*Hello, hello, I'm back with another one-shot, though it's quite longer than usual. I'm not sure when would be the next time I'll update again so I hope this quench your myungjong needs for the meantime.

*Enjoy the rest of the day my fellow inspirits and myungjong shippers! It's too warm in our place right now, but I still kept on choosing warm drinks, anyways, before I talk nonsense again, enjoy the story!

Love is not evil; it’s when a person commits himself too much that he forgets the idea of being selfless and ten to run towards pursuing personal happiness at the expense of others. Falling in love is not the most magical moment; it’s when one decides for his self that he’s happy now and forgets the past pains or the future tears to come. Loving somebody is not a smooth ride; it could hit you in most unexpected times or suddenly fade on the sweetest of hours you’ve been together that in the process it could make you end up in a puddle of mess, breakdown or drown in regrets.

Such a bittersweet drug; cure and poison at the same time; could be addictive or hinder the way it chomps down on your system that you simply get weak on the knees just by hearing his voice or catching him looking your way.

No one denies you to be in love, but pouring of affection in itself is a hard thing to do. It’s genderless, feeling pure emotion for anyone without needing to own him for pleasure alone is never planned anyway, but it takes a stronger heart and mind to push through every judging stares and venomous comment. And if you’re still holding on after passing these, you’re genuinely in love, no matter how much the society itself look down on you and degrade you as a human.

 “Isn’t the fact that we both love each other back enough reason for you to hold on?”

Two bodies with limbs tangled, both male, with names protected and families they obey. Yet they kept on breaking their own rules over and over again. Those secret stares and limited touches give them the excitement of avoiding the truth between them to be released to the public. Sure, there’s attraction, and they have never enjoyed any interaction pushed by lust more than they have found with each other’s company.

It still felt like being with a stranger though, despite of the constant words of love or the adoration given once they were hidden by the walls, far from the public’s eye. And Hoya’s not sure when did the spark started to lose its brightness nor when holding hands with the younger began to lose its electricity that make him tingle when they were only few inches apart despite of the lack of skin ship.

He’s not even sure right now if it was really love in the first place that pulled him and made him stay, or curiosity about his real self and the rush of being in a forbidden love provides him.

Without answering, he slowly removed the shaky hand that holds his side tightly, sat at the bed’s edge not minding to wear the strewn clothes on the floor back and took hold of a cigarette he always kept on his bedside drawer when he felt too uncomfortable or tensed to return any word.

 This habit though of his has already been embedded on his lover’s mind that the lying one couldn’t ponder on whether to throw his self at him or just stay silent and pretend to fall asleep again. He’s not sure whether he would enjoy any phrase that would come out of the guy’s mouth as soon as the stick loses its purpose to calm the older one’s nerves.

“If you don’t give me a proper reason of whatever I’m expecting you’ll say to me, I would not let go. And no, don’t try saying bull words like it’s me, not you, or I’ll be the one to throw your off this building.”

It was usual for him to use strong words, with him being in the world of news and current affairs, always made to go into dangerous situations that had almost took his life for the third time, and these experiences of personal encounter with death itself had made him tough and made him gain a graceful tongue, yet the way his voice wavered at the moment is enough proof how love could make one’s soft side show up unintentionally.

And he’s not enjoying the idea of being left hanging this way, with how he usually tries to take over any situation given to him. Hoya had been one of the biggest schedule breaker he had encountered, though he’s willing to admit how much he enjoyed the sudden change that he only gets when their alone together.

“It bugs me why, it’s not like I just woke up and all of a sudden I want to leave you as quickly as possible. Maybe, it was on the verge of happening since ages ago, but I only gave it attention this time. And no matter how much you hate to hear those words, it’s really because of me, ‘cause you haven’t done anything to make me want to break up with you.”

“That’s it? Don’t try to fancy me more, and start picking up your clothes. It would be really great if you leave first, I’d appreciate the effort of being a considerate ex if you try to be one. What’s more important is you wouldn’t hear me shout more profanities to diss you if after five minutes you’re able to walk out the door without waiting for me to stand up and drag you out of here. Don’t try my patience now, mind you.”

“Sung-“

“You know well how I really meant those words of mine Hoya, so if you care about not causing a ruckus during your fan meeting tomorrow because of bruises on the face that couldn’t be covered by makeup, stop testing my patience.”

He might be the one left alone, but he doesn’t want to look pitiful no matter how he felt his heart clenches with every step Hoya takes away from the bed, away from him, away from his life.

Turning to his side now facing the glass wall covered with navy blue curtains, he bit his lips trying to muffle his own cry, but it didn’t help much after hearing the door close behind him. it was all an image he has taken care of after all to avoid being looked down on the industry he had always wanted to be a part of. His image when he first start writing news and approached big names for ambush interviews was that of a weakling who would never make it big out there, yet he had proved them wrong and is already one of the reporters looked up to.

Yet a single heartbreak made him crumble like this, as if he was a child again that was left by his parents in an orphanage years ago without even looking back after he had shouted with all his might to make them stay. He tried to curl himself into a ball, and he wept silently, knowing ever since he was a frail kid that asking for someone to remain in his life and not just pass by is not conceivable.

It was still just as painful though.

--

“Can’t you stay? I’m trying my best here, isn’t it enough for you to not go?”

He’s late than usual, like any of their dates before, always trying to win the argument with reason, not wanting to be accused wrongly and hear his partner’s never-ending doubts against him. Her attitude towards him became similar to all his past relationships he had grown tired of. Always blaming him, without trusting him well just like he trust her back. All nice and warm at the beginning, turning sour and losing the sweetness like milk slowly curdling for being left forgotten at the corner.

Hearing her speak is better though than those silent wars he had experienced in some past relationships though, that made him felt terrible for not knowing what’s wrong yet feeling the tension or the gap created between two hearts. Though it doesn’t mean it made him feel any better.

“Now what? You’ll use your job again as a reason out of this? Isn’t that reason overused already? Or you just want to give me a reason to end it already?”

It was supposed to be a movie date, but minutes have passed without any ticket purchased or snacks bought. They ended up outside the movie house, standing with her back facing the curious crowd which doesn’t help in the situation at all.

And he’s quite sure a lot would be added to those who believe he’s such a player and a careless boyfriend, without even knowing the real facts behind his failed relationships. He kept on with his calm and collected image, since acting all pitiful now wouldn’t do him any good. After all, the girl in front of him knows the real Myungsoo well by now so it’s no use pretending now.

“Hyeri, you were the one who gladly said that you don’t mind me being too focused on my job when we first got together, and that you would be patient enough to understand how photography takes my time all of a sudden then lets me have my attention to you without any hitch at all when work is over. And you’re trying to make me look like I’m the one lacking here when the truth is, you’re just demanding too much.”

“Look, if you really want me to let go of you, fine! I’m too demanding for you? Aren’t you the one who forgot about my birthday and didn’t attend that recital just because of that damn photography hobby of yours?!”

Now that more eyes are staring at them as if they were such interesting display or a sale sign on a store, he tried to take hold of her wrist to pull him towards a more secluded area but she just swatted his extended hand away and glared at him, throwing their photo together she had always kept in her wallet straight towards his face after tearing it into pieces.

“I hate you! And don’t expect me to return to you again, so don’t try to call me or contact me in any way possible! I’m breaking up with you, you heartless !”

Just like any relationship he had, it ended the same way of him getting humiliated and being labeled as the bad guy, and he’s not interested to give an effort anymore to fix what has been long wrecked. He wonders though why he kept on agreeing to anyone who approached him and asked him to be their boyfriend, without trying to actually fall in love deeply before going into a serious relationship.

He tried to act well, though more than pain or sadness, it was pity that he felt over what has been and what could have been. It’s not that he wanted to play and past some time with any girl who showed him interest, but being into some commitment was something he could not take into heart or handled sincerely for that matter, after seeing his own parents get divorced and argued over who should keep him, constantly pushed as a if a ball juggled on their own hands, not really aware of the stress it had caused him.

It still felt just as hollow as those days though.

 --

“Oh, not expecting to see you here Mr. Two-face.”

“Shut up. And don’t use that nickname they gave me on the newsroom. I enjoyed watching batman before but they made me feel awkward with it. Will you please hand me a shot over here?”

“Wow, you look awful tonight.”

“Thanks, you too.”

They have met years ago, both newbies on their respective fields but both thirsty for showing what they were accepted for. Sungjong has been one of the most promising news and opinion writers, while Myungsoo was trying as a photojournalist since he love using people as subjects anyway. Not really their top goals but enough to help them make it big, slowly step by step while creating good impressions for their names.

“Let me guess, you’ve been dumped again, aren’t you Myung?”

“Says the one who’s just as lucky as me.”

Scowling at the black-haired guy, Sungjong then downed another shot of tequila and on a wedge of lemon making the other prove his point.

They were two of the few sitting on the stools situated in front of the counter, most guests already dancing crazily or trying to make out with somebody, booze already taking over their bodies’ controllers. And they won’t deny that it’s fun seeing others make a fool of their selves without having any idea that they were actually doing something they would regret once the alcohol leave their system.

They had their fair share of humiliating experiences that it feels nice to see someone on the same boat as them. That despite of their attractive faces and strong charms, they still have their own insecurities that wouldn’t leave their conscience no matter how tough and secured they try to be on the outside.

“Heard that you almost got captive by that suicide bomber last-”

“Just don’t try finishing that sentence. I’m so sick of everyone asking me the same question all over again. It’s getting on my nerves you know? It’s not as if they actually care about my safety, more like, curious or in awe of what I could do for the sake of covering a story.”

Myungsoo nodded and just laughed afterwards, though he actually got worried after hearing the incident over dinner after finishing choosing the final set of pictures he would put on display within his personal gallery.

“Heard that you’ll open your own gallery soon, what’s the theme this time? Don’t tell me it’s all about people doing their own thing again. They were lovely, but seriously, your world’s wider now that you’ve left-”

“But it’s amazing when I capture certain small events they don’t even notice themselves.”

They both laughed and shook their heads together, constant inside jokes exchanged, before sipping the cocktails Myungsoo ordered for the two of them. It’s better to cut off on tequila for now if they want to keep their conversation still sensible despite of downing alcohol until it’s early morning. They could be heavy drinkers if they want to but the night’s still young to be treating their selves rough already.

“You know what? We’re not getting any younger but we still keep on ending up being single. Not like I want to build my own family, but I think kids are nice.”

“Then you should change your occupation from a professional photographer to a kindergarten teacher. It’s nice being single anyways; I don’t care if I end up with my own family or not in the future.”

“Liar. You were so in love with that idol, right? I bet you’d be willing to bear his child if male could be impregnated.”

“Funny, Myung. How did we end up as best friends again? That memory totally flew out the window, gosh, I can’t remember it at all.”

“You’re a reporter, not an actor so stop being so dramatic.”

Their laughs were cut off, suddenly interrupted by a guy grinning widely who approached the two, eyes solely focused on Sungjong though. It has been quite hard for the younger one with his feminie features, that couldn’t be covered even by dying his hair coal black and boyish hair cut. And his best friend just laughs at him when somebody pops out of nowhere to hit on the doe-eyed boy.

“Hi! You’re Sungjong, right? What does such a lovely reporter doing in this mess of a bar?”

“Thanks for the compliment, but I’d rather talk with my companion here if that doesn’t bother you.”

Now noticing the other guy sitting beside the pretty boy, the stranger just laughed awkwardly, nodded and walked towards somewhere they don’t care to know about. Sighing in relief, Sungjong returned his attention to his friend who’s now snickering at his attitude earlier.

“Still straightforward as always, aren’t you? How about we just date each other? At least, our constant bickering would not be a problem, and I could be your talisman to ward all those who try to flirt with you. And you won’t care wherever I go because of my job; it’s a win-win situation.”

“Yeah right, as if I’ll let your hands wander anywhere near my pants. If you can’t last a month with anyone you date, then just don’t date. That’s it.”

“Then, if you could stop loving him, maybe I could stop this habit as well.”

Sungjong just shook his head, playfully punching Myungsoo on the shoulder before turning his attention towards his own cocktail mix. Seeing him fiddle with the straw, the older of the two knows he had hit a sore spot within him, and he feels sorry, but he knows pitying Sungjong would not help them at all.

He knows enough to know that their presence in each others’ life has been the only, and perhaps the only string, he would never let go.

There are no aggressive demands, no doubting questions, no hidden reasons, just purely a connection that’s strong to not be broken they wonder until now how did it end up that way.

Though, they would admit meeting the other felt like the day they have found their other half, but no one would voice it out, despite of his honest selves and sharp tongues. It would be too great to risk it all and end up with nothing left. And they have been around relationships already that it made them wonder why they still end up returning to each other, that even silence was bearable if they’re on the same space.

No matter how they try to explain it in their selves though, they couldn’t comprehend it at all.

“I actually thought we would last longer, and I’ve been really serious about him, you know that. But once they leave, it’s the same; I’m never calling them back.”

“He’s an idiot anyway, so you’re better off without him. Your brain would degenerate if he had stuck around longer.”

“It’s really nice that you could be seriously mean if you want to. No wonder why every girl before left you. You don’t know the definition of the word sweet at all.”

“But aren’t I sweet around you Jong?”

“Ugh, you’re making me feel like throwing up now Myung.”

“You’re just as mean as me, you know that?”

“Thanks for appreciating my dark side.”

Right, they really can’t comprehend the warmth inside every time they’re just inches apart.

Or maybe, they just don’t want to reach any realization at all.

*I can't say this is really of the angst genre, though you get the hint. Should I make a sequel for this? Hmmmm...

*Take care guys, lovelots dear readers.

#inspirits.unite

#myungjong.for.a.lifetime