has.

*After long years in college, we're finally on the verge of graduating, just a few weeks of hardworl and college life is done! So to those graduating batches like us, congratulations in advance!

*Enjoy your day fellow inspirits!

*And do watch Winner's mvs, you won't be disappointed. :)

#myungjong.for.life