Himchan woke up the next day, to the feeling of a comfortable weight settling over his hips.

He let out a groggy groan as he forced his eyes open. Sang Hee was peering at him, jerking back when she saw him wake up. She gave him a sheepish smile when she straddled his waist wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and one of his oversized shirts.

Himchan rubbed his face happily at the sight of her.

How did his life turn out this way?

How did he get so damn lucky?

He reached up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Morning tiger."

Sang Hee grinned and dipped her head down and kissed his jaw before settling her face in the crook of his neck.

"Good morning." She mumbled back, a slow smile growing, pressed against his neck.

He sighed lazily and his palm down the curve of her back, comfortingly. "That's my shirt."

She hummed in response, far too comfortable to move. She didn't realize how tired she still was until she was curled up on him.

She couldn't imagine anything more relaxing.

"I want it back." He grumbled while closing his eyes.

She laughed breathily and nuzzled her face closer into his neck, "I'm not giving it back. It's soft and it smells like you."

"I'll just take it back myself." He snapped back with his hand still methodically smoothing down her back.

"I'd like to see you try." She challenged.

His hand paused before he kept her back again, "If I wasn't so tired I'd have taken it right now."

She stayed silent as she stared at the wall, "Himchan, I'm scared."

He stayed silent before running his fingers through her hair, calming her, "Is this about the note on your computer?"

He felt her nod, "I looked up the meaning behind the quote. It's from Julius Cesar. It was what the soothsayer said to Julius to warn him about his death, he ignored the soothsayer and ended up dying. If they're sending that to me does that mean that they're trying to warn me of my death."

"Don't jump to conclusions. We don't have a lot of proof that any of those messages mean anything. None of them had made sense before and the ones that sounded like threats never amounted to anything." He reassured firmly.

Sang Hee wasn't amused with his response as she shifted on his chest, "That's what Julius Cesar thought and he ended up getting killed."

"Nothing's going to happen to you, Sang Hee. I promise." He said calmly.

If she was anyone else, she'd be thrown off with his calm demeanour but she had learned that Himchan was never someone who overreacted or psyched himself out with paranoia.

The last time she had seen him visibly shaken was when she had gone on a walk at the retreat and he couldn't find her.

"It's not me that I'm worried about." She breathed out.

Himchan's fingers stilled in her hair and she could feel his chest sink as he let out a breath. His fingers slid up her hair and gently tugged on her ear.

"Nothing's ever going to happen to me, tiger. I'm not going anywhere. Don't worry." His voice sounded deeper than normal but it still had that deathly calm tone, like he knew something.

Or like he wasn't afraid if anything actually were to happen to him.

Sang Hee her dry lips and dug her fingers into his sweater, "I don't believe you."

She felt his chest fall again, almost like he sighed before he started to roll them over. He dropped his weight on top of her and tucked his face in her neck, taking a huge drag of her scent.

.

"I'm not going to let someone take me away from you. From this. Trust me."

There it was again.

Trust me.

"I just got you back." She whispered into his sweater in fear.

He hated it.

He hated it so ing much.

His whole body was burning with fury, anger and rage.

He hated how scared she sounded.

She was scared and he couldn't do anything about it.

He didn't realize how much it hurt when someone you cared about was scared and you couldn't do anything to make that scary thing go away.

And the worst thing was that he was the source of her fear.

"Himchan…you've never done anything, other than being a police officer, that would make you have a lot of enemies, right?"

Sang Hee's clear voice felt like a sharp sting to the side of his face.

"Tiger, I promise you that I have no idea who is doing this or why they're coming after or what they want from either of us. I swear." He said without looking at her. His body was rigid but he tried to seem relaxed.

Sang Hee fell silent and for a second he wondered if she had fallen asleep with him draped over her and when he lifted his head to look at her, her eyes quickly shot to his, as if she was lost in thought.

"Okay." She said softly and slightly unsurely.

His eyes softened and he leaned up and pressed his lips against hers a few times before sitting up. "I promised the guys that we'd treat them to breakfast as an apology for not telling them about us. They're really going to milk this for a long time so get up because this is your fault too."

Sang Hee gave him a weak smile and watched him roll out of bed and slide into the bathroom.

Why didn't he answer the question?

-----

"If a stranger walked by, they'd think that he's her boyfriend, not you." Dong Chul said with a pout.

Himchan snorted and looked across the booth at the breakfast place they were at where Sang Hee and Chin Hwae were huddled next to each other talking about some game on her phone.

"How are you okay with that?" Dong Chul gaped.

Himchan shrugged, "It's Chin Hwae, it's not like he'll double cross me and steal her from me."

"We've talked it over and Sang Hee's leaving you for me and we're eloping." Chin Hwae deadpanned, shooting them a blank look that Himchan figured was supposed to be a glare.

"Send me a postcard from your honeymoon." Himchan fired back while shooting Sang Hee a wink that made her smile.

15 minutes after Himchan had showered she managed to talk herself down. She figured that Himchan just didn't answer her question because he didn't want her to know just how many enemies he might have because of the number of people he locked away and worry her over it.

There was no other plausible explanation.

And the last person she was going to start doubting was Himchan.

"Plus I'm not going to start controlling who she's friends with just because I'm dating her, she can be friends with whoever she wants. She likes Chin Hwae and for someone who's only spent a few months with him, she understands his emotions better than any of us." Himchan said quietly to Dong Chul when the other two went back to their game.

Sang Hee's eyes were on her game but she had heard everything, "At this rate you might as well marry me off to Chin Hwae."

"Chin Hwae said that he'd marry me, though." Dong Chul whined, kicking his friend in the shin.

Sang Hee looked up at Dong Chul and shot him a blank look, "We've talk it over and Chin Hwae's leaving you for me and we're eloping."

"I have to admit, that was creepy." Himchan muttered.

Dong Chul shook his head, "They're becoming one sentient being."

Honestly, Himchan just couldn't get mad. Sure, Chin Hwae couldn't physically convey his emotions but there was still something about him, even if it wasn't physical, that lit up and brightened whenever he was around Sang Hee.

The two of them clicked better than any of them and he was glad because he knew that Chin Hwae was having a hard time.

"Speaking of eloping, Himchan, when are you going to propose to Sang Hee?" Chin Hwae asked casually.

Silence filled the table as everyone stilled. Sang Hee looked up and felt her heart leap to when she saw Himchan staring at her intently.

She preferred living in ignorance where neither of them talked about the future of their relationship and pretended all was well.

It felt like a touchy subject since neither of them had talked about marriage before.

Himchan cleared his throat and averted his eyes from her face, "I--I don't know, I never really thought about marriage...with anyone."

Sang Hee was his longest relationship.

Before her, he was never with anyone who lasted more than a couple of weeks so he had never considered marriage to be a part of his future.

Not until now.

Dong Chul frowned, "You must've thought about it when your sister got married."

"Not really, in fact when my sister got married I thought that I was way too young to be thinking about stuff like that." He admitted as he played with his fork.

Chin Hwae blinked, "You're older than her though."

"Yeah but Eun Ah and Yongguk have always been more mature I guess. They were basically married even when they were dating." He tried to hide the envy in his voice.

He knew that Eun Ah and Yongguk's relationship wasn't an easy one at first, but the one thing that they always knew was that they had each other.

Himchan was always jealous that Yongguk had met a woman who had known about who he was and what he did for a living before she fell in love with him.

For Himchan, it wasn't that simple because he had built everything on top of a secret that could cause everything to come crashing down in a minute. His secret was destructive enough to make her want to leave him and he didn't want her to be tied to him if she ever wanted out. 

If he was going to marry her, if ever at all, it would be long after she found out the truth. 

And if she still wanted him after all of that. 

Sang Hee stayed silent and kept her gaze away from all of them, she didn't exactly appreciate having the both of them put on the spot.

He thought about the idea of having Sang Hee for the rest of his life.

Being able to call her his wife.

And being able to be her husband.

Seeing a ring on her finger, one that he bought for her, that sealed their fate together in an act of love.

He fisted his hands in his lap and looked away as his heart sank.

. He never realized that he wanted that so badly.

She was that song that you'd never get sick of hearing.  

He had never thought about settling down, getting married and staying committed to the same person forever. It seemed unreasonable.

He was a flight risk.

He was the type that would get up and leave whenever he felt threatened.

And that wasn't easy when you were married.

But Sang Hee.

She was all sorts of different.

She had been making him go against all his principles since day one.

"I'm sure, probably, that maybe…one day. I mean, like, in the future if…yeah. But who knows." He mumbled awkwardly, avoiding his friends' piercing stares.

"Your confidence is astounding." Chin Hwae muttered sarcastically under his breath but it was heard by everyone as Sang Hee gulped down the lump in .

Of course she didn't expect Himchan to make a bold statement of wanting to marry her after only dating for a couple of months, but she didn't think his response would sound so unsure or panicked.

She figured he'd brush it off or laugh about it as if the thought of marriage didn't make him lock up or act nervous.

Himchan's eyes cautiously flickered up to Sang Hee's face and he felt his heart drop when he saw her unreadable eyes.  

In the past he dated cold, emotionless, uncaring women who never got caught up in having strong feelings.

In fact, most of the women he was with were the types that didn't believe in romance or long term relationships, most of them knew that their relationship wasn't going to last but they stuck around just for kicks.

And he was fine with that, he was pretty sure that was something he actually used to appreciate.

So he wasn't used to Sang Hee.

He wasn't used to someone with that much emotion bursting out of every pore.

He wasn't used to being absolutely addicted to a woman.

He never  liked to think about marriage or whatever happened after marriage which usually involved a child.

But how could he?

How could he keep a woman happy for the rest of her life when he couldn't even tell her he loved her?

How could he raise a child when there wasn't a single part of his own childhood that wasn't ed up?

He just couldn't.

------

Once they got back to the precinct Sang Hee could feel the awkward tension between her and Himchan but for the first time in their relationship, she didn't try to ease it.

She just sat at her desk and typed mindlessly, filling in a report, trying not to let his strange reaction to marriage fill her mind to much.

He kept his back to her so she could tell that he was hoping for the tension to fade too.

Woon interrupted her thoughts when he strode out of his office with his jacket slung over his arm, "I have some errands to run. Until I get back Himchan's in charge. Call me if there's an emergency."

Everyone responded with a distracted grunt as he walked out the door. Sang Hee's eyes were pinned on Woon's door as she chewed on her lip.

Her eyes darted to Himchan's back that was hunched over before she looked back at the door. She didn't care if Himchan never w