*After seeing random notes I've stored, I came up with a fic using one of those scribbles.

*Hope you enjoy reading this Myungjong.

‘Cause you said I was odd

I was weird

I ain’t sweet

I ain’t like any ordinary girl who makes cute faces

It wasn’t love in the beginning, just a plain affection, sharing of warmth because of the lacking world. It was supposed to stay that way; they were supposed to keep the label as best of friends, yet one of them decided to pass the border and just let his emotion come out and make the younger one feel loved, like he’s the center of his life and nothing could take away his attention towards those deep orbs.

‘’Myungsoo hyung, what’s this?’’ Sungjong asked in a monotonous manner, yet the older one consider it as music he shouldn’t shut his ears away to. That’s the way it is, every word Sungjong says would always sound better than listening to his favorite band’s album. That’s how hard he was hit. And no, he doesn’t care If they’re both males, which is still a sensitive issue in their country. He’s not afraid to push through and be honest with his feeling, it’s what the other would answer back that’s been giving him mental breakdown for days now.

“A photobook?” the admirer said casually, as if it’s the most obvious fact in the world.

“I know that this is a photobook hyung, made by you. My concern is, why is this full of my photos only?”

No matter what reason he try to think about, Myungsoo believes it will still end up with the fact that he’s now a creepy stalker in the eyes of his beloved, so it’ll better to be honest at the moment, and trust the law of attraction he’s been interested to lately.

“Because…. I…. I can’t help but take photos of you… of you alone….”

“But there are photos of me here crossing the street, looking at a map, drinking tea, and others that I usually do and I have no idea how you caught me in these moments when we’re always together.”

“I like you Sungjong, a lot.”

So you can’t stand another hour to be with me

If you say so that’s fine

Since the beginning you were like that

I don’t need your words to clear this out

Your actions are all enough

“What… what did you just say?”

His bright eyes got wider, filled with shock. He knows that his hyung is more comfortable when giving him hugs, gives him more attention than the others, and is always there whenever he’s happy or down that he needs someone to keep him from crumbling, and he thought it was all brotherly affection.

He didn’t expect him to be attached more than a usual friend would be.

“I like you.”

“I know that we’re best friends, and that we spend most of our free time together, so I think you’re just mistaking being attached to me as liking me, but that’s okay, I know you’ll realize it soon. How about let’s go grab a lunch now-”

“I like you, and it’s not because we’re best friends or spends most of our time together, I don’t even know why, but I’m telling this because I want to be honest with, and because I… I love you. ”

“Myungsoo hyung…”

Now everything’s seem in haze

I couldn’t find my way

You’re in a hurry to leave from my sight

And I asked myself, how did I became

So blind with you

“I’m straight.”

Myungsoo had already an imagination of being rejected, but it hurts more when it became part of reality. Sungjong kept looking anywhere but him, yet he keeps his eyes looking straight, trying to engrave in his mind every curve, every mark on Sungjong’s face.

He’s already drunk and he still wants to keep on going, not caring about the splitting headache he’ll end up with once it’s all over.

“I know, and I don’t care, just please let me stay beside you. I’m not in a hurry, and I’m not asking anything in return, just let me stay.”

“Well… just tell me if you’ll gonna take another picture and don’t hide it from me. I’m thankful that you’ve been honest but… I’m really sorry Myungsoo.”

“Aye, don’t show me that look Jongie, you’re so cute I’m falling for you more.”

A faint tinge of blush kept on the younger’s face, and it’s enough for Myungsoo’s heart to melt and a genuine smile to take over his lips.

“And stop that lines! Are you asking help from Woohyun hyung? You’re starting to became a ball of grease.”

Myungsoo didn’t answer back, and simply pinched Sungjong’s cheeks, making the younger pout and a bubble of laughter erupt from the older one.

I felt the rain

I felt your kiss

Your heavy gaze

All these were your last to me

In and out the door it all felt cold

It was a year later when Myungsoo had the courage to take the initiative and risk by leaning forward and giving Sungjong chaste kiss on the lips. The latter didn’t respond, yet he didn’t pushed him away, making Myungsoo confused yet excited at the same time. Maybe there’s a chance for his love to be returned, for them to build their own family. Images of them cuddling on the bed, of him waking up with the younger lad still sleeping beside him, of him sneaking from the back and giving Sungjong a surprise hug while he’s cooking fills his mind.

It all stopped when he felt warm hands holding his arms and tugging him away.

“I’ll be getting married sooner hyung. You can’t… you can’t keep on loving me. I don’t want to see you broken, so please hyung, let’s stop this.”

Before he could answer back, Sungjong’s already walking away, without the usual wave of goodbye or a simple hug.

Before he knew it, he’s already crying in pain, clutching his chest where the heart is found, and it didn’t help him when the snow started to fall and fill him with coldness, and he starts shivering.

Not from the freezing temperature but from the heartbreak.

No warm hands to cup my face

No melting words to fill my ears

No deep cold eyes that seem to tease

No heart to bring me more tears

No subtle strumming of guitar

No sweet humming that shall pass by

No lies and love that will make me cry again

It’s been months since Myungsoo hasn’t seen a glimpse of Sungjong, even his shadow. He’s trusting that little hope to keep on waiting, to believe that Sungjong would show up one day and tell him that the marriage is cancelled and decided to be a free man. It might sound selfish, but he’ll rather see the one he loves without a life-long companion, without a ring that signifies a contract till the end of his days. He’ll be willing to stay beside him even just as his best friend, it’s better than losing the guy’s attention and care totally, he thinks.

He’s been down and none of his friends, not even his bamboo pillow and camera could lighten up his mood. That’s when an unlabeled flash drive was delivered to his home. He can’t understand why he’s feeling nervous, but he didn’t said a single word and immediately opened his laptop to check what kind of file was given to him, what made it special.

Clicking a video, the only file the flash drive contains, he felt dizzy and hyped when he heard a familiar voice and seen the face of the person he’ll die for.

Hello Myungsoo hyung! I bet you’re surprised, I can even imaging your mouth hanging now, well, first of all, I’m sorry that I could not see you personally, I think it’s better this way. Don’t worry about me that much, I’m fine, just afraid of being tied to a person I don’t know, but overall, I can manage. It’s you I’m worried about, so take care of yourself, okay? I know I’ve been quite harsh that time I just walked away without looking back, but… I did it for you. For us. If I looked back, I could have hurt you more, I might not let go and make your life miserable.

Pause.

With his brow scrunched together, Sungjong’s words rang in his mind. Everything became clearer after the next words from the younger one’s lips.

I love you too, and no, not as a friend. I don’t know when it started, I just woke up one morning, and yeah, I started looking for you. But I didn’t have the courage to tell you. It’s complicated, I don’t have the courage to defy my parents. I… I’m really sorry.

He’s crying.

Myungsoo haven’t cried this way since he was a child who got lost in the supermarket and scraped his legs.

But this one is more painful, because there’s no cut he could cure by himself. He needs Sungjong to fill the gap within him, but with the next words, it felt impossible.

I think, while you’re watching this now, I’m a few steps away from lie and a million steps away from truth. It’s funny how I easily pretended to be fine and not returning your affection when I wanted to do it so badly.

I know we’ll still see each other in the future, and when that time come, I want to see you smiling and already happy with your life, with the person who’s not afraid to show you love even in public. That’s the time I could say that I’ll feel happy as well.

I know it’s too late but, yeah, I… I love you too Myungsoo.

He kept on running, believing that his feet would bring him wherever Sungjong is at the moment, so that he could pull him away from hurting his self further, and to tell him he’s stupid if he thinks he could get over him so easily, for he won’t allow it.

But the fact is, they’re both too late.

*I think it wasn't supposed to end this way, but I guess I'm really into sad endings these days.

*Sorry for making a broken Myungjong (it'll be better if they end up together in real life though, right?).

*Free hugs for everyone /(-_-)/