The Upside to Having a Stalker - Yong_Seob
The Casting Director Review Shop (Busy/Closed/Hiatus)The Upside to Having a Stalker by Yong_Seob
Story Title – 4 of 5
The title is quite eye-catching and unique. Anyone who comes across this title might have an impression that this is a romcom…which is not exactly true.
Description/Foreword - 3 of 5
The description of the story could be better. The current description, [In which you find yourself conversing with the boy who has been following you around for a very long time.], is not a complete sentence. Maybe just change it up a bit, [One day, you have a rare opportunity to get to your stalker better.] To be honest, I’m not sure how to make the description here seems more interesting. However, writing complete sentences would be a good start. No problem with the foreword.
Story Layout - 5 of 5
Nice, readable font.
Grammar/Spelling/Writing Style - 12 of 20
The sentence structure is clear and not awkward for the most part. However, you tend to switch between past and present tenses. Try to stick with one tense. Based on the writing of the overall story, I'll assume that this story is intended to be in present tense (with the exception of the first memory part). Here are just some examples and suggestions:
[My face tightens as I make a run for it. Scared out of my wits, I desperately look about the area, and I realise that there was not a soul in sight and that I was on my own.] - should be [My face tightens as I make a run for it. Scared out of my wits, I desperately look about the area, and I realise that there is not a single soul in sight and that I am on my own.] - you may ignore the single soul suggestion...I just thought it would be a nice emphasis to add it in this context, but that's just my personal opinion (& thus, no mark is deducted for this).
[But of course, me being me, I trip over my own legs, falling onto the pavement, and I wish for that rush of adrenaline that did not come. The type that would prevent me from feeling any pain. The type that would help me get back on my feet again so that I could continue running. You know, the type that you see in movies.] - Tense issues, awkwardness, and lack of clarity. Here’s a suggestion, [But of course, me being me, I just have to trip over my legs and fall onto the pavement. The adrenaline that I have desperately hoped for has never come – the type that would numb my pains and pull me on my feet again so that I can keep running. You know, the type that you see in movies…Real fear.] - Sorry that I seem to change a heck lot, but based on your description, it seems that you’re trying to explain real fear.
[The voice repeats its question and I turn around, ironically feeling brave yet afraid at the same time. I loosen up when I lock eyes with a tall boy, whose ears were a little too big for his face but looked good on him anyways. There was something friendly about his dark eyes as they looked over me in concern, making me feel less frightened. He be
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