*Warning: 4000+ words, hope you would be patient in reading this one shot ‘til the end. Since I believe it'll be a long time before I'll be able to update again.

*I got an inspiration to write after seeing Sungjong’s picture in one of their past magazine pictorials. So yeah, here’s the result.

*Enjoy!

Colors were nothing but mere memories, like childhood dreams that were never reached, or love that was never pursued.

They had learned how to cope up with that fleeting feeling of wanting to remember things clearly and the emotions that are behind those puzzle pieces, all members of the hundreds of trainees who have undergone physical and psychological training and tranation to be able to serve the country without biasness and doubt.

Their past was nothing but ashes now, far from being collected again. Being kept in a high security facility for the sake of creating the strongest battalion the government could come up with, Sungjong was already used to the constant hate looks and ‘accidental’ punches once in a while. Even those ‘inadvertent’ touches in places there shouldn’t be.

He was never the strongest in the beginning, but he does know how to target the enemy’s weakness.

And with him being quite different, save for the few like him who were born and grown within a hidden laboratory that either died before reaching maturity or end up going crazy, pain or happiness were nothing but chemical changes or imbalance within his lithe body. Tiredness was, well, simply over exerting effort that is not a hindrance to not accomplish a given task. That when everyone else was working their off, crying for the last time before starting anew with memories reformatted, he was sitting within his own room, waiting for the call to  train again. When everyone else was trying to control their emotions which are harder to suppress, he was looking blank with every death he caused. Like those arteries were nothing but thin strings and those limbs were ham stocks lined up for butchering.

To state it simply, out of the hundreds, he was the first almost perfect soldier.

One thing that have always got the attention of his fellow trainees were not his skills though, but his feminine looks, ash blonde hair with pink shade on its tips adorning his soft face, doll-like gray eyes without the sense of knowing what pity or amorousness means, and plump light pink lips always in a tight line. They even find those freckles on his nose and cheeks totally adorable.

And with the closed facility inhabited only by male personnel and trainees, he was always the center of attraction. Either admired or hated. But he doesn’t care a little bit about it for he sees the years of stay as a mean of improving himself as a full-pledged protector of the state.

“We’re supposed to proceed to the battle training hall Mr. Kim. That’s the opposite way.”

“Mr. Lee, if that’s so, why don’t you go first to keep up with your schedule? You’ve never been late right? I am nothing but a lowly soldier who couldn’t even shoot the bull’s eye properly so worry not. I am not a loss to the group.”

“Every branch is important for the tree to stay strong and stand still. If there’s no branch left to cover it, the core is easily targeted, so I suggest that you follow my lead now or I will report your behavior to the senior officer.”

“For someone who’s born out of a test tube and is supposed to be a living machine, aren’t you quite the nosy type? Perhaps you’re just like those failed specimens but the defect showed up late? What do you think?”

“Playful with words, but that won’t change a thing. If you’re not that interested with the training, or better, if you have something that you prefer to attend to than be honed as a soldier, be sure to have the printed report of your excuse right after the battle training hours.”

What Sungjong expected was a respectful yes as an answer or even just a simple nod, but what he saw was a simple smirk followed by a light pinch on his cheek and rumpling of his hair that he wonders what the meaning was. As he watched the retreating figure that has no any plans of following him, he chose between pulling the said guy to class or just go alone and not ruin his time table.

He thinks the latter is a better choice, and always will be.

--

“What happened?”

The hallway of the sleeping quarters was filled with buzzing of trainees whose attention was all focused towards a struggling fellow trainee who was dragged by the ‘purgers’ as how the association labeled them.

Purgers are those who belong in a special line under the military that focuses on getting rid of anything or anyone who could mean danger towards the group and the government. They were assigned as well in cleaning up the remains of a war or secret projects and stays on the same building but in an area restricted to them. What add to their mysterious aura were their helmets and suits that are always worn by the members, never giving a chance for the soldiers to know their fellow servers of the country.

And with this, soldiers and purgers were never in good terms when placed together in the same place or situation. To the soldiers, they were the ones who are always on the verge of death yet still required to train like hell every day, while the purgers only show up when all the action have ended. They couldn’t understand the need for this kind of workers when they could do that on their own.

And another one of the many things that they hate about those masked men is when they enter and rummage their personal belongings in unexpected hours as if they were the enemies.

“Those black bugs reported Khun to be keeping pictures of his family so they’re taking him away. I wonder if he’ll be able to return here again.”

“Or if he’ll even make it out alive.”

“As if they would let go of him that easily.”

Sungjong was keeping his silence but he was intently listening to all the chat and whispers beside him, and he wonders what of those stories were lies and what were facts. He wonder though, if someone like Khun who’s always on the top with his great combat and sniping skills, really had kept those remembrance with him all throughout their years in the service, why was he still competent? Weren’t emotions foe to their kind of work?

“Stop looking like a mannequin there, it’s not like he’s the only one keeping secrets here.”

He turned his head towards the source of the familiar voice and blinked once before scooting closer to the taller man who looks bored to death, as if something like seeing his comrade be pulled away from the squad was nothing more than a jengga block successfully pulled out from the tall tower of blocks.

“What do you mean?”

“Eeey, stop being adorable, would you? Or I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself.”

“What do you mean?”

Knowing that their conversation won’t go anywhere, Myungsoo sighed and laughed weakly before gently tapping Sungjong’s shoulder and slowly returned to his own room, the younger followed suit a few seconds later after seeing Khun giving up with his struggle and calmly walked beside the purgers carrying an aluminum box filled with the evidence of unsuccessful memory reformatting,

And carrying those scenes and conversations in his head as he headed to bed, for the first time since he understood things on his own, he dreamt.

--

The breakfast lounge was deserted, save by a few who are not given any assignments yet by the commandant who was out for a project as well. Even the cook who was allocating them food was looking sleepy with the few men who come up to his serving area after long intervals.

“Isn’t this quite unusual for Mr. Lee to be scrunching his brows in confusion? Where was the passive man gone to?”

Touching his brows, he felt those unusual bumps that shouldn’t be there, and seeing that the petite guy might stay frozen in a few minute in contemplating of what should be his next step, Myungsoo reached out and straightened his forehead while giggling like a kid.

“Don’t worry, nothing’s wrong with you okay? You don’t need to report every change that’s happening to you, since, shouldn’t you be independent like what they expect you to be?”

“But this is the first time I have made that expression, and I even dreamt last night.”

Looking around and making sure no one was of earshot; Myungsoo smiled towards him, not playful like usual but a gentle one, even his strong gaze turned tender and not demanding any reaction from the doll-eyed boy. He loves how Sungjong was a dangerous living weapon in the field but still talks like an innocent child. But this is one thing he hates as well; he fears how the young man’s honesty could ruin his self.

He tugged at the hem of Sungjong’s sweatshirt and signaled for him to follow and seeing that he’s not planning on standing up and agreeing to this, he held his wrist and pulled him away from the breakfast lounge, not caring about the interest thrown to them since he’s sure not a thing would slip out of their tongues anyway.

--

Myungsoo’s room was not that different than his or anyone, but it has this aura of warmth that Sungjong finds to be comforting. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the unkempt bed or the wire sculptures of a family, he couldn’t see the reason but it was there. And he finds it weird that he’s thinking about all these when he was supposed to focus on nothing but training his self and become stronger.

“O-kay, feel free to sit anywhere you want.”

But he remained standing, eyes fixed to Myungsoo whose ears are slowly turning red with the passing seconds. Noticing the same scene when he’s talking to his fellow trainee, he took his two black pillows and placed it on the floor, sitting on one and tapping the other for Sungjong.

“Common, it’s just a pillow, it won’t eat you up alive.”

And as they both settled on the position they prefer, Myungsoo rumpled his hair, again, to make sure that he would be listening and engage in a proper conversation with him.

“So, what was this dream you’re talking about?”

“I should make a report about this now. Since they told me that it was impossible for me to dream.”

“No, I mean, dreaming is a normal event. It could occur to anyone, since you are alive and breathing and needs sleep like any of us. It is possible for you to dream.”

“Is dreaming as normal as you wearing black clothes?”

And now he was laughing, knowing that Sungjong probably doesn’t even know that he have already said something funny. And this is one of the things that he adores about the doll-eyed guy. Such as when he looks blank no matter what happened and even with those bloody hands, or when he comes out victor without him noticing when he answers his fellow trainees trying to bully him. To him, Sungjong was a ball of fluff, even when the guy has no idea at all. Of how attractive and adorable he is.

“It is.”

“So there’s nothing wrong if I report about it, since I have that responsibility to-”

“No Sungjong. You wouldn’t do anything.”

And there it is again, the look of confusion that wasn’t supposed to be there. Myungsoo should have noticed the changes earlier, and he should have made Sungjong more open to him than just starting today. He should have pulled him when he didn’t attend the battle training, when everyone else was slowly busying their selves with practice on the shooting range or hand-to-hand combat. He should have told him to go to him when he’s bothered by what’s happening within him.

But it is never too late when you’re still able to stand on your feet, right?

 “If they know about this, if you informed them about these changes, they would not think twice to tell the purgers to get you and you wouldn’t want to know what they could do to you once you’re brought to the lab again.”

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t belong there anymore Sungjong. You are special, yes, for your origin but that doesn’t mean that you are simply a property that could be placed here for being efficient and then discarded easily just because they believe you are already defective. You don’t deserve to be treated like that. Nobody does.”

“But I am the government’s property. I live to serve the country, and if I’m not enough anymore, then so be it. I’ll be wil-”

“Stop this Sungjong,” Myungsoo answered in an almost shouting tone through gritted teeth.

He knows that talking sense to the boy wouldn’t make a difference and would end up as a useless tactic to convince him, but since he started it already, there’s no turning back now.

“You are not just the government’s property, you are not an item. You are a living being who has the right to live like anyone else. Listen to me, Sungjong, don’t tell anyone about this. You don’t need to share what you dreamt about, just… enjoy it. If you feel like showing any emotion, go to me first and I’ll help you. So please, keep this as a secret.”

“But-”

“Please Sungjong, I’m begging you, stay.”

By now, Myungsoo’s eyes were b with tears and as the first drop stained his blushing cheeks, Sungjong reached out to wipe it away; looking in daze like the teardrop was a precious gemstone he was able to behold.

“So this is tear. Isn’t this connected with any extreme emotion?”

“Yes it is. See Sungjong, I still feel, I’m able to see colors, like Khun. Like those other guys who’re taken away. But aren’t we good soldiers? Didn’t we fulfill an efficient way to do our duties up to their expectation? But to them, the failure of their process to control and alter our memories and emotions fully well means us being mistakes as well. You don’t have any idea how hard it is for the many of us to hide our real selves. But knowing how to be happy or sad, knowing how to feel pain and win is never a mistake. That is one thing that motivates us. That’s what makes you feel that living is worth it.”

He knows that he couldn’t be sure of changing Sungjong’s beliefs, and he knows he might be the one taken if ever Sungjong has reported everything that he said, but he’s still willing to take the risk. Nothing should be hidden when you’ll lose the reason of moving forward despite of wanting to escape and just give up. This he strongly believes.

He expected him to stand up and go straight to the commandant’s office to do an initial report to the assigned secretary, but surprisingly, he remained sitting on the pillow and looked straight towards him who’s still crying not out of fear of being caught but of losing the young man in front of him.

“Tell me more. Make me understand. Make me know those colors. I am interested, even though I shouldn’t be. Am I betraying the country?”

“No you aren’t, you’re just… being you.”

--

His endurance is without doubt the best in the team, but since those changes began, he felt the need to rest more than he usually did. It was like his mind is still fighting to go ahead and practice like there’s no tomorrow but his body won’t let him and is already scolding him by making him feel the weariness sink in every time he stands up straight after knocking every sparring partner assigned to him.

It was the third time in the month as well that he’s feeling the sting on his now bleeding knuckles, and it made him want to cover it with gauze first or any clean cloth just to lower the impact every time he lands a blow on his opponent’s bony parts.

Yet he kept on punching while one of the senior officers stayed on the sideline and kept on writing on his folder regarding the observations he made, of the points they lack on or the skills they have improved well.

And just like any other monthly physical skills assessment, he took the top spot.

He didn’t notice though the silent exchange of glances between the senior officers who have observed him tighter than usual.

“Show-off.”

“You can’t deny the fact that I’m still better than you.”

By now they were both fighting the urge to smile, knowing that many eyes are around there to catch any unusual behavior. It has been a month and so far, Sungjong is enjoying the changes that happened. He finds the emotion called happiness to be such an attractive feeling, like the time when the cook who’s able to sneak in a few varieties of candies gave them a few to lighten up their mood even just for a while. Because of Myungsoo who had explained the situation to his fellow trainees that they could trust with, hiding things was a lot easier.

In a hushed tone he told him to proceed to the library after fixing his things, and went ahead.

They still couldn’t help but feel wary, especially now that more members have been caught hiding their condition, both were sure that the government will be a lot stricter than before.

--

Sitting on opposite sides of the long wooden table in the library filled with books regarding politics, law and jurisprudence, history of the country, languages, medicine and other topics related to their job, they talked in hushed tone despite of knowing that there are only few members who actually go to the bookworms’ sanctuary.

“If blue is the color of the morning sky and the sea when we’re travelling towards a neighboring country, does that mean that it symbolizes calmness and purity?”

“Not really, since blue could be seen in raging waves and bruises after being beaten. You could say it’s a totally contrasting color in itself.”

Hearing this, Sungjong slowly took a glance at his own hand and massaged the part where a large bruise had formed, and it made him feel down after looking at Myungsoo’s face and seeing the bruise beside his busted lips, he almost reached out but remembering the situation they’re in, he stopped the urge to do so.

He felt like a child who’s just starting to learn about the world, feeling ignorant despite of understanding how emotions happen through the books and lectures he has attended. After digging deeper, he realized how emotionally fragile he could be, how it could be both a friend and a foe especially during times of what seemed to be endless wars.

“Is every color like that? Are they all two-faced? Do they represent both kindness and evil?”

“..yes, just like any person.”

And with this Sungjong smiled a little, one thing that always succeeds in making Myungsoo’s heart do back flips and cartwheels even without the need to touch the boy. Even the image of them being together like this and having casual talks was enough to make him feel giddy all the time.

“I still think that yellow is my favorite.”

“And why is that so?”

“Because you told me that it resembles the sun, and I love the warm rays that hits me when we’re out of the camp. And you told me that it’s the colors of lemons like the candies that the cook gave me, and I love those candies.”

“Well, I think I love yellow as well now.”

“And why is that so?”

“…it reminds me of you.”

For the first time, it is Sungjong’s heart that skipped a beat.

--

It was the same scene, of a trainee caught for hiding items of his past, but what made Sungjong ran close to the purgers and the person in their hold, it’s the guy being Myungsoo, head low and with cuts on his brows.

“Stop!”

Seeing this, the guy who was supposed to always side with the government acting like their defender who stood up to change things, all trainees in the same sleeping quarter approached the now shrinking figures of the purgers.

Taking them by surprise, Sungjong took Myungsoo’s bleeding hand and pulled him away from the commotion.

They know it is impossible to get away now, with their secrets already known to the individuals responsible for the creation of the facility hidden from villages and cities. They could try running now but they both now that sooner or later, they’ll still end up in jail, or worse, in the laboratory like experimental mice.

But still, they moved and laughed along the way.

“Aren’t we fugitives now?  Why did you do that anyway? You should have stayed silent like always and-”

Myungsoo didn’t expect that the thing that would shut him up perfectly was Sungjong’s lips on his. There was no movement, nor the need to let lust take over. It was a simple long chaste kiss but it made him feel thousands of emotions and the need to sputter millions of words towards the doll-eyed boy at the moment.

They were in the middle of a deserted hallway, not caring about the cameras set up on corners.

When they separated, both have smiles painted on their lips, warm and such a beautiful sight in both their eyes, even though Sungjong still sees the world in black, gray, and white. To him, this is a canvas waiting to be splattered with different hues and he’s willing to get covered with paint if needed.

“So that’s how it would feel to kiss someone that alters your heartbeat.”

“…did I hear you right?”

“I guess so, since you have a healthy hearing condition. I believe this is what they call, having a crush on someone? Wooshin once told me what that is, since I overheard him muttering his affection for Sunyoul. I hope he’ll be able to tell him that personally to the guy, since Sunyoul is such a nice kid.”

“Did you just confess that you like me?”

“If that’s how you call it. Yes, I just did.”

Myungsoo was now grinning from ear to ear and Sungjong just stood there in confusion, of whether his crush’s reaction was normal or whether he’s plainly making fun of him now.

“I like you too, ever since we stood side by side in an assignment and you dislocated that enemy’s hand. You totally looked wonderful by that time, but I think I prefer the new you.”

“Because I was such a weird kid and a fearful living machine before?”

“No, because now, you know how it feels to be really alive, and more importantly, you like me back. Not just a one-sided attraction and-”

Another stolen kiss, and if Myungsoo’s eyes could go wider it would have already ripped by now.

“And I think I like kissing you too. Is that normal?”

He knows he’s the one who looks tougher but every single action that Sungjong makes keeps on surprising him in a way he doesn’t want to let go anymore.

“Don’t worry, I won’t complain. If that makes you happy.”

“Okay, let’s go now, shall we? We have a lot of running to do. Could you par up to my speed?”

“Oh shut up Sungjong, you know I’m in top shape now.”

Nodding together, they ran.

But this time, their enemy is the situation that made them meet each other but now wants to tear them apart. Their fear is not about the battle that they need to face again but the idea of losing the warmth on their hands. Their need is not to simply win the war but to reach the day that they won’t need to take many lives with their own hands.

The exit is still far from sight, but they are willing to move forward.

--

*Tadah! Quite long yes, so thank you for finishing reading it.

*A ninja Shinsun because I adore this ship, but I had a hard time whether to put weiyoul or khunyoul here. Isn’t Sunyoul adorably shippable? I really enjoy listening to up10tion’s music and watching their shows and performances, especially Bitto.

*Isn’t this about myungjong? Sorry if I got carried away, perhaps I’ll make a story for up10tion as well after the board exam. Who finds Sungjong’s looks here totally angelic? I am seriously thirsty for Myungjong now, I guess that’s why this is quite longer than usual.

*Anyone who's willing to answer my question regarding how to add a picture in every chapter since I still don't know how to post my fanarts here it makes me sad =(, I'll really be thankful to you. =)

*Enjoy the rest of the day! Take care fellow inspirits!