Man in the Portrait - yifannie
The Casting Director Review Shop (Busy/Closed/Hiatus)Man in the Portrait - yifannie
Story Title - 5 out of 5
The title of Man in the Portrait definitely relates tightly to your story. It is enticing without spoiling the whole plot to your future readers. It makes people wonder who and what would happen to the man in the portrait. It gives off a mysterious, suspenseful, and romantic kind of vibe. Right off the bat, your readers know what the genres they are looking for from the story. Well done!
Description/Foreword - 4.5 out of 5
The first sentence in the description interests me already. I was wondering “why 24 hours?” What is so special about the time limit? But then you answer my question immediately after and the suspense just died away… It is not necessary to state explicitly that Chanyeol is the man in the portrait, since the readers know that fact from the nicely-written foreword. It is up to you to decide if you want to keep to keep the readers interested for a little bit more, or be upfront and straightforward with your plot.
Story Layout - 4.5 out of 5
The story layout is organized. The font and size are readable. The poster gives off a mysterious and angst feeling. It is also somewhat Victorian… I felt dumb when I was surprised that cellphones exist in your story. I suppose it’s not fatal that the poster gives off a Victorian vibe, at least the readers knows this is a fantasy story.
Grammar/Spelling - 16 out of 20
The grammar mistakes were nothing major. Just some sentences here and there that can be structured better with proofreading.
Foreword:
Original: “W-who are you?”
Correction: “W-Who are you?”
Prologue: “...and he was happy that the day had finally come.”
Original: “...and he was happy that the day had finally came.”
Ch. 1:
Original: “It was a frame Mr. Byun’s wife had bought last two days.”
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