*I've not been able to update for long so I'm quite sad, and down 'cause of the work and the slow net. I'm mumbling things now, so it's better if you continue reading.

*Thanks for passing by and reading this! Warning: too much hojong moments

His breathing was ragged, and trying to inhale large amount of air to ease the suffocating feeling was like sandstorm hammering his chest. Fear was inevitable, and he doesn’t care if he looks pitiful right now, as long as someone would care to barge in and take him out of his misery.

Even a single bullet and a single clean shot would be enough. After that, seeing his life’s candle burn in front of him, soon it would be over.

Death was a better option when you’re under the life of an oppressed and the official preys of the society. Being starved for three days straight out of being defeated in a practice duel, caged inside solid walls without any light reaching him, the metal door carved with names of everyone it witnessed dying behind it. He didn’t saw, but he’s sure there was specks of blood, fresh ones but most that occupies the edges were dried already. He could imagine his name being carved next to other fallen strangers, while his blood splatters on the center of the door, perhaps while he was trying to open the knob.

His head snapped in the direction of the metal enclosure, coming back to his senses as the first beam of light burned his eyes that already got used to with the pitch blackness.

“Your detention is over. Fix yourself and come to the master’s room. He’s waiting for you there. Make sure to look presentable in front of the person who let you live. Get up!”

His knees were still wobbly, but being able to take a warm shower and eat proper meal pushed him to act quickly, faster than he expected.

After an hour, he found himself standing in front the person who, despite of not being asked, kept on saving him every time he’s in the edge of being ousted from the group of strong survivors. And he hates to admit it, but he’s thankful for every help he could receive. He’s one of the weakest out of the bunch of fifty young and healthy men gathered in a hidden facility to regroup for the sake of a coming revolution.

 And no woman was casted as a member. They have their own group for that. And as far as he is informed, there is a total of 8 groups of rebels in different parts of the country, training and making their plans to oust the current government.

But despite of wanting freedom as well, his heart knows he did not belong here. As long as the members were strong, physically and mentally, it was fine, and that means the heads of this project do not care what the boys want to do in their free times inside the large facility. The weak ones are bullied, and the pretty ones were toyed around, and Sungjong fits both category, and he hates it.

Before he could muster the courage to knock, the door was opened, an irritated look on their leader’s face, changing into concern when he saw the blooming shades of pale blue and violet on the petite boy’s features. But Hoya being Hoya, forced his self to look serious as usual, though his eyes shouts differently.

“Are you planning to stay in front of my room forever, or are you waiting for me to pull you inside. Stop being a lazy- and come in already.”

The older one’s hair was still damp, signifying that he just finished his shower and was looking forward to meeting him. Hoya’s room is looking dark as always, the only decorations were heads of wild beasts hanging on top of his bed, showing his talent in hunting, though Sungjong knows better than this scary façade Hoya’s trying to make them believe.

The first day he was forced to come into the leader’s room after being saved from shoved into the freezer room were perishables were piled up by some self-proclaimed as the toughest of them, he were shaking with fear. He knows the culprits were beaten as punishment by Hoya himself, and that makes it more fearful, knowing that he was saved by a savage beast from the hands of mere imitators.

And that first time was nothing he expected it to be. He thought that he would be beaten up as well for being a weakling that he is, ‘cause that’s what Hoya does to those who anger him or disappoint him, but no, he woke up with a pain on the hip, mild headache, and clothes thrown aimlessly on the floor, with a snoring Hoya beside him. That was his punishment he was told, and being not able to walk for a day due to the searing pain all over his body from being used for pleasure, makes him think that being immobile for a while due to punches and kicks would have been better.

But his anger and fear dissipated a little when he discovered a box under Hoya’s bed, which he opened when the other was out to do some shooting practice with those who performed worst during their exhibition in front of the revolution’s heads. Sungjong expected little prizes from fights he won such as his enemies fingers or ears, or even a piece of the clothing splattered with blood, but there were none like that. All Sungjong saw was an image of a child who lost his family and didn’t experienced a happy childhood. A family picture with a note at the back, a worn-out violet teddy bear, and letters to his parents and sibling that were never sent. And he felt sorry, not for looking at Hoya’s personal possessions, but due to thinking wrongly about him and believing that he’s the one who’s undergone the worst out of them. This, hiding his weakness to lead a group of young men towards being true warriors was such a hard thing to do, and he admired Hoya since then.

But that doesn’t mean he’s already fine with being used again and again everytime Hoya saves him. he wants to prove to the other that he could be as strong as him as well.

“I think you know why were you jailed in the torture room for three days. You’re one of the smartest here Sungjong, but wits alone could never make you survive the war. Your physical strength is questionable, and the heads are doubting you already, since you don’t show interest everytime we hold our practice and training with them as the spectators.”

By this time, he’s back into reality again and Hoya was already sitting on the edge of his bed, so he settled on the nearest wooden chair, despite of not being comfortable sitting on it.

“Then they should just let me out of here and let me die on the streets by the Ministers watchdogs. It’ll be more fun trying to escape from them than doing every single hard work to be a soldier that I could never be.”

“You’ll be a great loss in the group if that happens. I know your potential, and that’s what they saw when they chose you to be part of this. You’re a great tactician and we need that, but when worse come to worst, that alone could not save you. I’ll not be around you every time you’re in danger, so try to-”

“I don’t need you to save me, damn it! You do that without asking me, and I hate it that I need to be abused by you every time you try to be all hero on me! And I hate it when they call me princess ‘cause I look like a girl! Bull! I didn’t chose to be born this way and why can’t you just let me put a scar on my own face so that you and the others would stop looking at me like I’m a girl who could pleasure your deprived manhood!?”

Before Hoya could retort back, Sungjong was already out of his room, running without direction on the corridors, and tiring his self just to breath out the burdens he’s carrying all along. And sensing no one around, he pulled a knife from the hidden pocket of his parka and placed a deep cut on his right cheek, deep enough to turn into a scar once it heals.

But before he could do another one beside the freshly-cut wound, he was caught by Myungsoo, the silent one who is a total aloof and the only one who doesn’t disturb him at all by any means. And he expected to be just looked from afar and be left again to his own business, but after seeing the running figure towards him, he knew he’ll be into another trouble.

Such as being put back into the torture chamber for showing self-harm, a mental problem.

But he felt strong arms lift him into a bridal position, knife already inside the coat of the other, and words he didn’t expect.

“Trying to torture yourself won’t do you any good. Just wait until we reach the physician’s room and that cut is tended. You’ll be sorry for doing that. For now, I’ll be keeping your knife until you calm down and be back to your senses.”

That’s not the last time he heard him speak more than a single word or short sentence, but only in front of him. Since that day, after his wound was stitched, lesser number of guys tried to hit on him, and having the cold guy on his side as his usual company, everything was more peaceful.

That’s when Hoya started throwing him pained looks and whispered sorry into his ears every time he had a chance. It was nice, seeing the side of Hoya that he keeps on hiding, but being out his grasp, and being not touched for a while was a better option.

“Sungjong, are you sick?”

And he expected to have less conversation with the latter, but Hoya always corners him whenever he’s got a chance, such as today, when they he was the one left to practice his gun skills with Hoya as the trainer.

“I’m fine. We’re in practice, and that means you should be merciless on me, since I’m the poorest when it comes to this skill, right?”

“You even ate less during dinner. I could give you a day of rest tomorrow so-’

“Shut up and teach me properly! You’re the one who told me that I need to improve, so I’m trying now, but why are you being all soft on me?! Where did that strict leader went huh?”

“Point your gun on me.”

“What?”

“You heard me clearly. Point that gun one me, and shoot. You’ve got all the chance now to kill me, since you hate me that much, right? Now do it. Or I’ll never stop bothering you. At all. And I mean it.”

Feeling frustrated, Sungjong slammed the gun on the nearby table and walked away. He hates it that he couldn’t bear to inflict harm on Hoya, but he’ll never admit it.

==

Myungsoo was such an adorable person once you start knowing him better, Sungjong thinks. He’s actually a ball of fluff and sunshine, but he doesn’t show it to anyone but Sungjong, since that’s his way of coping with the current situation. And after just a week, they were the best of friends, to whom one confides and being truthful to. And Sungjong loved the care he receives from the other, and the company’s great, but since they’ve been closer, covering for each other and such, Hoya kept on watching him with intense gaze and snatching kisses whenever they’re the only ones left with the purpose of training.

That’s when one day, Myungsoo saw it himself, and he couldn’t bear to just let it slide.

A punch on the jaw, and Hoya was on the floor, clutching his face,

“Don’t ever try doing that to Sungjong, ever again! Or I’ll do more than just punching you straight on the face!”

Pulling Sungjong away, he never felt more sure of his care for his best friend, and his only friend in that matter.

“You shouldn’t have done that. You could be brought to the torture room for being out of control of yourself. And it’s the leader we’re talking about. You dare hit him, and you’re the enemy of the whole group.”

“I don’t care. I just don’t want anyone harming my best friend. I don’t have any family left, and I don’t have anything I could return to after the war is over. You’re the only one I’ve got now. You’re too precious to be not treated well.”

They were the same, no one waiting for them, nothing to return to, and even though they’re both empty shells at the moment, they found each other to fill up the blank space. And for the first time, they felt that they were home.

==

A month has passed and the war erupted, faster than they expected, but they were prepared for a long time out of this reason. But being attacked head-on, their headquarters found easily by the enemy, they were put into the weak zone, easy target and quick death.

Sungjong was ready to fight, everyone else as well, but seeing the situation, Hoya needed to break the group into smaller ones to avoid full collision with the enemy’s army that would mean total fatality of the whole group.

What he didn’t expect was his wrist, held on all of a sudden by a fear-stricken Sungjong, and an irritated Myungsoo on the younger’s back watching him if he ever try to do anything funny to his best friend.

“You’ll stay here? But Hoya-”

“I’m with the best three of the group, we’ll try to slow them down, so make sure to be miles away from here once they gained speed again. You deserve to live. You’re too special to die right now, and as your leader, I command you to survive this war. Don’t disappoint me, you understand?”

Tears were already streaming down his flushed cheek despite of trying to not cry, and before he could answer, Myungsoo was already holding his hand in a tight grasp, signaling that they need to go already.

“And by the way, Myungsoo!” they both looked back at Hoya’s direction hearing him calling for their attention “..take care of Sungjong for me or I’ll hunt you down! I’m telling this as your leader as well!’

“You don’t have to order me that! I’ll make sure that we both live so try to do your best as well! I hate it when you’re the reason why Sungjong is crying now! By the way, you look like a bear!”

And after a few minutes they were out the facility, running in the middle of the forest behind the dome-like building, trying not to trip on large roots nor look back at the once house they lived in now burning. Gunshot could still be heard and small explosions once in a while makes them run faster.

For once, they looked back, and they were both crying, but without a sound. It was as if their pains was coming out on its own, and they both share the same fears, but they will live. They were still soldiers after all, and they were not letting their group down.

Sungjong was shaking slightly, but he calmed down feeling the familiar pressure on his right hand, Myungsoo squeezing it in a comforting manner.

“We’ll survive this war Sungjong. We won’t die. And the government would crumble into pieces and fall into ash just like every fallen body of our comrade that died on their hands.”

Sungjong did not need to answer, and after nodding and smiling genuinely to the other, they ran again.

*I'm quite feeling empty so my updates might be a little darker these days. Please do understand. And I love you guys.

*Here's a free hug to everyone.....

#myungjong.or.hojong?