*Our next exams are coming so these will be my last updates for this week. Could you pray for me to pass as well? Thanks a lot!

*I'm looking forward to the year ends music awards, hoping that the hard works of groups I am a fan of would be not be wasted.

*Alright, I'll listen to iKON's airplane for the nth time because I just love this song.

*Enjoy this Myungjong update!

You would never understand why a person could love someone so greatly even though there’s no chance that they could be together; why a person could love someone despite of the fact that they could never show it in public; why a person could love someone who’ll just bring them pain; unless of course, you fell in love as well.

Who says that being in love and holding into it was easy? It never was and will never be.

“Sungjong, have you imagined yourself dating a younger guy?” Hoya, a PE teacher asked the person across the table that’s quietly eating his cup of ramen while reading Tami Hoag novel.

“First of all, I’m straight, and with me being a professor, dating someone younger is out of the question. I’ll never do that. Why have you thought about that anyways?”

“Well, I think one of your students is quite interested in you.”

The petite guy looked at the direction of his co-professor at the college he’s been working for a year now, and saw a boy who quickly looked away after realizing that he’s been caught. After a few seconds, Sungjong realized that it is one of his students in college physics, the silent and shy boy named Kim Myungsoo.

“I’ve always seen him looking at your way whenever we’re at his line of sight. It’s funny though, I’ve heard that he’s popular with the girls here.”

“I guess I’ll talk to him after class to clear it out. maybe he just got some concerns he wants to talk about and because I seem like a really strict person during lecture, he got afraid to approach me.”

“Yeah right, believe that explanation when he looks at you with great curiosity as if he’s reading a mystery novel.”

Despite of being continuously joked about it by the other, he simply shrugged it off. Anyways, he’s too old already for some kind of passing attraction. Way too old.

--

“Don’t forget to pass your assignments for next week, along with the materials needed for our next activity.”

Loud groans and protests could be heard, knowing that tomorrow’s weekend, but being the cold-hearted professor that he’s labeled as, Sungjong had already learned to stick to his words and rules inside the classroom.

“There’s no room for being lazy in my class, and if you want to pass, work hard for it. Remember that you’re the ones that make your grade, I’m just computing it. Class dismissed.’

He was absorbed into checking of papers, since all his class for today is over and it’s just three in the afternoon that he didn’t notice a student who’s still in his seat, fidgeting, and contemplating whether to just go or come near him.

When he noticed his presence, Sungjong raised his head to see who’s the person who seem to be boring holes into him with his gaze, and seeing the same boy from earlier, he called out to him.

“Mr. Kim, could you come here for a second?”

The other’s cold appearance started to crumble when he started talking, sputtering words, asking forgiveness as if he’s done a crime, and Sungjong can’t help but laugh at the guy’s personality,

And maybe, just maybe, Myungsoo found the professor’s laughter precious and now that he’s just a meter away from him, he doubted that maybe, this guy is actually younger than him, or that he just faked his birth certificate. He looks way younger than his actual age.

“I didn’t call you to punish you. I was just wondering, if you want to ask me about something or a concern you have since a friend of mine have always caught you stealing a glance at me. I might have also caught you once, but there’s no need to be afraid. It’s just that, you perform well in this class, so if there’s something that’s bothering you, just tell me. I don’t want to lose such a great student.”

After the monologue, all that Myungsoo did was open his wallet, snatch a picture from it and placing it at the table, looked at Sungjong with curiosity, the same look Hoya said that he saw.

“Um, I’m really sorry if what I’m doing made you feel uncomfortable, it’s just that, you seriously look like a friend of my mother when she was college. And I wanted to ask for a favor, but…”

“And that is?”

No response.

“That’s funny, I really look like that guy huh, but you don’t resemble your mother that much. Perhaps you got more of your father’s gene in you?”

They both laugh, that made the tension less for the two of them.

“About that favor, what is it? If it’s something that isn’t illegal-”

“It’s not! I assure you sir.”

“- and would not put me in a hard or funny situation-”

“It would not! I promise sir!”

“-then I could help you with that. So what is it?”

“It’s about… my mother. She’s been suffering from cancer for almost a year now, and my father, they got divorced years ago and I don’t have any news regarding now.”

“And?”

“I saw her always looking at this picture, so I asked her, and she told me that she missed these guys, her closest friends in college, but the one she missed the most, is this person who looks a lot like you.“

“So, to make the story short, what’s that got to do with me?”

Sungjong feels quite uncomfortable now, but he doesn’t show it. He knows he should not.

“Could you, visit my mom later, together with me? She’s already bedridden, and in stage four already, that’s why I want to make her happy even through this. I know that it’s hard for her to look at me knowing that I look like my father, and that would make her remember all those pain he brought her. Even for one, I want to make her really happy.”

He wants to say no, to just reject him and act like they didn’t talk at all, but seeing the younger guy on the verge of tears, he could not make himself say no.

“Alright, after your last class, just pass by the faculty lounge and I’ll come visit her with you.”

He pulled him into a bear hug, wrapping him that made him felt like he’s about to suffocate, and Myungsoo noticing his discomfort quickly steped back and bowed down as an apology.

“Aish, this kid. A simple thank you could be enough.”

“Thank you sir! I’ll always thank you as long as I live!”

The professor could help but just smile as he saw his student running with enthusiasm as he goes out the classroom. Teenagers today is an energetic bunch of young people, he thought.

--

“Il Sook!”

Her sad eyes were filled with mirth, the only thing that contrasts her sickly look. She’s too thin, pale, and lips chapped, looking like she’s in pain, yet tries to cover it with a smile. Her bright eyes are the one that could be seen in Myungsoo’s face, and he’s happy for that, since it’ll be her mother’s eyes that would look right back at him every time he’ll look at  a mirror.

Slowly, they approached her bed, and they both felt their hearts tugged, seeing the once active and tough lady now having a hard time even trying to sit properly that she could not get up from her bed. She tried to reach out but she couldn’t do more that raise her arms in a slow manner.

Sungjong hugged her first, tears falling from his eyes.

Maybe it was all out of pity.

Maybe he’s a relative of her mother’s best friend.

Maybe he’s just a good guy who wants to comfort his dying mother.

There were so many possibilities but what he heard next broke it all.

“I seriously missed you, Mei Ra… I missed you a lot…”

“You look as pretty as always, I always hated it when you’re prettier than me, but of course, I could never compete about that with you now.”

“Aish, how many times have I told you that I’m a guy and I don’t want to be called pretty?!”

“Eeey, but you are. Remember the time a senior of us confessed to you and gave you a really cheesy love letter because he really thought you were a girl?”

“Mei!? That was years ago already, that guy probably got married and is living a happy life with his family.”

Sounds of genuine laughter filled the air, and Myungsoo felt one problem slip away from his tired back, if it wasn’t for the fact that his 49 years old mother and his 24 years old college professor seems to know each other a lot. Sensing his silence, the two who are the current subjects of his thoughts look at him with concern.

“Mr. Kim, when you told me that I look like that person in the picture, I actually laughed not because we look so much alike, but because that someone, is actually me.”

The younger guy felt beads of sweat forming on his brows, and before he could move forward and ask so many questions that are already forming in his still shocked brain, he lost consciousness.

--

After a few days, Myungsoo warmed up to the idea that his college professor who looked younger than any of his students is actually a lot older and wiser than they thought. It is quite bothering, and he still wants to ask about it every now and then, but seeing his mother and he friend talk for hours and bond well, knowing that long time have passed without any communication between them, he decided to seal his lips and just listen to their stories about  their youth, about their loss, wins, experiences that he didn’t expect they did.

He realized, he’s got so much to know about his mother, and the days they’ve been together were not enough to fill that gap of being strangers to each other.

He was pulled out from his own world when he heard his name being called out by his mother, who’s now smiling more than usual.

“Myungsoo, could you please walk Il sook to the bus stop? He insists he’s tough but he’s actually physically weak”

 “No worries, Mr. Kim, just stay here and watch over your mother. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“No, my son would accompany you until you step on a bus towards your home. I’ve got trust on Myungsoo that he could protect his self, I doubt about you.”

Before they could argue about it more, Myunsgoo held Sungjong’s arm and softly tugged him towards the door.

“You’ll be fine here mom?”

“Yes son. Take care you two.”

--

The road towards the bus stop was complete silence. Myungsoo’s the one who speaks first.

“Sir, I just noticed…”

“Hmm?”

“It’s been almost a month that we’re having this routine but I still call you sir and you call me Mr. Kim outside the school.”

“I believe, being comfortable in calling out each other’s name builds up warmth, which will lead into attachment. That’s what I’m avoiding the most.”

Silence. Just the sound of footsteps and wind hitting everything that it’s arms could touch.

“I know you’ve been thinking a lot how things turned up to be this way right?”

“It’s fine… sir. You don’t need to tell me.”

--

Sitting with a gap is one action Myungsoo got used to. But he actually wants to sit closer to Sungjong, and touch his jet black hair, and he scolds himself everytime he wants to hug him so badly.

A bus arrives, but Sungjong doesn’t stand up, he looks at Myungsoo instead and smiles warmly, that one same smile that pulled the younger guy. The bus leaves, but they both don’t care.

“You actually want to hear my story right? Mr. Kim, I don’t want to see your grades fall just because of what’s happening around you, which is mostly my fault, so it’s better to fill that curiosity now.”

Myungsoo haven’t given this much attention, well, except when his favorite teacher is giving his lessons on velocity or theory of relativity and the like.

“My uncle was such a genius and an inventor, but he likes to keep all his discoveries and new knowledge all to himself, so I think you’ll never be able to read about him in books or newspapers. That was almost 80 years ago, when he found a way towards eternal youth by controlling the DNA, which carries every single thing about us. He realized though that he couldn’t use it for himself or his twin sister, so after I was born, I became the subject of that project. I was still a child when I realized that I could never feel pain, and I heal fast, so he became the person I look up to and I want to be like. The only thing me and my mother did not believe was that after I reached a certain age I’ll stop aging, since that sounded so impossible, and despite of all the good points he kept on telling me about being youthful as always doesn’t budge my want to grow old like any other kid. It would make me feel human, alive, and I want to grow old together with the persons that I cherish the most.”

Seeing Sungjong pull his coat towards his neck, Myungsoo removed his own scarf and placed it on the shivering man.

“I want to hear your story but I don’t want you to get sick. Don’t worry about me. Just go on.”

“Next thing I knew, they were falling into ripe age, some friends are having families, wrinkles are showing but I remained the same. I wasn’t sure when it stopped, but just like what my uncle said, I didn’t age. And I felt afraid. I need to keep on moving from place to place where nobody knows me. I need to keep on creating fake documents, fake family history and personality so anyone who knows the past me that they met would just look at me thinking that those two persons look the same and nothing else.”

Myungsoo, seeing the tears that are starting to fall from Sungjong’s eyes, started to reach out and wipe it for him. But the petite boy just pulled his hands touching his face and slowly returned it to Myungsoo’s lap.

“Don’t. After a year, I’ll leave this town and move somewhere I’ll never tell anyone, not even Mei Ra. You and her are the only persons that know about me. She knows that I’m supposed to do it after every three to five years. I feel bad for leaving her again, but I don’t want to see myself losing an important person right before my eyes again. I’ve seen too much death, I felt so much pain, and in order to keep my sanity, I need to be unattached to anyone or anywhere.”

With the arrival of the second bus, Sungjong quickly hopped in without throwing another glance towards Myungsoo’s direction who’s now crying about the fact that he might never see him again.

--

After his mother’s death, and being used to without her and his favorite professor beside him, he focused on studying alone, he became more silent and aloof.

And when he graduated with flying colors, there was no one to witness it for him. And even though there are companies who approach him to be a part of them, they politely declined it all. He decided to move out and live a new life, because everywhere he look at reminds him of them.

No one brought him to the airport, no one told him that they’ll miss him. it was as if, he was a story that was written, once read and never opened again.

But it was fine for him, and he understands Sungjong’s pain and hardships a lot better now.

--

Working in a movie and book rental was not much, but it helps him pay the bills and cope with the life he wanted to have. The owners were kind, and allow him to read and watch for free. Life’s good, and he’s starting to smile and talk more.

After closing, he goes to a coffee shop just across the street and buys any drink his taste buds want to, it might be a sweet fruit shake or a bitter Americano, it doesn’t matter. It was his usual routine that he got used to now, but after seeing a familiar face, he ditched it and run outside the shop, not wanting to lose the guy from his sight.

“Sungjong! Il Sook! Whoever you are now!”

The street’s abandoned now that it’s almost 2 in the morning, and it’s just the two of them, together with some dogs howling at a corner and few motorcycles passing by.

After being just centimeters away, he pulled him into a hug.

‘’Please look at me.’’

After looking straight into each other’s eyes, Myungsoo hugged him again, tighter this time.

‘’I know you’ll be moving away gain, and forget about all the things here, but could you please bring me with you?’’

Silence.

‘’I know, one of us would be leaving the other in the future, but could we not think about that and just live in the present?’’

Stream tears from both pair of eyes, no one knows who cried first.

‘’Well, fine with me; but never cry once we need to part ways, and live the life to the fullest without me when that time comes, okay?’’

Myungsoo just nodded. No one pulls away from the hug.

Both want to remember it all, to assure each other’s presence, and to breath together.

Until that day they need to not look back again.

*I almost cried I'm sorry guys, but I never wanna see this happen in real life, after being down because I won't see much interactions between Xiuhan and Taohun...

*Anyways, I got the side of me that write angst again so I'll be writing more of this in the future, I'm sorry. (bows down 90 degrees)

*Never forget to show love for the myungjong couple!

#myungjong.'til.eternity