*Finally! I've returned. After all the tearful and tiring weeks I'm back to writing! I realized, I missed posting here, and I'm really sorry for not being able to update any of my stories. T_T. Are you guys still waiting? If you do, that means a lot to me. :)

*So here's an update, the first of the many ones so I hope you all enjoy!

I’ve always known he was never mine.

He never wanted to hear others giving him labels, or pointless choices.

What he wants is stability, life with no doubts whether what he thought as love would work out or not in the long run.

Of these questions, and chances, I am giving him… the truth, but all he sees is an illusion that he made for his self.

For no matter how he hates the uncertainty, he never fails to see the opportunity to keep on holding on to something as if it’s the last thing he could hold on to.

And with that, I know, he’s at loss.

“What makes you happy?”

“Hmmm, should I really answer that now?”

“Of course, you should, even though you wouldn’t. That’s an order.”

“Demanding brat.”

“But you know you love me, so go on, answer.”

Mornings were never empty, with the unkempt bed and messed up floor, it was a home to them. Decorations were kept to a minimum, with the peach walls that they didn’t mind repainting filled with nothing but pictures of them taken through the years.

Unbalanced but it makes them whole.

“You.”

Acting as if on the verge of vomiting, the younger one scrambled to his feet just to hit his partner lightly on the head, both guys laughing afterwards because of the childish antics.

“You’re such a sap I would be leaving this place if it’s not for-”

“Your love to me?”

“Nope. For my laziness to get my things and find a new house.”

“Wow, such cold attitude towards me but such warmth to everyone else.”

Hearing those words coming from the older one’s lips had him pause for a while, scowl turning into a gentle smile and despite of what Myungsoo expected as a stronger hit towards him back, he felt the bed dip lower with Sungjong joining him under the coal black covers.

“I wished… I wished there was everyone else.”

“Hey, you’re the one taking the video so take it well! It’s only my stomach that’s showing up right now.”

He knew they were just keeping those tears until it burst out completely without them being aware of anything else but the pain. Sungjong knows Myungsoo just wanted to lighten up the mood, but he’s too tired to act well now. Anytime soon, they’ll be just like the others.

Lost and forgotten.

“Nah, it could still record our voices anyways. Anyone who would watch it should be not as picky as you.”

“Are we still on about that spinach incident? Seriously?”

Remembering the moment where Myungsoo vomited right after eating a spoonful of spinach, which he considers one of his greatest enemies alive ended up in another rounds of giggles and playful punches. It was not a memorable fragment in their lives but right now, every single flaw or foe made them think that they’re still breathing and beside each other.

For that, they’re thankful.

“But seriously, you should have been with her during those minutes. Not me.”

“I chose this. I wanted to be with you, so why are you speaking this way now?”

“You could always leave this place and do what would really make you happy, you know that. I’ll never complain, and I would always understand. So… don’t try to stay just because I decided to get stuck in this town.”

“I don’t want to have an argument with you just because of that, so Jong-ah, if you’re feeling guilty now, don’t.”

“But I’m infected. You’re not.”

Then all that remained was silence, broken once in a while due to barking of some neighborhood dogs mostly left alone and are now whimpering and complaining of hunger and the long wait. No one expected such luck to befall on the people and the country. The advancement and wealth were all for surviving, made in such long periods of time just to end up in the hollow part of their generation’s history.

By that time the news erupted causing commotions in various part of the nation, Myungsoo was already engaged to his girlfriend deemed appropriate by his family, and knowing that travelling towards the south of the globe is the best solution to avoid the misfortune, the wedding was cancelled despite of all the efforts Sungjong has poured into the planning, only to be rescheduled again by the younger one through his contacts abroad. Seeing his own brother prepare wholeheartedly, though adopted only at a young age to serve his family, Myungsoo felt more tortured slowly rather than at ease.

And so, the day of departure became day of being disowned and returning to the pit no one wants to stay in.

“So? Going with them would feel worse. At least, through this I don’t need to pretend like an eligible bachelor that I’m not. And I could spend those missed days with you.”

He felt cold arms hugging his waist, shivering slightly as if it’s an ice block he’s placed his arm onto. Moving limbs was bearable, but forced or sudden actions are painful, like a pang of electric current running down his spine. Speaking was out of the question, but maintaining such long and loud laughter is, in contrary of his bright personality, are dull and at times, lifeless.

Sungjong knows he’ll not last for long. He saw people in tears, shouting in despair to tag along their loved ones yet not allowed after showing up signs of the infected. Unlike in the movies, the ones with the unknown strain of virus on their systems did not end up as flesh-eaters. They simply get weaker by day, without feeling hunger nor did thirst that every single time they try to eat up they end up vomiting it all.

It was much worse.

Others are already decomposing but they still won’t die, that those who are still sane or not in trance are killing their selves. They were still humans, but looking at other infected who got consumed by the disease, they’re simply hollow bodies, breathing out of functioning organs and have lost their own will.

“I might start going in a trance in a few days, or a few hours, or maybe even after I speak up. You should go before that happen. Before I become someone you don’t know. Someone you didn’t choose to end up with.”

Myungsoo knows it might not last for long as he wants it to be. He was one of those people who got bright future, stable life, better-off family, yet he decided to stay and see all those people suffer and die alone. That’s what he doesn’t want Sungjong to feel, he could never imaging the other in a dark corner and dying slowly and excruciatingly painful without anyone he could lean onto as his personal pillar. There might be a cure, but waiting for that to be discovered while away from the boy was not the best for the two of them, he thought.

He had lost too much time being the ever obedient and distant child to his parents that he’d rather take the tough road than lose him for the second time without trying to show him what he really feels towards Sungjong.

Giggling, out of hope or anguish, he’s not sure himself; he reached out to the cold hand to get the camera from the younger one and placing it on the bedside table.

“You may get wrinkles or forget all about me or start hurting me, for all I care, I’d still choose to be with you.”

He waited for his partner’s voice but no words came. The state of trance had started.

Sungjong looked like a living doll, eyes open but are now dull grays, cold and hollow but still breathing and heart beating normally. There would never be another hug, or punch, or gentle touches from him. Yet Myungsoo did not mind about the need to move away and leave the other to move towards the airport, leave everything behind and never look back.

“I love you, I love you, I really love you Jong-ah.”

As if it’s his own mantra, the uninfected boy keeps on whispering those words and holds Sungjong’s hand in his own tightly. Looking at the once clear ceiling now filled with cobwebs and dirt, all he sees is Sungjong. Of the guy laughing at his every joke, crying after every cuts, humming their favorite song, everything flashes like a stream of memories he’ll always cherish by heart.

“And I promised I’d never leave, so I’ll stay here with you. Rest well Jong-ah.”

Closing his eyes, he drifted to sleep.

--

It has been years after the spread of an unknown strain of virus, and months after the discovery of a vaccine to oppose its effects. Knowing that it’s safe to return, many families had decided to come back to their homes and try rebuilding their once peaceful lives.

After reaching her new home which she bought from the original owners he met abroad, what she didn’t expect to see were two bodies in a state of decomposition that made them unrecognizable. Rather than fear though, she felt that same sadness she had when there’s no possible way to bring her sister along after she got blocked at the airport years ago.

What she noticed next was a video camcorder at the bedside table, that’s dressed in dirt but she hopes it still works.

And it still did.

After watching twelfth video she’s already bawling, as if she’s in pain with what the two had to go through. And she pitied herself for not having the same courage.

Clicking what seemed to be the last video recording, what showed up was of the cold-looking guy smiling wider than in the other videos and of the doll-eyed boy still in the same position as the time he fell in a trance.

I know he doubted his self, and whatever we decided to start ourselves. And I have doubted as well…if ever I could be someone who could make him happy, and could protect him and… seriously, it’s too tiring to speak for long now.

I want to let him know that it was not stability I’m really looking for… but simply… a life with the person I truly care for. And it’s him. We would never be accepted out there, but… even if this never happened I’ll never leave your side.

I’m such an idiot to wait for things to end up this way…

But I love him; I love him so much…

…and I’m happy that I’ll be able to see you again…soon…

…and I’ll… keep on fulfilling my promise… to stay beside you.

The video ended up with him in tears, tightly holding the other’s hand and pressing it to his lips.

And all she could do was cry for the two, and want of giving them a proper burial, for them to be remembered.

Sungjong and Myungsoo would never be forgotten.

*It has been a short and hollow story, but I do hope you enjoyed reading it. Thanks for passing by and lovelots dear readers!