*Second update for today! Valentines had passed but not for myungjong. Especially when we had our exam fall on that day.

*Enjoy the warm mornings and breezy nights for those who experience the same weather in my hometown!

“Do you think we deserve to be happy?”

Two boys wearing the same kind of hoodie but of a different hue were sitting on one of the corner table in a public library, hidden by a bookshelf where titles on history could be seen tucked neatly beside each other. Neither were a fan of the subject, but since it’s the area where most doesn’t come to, they chose the spot to talk seriously without any intervention.

“Why do you ask? Of course we deserve-”

“Even if we’re cheating on our girlfriends? Even if we’re both great liars who make them believe that they’re the only ones for us despite of flirting and sleeping with each other when they’re not looking at us?”

The one who’s softly playing with the younger one’s hair stopped abruptly hearing those words come out without holding back. But he’s not planning on letting the other go, and he felt crumbling when he felt a cold hand tug harshly his own off the boy’s head. If this sudden attachment ends today, Myungsoo doesn’t know how to take that loss. And he did not even felt this kind of frustration with his own girlfriend. He doubts he would be suffering when she’s the one who lets go.

Sungjong deserves to be happy, but all he does is put him in a situation where he cries silently for feeling so guilty. Myungsoo felt so selfish, that he dragged the doe-eyed boy in a relationship that doesn’t have any solid foundation, a relationship that doesn’t have the freedom to show to the world how they love each other. They didn’t plan on falling for someone who’s willing to catch him yet tied to a rock that would never let them reach out once each of them is nearing  the ground.

“You’re not going towards what I’m thinking, are you?”

“Yes, whatever you expect me to say, it’s that.”

“No, we’re not ending whatever’s with us.”

“Yes we are. If you do care, you would understand. Hyung, I… you do understand right? I do like you, and I enjoy being with you and talking to you, but I could never hurt Seulgi. And I could not go on with this knowing that we’re both betraying Namjoo. Before someone gets hurt, before this comes out, let’s put an end to it already. Thank you, for loving me more that I could love you.”

As he stood and took the book on Egyptian history and culture, gently placing it back on the gap within the shelf, Myungsoo knows that it’ll end. As he removed his hoodie and placed it in front of him, Myungsoo knows he’ll not look back. As soon as he steps out of his grasp, as soon as he leaves the library, there’s no returning nor words to make this nightmare stop.

“Sungjong.”

No response, but before the younger one finally exit, he faced the one who called and waved, smiling like they haven’t lost something precious just a while ago.

“Bye hyung, take care in going home, okay? See you tomorrow!”

There was no sound, but Myungsoo was sure something crumbled within him, and no matter what, no cure could ever fix it.

--

Love is never pointless, it is boundless if you want to, yet one restricts himself, not because he’s not satisfied nor because he’s tired of everything revolving around just the two of them. It’s when they have crossed a line that’s forbidden and he knows they don’t regret anything at all.

“Myungsoo oppa!”

Smiling has never been this hard.

He imagines Sungjong’s voice calling out to him, that it is Sungjong’s hands that are wrapped around his neck, and it’s Sungjong’s lips that gave him a chaste kiss.

And he doesn’t want to open his eyes knowing that it’s not him. He just wants to have this dream of him and the boy to whom he really fell in love with. He knows he’d be disappointed with  what he’ll see yet he could never live forever with imagination alone.

“Oh, Sungjongie! Seulgi! Over here!”

He felt his heart tugged after hearing the name, and despite of the bustling and hustling on the cafeteria, it was all overwhelmed by his own heartbeat. Sungjong on the other hand felt tense under Myungsoo’s gaze, the same look he gave him when he revealed how he actually felt for the boy, the same look he gave him when they made out behind their girlfriends’ back.

“Hi Namjoo! Myungsoo hyung… you both look fine today.”

“Thanks! Myungsoo gave this hoodie to me so that we could have at least one couple item, and-”

“Yah! Stop blabbering about your sweet nothings. This guy beside me , he even forgot about our own monthsary yesterday, can you imagine that?!”

Scratching his head and laughing it off, Sungjong tried avoiding the strong gaze Myungsoo kept on throwing at him. if his goal is to  make him suffer for letting go, he’s doing it in such a slow and agonizing pace.

“I’m such a lucky girl then, aren’t I? Myungsoo never forgets every important day about us.”

That’s because I kept on reminding him.

He knows it would be selfish to choose his own happiness in the expense of others, yet hearing those words and seeing those actions from the couple sitting across him and his own girlfriend, he clenched his fist and tried not making the way he grit his teeth look like he’s irritated with the fluff and rainbows sprouting from behind the couple.

“That’s why you shouldn’t have sealed my lips with that kiss when I’ve got so much more to tell you.”

Hearing this, Seulgi made a gagging sound before tapping her nails on the wooden table.

“And now what? You invited us in this table to get jealous of the way you lovebirds celebrate your relationship? Oh come on, I’m sick of that. Sungjong, let’s just go. Namjoo’s making fun of me already.”

“Don’t go, I want someone to witness my real feelings, and you two fit that category.”

“Whatever, just do it fast. Or I’ll go in the middle of your sweet confession without considering our friendship at all, you understand?”

“Alright, everything’s clear to me Seulgi.”

“Just do it already Myungsoo, aish.”

Afraid of what he’ll hear, of knowing that maybe, after all, it was all an exciting game for the man he truly cared about. Then all of a sudden, he felt something tap his left foot and taking a glimpse of the culprit, he found out it was only Myungsoo’s  left foot that caught his attention. Looking back towards the couple, he couldn’t even see a change of expression from the guy, yet he knows that if the table was narrow enough, they would already be holding hands secretly by now.

Though there’s no string connecting  them anymore, they both know how those kisses, hugs, and affection brought difference.

And he ended up listening intently.

“I just wanted to tell you how much I missed you.”

“Silly, we just went out yesterday, haven’t we?”

Just stop missing me already. I couldn’t even find a way of telling that to you. And you keep on finding ways to make me feel that way, did it really hurt that much?

“And no matter what, even if you tell me about leaving you, I would never let go. I would never forget.”

“I would never leave you as well.”

Saying that with conviction, expecting it to be fulfilled, that’s just impossible and you know that. Myungsoo… you deserve to have a normal and peaceful life, without those judging eyes, far from those judging statements.

“And I’m sorry if you feel like I love you more than you love me. You deserve more than just smiling in contentment, you should laugh more and tell your tale to those who are willing to listen and comfort you, in times that I could not be beside you.”

“That’s just sweet.”

You know that once we try keeping this, we’re not going anywhere. We’ll just keep on running around in circles, and end up both a failure. You should love yourself more and stop thinking highly of me. Please, just please let us move on.

“I love you. You love me too, right?”

“Of course I do love you, no need to ask about that. Without doubts, I love you.”

Under his breath, Sungjong muttered his answer. Despite of knowing that Myungsoo would never hear it coming from him, he’d rather not let it out from his lips than lift his own burden.

“Ok fine, you’re such a lucky girl. See Sungjong? You should bond more with Myungsoo oppa so that you could get some tips from him on being such a good boyfriend.”

“But Seulgi, you know that-”

“Of course I’d be happy to teach him. If he doesn’t change within a month, I’ll let you reprimand the two of us. Then I would never show my face to you again. Is that a deal?”

“Woah, you sounded so sure of yourself. Don’t be so cocky, you might end up an exile.”

Namjoo and Seulgi laughed loudly, seeing it as a crazy joke rather than a serious commitment. Sungjong though, knows that there’s something more to it.

“How about let’s start today? You’ll call me mentor then, right Sungjong?”

“Okay Myungsoo oppa, I’ll go first since Seulgi here is in need of her own room. Bye! I love you.”

Far from the image he conveyed earlier, now he simply nodded and pulled Sungjong away from the two girls who ended up talking about what’s latest in fashion and movies on theaters, the usual girl stuffs. On the other hand, the younger lad is planning on how to escape Myungsoo, afraid of being caught again. But Myungsoo being Myungsoo, he doesn’t care at all.

Far from his expectations though, after reaching the school gates, Myungsoo just smirked at him, leaned forward and whispered something that made him feel like plucking his hair from his scalp, while using a spiked gloves maybe.

“You know what, I don’t feel like mentoring you today, so if you may, I’ll go home now. Take care of yourself since you’re on the opposite way.”

“Hyung, what does this mean? What was that earlier?”

“Well, this is bad news for you, but to tell you frankly, I’m quite interested on not showing my own face in front of Seulgi. In short, I’ll never teach you on being a trophy boyfriend, at all. What you heard earlier, they were all true, no lies at all. Except for the fact  that Namjoo thought it was for her, when in fact, I pulled myself hard not to tell all of those directly to you. ‘Cause honestly, I’d rather get dumped by her than by you. And if ever, just in case, Seulgi gets tired of you, I’ll tie you to me again.”

Before he could answer back to what he thought was Myungsoo’s monologue, the older started to look at the road’s direction and was about to step away when he suddenly looked back towards Sungjong, leaned in and left a chaste kiss on his lips after checking for any possible witnesses.

“Wha-!?”

“I had enough of you trying to let me get over us. Starting today, I’ll do all means to make this more real than what we could ever imagine. Trust me.”

And as he walked away, Sungjong remained on the spot, eyes still wide with shock, and he just returned to his self when he felt his phone vibrate, but  the message that popped up just made his mouth agape like a fish out of the water.

I know what you answered to those words earlier. I love you too. Don’t delete this message or I’ll tell those words to you in public. Take care, okay?

*I'll be having my night duty later so for those who won't sleep like me, cheers to those who'll drink coffee not just because it'll make you awake but because you love that drink like me!

*I should not eat this much chocolate together with this much coffee drink 'cause I feel crazy again. But I just did this last week, and the week before, so I guess I never learn. Sorry for the rant.

*Lovelots! Don't forget to love myungjong as well, okay?

#myungjong.for.a.lifetime